This is one of a series of WWF Home Video releases on “outstanding individuals.” The first was Hulk Hogan’s Hulkamania in January 1985, which the WWE Network has not put up yet, instead putting up a Hogan tape from 1985 and giving it the same date as the Hulkamania tape. Somebody give me a job to correct this noise.
Lord Alfred Hayes hosts.
This acts as a digest of some of Andre’s 80s work as well as an intro to who he is – all the usual facts like the wine-drinking and boot-size are stated for our enjoyment.
1. Andre the Giant vs. Moondog Rex (8/1/81)
Lord Alfred Hayes reads some Andre facts over this match, and between the custom-made clothes, ladies man attitude, and owning one of the finest wine cellars in the country, in 2018 Andre might appear to be kind of a dick. This is a straightforward Andre squash, as he smiles while just wrecking Rex – pulls him up by the tights, chop, splash, etc etc. *
2. Battle Royal (Featuring: Andre the Giant, Hulk Hogan, Sgt. Slaughter, Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka, Tito Santana, Mil Mascaras, Iron Sheik, Big John Studd, “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff, Dick Murdoch, Adrian Adonis, Tiger Chung Lee, Alexis Smirnoff, Salvatore Bellomo, Victor Rivera and The Hangman) (4/30/84)
WHAT A LINE-UP!! Monsoon and Hayes are doing commentary with real shit V.O. quality, which I love. Salvatore’s name is spelled as “Balamo” on the intro. Patterson gets a DEAFENING reaction. This a typical lumbering Battle Royal and though the cast is impressive, there are no showdowns that would be actually cool – Andre, Slaughter, and Snuka are just not touching The Hulkster. Sheik and Slaughter do brawl at one point, so I guess that’s the highlight. I spent most of the match wondering how they’d eliminate Hogan – he ends up taking out Studd, then Studd grabs him while Adonis and Chung Lee throw him over. Adonis, Murdoch and Smirnoff are eventually left with Andre and they all take massive bumps on their exit. **
3. Handicap Match: Andre the Giant vs. Black Gordman & Great Goliath (11/12/79)
Hayes explaining how Andre Handicap Matches came to be is great – no mere single man was enough for the Giant. This is from the L.A. Olympic Auditorium and CHAVO SR. is on commentary. It’s explained that fans are not seated in the front row because Andre matches are just too dangerous, which is so awesome. This honestly might be one of the greatest Andre Handicap Matches of all time, as he has the most game possible opponents. Goliath takes the greatest bump off of Andre’s ass here of all-time – ALL-TIME. Both guys’ reaction on the bodyscissors lift is incredible too. Tons of fun. ***1/2
4. Handicap Match: Andre the Giant vs. Jack Evans, Johnny Rodz & Joe “Butcher” Nova (4/24/84)
Basic stuff but I liked how all three guys stayed on Andre here, Rodz especially. Evans looks so dejected when Andre no-sells one of his shots and chops him into the corner. There’s a blown spot late where Andre drops to the mat but Rodz and Butcher awkwardly stand there, so he gets up and drops again and they collide to setup the pin. **
5. Boxing Match: Andre the Giant vs. Gorilla Monsoon (Special Guest Ref: Joe Walcott) (9/23/77)
What a weird trip this is. It’s from Roberto Clemente Stadium in Puerto Rico and the video quality is not so good, but it’s well worth checking out. A monsoon has apparently just fell over the island. Legitimate boxer Jersey Joe Walcott is the referee. Hugo Savinovich is outside as Gorilla’s adviser. And Lord Alfred Hayes is cracking up on commentary.
Gorilla was a heel at this point and Andre was stopping by the territory to have some fun. Gorilla gets whistled at as he takes off his shorts and hams it up with footwork. Neither of these two can box at all but what an awesome stupid match. Andre is throwing bad punches and a couple headbutts, Gorilla is managing to knock Andre off his feet a few times. Andre eventually KO’s Gorilla, and post-match they continue to brawl and Gorilla takes a big flat back bump on a rain-covered tarp. Amazing.
