WrestleMania: why is this still happening, and why do I still watch it?
The comforting memories of Dad howling with laughter at Steve Austin dousing Vince McMahon with beer as Jim Ross went catatonic or The Rock bragging about his “$10,000 suit” probably have something to do with it, the type of sentiment probably not discussed enough when trying to determine whether a match or show was “great” or not.
Something had to keep seizing my attention though, enough to keep following long after Stone Cold kept to an in-ring retirement in 2003 and The Rock was running a Hollywood empire that hadn’t returned WWE’s calls since COVID. Others had appeared in the last two decades in their place — not to mention a host of easy-to-access alternative products — but not since John Cena did anyone seem to exude a star power that could carry a build to WrestleMania without just relying on the ideas of a past WrestleMania.
In fact it had been at least a decade since it didn’t feel like WWE was just cynically powering through the “Road to WrestleMania,” though that did not stop them from being more profitable than ever or expanding WrestleMania another night. The weekly TV was as bad as ever, yet I still kept up and saw a remarkably decent job done this year — or even just job done — at weaving things together and making them seem important, even if it had been a while since many things felt that way.
Former World Champions Seth Rollins and Kevin Owens wrestling multiple matches to earn “spots” at WrestleMania against a past star of WrestleMania was the kind of TV wrestling that may have once killed off a territory (or career), but by the time WrestleMania came around there was an anticipation for both their matches that enforced how little the weekly TV now mattered, though also how little that may even have mattered itself.
As WWE built towards a “fight” between Owens and Austin for WrestleMania, the fan in me got excited for Stone Cold having one last run while the cynic who now knew terms like “licensing” and “TV executive” continued to temper expectation. Those expectations could not be thwarted if there were none, I thought to myself, pointing to my temple like the guy in the meme created in 2016 — the year of that really crappy Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar Street Fight that taught another generation of fan to not get too excited.
WrestleMania: why is this still happening, and why do I still watch it? Somewhere between Saturday’s Kickoff Show and the drive home from a friend’s house on Sunday, whether by content on the show or just experience from the fandom and friendship that brought me here, I guess I was once again reminded. But we’ll get there on Sunday.
WrestleMania Saturday began with the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders dancing to AC/DC.
1. SmackDown Tag Team Title: The Usos [c] vs. Shinsuke Nakamura & Rick Boogs
The return of fans to WWE shows last Summer was a great boon for the WWE viewing experience, and before the Thunderdome Jimmy and Jey Uso used to pop them with this sort of thing all the time: take a short runtime (7 minutes), cut through the noise, and pack in so much that it feels longer and the people are out of their seats for the finish anyways. Individually it may not be incredible but at some point the consistency became remarkable.
They got right to the point here, and considering the two nights of wrestling ahead that’s a blessing: Nakamura (sporting intoxicating orange-and-yellow gear) throws a kick at the bell, gets caught and takes a quick beating, makes a comeback leading to a run for Boogs, then there’s a couple strategically placed counters and near falls and 1-2-3. Before Boogs’ leg injury and even the minute after it, a very good match. ***1/4
2. Drew McIntyre vs. Happy Corbin w/ Madcap Moss
Drew McIntyre went from the main event of WrestleMania 36 to the opener of WrestleMania 37 to the second match of WrestleMania 38, which depending on how you read it is a slow ascent back up the card or a continuous condemnation of what he’s done previously.
This was — especially compared to the directness of the last match — a drag. Each guy wasted some time on offense, Corbin and Moss somehow both missed Drew on a dive to the floor, and by the time they got to the match’s big spot – Drew being the first guy to kick out of End of Days – it didn’t feel like such a big deal. Otherwise, not bad! **1/2
3. Rey & Dominik Mysterio vs. The Miz & Logan Paul
It might not be a good thing that wrestling has been de-constructed so much to the point that Logan Paul can walk into WrestleMania and perform like a top-tier heel, but also: maybe it is?
Having Rey Mysterio and The Miz, two of wrestling’s most reliable face and heels in any scenario, definitely helped… but Logan Paul was the revelation: he’s tall, jacked, exudes dipshit, and hit his spots with enough timing to where I’m pretty sure he was actively working at this. Eddie Guerrero troll moves gotten overused pretty quickly, but Logan Paul doing Eddie Guerrero trolls against the Mysterio Family in their Los Gringos Locos tribute gear at WrestleMania? I don’t know if Eddie would approve, but that’s heel. ***3/4
4. RAW Women’s Title: Becky Lynch [c] vs. Bianca Belair
A lot of what makes the individual WWE match good tends to be the result of forces outside of the ring, a number of things whether it be “story” or “push” that make people “give a shit” and set a “tone” prior to the bell even ringing. It’s frustrating, then, that as WWE’s pool of capable in-ring talent has grown, WWE’s efforts inside the ring continued to be restricted while their efforts outside of the ring continued to be incompetent.
That’s for a discussion elsewhere though, because even ignoring the still bad decision to have Becky Lynch return at SummerSlam and beat Bianca Belair in 30 seconds, this match was one of those cases where the forces both in and out of the ring hit and created something a really great wrestling match.
Lynch entered first, holding her championship high as she revealed a new haircut (bangs!) and an entrance costume out of the closet of the Evil Queen from Snow White. Belair followed, played to the ring by an actual marching band and celebrating the moment in freakin’ Minnie Mouse ears. As the ring introductions were made, both were focused — Belair ready to beat some ass, Lynch at the audacity.
