It was a week that began with Jordan Myles saying WWE doesn’t care about black people and ended with Vince McMahon and the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia waving their dicks at each other while nearly a hundred wrestlers and crew couldn’t get home to the United States.
I don’t really have any expanded thoughts.
I pay this company $9.99 a month, DVR their shows, and am going to the Survivor Series pay-per-view – alright? THAT’S IT.
IT’S FOR THE BOYS.
And for me.
But I also knows it goes to a lot of bad stuff, among them an old boys’ network of out-of-touch executives who’d be ranting about political correctness to each other if they weren’t so busy putting their wrestling show together. And the ability to have this insane 10-year agreement with the government of Saudi Arabia to run these wrestling shows where on the first one they ran a “Riyadh is a modern wonder and great place to be!” video and then had to stop those because a journalist got cut up with a bonesaw at the Saudi Arabian consulate in Turkey and a buncha people were like “what the FUCK?”
Plus at the end of the day it’s just a co-sign of this institutionalized system of dumbassery.
But this is The Thing I Like, this Pro Wrestling, and though there are plenty wrestling organizations vying for attention these days nobody does it more spectacularly (both good and bad) than that coward Vince McMahon and his circus of freaks. They get it right about 60 times out of 5,000 a year and I am here for those 60 times along with a sinking feeling that the world is a cold dark place and me not watching Divorce Court with Rusev & Lana or missing Daniel Bryan vs. Adam Cole for the NXT Title is not going to change that.
RAW (10/28/19)
“Why are you doing this? I loved you.”
Not a good show, outside of the occasional solid wrestling match and a pair of fellas named Rizzo & Bryant getting fed to The Viking Raiders. What happened to those Monday night vibes? What happened to the love? Where did it go? What is this show?
Drew McIntyre vs. Ricochet was the highlight of the show, a good match that would be nice to see with a decent story. Drew always works best with flyers and Ricochet is the freakiest flyer getting any love on WWE TV. Drew tossed him around, Ricochet bumped big, and this was the first of two TV pro wrestling matches this week where a SLAP was probably the best spot. Randy Orton appearing at the end was probably the best part of the entire show, with Rico taking an all-timer RKO bump and the camera shot of that little girl flipping out.
Otherwise? I dunno. The Kabuki Warriors heel turn on Paige was necessary but embarrassing, complete with not just Paige being unable to bump but her inexplicably not being at their side for the last month. The Becky Lynch vs. Kairi Sane match that followed it was fun, with Kairi throwing some wild backfists and an impressive showing of going long with and willing a crowd that got cold back into it.
This was the last RAW before Crown Jewel so they were on kind of a pause, but said pause really highlighted how small all these acts feel. Buddy Murphy vs. R-Truth had good energy for a quick match and Truth with the 24/7 Title remains a good bit, but it’s not taking us anywhere. Seth Rollins vs. Erick Rowan in a Falls Count Anywhere was a big dummy messy match and fun if you haven’t seen the same thing like twelve hundred times. I cracked up at millennial Rollins unable to actually work the forklift, but it’s not taking us anywhere.
Carolina bypassing NXT and making her debut on RAW teaming with Sin Cara vs. Andrade & Zelina Vega was a surprise and Andrade vs. Cara is still, like, good – but is it really taking us anywhere??
Are Charlotte Flair & Natalya one of the worst ever babyface teams WWE has put together? WHY WOULDN’T YOU GIVE THE IICONICS A MIC?
Also at this point shut up and wrestle, Aleister Black.
The tag team division has encouraging things going on, but does it really? Beyond the Raiders, AOP‘s shit talk remains impressive and The Street Profits got an in-ring promo complete with a crowd entrance that is definitely going to be way over in a couple months. The O.C. as the best ever Welcoming Committee for RAW is not what I expected, but it led to a fun AJ Styles vs. Humberto Carrillo match and a fun save of Carrillo by the Profits.
The show-closer angle was… Divorce Court with Rusev, Lana and eventually Bobby Lashley because duh. Because people like this. PEOPLE LOVE THIS, DAMNIT. It doesn’t matter if it’s interesting, as long as it’s about SEXXXXXX. Rusev is putting in a tremendous performance and him taking the ring off and punching Lashley repeatedly was a fine end, but man was this a terrible journey… just a tone-deaf worst possible example of sports entertainment.
BOOOOOO
NXT (10/30/19)
I dunno. Everything is pretty good – BUT IS IT??
I should add GIF’s to this thing.
The intro with the live band was different but one of those Triple H/WWE things where it’s trying too hard to be cool. I do appreciate that they’re really holding to this no backstage segment business. Really helps everybody not look like a goof.
The follow-up to the Finn Balor turn was either the start of a slow story and a big stinking turd. It wasn’t quite Ambrose level but just a flat promo, especially the shooty stuff about wearing a mask, like he was some trained soldier on RAW and SmackDown and now he’s coming to this show to be himself and his boss here is… Triple H!?
