I saw some talk this week about the COVID-era WWE being all-time bad. I thought I told everybody this in May. Like, first of all – there is a pandemic. None of this should be happening, even if it still is. Nobody is trying, even if they are still on TV. I really don’t understand some of the attempts at treating any of this at face value. It’s frustrating and disappointing, but I am not going to pretend anymore there is an attempt at something here other than background noise.
Imagine being stuck in a gym with all the worst people you know – that’s WWE now.
Big E getting a singles run is the only thing I’m invested in across the entire company, outside of seeing how much more cash Sasha Banks can milk from McMahon.
The Week in Review
Best Promos: Big E has words with King Corbin and Sheamus (SmackDown 8/14/20)
Best Angles: Seth Rollins and Murphy cane Dominik Mysterio (RAW 8/10/20)
Who made this worth it?: Samoa Joe, Bayley, Sasha Banks, Big E
Notable Trends: Dominik Mysterio’s Introduction, Summer of RKO, RAW Underground Experiments, Big E’s Singles Push
RAW (8/10/20)
Respect for Samoa Joe though – he carried the Rollins/Dominik Contract Signing and is not entirely off-putting on commentary. The bar, folks! It’s low!
Seth Rollins and Murphy caned poor Dominik Mysterio‘s body into uncomfortable streaks of red which put some heat on their match a little too late. I mean, Rollins already did pull the guy’s dad’s eyeball out a month ago too. I mean that just happened.
The bit with Shayna Baszler beating up a bunch of people in RAW Underground was kind of cool until she started throwing strikes. Angelo Dawkins and Bianca Belair were throwing better hands in the ring than anybody in RAW Underground actually, and that’s going to be a problem for your new worked-shoot dungeon. How do the obsessive micro-managers let so many whiffs on TV? If Kevin Dunn produced UWFi, New Japan would’ve thought it was all a rib.
The new Natalya and Lana is right out of an SNL skit, but I don’t think anybody involved is in on the joke.
Asuka vs. Bayley was alright but not a show-saver, while a well-timed chop from Randy Orton was legitimately the best part of his match with Kevin Owens.
Orton punted old Ric Flair in the head to end the show, though because Flair will never be medically cleared do anything physical in WWE again they had Retribution cut the lights as Orton connected which made an unnecessary angle even more unnecessary. Seeing Orton cradle Flair’s limp body as he softly fell to the floor after a kick to the balls was a real indictment of not just WWE but America in general. What are we doing?
NXT (8/12/20)
Everything leading up to it was bad TV, just like last week’s journey to the Retribution angle on SmackDown – it was like they were warning us it won’t end well. But WHY?
I like Keith Lee, but stop making the poor guy feud with Triple H’s latest threesome fetish. Lee looking like a doofus selling a lame fireball trick to the eyes won’t help either. Gotta try harder.
Legitimately felt bad watching Killian Dain and Drake Maverick wrestle, a match that had the focus on everything else but them – Lee getting his eyes bandaged, The Undisputed Era arriving. It felt like there was more effort put in making them look like chumps than in the angles that distracted from it.
The Adam Cole/Pat McAfee thing kicked off (HA) well enough last week, but Cole suddenly doing his promos like this is some comically masculine back-and-forth with Randy Orton or something has quickly cratered the whole thing. Triple H milking this for ESPN spots seems off too.
There were lots and lots of promos here but nobody is SAYING ANYTHING!!! Everybody’s talking up a qualifier for something or another then doing their catchphrase. The only exception right now is Timothy Thatcher, who is already a top 5 sports entertainment guy in this godforsaken company.
Though he is getting a bunch of undercard guys on TV, I really can’t tell if Santos Escobar is good anymore. I did like Mia Yim‘s return squash match with Indi Hartwell, the most effective 120 seconds of the entire show. Bronson Reed meanwhile gave his all on that top rope splash miss vs. Damian Priest but what is the point of a Damian Priest?