Stripped of any subtext this is a good match, but the story they told wasn’t just a one-on-one match — this is a long game. After teasing a finish similar to SummerSlam, Becky gained control early on. All her offense was delivered with an extra anger and nastiness, officially transforming her into the heel wrestler that seemed impossible nine months ago (if her entrance gear didn’t already). It made it easy to rally behind Belair, whose comeback was highlighted by a few incredible spots like the second-rope 450 splash and a Molly-Go-Round that connected.
The last five minutes delivered a special sort of frantic-ness, a wild series of moves and cradles that just kept building before Becky hit a Rock Bottom on the stairs that kept Belair out until the 19-count. Becky’s response at this point was to just repeatedly punch at Belair in frustration, before a well-timed backflip and KO-D caused the crowd to lose their minds. Becky is great in big matches and this was her best one since the return, while if Belair keeps this up they’ll be calling her Mrs. WrestleMania. ****1/2
5. Seth Rollins vs. Cody Rhodes
On April 2nd, 2022, Cody Rhodes returned to WWE after a six-year absence that resulted in a new wrestling company and character ready-made for WWE. The former is more important in the grand scheme of things, but on this night the latter felt like such an incredibly big deal.
This was the very good but not great match that both Rollins and Rhodes are very good at doing, much better than Edge/AJ the following night as far as a Triple H tribute match that goes 20+ and occasionally does have some moments but is too indulgent to have any staying power. Watch it for the excitement of the moment, then move on and hopefully enjoy all the other shenanigans these two will get into monthly. ***3/4
6. SmackDown Women’s Title: Charlotte Flair [c] vs. Ronda Rousey
Combatting the forces that assisted in making Lynch/Belair really great, any spectacle or aura that existed in Flair and Rousey’s awesome Survivor Series match a few years ago felt long gone by the time they locked up at WrestleMania. Maybe it was the length of the show or maybe it was length of time it had been since both competitors had felt present or had even been around at all. It may have passed for a decent match in a different place on a different show, but here it just felt like they were killing time until it came time to trade ankle locks and figure-fours. Then Charlotte speared the referee and won with a big boot. ***
7. No Holds Barred: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Kevin Owens
They delivered. The sons of bitches delivered.
Back in Stone Cold’s day it was a pretty simple deal: the bad guys got comeuppance by any means necessary. When Stone Cold became the bad guy his run came to an end, and two decades later a bad guy was WWE’s top wrestler and they’d almost fully transitioned to a presentation where the good guys were everyone on the roster and the bad guys were just the bastards in charge. I’m not sure there were many times since retirement that Stone Cold, stubborn as he was smart, could’ve have been convinced he and WWE could actually deliver anyways. Like — he wasn’t going to have his last match be a cash grab in Saudi Arabia or anything. Or wouldn’t tease coming out of retirement only to do a talk show segment. …Right?
Kevin Owens was watching Stone Cold’s prime as a fan during the same time I was, then began his career just as Stone Cold’s was winding down. By the time he became a regular in WWE it seemed like he — like too many wrestlers cycled in and out — had peaked in his debut, where he confronted then pinned no less than John Cena. The next month he lost to John Cena, and preceded to have the up-and-down career most WWE guys have now. When he won the Universal Title, it was overshadowed by a Triple H angle not followed up on. When he and Chris Jericho pulled off one of WWE’s all-time great angles, their grudge match was relegated to a bad spot at WrestleMania. The rumor late last year was that he might leave for AEW, and though he had provided plenty of fun in WWE there was still this inexplicable gaping question of what Kevin Owens could have really accomplished there.
As Stone Cold Steve Austin emerged from the sounds of shattered glass the 70k+ were in the palm of his hand and he hit on whatever intangible it was that delivered what they wanted. Even before it was clear this would be anything other than “The KO Show with Stone Cold Steve Austin,” Austin was in prime condition: glancing at the camera, slowly sitting down, shifting in his chair. The crowd was hoping for it, his body language teased it, and eventually the bell rung for an actual match.
They really seriously had a wrestling match, and I can understand why they didn’t want to promote it as an actual match but it really wasn’t much different from much of Austin’s work after 1997 anyways. They brawled through the crowd, which included Austin tempting fate and taking a suplex on the concrete floor — a real “holy shit” moment long past the time a “holy shit” chant felt like a proper thing to do. Owens bumped like he was working Stone Cold in the main event of Mania or something, flipping and flopping all over to make up for any perceived lack of mobility on Austin’s part.
The spot with Austin taking an unconscious Owens for a ride on his RV up the ramp was classic Stone Cold too, genuine fun mixed in with the ass-kicking. It felt like the beats of a song I hadn’t heard in a long time were playing again, and those beats hit, maaaan.
If you’re going to rely too much on nostalgia, then deliver the nostalgia! They did, and they did it over a weekend wrestling fans had to watch Triple H symbolically retire and The Undertaker deliver a TED Talk. Winning the Royal Rumble then WWE Title at WrestleMania used to be the pinnacle of what one could accomplish in WWE. It was simple. Stone Cold did it himself, a couple times actually. Is having a surprise main event of WrestleMania crowd brawl that pulls the retired Stone Cold Steve Austin back into the ring the pinnacle of what Kevin Owens can now accomplish in WWE? Yeah, I think so. ****
Happy Thoughts: With the exception of the boring patches in McIntyre/Corbin and Flair/Rousey, there were no misses here. And Stone Cold Steve Austin finally came back and wrestled. Over-delivered, even. After watching 4+ hours of WrestleMania on a Saturday night, much of it with a smile on my face based on wisecracking texts and either lowered or met expectations, I drove to a friend’s house the night after with a confused excitement over watching 4+ more. To be continued… 4.5 / 5.0