6. Andre the Giant & Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka vs. The Wild Samoans (2/18/83)
I have no idea what Andre said in the interview before this match. This is a special one: the Samoans beat on Snuka forever and it is very long and very boring but GOD DAMN WHAT A FUCKING HOT TAG. When Snuka gets to Andre the crowd reacts like we just won World War II again – INCREDIBLE. This is also notable for how loose the ropes are – Snuka bounces off of them at one point and I swear he almost flies outside. Sika blades on the floor for no reason and just staggers around as Andre and Snuka do the Super Superfly Splash finish. So much of this is not good but I can’t argue with that crowd. A mind-altering hot tag, man. Mind-altering. ***1/4
7. Andre the Giant vs. The Masked Superstar (2/20/84)
This is nothing special but so completely solid. The masked Demolition Ax selling for and reacting to Andre wrecking him is kinda great. Andre’s sell off him putting a knee up on the corner butt bump is brilliant too. Superstar gets in some offense and looks vaguely credible before the inevitable. **1/2
8. Andre the Giant & S.D. Jones vs. Big John Studd & Ken Patera w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan (11/13/84)
This is, as Hayes says, “the infamous haircut match.” The match is nothing – two minutes of basic tag stuff before Patera and Studd start double teaming Andre and the ref calls for the DQ.
What comes after though is special. Patera and Studd continue to work over Andre, and eventually Heenan brings in a scissors. Heenan stomps on S.D. as Patera and Studd cut off locks of Andre’s hair. People are screaming and throwing shit in the ring and Vince McMahon is hard-selling it all on commentary: “This is humiliation. This is sheer humiliation… Studd and Patera rape the dignity of Andre the Giant.” Special, special stuff that led into the first WrestleMania.
9. Andre the Giant vs. Ken Patera (1/21/85)
This is a very cool match. Andre was rapidly slowing down at this point but it could still be worked around and Patera was a master: his look of disappointment and fear at having to face Andre, falling on his ass after taking a chop, bumping over the top rope off an atomic drop. Andre grabs his singlet strap and shakes him and it is such good professional wrestling. He lays in some credible offense before the ref gets bumped and calls for the DQ.
Post-match is even better: Andre slams his ass into Patera and Bobby in the corner and slaps Heenan who does the GREATEST wobbly sell (so good it’s included on the TNT intro). Heenan gets Irsh whipped and leaps over Patera and drapes over the top turnbuckle, then Patera gets whipped into Heenan who spills to the floor. SO SO SO SO great. ***1/4
Andre the Giant Interview on WrestleMania and Big John Studd (TNT #27 3/22/85)
As the tape closes up we are headed into the first WrestleMania, and this is the big interview that sets up the Andre/Studd Bodyslam match. This is a good intense interview, with Vince hard-selling the shit out of the “rape the giant’s dignity” line and goading Andre into putting up his career because Heenan has put up $15,00: “Don’t you think you should put up something?” “I don’t think so.” Vince then says there’s gonna be people who state there’s a big yellow streak down his back, so Andre gets up, grabs Vince’s tie, and pushes him down before storming off. HOOOOO BOY!
10. $15,000 Bodyslam Challenge – If Andre Doesn’t Slam Studd, He Retires: Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
Bobby Heenan in the bedazzled satin jacket, dressed up extra-special for WrestleMania like he’s Stephanie McMahon, is phenomenal. He and Studd do some great promo work before the match – Studd was an underrated talker and Heenan is just the best: “For $15,000 and a haircut, we’re eliminating Andre the Giant from professional wrestling.”
Anyways, this is kind of a shit match, but one of those generational divide type of things: loved this as a kid, as all I remembered was Heenan being a weasel and Andre looking big and throwing the money around. For the match though, they just kind of club and choke each other awkwardly, and Andre locks in a loooong bearhug in the middle. It’s probably exactly what it needed to be, but also vaguely an embarrassment. Still might have liked it more than a similar Mania match in The Undertaker vs. Triple H. *3/4
There isn’t enough young spry Andre but this is an enjoyable tape. Lots of fun matches and that Handicap Match is must-see. 7/10
