Three days after WWE fired ten more people, they hosted the thirty-fifth annual Survivor Series from the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York. It was a show with a promotional effort I can best describe as “hesitant,” from the routine RAW vs. SmackDown structure to a celebration of The Rock’s 25th Anniversary with WWE that felt like it was pieced together as the show went along.
Always making effort to appropriately kill time on the Kickoff Show, Peter Rosenberg (I know, hold on) went into a 60-second sidebar on the unique sadness of the Becky Lynch/Charlotte rivalry that his co-hosts mostly ignored because nobody in WWE ever seems to be on the same page regarding the pre-approved amount of allowed candor.
That sadness drove the best match of the show, maybe because sadness is just WWE’s thing now: talent development swapped for poorly executed marketing campaigns, mass releases done as randomly as the stockpile before them, and stories on-screen where the good guys keep losing (if the story has a conclusion at all). Maybe worst of all the wrestling isn’t even good. Mo’ money, mo’ problems: welcome to SURVIVOR SERIES.
0. U.S. Champion vs. Intercontinental Champion: Damian Priest vs. Shinsuke Nakamura w/ Rick Boogs
The best WWE Kickoff matches are the ones with no stakes, as in this particular era of WWE the “pleasant surprise” may be cherished above all else. Unfortunately this one pretended to have them, and the atmosphere of people filing into their seats mixed with the non-factor of U.S. Champion vs. IC Champion kept it firmly slotted in a purgatory. They had a match that never clicked but didn’t quite suck, worked mostly around kick combos and guitar licks. For brand supremacy. **1/2
1. RAW Women’s Champion vs. SmackDown Women’s Champion: Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair
Opening a WWE PPV will give you a much better atmosphere than closing one these days, and Becky and Charlotte didn’t really over-complicate this. They went all Japanese-style and supplemented a good ass-kicking with a few basic things anyone could get into: strikes, stomps, Scarlet Witch. Charlotte eventually missed an Orihara moonsault, screamed “that’s why I’m the greatest ever” directly after and lost to a rollup reversal. It sounds silly but it kind of worked. Great chaos, good match. ***3/4
2. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Team RAW (Seth Rollins, Finn Balor, Kevin Owens, Bobby Lashley & Austin Theory) w/ MVP vs. Team SmackDown (Drew McIntyre, King Woods, Jeff Hardy, Sheamus & Happy Corbin) w/ Madcap Moss
Kevin Owens (the genius) walked out a minute into the match, Austin Theory lasted 27 minutes but didn’t do much, and for some reason Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley had a showdown on the floor before they had one in the ring. This is wrestling now.
Messy, boring, and just not good enough — these 10-man tags should be layups but year after year the wrestlers just kind of wrestle and not work. If there’s a fun idea or bit of wrestling it’s concealed by 25 minutes of struggle: Okada and EVIL stretching for time is bad, but Team RAW taking turns getting beat up by Team SmackDown and mixing in eliminations barely approaches an adjective.
Theory and Seth Rollins vs. Jeff Hardy & Sheamus ended up the final four, which led to questionable Hardy/Sheamus teamwork before Jeff and Seth closed things up reasonably well. The big Jeff Hardy run probably isn’t ideal in 2021, but the crowd going wild for him ended up one of the best parts of the show. He lost, obviously. **3/4
3. The Rock’s 25 Anniversary Dual-Brand Battle Royal
This match was sponsored by Pizza Hut. Competing (for pizza?) were Sami Zayn, Cesaro, AJ Styles, Omos, Drew Gulak, R-Truth, The Street Profits, The Dirty Dawgs, The Hurt Business, The Alpha Academy, The Viking Raiders, Los Lotharios, Jinder Mahal, Shanky, Apollo Crews, Commander Azeez, and some guy named T-BAR.
Otis resuming his on-screen love of pizza was a highlight, as were a few things AJ Styles and Ricochet pulled off towards the end. Otherwise, Omos dominated and that’s good but what he dominated was The Rock’s 25th Anniversary Dual-Brand Battle Royal sponsored by Pizza Hut. **
4. RAW Tag Team Champion vs. SmackDown Tag Team Champion: RK-Bro vs. The Usos
This was a solid tag that went a little long. Sometimes you think there is no wrestling left in WWE and then one of the Usos cuts off Matt Riddle by grabbing the back of his skull and just throwing him face-first into the ring mat. Classic RKO to close too. ***
5. Survivor Series Elimination Match: Team RAW (Bianca Belair, Rhea Ripley, Liv Morgan, Carmella & Queen Zelina) vs. Team SmackDown (Sasha Banks, Shotzi, Natalya, Shayna Baszler & Toni Storm)
Nearly as problematic as the men’s elimination match, though it gets extra points for a shorter runtime and having occasional bits of Bianca Belair vs. Sasha Banks. Once it settled down to Belair vs. four people they were able to stick the landing too, though the approach to the lead-up felt like it had more casualties than probably necessary. ***
6. WWE Champion vs. Universal Champion: Big E vs. Roman Reigns w/ Paul Heyman
Big E and Roman Reigns needed one of a better show, better build, or better in-ring ability to overcome the handicap brought on by WWE doing promotion for The Rock throughout the show bordering on satire only to conclude the show with no The Rock and big bad Roman Reigns just calmly defeating one of WWE’s only new heroes.
There was a fun WWE main event in here, some genuinely incredible stuff, and they undeniably popped the crowd on occasion. Roman did freaking deadlift Big E out of a goddamn armscissors and Big E did hold up freaking Roman for a goddamn stretch muffler. When Roman roared to call for the spear, Big E stood up like a superhero and stared him down. It was all just in there though. Somewhere. Among all the other stuff that wasn’t any good and couldn’t sustain a momentum. Solid bits, sad machine. **3/4
Happy Thoughts: I’m all for a celebration of The Rock and the ghost of Mr. McMahon going on an egg hunt, but not when I’m trying to watch a Survivor Series at a Barclays Center. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair was the only thing that could completely defeat the bad vibes. 2.0 / 5.0
