Gorilla Monsoon and “Luscious” Johnny Valiant are the hosts for this Coliseum Home Video, a cassette tape commissioned after thousands of fan requests. They do the now usual voiceover introductions for each match before the actual commentary comes on.
1. Steel Cage Match: Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd (Capital Centre 7/23/83)
At the very least this is substantially better than anything I’ve seen these two do together, while at the very most it’s pretty much a perfect steel cage spectacle. There’s a lot of grabbing and biting and laying around, plus a lot of bleeding and Andre rallying the crowd as he throws Studd around. This is also a great call from Gorilla Monsoon, with a lot of gravitas and excitement in his voice as Andre makes a comeback, especially when he pulls Studd away from the cage door – “AAAANDRE SUCKED HIM RIGHT BACK IN THERE… like a big vacuum cleaner!” He also gives a cheeky explanation when Studd tries to kick the door open earlier: “you have to ask nicely – would you pleeeease open the door.”
Andre misses a headbutt which causes a MAJOR sound and gives Studd an opening. Studd tries to escape through the door, and referee Dick Woehrle just casually stands by as if Studd isn’t covered in blood right next to him. The crowd chants for Andre as he just lays there, pulling Studd’s leg, trying to keep him from escaping… that’s called being over, brother. Studd eventually runs into a boot, then Andre bodyslams him (!) and goes to the top rope where he drops his ass on Studd and escapes. Nothing pretty but beautiful all the same. ***1/2
2. Steel Cage Match: Andre the Giant vs. Kamala w/ Friday (Maple Leaf Gardens 10/21/84)
This was previously reviewed in Happy Thoughts – WWF Old School (Maple Leaf Gardens 10/21/84). In short: over, spectacular, lots of Andre on his ass.
Oh my GOD what a great freakin’ match on paper!! MONSTERS. IN A CAGE. Friday’s leading Kamala to the ring!! Kamala’s scared of getting in the cage!! The shot of silhouette Andre walking to the cage as Kamala stands in the ring is great. Andre has to awkwardly step into the cage. The announcer tries to start and Andre just starts kicking ass and sitting on Kamala!! The announcer announces the rules as they clobber each other. Kamala’s just choking Andre and the crowd is FIRED UP for the comeback. Kamala shakes on the cage to try to escape as Andre chops away at him. Nice shot by the cameraman of the wired mesh at the top – really sell that cage baby. Kamala chops at Andre and brings him down as the crowd rallies their giant. Kamala goes for the pin but there’s no pin allowed! That crazy monster doesn’t know the rules!! Kamala choking and slapping at Andre (who bleeds!) isn’t going to change the world but this is a damn spectacle, like the most bizzare ever Undertaker/Lesnar with Friday yelling at Kamala to beat on Andre or exit the cage vs. Heyman screaming “BROOOCKKK.” That may be too kind, I mean a lot of this was just Andre on his ass, but I was a mark for this thing. Friday on the hard cam arguing with the ref added to the festivities, and Andre swatting at him as he climbed the cage got a big pop. Andre bodyslams Kamala who convulses like he’s having a seizure, then drops the ass on him. Andre climbs to the TOP ROPE and walks the rope into a HUGE ass splash, and Friday tussles with the ref and tries to close the door but Andre waltzes out. And a guy pops in a cig and Kamala is led out of the ring. Amazing. **3/4
3. Steel Cage Match – WWF Intercontinental Title: Magnificent Muraco [c] vs. Jimmy Snuka (MSG 10/17/83)
This was previously reviewed in Happy Thoughts – WWF Home Video Classics: Most Unusual Matches (5/16/85). It’s joined in progress here at Snuka covered in blood, and my thoughts remain the same: it’s real short, but a great gritty brawl and iconic moment. Might go higher on the star rating nowadays.
This is THE Superfly Splash match. It ain’t no ring classic but it works, and in the grand scheme of history nobody gives a shit about the match anyways. The cage had a real aura at this point – the crowd pops as Snuka steps into it and the door closes, while Muraco milks the intensity and moves all around. Buddy Rogers cornered Snuka, while Albano was with Muraco. The match is mostly Muraco bumping like a big expressive maniac and Snuka either punching and stomping the ring for a big sound, or laying out covered in blood. I found it interesting watching this that this is essentially young upstart Snuka, yet he still just seems like old immobile Snuka. Despite some real dead air here, the crowd stays with him. The match ends when Snuka headbutts Muraco and he bumps over the top like he’s in a Royal Rumble and falls out the door. The post-match is the money, as that dick Superfly drags the guy who just by-the-book won the match back in the ring and vertical suplexes him. He looks at the crowd, face covered in blood, and heads to the top rope, where he decides to climb to the top of the cage, does the Superfly pose (ICONIC), and hits the Superfly Splash off the top of the steel cage on Don Muraco. Hogan would come in a few months later, but Snuka was momentarily The Guy. ***
4. Steel Cage Match: Bruno Sammartino & Tito Santana vs. Randy Savage & Adrian Adonis (MSG 7/12/86)
Monsoon and Valiant plug the Most Unusual Matches tape, as this one happened after it was released but would have CERTAINLY been on it, they think. It sure is pretty awesome, a brawl from the bell that doesn’t let up with huge heat and BRUUUUUNO. Alfred Hayes is flipping out on commentary the whole time too. Savage is brawling and running and climbing and hanging from stuff, Adonis is bumping around, and Bruno or Tito are selling or firing up. The crowd goes NUTS when Savage misses an axehandle, and when he bumps into the cage like he was trying to keep up with Adonis. Blood. Everywhere. ***3/4
5. Steel Cage Match – WWF Intercontinental Title: Greg Valentine [c] w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Tito Santana (Baltimore Arena 7/6/85)
This was previously reviewed in Happy Thoughts – WWF Home Video Classics: Grudge Match ’86 (3/27/86) and it’s the apex, a five-star match that you’re better off seeing in full on that tape. This is only the last few minutes of an epic war between two of the unsung greats, with an all-time great cage door finish and big post-match angle where Valentine destroys the Intercontinental Title.
