Pro wrestling has never felt more inessential, but the boys and girls working their way through this system have always been the best part.
This week, one of them lost their life and like 50 of them got kicked off the balance sheet.
The WWF doesn’t get big without Howard Finkel‘s voice. The echoing gravitas mixed with a tinge of “this isn’t really all that serious” was a legendary part of all the biggest moments that continue to capture our imagination, and by all accounts he was a good guy who just loved his wrestling. Rest in Peace, Fink.
Drake Maverick not hitting it big in WWE is a travesty. Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins are pro wrestling fan legends who I’m sure will be back after they likely re-invent what it means to be an independent pro wrestler. Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson never hit in WWE and will certainly have avenues to be successful once the pandemic has passed.
Heath Slater actually got me the most – he wasn’t going to be WWE Champion, but there were so many spots they could’ve used a talented guy like him in the last few years and they just didn’t.
Still mad how dirty they did No Way Jose and Sarah Logan too.
I liked wrestling more when it was an escape, not a comically frustrating re-enforcement of the current disappointing culture.
RAW (4/13/20)
McIntyre vs. Rollins is a logical if not eh feud, especially with McIntyre very quickly leaning into the lame babyface WWE Champ archetype. His promo at the top of the show was eye-rolling, though him vs. Andrade was a fine TV main event with Drew throwing some of the hardest chops you’ll ever see.
Andrade is back on TV with Zelina Vega, who since his absence has brought in Angel Garza and Austin Theory to create some kind of Los Ingobernables de Zelina Vega. I’m into it.
The boys and girls are all trying. I appreciated them giving time in the middle of the show for Aleister Black and Oney Lorcan to just beat the shit out of each other, while The Viking Raiders vs. Ricochet & Cedric Alexander had some real fun spots outside of the Raiders blowing their finish. I loved Bianca Belair getting real serious with The Street Profits too.
The Money in the Bank Qualifying Matches were hit-and-miss: Asuka vs. Ruby Riott was a good competitive match, Nia Jax squashed Kairi Sane in a lame disappointing match, and Shayna Baszler whooped Sarah Logan in a decent but confusing 10-second match.
In the lesser parts of the show, Becky Lynch cut a decent promo in the confinements of a format that desperately needs a re-evaluation while Austin Theory vs. Akira Tozawa had fun spots from Tozawa but felt ultra-basic.
NXT (4/15/20)
The big hook here was the main event with Timothy Thatcher getting as good a debut a guy can get in a WWE working through a pandemic: introduction as Pete Dunne‘s temporary replacement partner with an overjoyed Matt Riddle, Bobby Fish & Roderick Strong freaking out, Tom Phillips calling him the meanest sonofabitch, and the eventual awesome match that ended with him retaining the NXT Tag Team Titles.
This was my introduction to Thatcher, who comes off as William Regal’s favorite wrestler with serious chain wrestling and hard shots to a man’s ribs. The match was very good, these four having a go despite the circumstances. Riddle vs. Fish early was fun, with cool matwork and Fish’s trash talk even better without a crowd. Thatcher’s throwing belly-to-belly suplexes everywhere on a hot tag was a blast, as was his sudden Fujiwara Armbar for the win.
WWE doing Cruiserweight G1 would probably be more well-received if WWE wasn’t acting like the most baffling corporate experiment in human history right now. Akira Tozawa vs. Shane Strickland was first up and I’m glad Tozawa got to have a match not overshadowed by Jerry Lawler being an out-of-touch moron. When Tozawa gets bumping, the wrestling rules. I wish he didn’t take that whiffed Strickland rana off the apron to the floor though… great opportunity to mock somebody and make a moment.
Excited to see El Hijo del Fantasma, the suit-wearing Luchador.
Finn Balor vs. Fabian Aichner opened the show with a quality, formula match that hit all the right notes besides an ugly baseball slide spot. Xia Li vs. Aliyah had a straight-up Grudge Match that I have already forgotten about.
“Every time Nox tries to call an audible, it backfires” was a good commentary line over an OK match in Tegan Nox vs. Raquel Gonzalez. I hate WWE’s trope of establishing up-and-coming women wrestlers with one-off tag feuds that never get anyone over, and in this case we’re setting up a Tegan Nox and Shotzi Blackheart vs. Gonzalez and Dakota Kai thing.