Io Shirai vs. Candice LeRae was a hekuva wrestling match, which became a theme throughout the night. They went right at it and didn’t let up, like they’re being told to go balls to the wall but also make sure to play to the hard cam and whatnot. Candice had insane hangtime when Io countered her neckbreaker off the top. Loved a headscissors being used as a dramatic possible submission too.
Bronson Reed vs. Shane Thorne was an absolute BATTLE, and wrestling needs more battles. I’m finding Reed works like this a lot. Loved Thorne setting up a Frankensteiner and Reed just pushing his ass off the top rope. Shorne was game; Reed might be very good.
The Kabuki Warriors vs. Dakota Kai & Tegan Nox rocked, going a couple commercial breaks with a long heat segment and keeping things cooking throughout. The majority of the match was Kai’s poor knee getting worked over after a nasty dragon screw on the ropes, and in 2019 making a tag beatdown not feel like a chore is a special kind of wrestling. Kai sold like both a sympathetic babyface and a lady ready to fuck somebody up, while Asuka and Kairi were just MEAN. The mist finish felt like a cop out after such a long build, but this ruled. I missed NXT Asuka and Kairi Sane.
Shayna Baszler, Rhea Ripley, Bianca Belair and everybody else running out and fighting leading to William Regal announcement of WAAAAAR GAAAAMMESSS really highlighted what a tremendous division of women NXT has. Hyped for this match, even if WWE’s WarGames storylines always feel telegraphed and last second.
Tyler Bate vs. Cameron Grimes was a… HECKUVA MATCH, one that might be talked about more if it wasn’t among the rest on this show. Grimes running the ropes forever was great, as was the speed on Bate’s rana – that was some 2004 Dragon Kid stuff. These guys went at it and killed it, like they’re being told to go balls to the wall but also make sure to play to the hard cam and whatnot.
Angel Garza vignette means HECTOR GARZA footage, baby! Yes!
Kyle O’Reilly & Bobby Fish vs. Matt Riddle & Keith Lee was the main event, and Riddle/Lee is a hell of a heavyweight pair. This was the Keith Lee Show, with O’Reilly and Fish bumping like ping pong balls around the ring for him. The double drop-down and double crossbody spot at he start was a hell of a way to set the tone. Fish and Riddle trading shots also ruled. They might’ve gone a few minutes too long but it was another HECKUVA MATCH.
A beatdown by The Undisputed Era post-match sets up… War… Games?
MAIN EVENT (10/30/19)
I didn’t expect to watch Akira Tozawa vs. Shelton Benjamin this week, but I’m glad I did. Main Event is where careers go to take a break, but god damn if they didn’t go big on a powerbomb here. Ryder/Hawkins vs. Mojo/Young appeared to be, more than anything, the last match of these gentleman’s innocence before they headed to Saudi Arabia.
NXT UK 67 (10/31/19)
These guys did a 3 Weeks Ago recap for the opening match and 3 weeks really feels like decades in today’s wrestling, especially NXT UK.
Rhea Ripley & Piper Niven vs. Jinny & Jazzy Gabert was that opening match, which seemed to be Rhea’s send-off too. They thankfully kept the heat segment short and stuck to Rhea and Piper messing with Jinny as Jazzy scowled in the corner, which is a fine use of everybody. The Rhea somersault plancha to setup the Piper Driver finish was wild too.
A-Kid‘s debut vs. Kassius Ohno showed me that A-Kid can do all the stuff – Euro matwork, Lucha armdrags, springboards, cross armbreakers. Ohno’s shot to the throat to take over on offense was sweet, and then the poor guy got counted out. Kassius just can’t catch a break! Him vs. Tyler Bate could presumably be good.
BIG WAVY ROY JOHNSON HAS RETURNED TO NXT UK, and to be honest it was pretty incredible to see Johnson, gone from WWE TV for nearly 3 years, completely re-invented, while his opponent and the guy they fed him to Joseph Conners has remained the exact same.
Kay Lee Ray can string sentences together just fine, I just don’t think we needed a long in-ring promo to move her feuds along.
Great, Joe Coffey‘s back. Wait, where has he been?
The Jordan Devlin vs. Bomber Dave Mastiff feud was paint-by-numbers but the match was good. Devlin works like such a little shit – he goes right after Bomber pre-bell, runs away, aggressively hooks his arm in all kinds of submissions and gives a great “OOH NOOOO” face when Bomber deadlifts out of one. I’m not sure why he’d try his backdrop finish on the big fella though, but the one off the top made sense and was a fine finish to the match.
Not sure what to make of Alexander Wolfe‘s recruitment of Ilja Dragunov yet. Feels like the other Imperium guys just missed a taping.