It was nice to see a KUSHIDA somersault plancha again but WHAT is Velveteen Dream doing here and why is he wrestling as a surprise entrant in a Triple Threat main event on NXT?
It isn’t just the accusations – it’s the shady WWE investigation on top of every other shady thing going on, the public silence followed by careful comments from that moron Triple H, the disappearance of an aura and seemingly any wrestling talent, the insane timeline that was him challenging for the NXT Title and teaming with Lumis, and the ultimate delivery of this as some SURPRISE RETURN.
Shame on everybody. If you’re going to do it, explain it. No – don’t explain it. Just say something. Anything! Give a heads up, a SOMETHING! Wrestling is wrestling and littered with some real jerks, but I’m doing some serious jumping-jacks here to not only justify continuing on with any of this but to even just deny that there was not a legitimate malice and message in how confidently they brought him back.
I just wanted to watch wrestling, why do I have to be morally comprised? Come on! It’s supposed to be an ESCAPE!!!
MAIN EVENT (8/12/20)
NXT UK (8/13/20)
Adam Cole defended his NXT Title against Zack Gibson at Download Fest back in June 2019, and I’ll tell you what: they had a solid version of the exact match you would expect them to have. Gibson worked holds, Cole threw superkicks, and the crowd enjoyed themselves as they had a whole championship match even if it was a little through the motions.
Xia Brookside vs. Nina Samuels was taped in March a week or so past when everybody should’ve gone home and locked their doors. They had the most basic WWE Corporate Drone Offer Match before Xia threw a crappy kick and hit her finish. Not a Gem, folks! Not a Gem!
There were promos throughout the show from Aoife Valkyrie, The Hunt, Mark Andrews & Flash Morgan Webster, and Amale as NXT UK continues to assess what I assume to be… something. Nobody really said anything or added a layer to what they were already doing. Amale’s actively stunk if I’m handing out takes.
There were zero actually good matches this week on WWE TV with the exception of Pete Dunne making his triumphant return to WWE TV in the form of a July 2019 match with Alexander Wolfe. Both guys have a fun approach to wrestling in WWE and they meshed well, grappling and chopping each other to death while also pulling out a random Code Red spot or something. It got extra wild for the finish, with Dunne throwing what might be the greatest diving lariat I have ever seen in my life followed by Wolfe dropping him gut-first on the top rope in the ass-nastiest way. The novelty of an audience might have ticked it up for me, but this is worth a watch.
SMACKDOWN (8/14/20)
Otherwise, Braun Strowman‘s WWE Title feud with The Fiend continues with more bad twists and more bad turns while everybody else feels a notch below. The issue is that everybody feels a notch below a feud that is already more than a few notches below, so everything just sucks.
Even forgetting that their friendship hasn’t been brought up in a couple years and never even felt quite canon, who is compelled by Alexa Bliss trying to claw back the humanity from Strowman? The humanity was lost in a freaking Swamp Fight. There may be a story in here, but they lost it when it wasn’t all decided on beforehand. They also lost it when COVID hit, when Braun wasn’t a likable champ, and when they had Alexa return from The Fiend’s capture by just… standing backstage two weeks later.
A Tri-Branded Battle Royal for a shot at Bayley brought more interesting names to the show than usual but outside of Bianca Belair tossing Tamina and Shayna Baszler nearly killing Tegan Nox, there wasn’t much to it. I had to do some deep investigative work to even remember who won (don’t look it up – it was Asuka).
There was a conviction in AJ Styles‘ voice as he said there were more pressing matters than the civil unrest currently consuming WWE that made me uncomfortable, but hey – it’s Abyss! Or the guy who played him who is now a Producer for WWE and seems to be well-liked by a bunch of people! The setup for Styles vs. Jeff Hardy might have been kind of cool in a world with more fans and less jokes about piss.
Shinsuke Nakamura reacting to invisible pests as he spoke with Cesaro was good TV. It’s easy to forget how cool this guy is when he is on this garbage low effort television show.
Is he finally Chad Gable again? Why does King Corbin get to make that call? Other than the obvious.
