It’s 1987 in the WWF. There are more colors. More graphics. More yelling. More Vince. More Jesse.
Whispers abound about the return of Andre the Giant. Hulk Hogan’s got a score to settle inside a Steel Cage. And Rowdy Roddy Piper’s REAL pissed off.
Also – THE BATTLE OF TEXAS!!!
William Shatner hosted Saturday Night Live on the December 20th episode, while Joe Montana and Walter Payton hosted on January 20th.
with William Shatner and musical guest Lone Justice, and wouldn’t return until January 20th with an episode hosted by Joe Montana and Walter Payton with musical guest Deborah Harry. One of the days in between, January 3rd, saw the 100th United States Congress sworn in and also had some professional wrestling on NBC.
To start, here’s another Jesse Ventura Fashion Watch: sunglasses indoors, purple bandana, dangling earings, a navy blue cut-off t-shirt with fringes at the cut-off that says “Hollywood.”. It’s the least formal he’s been but stands out all the same.
Orndorff and Hogan drop a pair of classic over-the-top promos, with Hogan’s done inside the blue steel cage that creaks as he shakes its’ bars.
1. Steel Cage Match – WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] vs. Paul Orndorff w/ Bobby Heenan
This is a very big, very over match between two fellas who’s physical mannerisms before the bell told me they want AT each other. It’s forgettable in the grand scheme of time and gets a little convoluted but the crowd enjoys themselves and Hogan and Orndorff are excellent doing Big Match Selling.
Vince McMahon says that Hulk Hogan is the finest practitioner EVER of the Steel Cage. Danny Davis, slowly emerging as a dirty referee, is one of the officials on the floor. Orndorff gets on Hogan quick and tries to escape, but takes a wild spill as Hogan drags him back in. After some back-and-forth they both climb over the top of the cage and land their feet on the floor at the same time. The referees disagree on who landed first, with Danny Davis pleading Orndorff’s case. The match gets called a tie, so they return to the cage so Heenan can take a few bumps and Hogan can Hulk Up and climb to the floor as Orndorff crawls out the door too slowly. The heels get sent packing and Hogan has an uproarious celebration afterwards. A fun time. ***1/2
2. WWF Intercontinental Title: Macho Man Randy Savage [c] w/ Elizabeth vs. George “The Animal” Steele
The Savage/Steele feud began a whole year ago at last January’s edition of Saturday Night’s Main Event. Savage’s nemesis Ricky Steamboat makes his return to WWF TV a few minutes into the match and POINTS at him, prompting Steele to grab his crush Elizabeth and carry her to safety backstage before a brawl broke out. After he returns he rips apart the top turnbuckle and runs through a couple spots with Savage before a belt shot puts him down, turnbuckle stuffing scattered all over the ring as the 3-count comes down. This, like most of Savage and Steele’s interactions, was quick and simple but over and effective. ***
3. Junkyard Dog vs. King Harley Race w/ Bobby Heenan
This is all shtick, like a couple of prop comics who just happen to be badass wrestlers out there winking at the crowd. Race headbutts Dog and sells it as if he has hurt his own head, then gets on his knees and sells the kid-friendly Dog headbutts like an absolute professional. Dog puts on Race’s cape and crown, then wins by DQ after a forearm from behind by Bobby Heenan that results in the greatest wide-eyed open mouth stare as JYD turns around and walks towards him. Heenan and Race try to have the last laugh by forcing Dog to bow down, but he runs them off and headbutts ref Danny Davis for good measure. **
Instant replay was all the talk in the NFL the last year, so you know the WWF is airing ten of them in a row to put over the Cage Match finish. Heenan tells a pissed off Orndorff backstage that he’ll get it sorted, but we know it’s all idle chatter.
4. Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Adorable Adrian Adonis w/ Jimmy Hart
“I ain’t fighting for money, brother, I’m fighting for pride!” shouts Piper before he heads to the ring. He throws his kilt in Adonis’ face, kicks some ass, then grabs Adonis and stares at the crowd to take in an absolute ovation. Adonis’ bumps here are as big as ever, and the way he and Piper topple to the outside as Piper has a sleeper hold on is masterful. Adonis gets the countout win when he sprays perfume atomizer in Piper’s face. The way Vince enunciates “he sprayed him with that CRAP” is a classic. 3-and-a-half minutes of very hot fighting. **3/4
Hulk Hogan gets interviewed by Mean Gene and gives real big “HMMMM” eyes as he’s informed that Heenan is saying Orndorff will be declared champion in a month.
5. Blackjack Mulligan vs. Jimmy Jack Funk
This is billed The Battle of Texas, because these two gentleman are from Texas. Vince informs Jesse that “hanging is still legal in some parts of Texas,” which seems like an unnecessary contribution to the discussion. Mulligan back body drops Jack Funk on the floor, then chokes him as a promo from Mulligan himself cuts in. The jumping back elbow wins it in 2 minutes. DUD
Happy Thoughts: This had a bunch of classic characters doing their thing for a crowd that loved it. The actual wrestling wasn’t all there, but the WWF on the way to WrestleMania III is a special thing. 6/10
