Huh.
c
I don’t know. I want this to work. But I didn’t get good vibes from this.
The Buy In still isn’t very good. Not sure I get opening a show with a Battle Royal featuring 75% unknowns. AEW is this weird thing though where I, the guy who writes about wrestling, am looking at and writing about it through two frames: a fan excited for something new, and a skeptic worried about this ending up really stupid.
0. Winner Receives AEW Women’s Title Match – 21-Woman Casino Battle Royale
Ultimately – this sucked. Really clunky and counter-productive long match, with nobody even getting a shot at standing out. At the very least a Battle Royal needs some moments, and this had close to none outside of the Britt Baker/Bea Priestley callback, Allie going at Brandi, and Rowdy Roddy Piper’s daughter debuting. That was like 30 seconds in 20 minutes though. I mean Fabi Apache was here, and it didn’t even matter. Awesome Kong and Brandi Rhodes were quietly just thrown to the floor. There was a spot with books. The camera missed stuff. I don’t know. *
0. Private Party vs. Jack Evans & Angelico
This was a great showcase for everybody’s (me included) new favorite tag team Private Party, but it felt like it went too long and that became a theme for the night. I have no idea what type of gimmick Evans and Angelico are going for with the dancing, but Private Party mocking it was good content. Otherwise, Evans and Angelico just felt like a flat heel team. Jack Evans throwing knees isn’t my idea of a good beatdown – am I crazy? Still though, Private Party blew my mind with some incredible double teams here and there. But then the match just kept going. And going. And going. But Private Party are good. ***1/4
I’ll say what everybody already said a couple weeks ago: that Wardlow video, with the FREEZE FRAME OF A CHOKESLAM, was AWESOME. I am immediately excited for this man I have never seen or heard and that is the kind of stuff that gets me hyped about All Elite Wrestling.
The intro video for the show was very good, getting across all the matches and stories without being overwhelming or silly. It was refreshing after seeing infinite WWE intro videos.
1. SoCal Uncensored vs. Jurassic Express (Luchasaurus, Jungle Boy & Marko Stunt)
I like the addition of Marko Stunt because he makes Jungle Boy look huge, but I don’t like making him seem like such a threat already. This is Mikey Whipwreck, not Midget Goldberg. There were some wild Luchasaurus spots here, otherwise I didn’t really think much of this. The SoCal Uncensored beatdown segment felt like such a boring way to start a show, and the dive train felt more mandatory than anything. It didn’t fall apart or anything, but I can’t say I enjoyed it. **
2. Kenny Omega vs. PAC
This? On Second? PAC? BASTARD PAC!? God damnit did I miss this man. And he had a very good match with Kenny Omega, though it was one that felt a little sanitized – like, these guys pulled off some athletically incredible stuff, but I’ll be honest with you: I’m still seeing this type of thing on Monday Night RAW every few weeks. It was good, real good, but didn’t really have any extra ingredient to take it anywhere else. I mean, they wrecked each other, they were going for it, but it wasn’t the special thing reputation would suggest. The lack of build this had resulted in a well done match with some insane strikes and zero stakes.
Lots of character and speed stuff early, which I dug, including PAC applying a CHINLOCK. And then they just went all CRAZY!!! Kenny crashed into a barricade off a tope, PAC crashed into the floor mats off a moonsault from the top rope. There were a lot of impressive catches of backflips, a lot of well-placed elbows. Kenny hit a picture perfect LO DOWN following a buckle bomb. The electric chair to deadlift German suplex is still a spot so impressive that I really do appreciate that we’re only seeing it once or twice a year now, given the reduced match count for Kenny. They blew the reverse rana, which was actually the second reverse rana of the night. PAC’s finish was incredible. I don’t know. It was a good intro for PAC. Kenny, not so sure. ***1/2
3. Cracker Barrel Clash: Joey Janela vs. Jimmy Havoc vs. Darby Allin
This match was no technical masterpiece, but it also wasn’t a badass brawl – it was just a goofball shitfest. Jimmy Havoc’s entrance is cool as hell but I’m not really into whatever happens after it. And who is allowing Joey Janela to look and act like this still? Darby – still cool. But the match was just silly. And not fun silly, just silly. Someone did a moonsault into nothing on the floor and it just felt silly. The stuff they did with thumbtacks was conceivably cool but mostly felt weird – variety on a wrestling show is nice, but this felt like a real ham-fisted freak show in the middle of it all. Even Darby’s Coffin Drop into the table felt light. At the end of the day they didn’t showcase Darby, over-exposed Janela, and put Havoc over. That’s a DUD.
