Atsushi Kotoge, Daisuke Harada & Yasutaka Yano vs. Hajime Ohara, YO-HEY & Seiki Yoshioka
The NOAH juniors are good. Even when the stakes aren’t there and the match lengths border on too long, these small-sized men know how to keep your attention. You know the drill by now: YO-HEY is wacky, Lil’ Yano needs to claw his way up (with flying cross bodies) and Ohara masters the llave handbook. Most of all, they all work well together and know how to reward us shlobs who sit through all these undercards. Case in point: that wild Kotoge/Yoshioka backslide counter callback to their recent junior title match. ***
Katsuhiko Nakajima & Nioh vs. Akitoshi Saito & Junta Miyawaki
My first look at Funky Express Akitoshi Saito and I am speechless at such beauty. I am also kind of speechless at how well this very random Fire Pro tag turned out. On one side, you had Katsu attempting to kick the disco out of Saito. On the other, Junta showing his great progress in faster-paced exchanges with Nioh. Both pairings came together logically for the ending stretch when Akitoshi dunked Nakajima enough times for Miyawaki to (unsuccessfully) try and steal a win. For all the booking issues, it’s hard to deny the level of effort from the NOAH roster. **3/4
Kotaro Suzuki vs. Yuya Susumu
I’m always down for a Kotaro stomach-work match. The one thing this trope has over a boring ol’ leg work or arm work match is that Suzuki’s offense looks like white hot death. Those forearms to the mid-section and assorted gutbusters are just killer. Meanwhile, Susumu remains a perfectly fine wrestler who fails to bring any kind of emotion out of me. Sorry for letting down all the Yuya Susumu stans out there. Still, he played his part well here: lots of selling and a couple of fun kicky comeback spots. They kind of lost me with the rollup exchange finish but HEY – the match was solid. This undercard is batting 100 and by 100 I mean three stars. ***
Kazushi Sakuraba, Kendo Kashin & Kazunari Murakami vs. Mohammed Yone, Shuhei Taniguchi & Masao Inoue
This show had to take a wrong turn at some point. This was it. The current version of Sugiura-Gun feels more like a comedy troupe than the fearsome-Rene Dupre-(lol)-featuring-unit they once were and this match was the ultimate confirmation. For better or for worse, these cornballs fit perfectly with Funky Express. *3/4
Yoshinari Ogawa & HAYATA vs. NOSAWA & Ikuto Hidaka – GHC Jr. Tag Team Titles
The very weird kind of match where I have zero investment in the outcome but the work is sound enough to get a passing grade. I think. All of these Stinger tags would be so much better if they were 5 minutes shorter. That being said, I did enjoy their idea of a heel vs. heel tag match – both sides taking turns playing Minnesota Wrecking Crew and trading limb work tomfoolery. Stinger brought the 80’s territorial-style quick tags and Hidaka/NOSAWA busted out some cool lucha-style submissions. Another big highlight was the legit-incredible house cleaning run from Uncle Ogawa after the hot tag. The post-match Full Throttle challenge gives me hope for a potential junior tag shakeup. I could use a break from Stinger. ***1/4
Naomichi Marufuji, Masato Tanaka & Masaaki Mochizuki vs. Kaito Kiyomiya, Yoshiki Inamura & Kinya Okada
A lot of talent in this one. Both M’s Alliance and Sugiura-Gun are essentially drunken vanity projects, but at least the M’s gang can still go. THUS, parts of this were quite good, even if the intergenerational hatred didn’t land super high on Jumbo-gun/Team Misawa scale. Inamura is ready for the next thing, man. Big boy stole the show whenever he was in there, playing early 2000’s Don Fujii against Mochizuki and getting Pop of the Night with that SQUATTING SUPLEX later on. Again, Okada didn’t look out of place with all of these higher-ranked dudes. His move-set could use a bit of fleshing out, but he has the looks, fighting spirit and kicks to go somewhere. ***
Kazuyuki Fujita © vs. Takashi Sugiura – GHC National Title
A proper face-melter that lived up to Kaiju-influenced posters of NOAH’s graphic wizards. Thanks to the stylistic similarity and unwavering toughness he showed here, Big Daddy Sugi turned out to be King Kazzer’s best NOAH opponent yet. Most of the previous Fujita matches were worked 80/20 in his favor – this was not that. They had an Even Steven Slug-Fest where Sugiura brought enough fire and intensity to get himself over as a physical equal to the Inoki-ISM behemoth.
There’s not much to break down here, since so much of the action was straight-up ass whipping, but two moments really stuck with me: Sugiura’s genius ankle lock counter to the punt kick and the nuclear-charged slap war that took up the back end of the match. The former acting as a great equalizer thanks to Final Boss Fujita’s surprisingly competent selling and the latter just effortlessly winning Strike Exchange of the Year.
I do wish we had gotten a slightly-longer Fujita reign, but the way this was wrestled made you forget about the missed dream match opportunities (Fujita/Katsu?) and embrace Sugiura as the ultimate Kazzer Killer. ****1/4
Keiji Muto © vs. Masa Kitamiya – GHC Heavyweight Title
Much easier watch than Muto/Kaito, but still plagued with the usual Big Match Muto issues. In today’s least surprising news, the rest hold-heavy structure made the first section of the match a chore to get through – every submission an excuse to take a quick power nap. Big Masa eventually started targeting the old man’s knees and this is when they were able to salvage something. The Prison Lock sequences were tremendous: big-time selling from Muto, awesome emoting from Masa and super dramatic build towards the Prison Lock Headbutt aka. THE PRISON BUTT (sorry). Not gonna lie, I also popped for the ref-assisted Shining Wizard because deep down inside I am a corny bastard. ***1/4
