Gorilla Monsoon and Ken Resnick are on commentary for what is the second-to-last of the Boston Garden shows on the WWE Network (so far).
1. S.D. Jones vs. Iron Mike Sharpe
Iron Mike Sharpe starts this show like any good show should start, shouting at the ring announcer, “I’m Canada’s greatest athlete, don’t you know that? What’s the matter with you?!” This is no mere one-note joke – it is a tradition. S.D. Jones, nearly two years removed from his decimation at the hands of King Kong Bundy at WrestleMania, is getting a lot more ballsy with his choices of jacket color. He also has two facial expressions: I’m fired up, or I’m tired of this shit. The match is, say it with me: An Opener. Sharpe does his shtick and gets caught in the ropes, argues with the referee, and gets caught with a backslide for 3. **
2. The Rougeau Brothers vs. The U.S. Express
Dan Spivey is back from his knee injury and so is The New U.S. Express. WWF liked throwing these babyface vs. babyface matches out there and selling them as scientific matches, which resulted in crowds that ranged from silent to unruly. This one was more silent, which Gorilla and Ken hypothesized could’ve been because the fans were not sure who to cheer for. These fellows have a technically sound match that isn’t terrible but isn’t, like, good. Ray does a rolling short-arm scissors that Gorilla digs. Tensions rise, though not enough to get any interesting. Jacques saves his brother from a Rotundo sleeper, Spivey saves his partner from a sunset flip, and an eventual melee leads to a double DQ. WORDS are had afterwards. So many words. **1/4
3. Pedro Morales vs. Harley Race
This probably would’ve been a pretty major deal in the 1970s, but here it is as maybe the third or fourth featured match on a Boston Garden card. My favorite part of this was the referee holding up Harley’s crown before the match like it was a championship belt. Most of the match is Harley working over Pedro and boy I will tell you it is gritty, it is straight-up, and it is SLOW. Harley does some arrogantly weak covers after a falling headbutt and piledriver that Gorilla calls out, then Pedro comes back with an inside cradle for a decent near fall and a big (for 1986 Harley) back body drop. Pedro argues with the referee over a count, so Harley takes advantage and rolls him up for 3. He demands his crown afterwards. **1/4
4. “The Rebel” Dick Slater vs. Steve Lombardi
Slater never got it going in the WWF, and a match opposite a yet-to-find-himself Lombardi wasn’t going to do it. Double underhook suplex = 3. *
5. The Karate Kid & Pepe Gomez vs. Lord Littlebrook & Little Tokyo
This, if the names did not tip you off, is a midget match, and everyone here is in their little gimmick: Pepe’s poncho and gunslinger shirt, Karate Kid’s gi, Tokyo’s Japanese robe, and Littlebrook’s… polka dot bandana and flashy sunglasses!? I will tell you this: Tokyo giving a sunset flip off the second rope to the referee and Pepe counting the 3 and then Tokyo celebrating with Littlebrook legitimately popped me. Otherwise, there was some ass-biting.
The finish is a special kind of mess: Tokyo does an airplane spin, drops Pepe, Karate Kid dropkicks Tokyo and he lands on Pepe, the referee counts 2, both partners run-in, Littlebrook falls, the referee stops the count, everybody looks around awkwardly, and Karate Kid stomps on Tokyo as the ref restarts the count and goes to 3. 1/4* for that sunset flip.
6. Junkyard Dog vs. Adrian Adonis
Junkyard Dog has been missing from the WWE Network for a bit, though he seemed to still be keeping a regular schedule. He’s a lot trimmer, while Adonis’ body is as mortifying as ever. Adorable is still bumping like a nut though, running into a JYD shoulderblock and spinning himself into the floor, or getting whipped into the corner and ending up with his arms tied up in the ropes sitting on the apron. Adonis gets in a little offense before they quickly pivot to the floor, then the apron where Adonis runs at JYD and hits the turnbuckle, falling down and getting counted out. **
7. Blackjack Mulligan vs. Jimmy Jack Funk
Dubbed-in hillbilly music cues up and I was anticipating the return of ol’ Hillbilly Jim, but here comes Blackjack freaking Mulligan making his return to the Boston Garden. This man, king of the short run, kept this one going until Mania 3 and here he shows up fully gimmicked up with cowboy boots and spurs, blue jeans, an American flag bandana in his back pocket, Mulligan family glove, and a long-sleeved red shirt that looks like it’s the inspiration for the Firefly Fun House. He takes off the spurs after protest from Jack, and we’re off to the match.