SMACKDOWN (11/1/19)
November began with one of those classic WWE shows where, out of some combination of a major fuck-up / stubbornness / irresponsibility, they have to switch everything up and by proxy have their best show in months.
This will forever be known as the show where most of the WWE cast and crew got stuck in Saudi Arabia after the Crown Jewel PPV, so WWE hastily brought a bunch of NXT guys over and built the show around them.
The timing worked out well, considering it was announced the day before that Survior Series would be RAW vs. SmackDown vs. NXT. I don’t know if the plan was to wait until Monday to really kick things off, I don’t know if the plan was to even do an invasion angle this year, but it created a fun two hours of wrestling TV.
That two hours started with Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar showing the whole stupid Cain Velasquez match in full then announcing Brock was quitting SmackDown to go to RAW so he can get a piece of… Rey Mysterio. It was shocking how low stakes all of this felt. Brock remains a name, but the act feels ice cold.
The wrestling started nice enough with Bayley vs. Nikki Cross for the SmackDown Women’s Title, which was solid with a good Cross comeback and great elbow drop near fall, but in retrospect felt a little holding pattern – like, OK, everybody is stuck – what are you guys going to do??
And then the NXT Invasion started.
Triple H and Shawn Michaels were seen lurking backstage before Bayley/Cross, a notable but not unsurprising bit of business.
Then Shayna Baszler ran-in and laid out Bayley.
Then poor Aiden English got pulled off commentary for NXT Kickoff Guy Pat McAfee, who did good.
Then Matt Riddle and Keith Lee confronted Sami Zayn backstage, and they listened to him go on about oil-based dressing before they took him into the ring and laid him out. Riddle selling his 1/2 miss on the flip flop spot and Lee sitting down after the moonsault were very nice character moments for these two new faces. Loved seeing these guys on the big shoooow.
Then Tommaso Ciampa interrupted The Miz and they had a little promo-off and match. Kudos to Ciampa (who’s Tron looks like CIARNPA) for looking real jacked, baby. And kudos to The Miz for not just going all in on the promo – “If I was acting [like a pro wrestler] for 15 years, then I deserve a frickin’ Oscar!” – but laying down clean as a sheet for Tommaso. I can’t say these guys had any chemistry in-ring but the chops ruled and the finish came off well.
Then Daniel Bryan confronted Triple H and HBK, which led to 1) Bryan challenging Triple H, 2) Triple H saying he had someone else in mind as HBK took off his jacket only to say he was cold, and 3) Adam Cole showing up, which setup a Bryan/Cole NXT Title match for the main event. I don’t know if Bryan vs. HBK is ever actually happening but I really hope it does.
Then Bianca Belair showed up and beat up Carmella & Dana Brooke backstage before their scheduled match. She press slammed Carmella over some boxes and shouted “E-S-T” and it was awesome.
Then Rhea Ripley & Tegan Nox entered to replace them vs. Fire & Desire, and Ripley/Nox is an odd duo considering Dakota Kai was backstage, but not so odd considering they’ll be teaming at WarGames Ripley is The Guy. That submission finish on Mandy was awesome.
Daniel Bryan vs. Adam Cole for the NXT Title was good for a lot of reasons, mainly being a first time match and these two having a great dynamic both character-wise and in-ring. But more than anything I liked it because it was the first long Bryan match in forever. 97% of WWE matches that go to commercial return in a hold, but this commercial break returned to a struggle over a BACKSLIDE! They busted out stuff you don’t normally see here either, including delivering on the suplex over the top rope to the floor and Bryan’s SPIDER GERMAN SUPLEX. Bryan was just hooking limbs and kicking Cole around like he legitimately didn’t like him too.
The American Dragon went down clean because he is a pro, and then Triple H gloated with his roster of hope him.
205 LIVE (11/1/19)
I just do not understand why anyone would do Isaiah “Swerve” Scott vs. Ariya Daivari for 15 minutes to kick off a show, especially after that hot long Bryan/Cole action. And even more especially if Daivari’s gonna hang around on the ropes like an idiot waiting for Swerve’s double stomp.
Jack Gallagher got a squash, good for him. Wonder where his head’s at.
Lio Rush vs. Raul Mendoza for the Cruiserweight Title was really good – I respect Mendoza, love his babyface enhancement matches on NXT, but I did not expect him working heel to go over this well. He worked as a big guy, including the best possible End of Days variation where he turned it into a suplex at the end. It was another cold match thrown out there to prop up a restless crowd, and though it went a while they got them there. Rush just pops off the screen and the crowd was digging him.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Daniel Bryan vs. Adam Cole from SmackDown
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Rhea Ripley
Ugh.
RAW: 2/10
NXT: 6/10
NXT UK: 4/10
SmackDown: 9/10
205 Live: 4/10
