As we head into Christmas, Hannukah, and the New Year, it is interesting to reflect on where WWE is at right now. We are living in a world where a man (Roman Reigns) who the loudest members of the WWE Universe reject time after time is pushed as the top star in wrestling against a guy (Kevin Owens) who makes fun of the annoying lead announcer (Michael Cole) and just wants to have a best friend. A world where a guy (Enzo Amore) who hits on another guy’s (Rusev) lady and makes fun of a guy who got fired (Jinder Mahal) is presented as the one you cheer for. A world where a perennial underdog (James Ellsworth) is brutally assaulted at ringside to chants of “YES, YES, YES!” A world where a guy who’s gimmick is that he’s a cocky jock asshole (Baron Corbin) lays out another perennial underdog (Dolph Ziggler) and gets “ONE MORE TIME!” chants. We have seemingly moved from a world of black-and-white to a world of shades of gray back to a world of black-and-white, just reversed. Or maybe we haven’t. Maybe it’s just the holidays and wrestling is stupid sometimes.
Monday Night RAW was a big ol’ exercise in killing time. It was a lot of OK stuff that was alternatively lacking, frustrating, and just not that good. Not much was really moved forward either… Owens and Jericho talked a bunch to set up another Owens/Reigns match in 6 weeks (after the build to the Roadblock match was already a struggle), Enzo Amore had a couple comedy skits, Rusev and Big Cass had another minute-long match, Sami Zayn just disappeared after surviving Braun, and the tag division despite new champions and new tag belts kind of just remained in the same exact place (plus the Shining Stars, I guess). Bayley pinning Charlotte for the third time, Neville’s heel promo and BRAUN were the only things that seemed productive, and that was too little for such a long-ass show.
The whole Owens/Jericho/Reigns/Rollins main event scene desperately needs an injection of something, anything… hopefully Braun Strowman is that thing. The Best Friends is a fine act, but the standard RAW talky segment that opened the show showed its’ limitations. The Hug of Jericho – “Bring it in, maaaan” – and Jericho desperately reaching for Owens while in the cage were highlights… Owens and Jericho talking over each other’s jokes and just all the time wasted with poor hurting Mick Foley to get to the match announcement (Reigns vs. Owens at the Rumble with Jericho in a shark cage) were low-lights. Everything makes sense on paper, but as per usual RAW gets to where they need to… (repeat after me) in the lamest possible way. The main event tag was perfectly fine and it was fun to see Reigns and Rollins doing double-teams again, but it was another victim of this whole painfully stale and confusing feud. Braun laying waste to Rollins and Reigns was good, in that it’s an interesting route and also some kind of meta-commentary on the whole RAW main event scene. Was a lot like Neville laying out Rich Swann and TJ Perkins at Roadblock – I cheer for the ass-kicking; I weep for the storytelling.
At least the women’s division is going interesting places. Charlotte vs. Bayley was a solid promo and TV match… the early trading of holds was strong and it told the right story with Bayley as the plucky underdog and Charlote as the iron queen. High-five in the armbar was neat too. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax is something I am all about and the angle with Nia attacking the injured Sasha was good, but maaaan did you hear that non-reaction to Nia’s entrance? That’s what happens when you build someone up, tap her out and she disappears.
Cedric Alexander vs. Noam Dar was a pretty sweet 5-minute deal since it was mostly Cedric – still think he’d fit in a lot better with the heavyweights though. Neville’s first heel promo was strong stuff and the cruiserweight talking segment wasn’t bad, but the cruisers need something REALLY good to get back on track and this wasn’t it. Swann and TJ continue to just look like total nerds. Big E’s one-liner on Charlotte, with Kofi saying “Ric Flair couldn’t have become a 16-time champion without losing 15 times” and E replying “That’ll be Charlotte in a month”, was classic stuff. The tag division stuff not so much. I’ve got a big issue with Gallows and Anderson calling people nerds coming out in trenchcoats and Japanese lettering – put on some fucking letterman jackets already. The 8-man with New Day and Cesaro/Sheamus vs. The Club and The Shining Stars was alright, but very RAW Non-Interesting. The Braun beatdown of Titus and Sin Cara was neat – Sin Cara getting launched into a Christmas tree was tremendous and almost as good as the Randy Orton/David Otunga Miracle on 34th Street Fight, which is still the best goofy-ass modern day WWE Christmas thing.
Rusev and Cass having another ultra-short match with Lana interference was pretty lame… I get what they think they need to do – extend the feud, build to an actual match – but there has to be a more creative way to do this thing without both guys going at it twice in a row for a minute and Enzo doing comedy sketches. Have Rusev squash some Jersey Shore guy or something, or Big Cass squash a Russian named Vladimir Hacker – I dunno. If you wanna go wacky do something actually wacky. The Sensitivity Training stuff was pretty weak and a very out-of-touch Vince McMahon type of thing… too silly for the adults, too risque for the kids, and too much for anybody. Another strong beatdown by Rusev on Enzo though.