I can’t say it’s good, though a close-up of Resnick checking out the spurs shows one of the old house show card rundowns and it got me nostalgic. Blackjack is basically treated like Hogan – Funk tries a bodyslam, he refuses, then hits a gorilla press slam. Funk gets to work a chinlock, and Blackjack does the most half-hearted escape before they do a rough back body drop that someone had to really work to make happen. Blackjack eventually hits his flying(ish) back elbow and wins, then runs Funk off after the match. A rare (for WWF) ringside interview occurs after and I swear lasts like 5 legitimate minutes, real weird stuff. He says here’s here with the same wagon his great great daddy fertilized half of Texas with. Alright. *1/2
8. The Islanders vs. The Dream Team w/ “Luscious” Johnny Valiant
This just wills itself into being good – there’s no big surprises and it goes long but for a 20-minute draw they keep this thing working. Haku vs. Hammer early is neat, then Tama gets worked over for a long time. A LONG time. But Dream Team are a good mix of mean and douchey while The Islanders are new and likable enough, so it holds. There’s a nice moment where Beefcake holds Tama up just taunting Haku, which results in a tag that the ref doesn’t see. Valentine does a suplex that Gorilla says wasn’t executed very well. A Tama small package gets the crowd REAL excited, and the eventual hot tag is absolutely RAUCOUS.
Haku isn’t flying around or anything but this man is kicking ass for YOU. Beefcake desperately calling for a timeout is good shit, I tell ya. Tama hits a crossbody off the top but the bell rings for a draw. Not a classic, but respect for this being so solid for so long and not feeling like a 20-minute match at all. Tama screams for 5 more minutes, but the Dream Team skulks off, the cowards. Then they come back and do another long ringside interview. ***3/4
9. Corporal Kirchner vs. Dino Bravo w/ “Luscious” Johnny Valiant
Dino Bravo, an official member of the WWF roster again and managed by Johnny V, attacks Kirchner from behind and performs a whole lot of power moves, including a sidewalk slam where the camera shakes. Kirchner at one point gives Bravo a Samoan drop so close to the ropes that he’s practically on the apron. Johnny V distracts Corp, knee to the back, and the referee does an ultra-fast 3-count that Gorilla and Resnick are just astounded by. *1/2
10. WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] vs. Kamala w/ The Wizard and Kim Chee
This is so good. The Kamala music and attire. The crowd’s awed reaction. Prime Hulkamania Hogan. Kamala is all weird and scary and he does a hesitant leapfrog and FALLS INTO THE ROPES. Hogan tries a bodyslam and fails, then tries to knock Kamala down which results in a wonderful wobbling performance from Kamala. Kamala then gets handed a god damn ANIMAL TOOTH to stab Hogan with and the BLOOD FLOWS, baby. He smacks, he bites, he… GOES UP TOP, which creates a legitimately incredible image of Hogan crawling away, face covered in blood, from this freak of nature.
A Kamala splash gets a near fall, before Hogan starts the comeback and this one’s extra special. Kamala gives a great “WHAAA?” sell as a Hogan pulsates with the fire of a bloodied man surrounded by his Boston Hulkamaniacs. He does the big boot, slaps his belly, gets to hit the bodyslam, and wins with the legdrop. Bloody Hogan Pose is one for the scrapbook. ****
Not great, but Islanders/Dream Team and Hogan/Kamala are worth checking out. 6/10
