In a world where there are like a thousand WWE matches on TV and a zillion everywhere else, it sometimes makes sense to sit back and reflect on how god damn impressive it is to be a good professional wrestler. Just imagine the sheer athletic skill it takes for two fellas to properly perform a fucking backflip into a headscissors. The sheer ABILITY. Or the timing and strength required for Kofi Kingston to do a somersault dive over the top rope and get caught by both Cesaro and Sheamus. The PRECISION. Or even wacky Alexander Wolfe catching a Rich Swann hurricanrana – why are we not as fellow human beings just FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT FOR THAT!? It’s just some normal thing that happens in a wrestling ring! But it’s fucking INCREDIBLE!!! And how about Jericho and Reigns just calling counter after counter in front of a crowd going apeshit for them – how quick on your feet do you have to be!? The sheer COMMUNICATION. When AJ Styles did that springboard 450 through a table we all just literally should have exploded. Professional wrestling is amazing.
You know what WWE needs more of? VIOLENCE!! Something is in the water over at RAW – Rusev just kicking Enzo’s ass in a hotel room and then Charlotte just laying Sasha Banks the fuck out were two crazy segments that had me excited for the revenge ass-kickings that will ensue. When it comes to violence, wrestling doesn’t need a guy with a bloody face – it just needs a good old fashioned kicking of the ass.
This was another fun week of Monday Night RAW which makes it two in a row for me. Two great beatdowns, a couple solid squashes, fun Swann/Perkins and Zayn/Owens matches, and a legitimately incredible match between Roman Reigns and Chris Jericho.
Those beatdowns, man. The Enzo/Lana thing started auspiciously, as WWE’s track record with stuff like this is not good – most quickly derail into “LOL SEX.” But I liked it this week – liked them actually attempting to run a story throughout the show, liked Enzo being such a goofball, loved Enzo and Flair, LOVED Cass’ look when Rusev grabbed him backstage. The professional camera cuts and softcore porn lighting for the eventual angle where Lana lured Enzo into her hotel room only to have Rusev appear and attack him were so lame, but that beatdown was NASTY – god damn mob style. It was classic RAW – they usually get to where they need to (Enzo getting destroyed setting up Rusev vs. Cass), but in the lamest possible way (lol Enzo is naked, lol Enzo is horny). Then, the closing angle with Charlotte fake apologizing to Papa Flair, leading to a Sasha run-in and Charlotte laying her out, was awesome. It was pretty short so didn’t overstay its’ welcome, felt legit, and got VIOLENT. Charlotte Flair is the top heel on Monday Night RAW.
Jericho vs. Reigns was GREAT. I know the stupid wrestling blogger isn’t supposed to talk about this, but loved Jericho yelling “COME ON, REIGNS!” then going right into calling and doing a spot. The crowd was game here and they made the most of it – bringing them up, bringing them down, putting on a damn show by countering every other move with a signature spot. Dug all the changes in momentum. The stuff towards the end with the Walls of Jericho was SO over. It was classic WWE stuff – they didn’t necessarily tell much of a “wrestling” story (i.e.: Jericho is a heel vet or something), but an athletic story – which of these two top competitors is going to overwhelm the other? I swear to god everyone who boos Roman stops to go “OOHHWAAAA!!!” when he does it. ***3/4
Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens had themselves quite the little match too. This was basically them on auto-pilot which is still pretty damn great – dives, suplexes, kick-outs, dominant finish. No one has a match that can simultaneously annoy wrestling veterans and cause wrestling fans to flip out as well as these two. Sweet TV match. ***1/4 Rich Swann and TJ Perkins had what I think was my favorite cruiserweight match yet… helped like they felt like popular and contributing members of the Monday Night RAW roster. The dab-off getting a MASSIVE reaction was great. Finish was fun with TJ struggling to get the kneebar and Swann finally catching him with the spin kick. Sometimes I think the cruiserweights are doomed; sometimes I think they are one Charlotte/Becky-type feud away from making the division amazing.
Big Show returning was neat. He looks happy! Refreshed! Match with Rollins was decent stuff, like 5-minutes and kind of exactly what you’d expect from them – Rollins flies and bumps around, Show does power stuff. Gallagher vs. Daivari didn’t have enough funky British shit, but it did have another Subtle Jack moment where he gets pushed into the corner but doesn’t just fall – he STUMBLES. Bayley squash of Alicia Fox was perfectly fine, though I question cutting from her high-fiving a little girl to Enzo Amore debating whether or not to fuck Lana. The Tussle in Texas between Mark Henry vs. Titus O’Neil was such a fun way to add a little variety to the show – boxing-influenced setup, Tale of the Tape, totally gimmicky stuff leading to a quick squash. Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Gallows/Anderson with New Day at ringside was pretty fun – Gallows and Anderson have been doing a bit more the last couple weeks after feeling dead in the water just a few weeks ago. Sheamus’ dive off the steps was tremendous. And the post-match with Kofi doing the somersault dive and getting caught by Cesaro/Sheamus was, as mentioned, amazing.
