Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary, a strong pairing if there ever was one.
1. Tito Santana vs. Cowboy Bob Orton
After being key parts of the roster for a while – and being very good at it – the injection of talent into the WWF’s midcard over the last year meant these two had to take a backseat. Here you’ve got big selling, big armdrags, long holds. Such long holds. Classic stuff here and there, but this match is one half-hour. A legitimate, half-hour, wrestling draw. Gorilla and Hayes dicking around is a treasure, Bob doing flying headscissors and Tito throwing punches is a treat, but an incredibly long chinlock 20 minutes in is partially ballsy and partially a war crime. Some of the work here is impressive but it’s a match of another time, one only an archivist would find an interest in – anyone else might just watch it and give up on professional wrestling altogether. **3/4
2. Leaping Lanny Poffo vs. Mr. X
Leaping Lanny doing holds, Leaping Lanny doing holds, Leaping Lanny doing holds… BOOM Mr. X freaks everybody out with a springboard splash. Lanny drops a nasty somersault senton to win it too. This is trash, but hooo boy does it have a couple highlights! *
3. Dick “The Rebel” Slater vs. “The Duke of Dorchester” Pete Doherty
Babyface Dick Slater is making his Boston Garden debut and babyface Dick Slater is rocking a Confederate flag. The viewer is told that this guy is a real rough n tumble feller. The Duke of Dorchester is always a blast – the most loud-mouthed sloppy bastard that is real good at getting beat up. He does also throw a clothesline here that looks so bad, Monsoon has to comment: “Well there wasn’t a whole lot behind THAT clothesline.” An elbow smash off the top CONNECTS from Dick Slater, the babyface, The Confederate flag-sporting Rebel, and gets the 3 count. “You can bet we’re gonna see a lot more of Dick “The Rebel” Slater here in the World Wrestling Federation!” A lot was about 8 months. I love The Duke but this was a stupid match. DUD
4. The Hart Foundation vs. Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff w/ Slick
This is SLICK’s first appearance on the WWE Network, or as he is announced: The World-Renowned Doctor of Style, Slick. The Hart Foundation is working babyface, which I do not quite follow. This is a fine 10-minute tag team match, because of course Bret makes for a perfectly proficient babyface and gets over. It’s also got Sheik booting Volkoff in the face by mistake and Volkoff doing an all-time great bumbling sell on the floor, just absolute art that has to be seen. Neidhart throws TWO dropkicks when he gets the tag, which pops commentary. He then gets tripped by Volkoff on a bodyslam and Sheik steals the 3. ***
5. Cowboy Lang vs. Lord Littlebrook
Welcome to your Special Midget Attraction, which features Lord Alfred Hayes immediately talking shit and saying Manchester, England is the incorrect hometown for Lord Littlebrook, and that it’s actually a small town north of London. Gorilla recalls a tale about infamous midget wrestler Frenchy Lamont, saying Frenchy once walked under Gorilla’s 430-pound frame’s legs and put him up on his shoulders and put him down….. then had a heart attack and died. He kids, he kids! But that’s what this match is about: the banter. The sweet, wonderful banter. Because there’s not much else going on. There’s some ass-shaking and kidding around with the ref and ass biting. A inexplicable Kobashi rolling cradle ends it. DUD
6. Tony Atlas vs. Ted Arcidi
All-time hilariously horrible match, with all-time great banter from Gorilla and Lord Alfred. We’ve got long tests of strengths that the crowd turns on, a shit clothesline from Ted, and a bodyslam here and there. They sure take their time and it is not for the best, though it brings into the world this: “They’re approaching each other as if they’re at death’s door, Alfred.” Arcidi calls for a bearhug to audible groans, and Gorilla has to mention that he’s not just getting boos but getting them from his hometown. “Yes, for his uh, lackluster performance,” says Alfred. “You’re being very liberal when you say that, Alfred,” replies Gorilla. Arcidi takes the worst most obvious bump to the floor as they spill to the outside during the bearhug, and it’s a DOUBLE COUNTOUT. I never use negative strars but wow. -**
7. Ricky Steamboat vs. Jake Roberts
Incredible match that at nearly 20 minutes gets way more time than their more well-known Snake Pit match at The Big Event a few weeks later. I’m going full pretentious here, but this match is an example of just how brilliant Ricky Steamboat and Jake Roberts were as wrestlers. It has a common structure – Steamboat gets in some stuff, gets worked over, makes a comeback – but how they play those notes is just brilliant.
The early portion is worked around Ricky firing off shots and Jake does these well-timed forearm blocks, then takes time to raise his arms or smile or point to his head after every one as if he’s Mr. Smarty Pants, before he gets his ass chopped. There is also a super fast rope run sequence with Jake grasping onto the ropes at the end and bailing. Everything is timed so well and the crowd hangs on everything and it’s brilliant.
Jake doesn’t walk around the ring, he lurks. He’s both cautious and untrustworthy as he uses one arm to hold onto the middle rope as he prepares to lock-up. Brilliant.
Ricky fires up but chops a post, and Jake goes to work. Steamboat’s selling is always premium – gasping for air, big movements for everybody to see, etc. More importantly it’s just fun to watch. It’s also brilliant.
Ricky keeps trying stuff but Jake keeps cutting him off at all the right times. Brilliant.
Jake removes his wrist tape and smiles as Ricky lies gasping for breath on the apron. The referee takes it away, Jake protests, Ricky uses the distraction to mount a comeback. Brilliant.
The Steamboat Comeback is, as always, brilliant. He uses only his right hand (did I mention Jake worked the left hand after that post chop for a bit?) as he whoops ass to hoots and hollers. Why did the spot where a babyface just straight-up slams a heel’s face into the mat go away? Brilliant.
Jake desperately pushes Ricky into the ref which takes out the ref, then tries to finish Ricky off before Ricky cradles him just in time for the referee to recover for a 3-count.
I think you know my thoughts. ****3/4
Jake DDT’s Ricky afterwards because duh.
8. Hulk Hogan & George “The Animal” Steele vs. Macho Man Randy Savage & Adrian Adonis w/ Elizabeth
This is an absolute wonderful bunch of stupid wrestling, an epic post-TV dark match main event type of thing with a bunch of fooling around and nobody really doing much but the crowd firmly enjoying themselves. Steele rips his shirt like Hulk, Hulk bites the turnbuckle from Steele. Hulk calls out Adrian with a limp wrist taunt and it is both exciting because the crowd is so hyped up and also uncomfortable. One thing I really liked here is Adrian splashes Steele off the top rope early on for a close near fall, then later tries the same on Hulk and misses – it’s freakin’ economical. Steele’s best days were behind him and he can’t even do a proper corner bump, but damnit if he doesn’t try. The heels slip up and a legdrop finishes Adrian. Steele posing with Hogan afterwards is awesome. ***1/4
Gorilla closes the show by recalling “Hogan and his partner” being victorious, while Lord Alfred calls the Steamboat/Roberts match one of the best of 1986.
The bad was bad but the good was great. The Steamboat/Roberts classic makes this show a win, but that alone is the only thing worth seeking out unless you’re really into seeing George Steele team up with Hulk Hogan. Also, Atlas vs. Arcidi might be worth seeing for curiosity/sadism sake. 7/10