6. Steel Cage Match – WWWF World Heavyweight Title: Bruno Sammartino [c] vs. George “The Animal” Steele (Philadelphia Arena 7/25/70)
George STORMS down the aisle with cops following him and with the old timey film footage being a hair fast it makes for a funny visual. Gorilla and Valiant do commentary here for what’s a good but unspectacular match that got a lot of play on Coliseum Home Video. I liked their match the WWE Network put up in the Hidden Gems Collection (Part 2) better, though I can’t place the date on that one for sure. This feels like the bare bones of that match, with Steele’s mannerisms being awesome as usual and Bruno selling like usual then just walking out the door for the win. ***1/4
7. Steel Cage Match: Bruno Sammartino vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper (Boston Garden 2/8/86)
This was previously reviewed in Happy Thoughts – WWF Old School (Boston Garden 2/8/86).
It’s a 10-minute Steel Cage Match with blood, brawling, and Chicago Bears posters.
Piper’s swagger as he enters is untouchable, entering with a Super Bowl Champ Chicago Bears shirt in Boston and hanging up Bears posters inside the cage before the match. Bruno enters the cage and goes right after to Piper, leading to some big bumps and a massive bladejob by Piper about 10 seconds in. One toss sends Piper into a Refrigerator Perry poster, which Bruno stuffs down by Piper’s throat. He then tears off Piper’s shirt and SPITS on him.
This is Piper covered in blood and convulsing, Bruno firing up and kicking ass, and two guys constantly trying to escape the cage.
One grab by Bruno leads to Piper’s pants going half-down. Piper eventually grabs Bruno as he crawls out once more, but Bruno grabs a wooden chair and hits Piper, then escapes to a thunderous ovation as Piper is left bloody and near pants-less among his torn-up posters and the chair that cost him the match. Incredible.
Always bothers me when Piper and Bruno both wear their blue trunks though. ***3/4
8. Steel Cage Match – Champion vs. Champion: Bob Backlund vs. Pat Patterson (MSG 9/24/79)
Finally, something I haven’t reviewed – despite getting a lot of play on compilation videos this is FRESH on the WWE Network. Vince McMahon is on commentary. And the match is great, mostly because there is zero bullshit – these guys are all about over-the-top or cage door escape attempts and if they aren’t proactively doing that they’re either pulling a leg or punching. Patterson is especially great at throwing those punches, while Backlund is OK but throws some really bad fist drops later that make me question everything. Backlund does cut a big bladejob to make me BELIEVE and Patterson follows soon after. They do a lot of climbing – a double climb, a climb that has to stop because the other guy is climbing, a climb that ends with an atomic drop.
Patterson follows Backlund up the cage with a pair of BRASS KNUCKLES, which Backlund is able to block and dodge. He swats his challenger down and Patterson just drapes over the turnbuckle as Backlund falls to the mat with him. The crowd goes mad as they continue to grab at each other, before Backlund kicks Patterson away and just stares away at him, covered in blood, plotting his next move. That next move ends up the right one, as he nimbly escapes under the bottom rope through the door. Standing ovation. ****1/4
9. Steel Cage Match – WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] vs. King Kong Bundy w/ Bobby Heenan (WrestleMania II 4/7/86)
And to close, this was previously reviewed in Happy Thoughts – WWF WrestleMania 2 (4/7/86). It got a bad rep back in the day, but remains an old silly classic.
The big blue cage is trotted out to the ring, as Lord Alfred informs us it is a SPECIALLY RE-ENFORCED cage for Bundy. Dodgers Manger Tommy Lasorda is the Guest Ring Announcer and he YELLS his announcements which is awesome. Actor Robert Conrad is the referee and 16-year-old actor Ricky Schroder is the Guest Timekeeper.
There are better Steel Cage Matches, but this is still one of THE Steel Cage Matches, with prime Hogan taking on big-ass King Kong Bundy in the main event of WrestleMania. The camera gets the classic down-low shot of Bundy on his entrance, making this mammoth man appear even bigger. Hogan SHAKES THE CAGE and climbs over it as he stares through Bundy’s soul. He is ON.
They keep it moving early with Hogan throwing shot after shot at Bundy, then Bundy takes over by going after the ribs and Hulk sellllls. He SELLLLLLLS. Bundy eventually bleeds which is an incredible visual given his paleness. The Avalanche and big splash feel like it could be the end of Hulkamania and Bundy begins to escape, but Hulk springs up and does the thing. He NO-SELLS an Avalanche which is both silly and fucking incredible. Bodyslam, legdrop, escape.
It was nothing fancy and maybe not a WRESTLEMANIA main event, but this wasn’t when Mania was Mania. This was still an effective match. ***1/2
Inside the Steel Cage suffered from TNA Lockdown Syndrome – maybe there is such a thing as too many cage matches. Pretty much all of these are really good on their own but together a bit much. Regardless, a fun tape with quite a few classics and a whole lot of BLOOD. 7/10