Meanwhile – love Tuesday Night SmackDown. Every show isn’t 100% must-see but every show does remind me what it’s like to just sit back and enjoy a wrestling show. RAW has me questioning life; SmackDown has me questioning nothing. SmackDown is not afraid do let their wacky angles have a real classic pro wrestling feel… you’ve got Miz revealing Renee Young is sleeping with Dean Ambrose and getting slapped, a good old-fashioned masked wrestler fake-out angle. Was a little disappointed on the surface with Ellsworth just getting owned in his title match, but after 3 matches of AJ selling for him it was probably about time. No more games for the Face That Runs The Place. Liked that you could hear the WOOSH on AJ’s backfist leading to the elbow that put Ellsworth down. The beatdown was appropriately nasty. I still think there’s a lot Ellsworth could add as a weasel who hangs with a heel (Styles!), but we shall see. Hell put the guy on NXT – Nakamura vs. Ellsworth, anybody? Ellsworth probably has more presence than TM61 or Angelo Dawkins, at least.
Or, given Carmella helping him out later in the show, Big Match John will send his ass back to Maryland next week.
The Miz vs. Apollo Crews was a short solid match… Miz was so damn good getting in place for everything on that early rope-running sequence, and liked that they made some heels look strong tonight – AJ, Miz, Corbin. The Miz interview and angle with Renee was tremendous, especially the way she stormed to the timekeeper area and they cut to the commentators. Ambrose vs. Luke Harper was pretty good – I just love watching Luke Harper do the wrestling, what with the lawn dart into the second turnbuckle, torture rack, and sit-out powerbomb. Wyatt Family laying out Dean and Miz picking up the pieces was great.
The Natalya/Nikki/Carmella thing was dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb but Becky faking Alexa Bliss out by working under a mask and doing Lucha shtick as LA LUCHADORA was phenomenal. Loved Alexa screaming “STOP IT!” during the rolling cradles and the big ol’ POP for the Disarmer. Mojo looked solid vs. Curt (not Chad) Hawkins, all fired up and whatnot while Hawkins’ did the bumping and the selling. Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin in the main event was a fine match with fine commentary from AJ Styles, fine selling from Dolph Ziggler and a fine lariat from Baron Corbin. The deck is stacked for SmackDown’s last show of the year and I will be there LIIIIIIIVE!!!
Talking Smack had Daniel Bryan under the weather and Rhyno playing a perverted Santa. Oh. K.
How do ya counter a cruiserweight’s flying? “I just put my thumb in their eye” – great line, Austin Aries. 205 Live had two strong matches with a little meat to them. It started out rough with Lince Dorado vs. Ariya Daivari, which would not look out of place on Superstars. And Superstars usually sucked. It was just a finely worked match with absolutely zero energy to it. Can you imagine watching this after you saw AJ fucking Styles? Close call for Lince on the tope too – Daivari might have saved his life. A perfectly fine promo by Daivari made me think the BRASS liked his promo game and figured they could teach him to work in a more compelling way. Cedric Alexander vs. Drew Gulak was great stuff with a gritty beatdown by Drew, an actual suplex bump to the outside, and Cedric selling big (check the sell on Drew’s kneedrop before the chinlock) and getting his shit in – an ideal TV match. I am finally all in on Drew Gulak, the Finlay of the cruiserweights. His crazy post-match promo was WILD too. The Cedric/Noam/Alicia stuff is a little forced, but Noam is SUCH a skeezy fuck that it’s working. The tag main event (Neville/Kendrick vs. Swann/TJP) was basically an extended squash for the New Neville, with him aggressively working over Swann and TJ. Neville’s enzuigiri counter of the springboard was nuts, followed by a big Kendrick tope and the finish. Nice sell by Kendrick off the spin kick from TJ too. Effective and fun, and Neville vs. Swann is going to be so hot. Can Neville, Tajiri and Gran Metalik get this division going? Um. Maybe.
NXT continued to struggle this week… love Shinsuke but I am all in on Bobby Roode taking the title and them going back to telling a story with a dickish top heel champ that can lose at any time versus the War of Gods they’ve been running with on top for the last couple years. Billie Kay vs. Daria Berenato was no good… if Ryan Ward was still booking, Daria would’ve had a run as Billie and Peyton’s heavy for six months before the face turn. Here they did it immediately and she already seems dead in the water. I’m still not buying anything Billie Kay or Peyton Royce do. Authors of Pain match was a legitimately scary squash complete with a legit injury and referee stoppage for the finish. The 4-Way was alright… it had a hot finish and Tye Dillinger still rules, but there wasn’t much early on that I was into. Felt like a TNA house show opener.
Main Event had Aries working both matches on commentary. I swear Vince is approving more Aries commentary cause he reminds him of a midget Jesse Ventura. Goldust vs. Curtis Axel was good old-fashioned professional wrestling and a Main Event Match Worth Watching. Nobody uses momentum earned from running the ropes like Goldust and it’s a blast to watch… plus he sold big time and stomped on Axel’s foot to get out of a chinlock. Lince Dorado vs. Tony Nese was pretty fun too, but for a match with Lince doing his high-flying I think I was most impressed with Nese milking the “I’m gonna flex my muscle” spot for maximum crowd response. As with most current cruiser matches, some neat stuff mixed with guys working holds to silence.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Liked Harper/Ambrose, loved Alexa/La Luchadora, but Neville & Kendrick vs. Swann & TJ from 205 Live got its’ point across and had some reaaalll fun stuff packed into it.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Neville got himself a reboot and had a good week that just might get the cruiserweight division back on track.
