WWE is like an improv where you always just have to go with whatever stupid thing Vince McMahon comes up with and treat it seriously.
Yeah the content is fun, but it’s seeing what this wacky cast of characters do with what is asked of them that is more fun.
Sonic commercials, Power of Love, Daivari Iranian Olympian promos, Big Cass heel turn, Shinsuke Nakamura – I don’t know if it’s all clicking, but damn is it fascinating to watch play out.
And then there’s Joe and Roman and Braun and Brock and I’m like yeah I remember why I started liking this stuff in the first place.
For a second there I was legitimately considering driving six hours to see Brock Lesnar vs. Samoa Joe in the last show at The Joe in Detroit. It was a thing that was about to happen. It didn’t, but it almost did.
In the end, it all works. You got me, Vince McMahon. 10 bucks a month, no question. Now make it better so I’ll spend more.
RAW (7/24/17)
Solid RAW – the promoted stuff delivered, not much in the middle though. Some of the stuff they did with Titus Worldwide and Big Cass felt off to me. But every match had a hook and stuff’s moving forward, and it was another RAW in the last three or so months where I didn’t look at the clock at 9:07 CST and go “ANOTHER FUCKING HOUR!?”
How much more awesome is it seeing Kurt Angle having the time of his life vs. Steph McMahon doing her “LOL I play a bad guy on TV” shtick? Opening promo was pretty standard “I’ma interrupt you now” stuff but everybody’s got a motivation and is over as shit so I am IN. “Maaaan shut up” might have been the coolest thing Roman Reigns has ever done outside of “This is my yard now.” Post-promo brawl was pretty incredible with all the indy security guys just DYING for Braun Strowman.
Finn Balor vs. Elias Samson No DQ was a good match and I know it was good because I forgot Bray Wyatt was probably going to interfere until like 95% of the way through it. They kept things moving, the crowd was buzzing, and Finn’s taped shoulder gave it a hook. I liked how Balor’s offense looked here – it was a little awkward and reckless, but not in a bad way – he looked like a pissed-off nerd ready to fight. Dug ANGRY FINN doing the one-armed comeback and getting receipts with the chair too. Samson’s getting there and this whole mini-feud has been a winner for both guys.
“Hey guys. What’re we talking about?” – Jeff Hardy. How does a billion-dollar company film such shit looking product placement commercials? This is the same company that does Fashion Files. Who’s in charge of this?
Alright if you wanna go with Big Cass, up the presentation. Entrance music. Valet. Stooges. Go all in or fuck off. Cass looks just like Triple H in 1999, complete with awkward body that’s filling out and turn on undersized buddy (Enzo, X-Pac). Completely fine with there not really being an Authority group right now, but Cass could use something like it.
Cass vs. Enzo was a fine character-building match – the absolute MAULING in the corner was wild. And then Cass threatened to murder Enzo, which I found a little bit odd. The whole Big Cass character has been real odd actually. He attacked his best buddy from behind for weeks and tried to hide it, carefully staged an attack on himself, and now he’s about to commit murder. The fuck does WWE do to people?
Cass beating on Big Show went a little… long.
Emma thinking about dating Jason Jordan was a pretty fun way of getting Emma on-screen. And then she got her ass squashed by Nia Jax. It was a fine squash, to be honest. Emma’s a pro and Nia’s getting there. The somersault splash is a sweet addition.
Seems a little early for Titus/Tozawa dissension, doesn’t it?
Bayley vs. Sasha Banks was great! This ain’t Brooklyn, but this was a damn fun match. Sasha working over Bayley, the BRAWLING, each gal throwing knees like they’re Kenny Omega, Bayley straight-up throwing HANDS. Sasha is the best when she’s not trying to be Eddy G, but when she’s trying to be Kiyoshi Tamura. The finish felt a little off but this was a really fun bunch of 2017 television professional wrestling.
I swear, I thought Jason Jordan was coming “up next” at least twice before he actually appeared. Pretty incredible squash of Curt Hawkins, really. Hawkins took those slams and suplexes like a champ.
Fun bit of wrestling by Revival and Club – Dash was taking some incredible bumps, and fired up babyface Gallows & Anderson is everything I never knew I wanted.
“You have to worry about 3 guys. I have to worry about 4.”- NICE. The Shield Bros vs. The Miztourage was good shit… Dean & Seth chaining together moves like they’re Ricky & Robert, Miz being an ass and escaping pre-commercial, Rollins taking a beating, Dean and Seth flying around. And most of all – established characters and a little bit of intrigue. Are Dean and Seth gonna be friends again? Are they??
WHAT A TRIPLE THREAT MATCH NEXT WEEK.
SMACKDOWN (7/25/17)
CHRIS JERICHO! FUN!!!!