4. Winner Gets First Round Bye in AEW Tag Team Title Tournament: Best Friends vs. The Dark Order
Love The Best Friends, encouraged about The Dark Order, but this was not a necessary addition to the card. They just did STUFF and once again went so long that nobody really got over. Trent kicking out of everything at the end was more a bummer than a show of resilience. Orange Cassidy showing up was fun though. **1/4
5. Winner Receives AEW Women’s Title Match: Hikaru Shida vs. Riho
All on board with the idea of giving these two nearly 15 minutes cold, but while they’re good they were surrounded by matches just as long and just as unremarkable. There were points here that gave me the most amazing WCW Saturday Night vibes, some newcomers sent out there to get all their shit in in front of a crowd that has no idea what their shit is, and I appreciated that, but overall… not great. **1/2
6. Cody w/ MJF vs. Shawn Spears w/ Tully Blanchard
If anything, AEW has presented a world where Cody Rhodes and Shawn Spears come off as legitimate superstars. That isn’t some Internet sarcasm either, that’s the truth. We’ve got Star Trek, we’ve got Brandi, we’ve got a dog, there’s DDP, here’s MJF, and both guys are wearing cool serious ass gear. Also TULLY BLANCHARD IS HERE.
There was some good old-fashioned wrestling here, but the truth is this was an absolute production and it excelled because of it. Spears got in his stretch of offense but mixed it up with some wild spots, while Cody was all fired up and ready to brawl and sold like the son of Dusty Rhodes, whatever that means. Tully as JJ is brilliant, MJF in his role is brilliant, Cody dropping the chair and dropping the Dusty elbows on Spears was a blast. Very good stuff, the only match on this show that I actually liked. ***3/4
7. Ladder Match – AAA World Tag Team Title: The Lucha Bros [c] vs. The Young Bucks
It is a ridiculous proposition to not be impressed by springboard planchas involving ladders these days but the Lucha Bros and Young Bucks have spoiled us. And sometimes I want to take a step back and recognize – Jesus Christ, what these guys are doing is so impressive. And I try to. But at the end of the day, I need my wrestling to be interesting. And all this crazy shit, as crazy as it was, as cool as it was, needs some other ingredients if I’m going to actually be into it. The springboard somersault plancha over the ladder, the double ladder splash on each guys’ brother… I don’t know – you hit your TLC spots, but where was the desire for VICTORY? Matt’s wide-eyed disappointed glaze after being put through a table hit me deep. A classic This is Awesome / Fight Forever OK-fest. ***1/4
The LAX debut was cool, but you guys better give me some vignettes because an assumed Big Match is not always an actual Big Match.
8. AEW World Title: Hangman Adam Page vs. Chris Jericho
All hail Chris Jericho for still being capable of a great catchphrase, but this match was him stumbling around while generic-ass Adam Page jumped around. Jericho right now reads less like ECW Terry Funk and more like ECW Jimmy Snuka. There were some ideas – a Shooting Star Press off the apron countered with a Codebreaker, a Russian legsweep to counter a Lionsault – but even those didn’t really hit. I think Aubrey Edwards yelling at Jericho while he was all bloody might’ve been the best part. **1/2
When Kenny/PAC was GOOD but didn’t quite deliver, I thought we might’ve been in trouble. The MJF stuff is promising, the Cody/Spears match was great, but everything else was just OK Wrestling and nowhere close to the Mission Statement that Double or Nothing was. They definitely didn’t need to go FIVE HOURS either, especially with only nine matches and especially when those matches were mostly average. The crowd was quiet too, almost creepily so in between the big stuff. Right now this company is Cody angles and anticipation for Jon Moxley and that’s… I dunno, it’s not bad, but it’s not good. 4/10