Keith Lee getting a Personality Profile was nice, though his role in The Main Event on Netflix got him over with me more than anything WWE has done since he signed a contract. What doublespeak from Mick Foley, by the way: “I can see what Keith Lee is doing, but I’m not believing it.”
Charlotte Flair‘s promo bit talking up all the talent in NXT – especially Mia Yim – was cool, though I can’t stop thinking Sasha Banks would have more fun with this. Velveteen Dream also got a promo spot and NXT Title Challenger Velveteen Dream has been a bore so far. The interesting-looking guy really needs to talk more interesting to stay interesting.
The show ended with Tommaso Ciampa cut off after 30 seconds of talking by an attack from the incoming Killer Kross. They played it like Ciampa got eaten by a monster from A Quiet Plce or something. It ruled.
MAIN EVENT (4/15/20)
NXT UK (4/16/20)
It was one of the coolest things ever in the NXT UK timeslot, a match better than I remembered with Tiger Mask being an absolute revolution of a wrestler: his look, fighting stance, and height of his spin kick are incredible, and MSG just loses it when he does the Tiger feint kick.
The rest was good too. Kenny Williams and Ligero chose a pair of NXT UK TV matches, though some of the better ones there are: Williams teaming with Noam Dar to challenge The Grizzled Young Veterans for the NXT UK Tag Team Titles and Tegan Nox vs. Kay Lee Ray. A-Kid went after the heart with William Regal vs. Antonio Cesaro from NXT TV, a match with the quality and credible shit-kicking you’d expect from those two and also a match introduced by the dearly departed Howard Finkel.
SMACKDOWN (4/17/20)
Daniel Bryan and Cesaro wrestled in a Money in the Bank Qualifier and it was a lot of cool wrestling from two of the greats, highlighted by Cesaro catching Bryan’s top rope backflip only for Bryan to tilt-a-whirl into a YesLock. If the wrestling is going to be cold and have no one watching, might as well have these guys trade knuckle-locks for a while.
Big E won the SmackDown Tag Team Titles in another Triple Threat Match with The Miz and Jey Uso, and while the match was 5 minutes long they packed in as much fun as the entire last month of WWE TV combined. Big E and Jey Uso are very capable of going balls out, and it’s always fun when The Miz reminds you he can too. Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods flipping out from home was awesome too. They should do that more. Embrace your surroundings.
Sonya Deville had a breakout night with one of those solid long-form promos that in reality is just OK but in WWE world seems like Shakespeare. The rest of the Otis and Mandy Rose show was bad – why is Otis still doing random poses? – but Deville crushed it.
Everything else with the women’s division is terrible, and that sucks because SmackDown does try to feature all of them. Tamina, Lacey Evans, Carmella, Dana Brooke and Mandy Rose as the babyface roster is both silly on paper and presented like they don’t think it is. Lacey Evans is still cutting promos like a heel, while Tamina’s line about wearing an extra large shirt hurt my soul. Bad The only clear star is Naomi and she lost this week to Dana Brooke in what was an admittedly OK match, all while everybody waits for the shoe to drop and a Sasha Banks turn to happen. Bad TV.
A Moment of Bliss with Universal Champion Braun Strowman was bad TV too, with Strowman following Drew McIntyre’s lead and becoming a boring happy-go-lucky overconfident WWE babyface that says they’re humble all the time.
Sheamus and King Corbin are still things too, I guess.
205 LIVE (4/17/20)
Hulk Hogan vs. Ultimate Warrior from WrestleMania VI sucks. It’s real famous, but these two guys going 20+ minutes was a brutal decision.
Kendrick’s match with Kota Ibushi from the Cruiserweight Classic rules. Kendrick does his take on a Japanese classic all while he’s playing crafty veteran heel. The brief Ibushi in WWE run was a trip – he’s as impressive as ever here, and does a solid job selling his hurt neck that Kendrick relentlessly goes after. Daniel Bryan desperately rooting for Kendrick on commentary to the point of tears is awesome too.