This was a pretty good show. Still wish there was some god damn character development for 95% of the roster but the wrestling was solid, Jericho got a pop out of me, Usos/New Day angle was sweet, they managed to get Tye and Aiden on the show, and next week looks absolutely bonkers.
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin was an apology letter written by Shinsuke Nakamura for Battleground. This was good. Nakamura isn’t quite adapting to the WWE-style but when he just lets loose with the kicks it is pretty spectacular. They kept this sucker moving with work that felt reckless in the best possible way, and loved the spot where Nakamura just straight booted Corbin in response to a slap. Fun match versus the boring shite at Battleground.
That little Becky/Tamina exchange in the Becky/Charlotte vs. Tamina/Lana tag was the most interesting Tamina’s ever been. Otherwise this was an OK enough tag team match between four gals in limbo.
More solid tag wrestling from Sami Zayn/Tye Dillinger vs. Mike Kanellis/Aiden English. If WWE didn’t keep making Sami and Tye look like geeks that’s a solid babyface midcard they’ve got there. Sami desperately needs a feud like Balor vs. Drifter. The Corbin thing wasn’t it.
The Usos attacking Big E during the entrance mic work was fucking AMAZING. Oh WWE, you can still surprise me sometimes.
AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens – Triple Threat for the U.S. Title – was pretty fun stuff, though if I’m being real both Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens looked rusty as fuck at points. Jericho felt really slow in the fast-paced 3-way environment, especially on his counters, while KO is a big fella three years in on the main roster who seems to be working super super safe, which is fine, but you have to offer more around that. The ginger fall over the top rope tipped me off more than anything.
AJ meanwhile was on fire and looked the best he’s been since Mania season, just bumping and flying and hitting all his shit with the extra impact that everybody loves him for. This was fun, but more a This is Awesome type match, and while that match totally has its’ place it wasn’t anything great or memorable. Plus, jesus – KO tried to cripple Jericho a couple months ago and now they’re having a This is Awesome match? Guys.
What if Jinder was U.S. Champ and this was the WWE Title feud?
Shinsuke Nakamura is John Cena to face Jinder Mahal at Summerslam next week WHAT THE FUCK.
205 LIVE (7/25/17)
Let’s just do this haiku-style because fuck this show.
What even is this?
So many ways to spend time
Why is this still here?
Anti-wrestling match
Neville did take some nice bumps
But who got over?
What the fuck, Kendrick
What even was that promo?
I do not know what to say
Sweet double dives, guys
Cedric Alexander lost
Because he fell down
NXT (7/26/17)
This wasn’t much of a show. Ember Moon had a pretty solid squash match en route to Asuka at TakeOver, Velveteen Dream’s swivel on his elbow drop finish (another squash) was pretty awesome, and the Drew McIntyre promo and Authors of Pain/SAnitY angle were both alright. But, eh.
Kassius Ohno vs. Hideo Itami was the main event and you tell excited young wrestling fan Dum Dum Daniels that Chris Hero and KENTA are main eventing a WWE TV show I am flipping the fuck out. But this was just… completely utterly OK. Stiff, yeah, but not very interesting. Itami’s seen better, more charismatic more intense more fun days, while Ohno just needs a ROLE. The Indy Dream Match Guy in a Basketball Jersey shtick is awful. DAMNIT.
MAIN EVENT (7/26/17)
This show had two really solid matches in Cedric Alexander vs. Tony Nese and Kalisto vs. Apollo Crews. Not full-on Main Event Matches Worth Watching, but real solid.
Cedric and Nese did exactly what you’d probably expect them to do, with the added bonus of Nese taking an incredible bump off the lungblower.
Kalisto and Crews have good chemistry, though they really needed Titus O’Neil shouting on the outside to put it over the top. It was like a couple of buddies having themselves some flying-based wrestling sequences and it was all good fun but didn’t move anybody one way or another.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Bayley vs. Sasha Banks stood out among the three big RAW matches that all delivered. Balor/Samson was silly fun, the Handicap Match was great character stuff, and this was just the best overall match. Heated, fun, wild strikes, Bayley and Sasha looking awesome. Good stuff.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: I can’t believe it’s July 2017 and AJ Styles has again won the U.S. Title and it was in a Triple Threat Match with Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho and it’s just kind of like ehhh. But AJ had a good week after he fucked up the Battleground finish – got the title back and looked really good in the SmackDown title match. 2017 has been a weird year for the guy, as The House That AJ Styles Built has taken a turn for the worse and the guy who was unquestionably the best wrestler in the world hasn’t had himself too many great matches. But he had himself a week this week, and I hope he has more.
205 Live and NXT were pretty wretched, but the main roster brought the goods on this late-July Sunday through Saturday. Off to SummerSlam we go…
RAW: 7/10
SmackDown: 7/10
205 Live: 1/10
NXT: 3/10