SmackDown was a fine-follow up to TLC – nothing crazy happened but it all worked for me. The Styles/Ambrose/Ellsworth stuff continues to be shockingly good – no-nonsense Ambrose entering, laying out Ellsworth, and leaving was tremendous, as was Ellsworth GOING FOR THE HANDSHAKE! I swear the build for Styles/Ellsworth is gonna be a month long and I will be completely fine with it. The Wyatts vs. Slater/Rhyno rematch was a solid little TV match – nice hot tag by Heath, and loved how decisive the finish was. You get so used to perfection from WWE production that the 10-second pause between the Wyatt teaser and entrance music was painful. Was nice to see some of the Main Event folks get spotlighted now that they have no C-show home. The new Konnor facepaint is great, and The Hype Bros vs. The Ascension was a alright 5-minute affair. All in on a Mojo Rawley vs. Bray Wyatt interaction if that could ever be a thing. Love Viktor too – him just wildly swinging at Mojo to try and get out of the Rough Ryder finish was great. Gable vs. Breeze was a pretty sweet showcase for Gable too.
Kalisto vs. Baron Corbin was a perfect sub-5 minute match. They kept it moving, did the speed vs. power thing, and found some new ways to get all their usual shit in. The tilt-a-whirl End of Days never fails to pop me. That Corbin slide-out-the-ring cut-off causing Kalisto to do the Rikishi bump was AWESOME too – love the different ways that spot is being used. MizTV with Dean Ambrose was alright, highlighted by Daniel Bryan getting a prime Stone Cold pop. Miz vs. Ambrose was very good and Dean’s best match with anyone besides AJ Styles in a while – nice chain wrestling, smooth counters, Miz being a dick and using Maryse to avoid getting smacked, Miz working the leg, Ambrose selling his ass off like he’s god damn Shinjiro Otani. Had a great near fall off the Knee+. Miz is a better straight wrestler than gimmick wrestler – this was only 10 minutes and was every bit as good as the Ladder Match.
205 Live Week 2 was solid wrestling in a questionable environment. Hope they figure it out. Cedric Alexander vs. Noam Dar was an okay match stretched out wayyy too long for its’ place on the card. A looooong stretch of Noam Dar offense right after The Miz vs. Ambrose and Jimmy Ellsworth in a big arena setting… yikes. His sleazy-ass post-match promo was kinda solid though. Jack Gallagher vs. Daivari was fine, way more compelling than the RAW match due to Daivari doing more interesting stuff and Jack being a cheeky bastard. I like to think Daniel Bryan sits in the back, watching Gallagher matches on a monitor just flipping out. A Lince Dorado reboot is smart, though I still don’t trust WWE to do anything to distinguish Dorado from Metalik from Sin Cara from Kalisto. Also – can somebody at WWE figure out if it’s Brian Kendrick or The Brian Kendrick? His rematch with Cruiserweight Champ Swann was a fine match that never hit a second gear like last week’s. Swann frothing from the mouth was pretty sweet though. Looks like we’re headed to a Triple Threat with TJ Perkins… sure it’ll be fun but man do I hate the trope where two guys (in this case TJ and Kendrick) get all pissed off at each other after another guy (Swanny) causes them to collide.
Talking Smack had some excellent discussion of AJ Styles’ butt. Love whenever The Wyatt Family appears in studio. Rhyno getting real and basically turning on Heath at the end was amazing – Heath’s sad voice, him cutting Bryan off – “Don’t jump in.” WHOA. For a moment I imagined a Cena/Rhyno feud and got excited.
Main Event could have been a replay of Superstars and I wouldn’t have noticed. Too much Darren Young vs. Jinder Mahal – c’mon guys. Young sells his ass off but yikes. That Bob Backlund is still coming in to be a manager on the C-shows however is really a special thing and something I will look back as one of my fondest memories of 2016 along with AJ Styles, Talking Smack and the Ziggler/Miz feud. Bo Dallas vs. Sin Cara was okay. I think Bo has decided to make the Enzo injury bump from Payback a part of his arsenal. Sin Cara’s pink and blue outfit was something else. The slow-mo replay of his tope was great stuff … it was like one of those Planet Earth cuts as a mantis sprung on its prey.
NXT – eh. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Samoa Joe Part 3 kinda sucked. It was like the last two, which were already disappointing, without any drama or sense of urgency. Even the setting didn’t add much to it. It was chinlocks and signature spots, which can make for a good WWE match … but this was not a good WWE match. The addition of Percy Watson to commentary is such an out of left field decision that I am so into it. Percy right now seems like a guy from another era but it’s crazy to think that only 3 years ago he was teaming with Yoshi Tatsu on NXT TV. #DIY/Authors of Pain/Revival promo was an alright little thing, as was Ember Moon vs. Kimber Lee. The SAnitY vs. Jose/Swann tag was okay with a pretty uninteresting beatdown, but the Big Damo debut was neat. I guess Sawyer Fulton is injured but guy was the clear weak link of SAnitY and I am all in on Big Damo as the replacement.
TBH though John Cena on Unfiltered was the best thing WWE did this week.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Roman Reigns vs. Chris Jericho from RAW
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Enzo Amore took a beating for the ages.
