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Happy Thoughts – WWE Fastlane 2019 (3/10/19)

The thing I most liked about this show, besides it being a fun night of wrestling, was that almost everybody on it got put in a position to succeed. Every match, win or loss, did something positive for most of the participants. Shane & Miz setup their Mania program while Usos had another banger, Mandy proved she could go in a singles match while Asuka stayed champ, Revival kept their tag titles while Black & Ricochet got all their shit in, Kofi got some steam on him while The Bar got a spot on the show, Rey & Andrade went balls out while Joe stayed champ, Sasha & Bayley remained champs while Nia Jax sets up a Mania program with Beth Phoenix… are we sensing a theme here???

This is usually how wrestling should work but it usually does not.

Even the Kickoff Show was decent, with less Jonathan Coachman banter and more promos from a bunch of folks – The IIconics, EC3, and Sonya Deville all got some time on the mic that they normally don’t, while from a single backstage interaction with Kevin Owens, New Day felt like the most over guys on the show. Plus, Christian was there! Captain Charisma!

0. The New Day (Big E & Xavier Woods) w/ Kofi Kingston vs. Shinsuke Nakamura & Rusev w/ Lana
This might’ve had a random setup, but good tag wrestling is good tag wrestling – a solid beatdown + hot finish with great near falls is better than most wrestling there is. New Day was over too – that crowd was completely in on Woods when he hit that missile dropkick to make his comeback, let me tell you. The double catch of a Woods somersault plancha is always a winner, and Nakamura teeing off with Big E was good stuff. Ideal opening match. ***1/4

1. SmackDown Tag Team Title: The Usos [c] vs. Shane McMahon & The Miz
Nobody needed Shane McMahon gasping for breath stuck in a chinlock, but this was really good. It was an Usos banger with two slightly unathletic guys, but Miz’ half-speed springboard axe handle or clumsy plancha were charming more than things that actively took away from the match. It was a lot like George Mizanin not even mustering an attempt at acting concerned while his son got viciously assaulted by Vince McMahon’s kid – I can’t hate, sometimes wrestling is better when it’s hilarious. The Miz as hometown babyface was adorable, the near falls were exciting, and the Coast-to-Coast collision spot was a classic. ***1/2

The Shane turn was a classic example of the predictable thing being the right thing. That got me.

2. SmackDown Women’s Title: Asuka [c] vs. Mandy Rose w/ Sonya Deville
Not some in-ring classic but it was nice to see Asuka get some time to play with this young lion, who has proven again and again she’s capable. Finish with Mandy tripping on the ring apron Sonya put up to get a… kendo stick was silly. **

3. Handicap Match: Kofi Kingston vs. The Bar
What a tremendous piece of business this was. Kofi gets told the McMahahon Family wants to meet with him about the WWE Title on the Kickoff Show, his friends see he’s just been waiting outside their office for an hour and barge in with him over the disrespect, his friends plea with Vince McMahon to just give Kofi a shot, Vince agrees and sends him out there, there’s jubilation in the air as Kofi enters, then confusion as ring announcer Greg Hamilton is informed of some news, and finally the rug is ripped out from under everybody as The Bar enters for a Handicap Match.

It was a fine angle of a match too – the pop for Big E and Xavier running out only to get blindsided by Nakamura and Rusev was great heat. They are nailing this – New Day’s bodies scattered and laid out was an incredible visual. They just want respect for 11 years of work!! 11 years!

4. Triple Threat Tag Team Match – RAW Tag Team Title: The Revival [c] vs. Bobby Roode & Chad Gable vs. Aleister Black & Ricochet
Sometimes it’s cool to just have a bunch of fun wrestlers do a bunch of cool stuff together. This was the first of three multi-man matches on the show, and there is rarely some deep story in these things but when you’ve got some sweet-ass wrestlers doing sweet-ass wrestling that’s all timed well and strung together well and gets progressively crazier and crazier, it can not just work but be as good as any storytelling classic. It can also fail spectacularly or feel empty. But not these three.

This was wild. Ricochet and Black both add another level to everything. Black’s seamless combination of backflips and crazy strikes is phenomenal, while Ricochet did everything from sell like a pro to a tope over the top turnbuckle that flipped everybody out. There were some wild strings of insanity too, highlighted by the ducked spin kick to Chaos Theory to Superfly Splash to Shooting Star Press. About a minute later Dawson took a rana to the floor that was such a beautiful scary mess. Great near falls and Shatter Machine too. ***3/4

I swear, Carmella could just mumble the lines she does in the R-Truth song and it wouldn’t make a difference.

5. Fatal 4-Way Match – WWE U.S. Title: Samoa Joe [c] vs. Rey Mysterio vs. R-Truth w/ Carmella vs. Andrade w/ Zelina Vega
Everybody just let loose here and it was peak wrestling. So much crazy stuff: Joe’s big tope that crushed Rey and Andrade, the double Rey rana on Truth and Andrade, Joe taking a tornado DDT from Rey on his head, the Rey doomsday rana off of Truth’s shoulders, Andrade doing a springboard corkscrew plancha and then a second later catching a rana from the top rope like a god damn all-time great professional wrestler. And it all just flowed so beautifully, one crazy thing seamlessly transitioning into the next one. Plus Carmella and Zelina brawled in the middle. And Joe just grabbing Rey by his pants and dragging him into the choke was amazing. ****

6. WWE Women’s Tag Team Title: Sasha Banks & Bayley [c] vs. Nia Jax & Tamina
A solid formula tag with a feel-good finish. Angle after the match with Beth Phoenix was a winner. ***

This whole Babyfaces Replacing Kofi Kingston thing is being done with a shocking amount of nuance. Kevin Owens, apparently now a good guy, and Mustafa Ali as replacements for clear fan favorite Kofi is a tough spot, but care is being taken so they aren’t just outright rejected. I dug Corey putting over here how Ali would be cheered any other tonight, but not tonight, which he then used to push as Ali being up against even more odds. Everybody is coming out better during this.

7. Triple Threat Match – WWE Title: Daniel Bryan [c] vs. Kevin Owens vs. Mustafa Ali
This went from everybody going hard over WE WANT KOFI chants to everybody going hard over insane crowd heat because it didn’t matter Kofi wasn’t there anymore. It was also one of the damndest WWE Title matches you will ever see, with all kinds of insanity, mostly from Mustafa Ali. This guy took a bump where he went flying off the top rope into the barricade on the floor, followed a poison rana up with a Spanish fly, and did a 450 splash on the apron. There was also a sequence where he got pushed off the top rope, did a backflip to the floor, ducked a diving knee, hopped to the apron and did a tornado DDT to the floor, then took an apron powerbomb. I mean WOW!! He did all this cool stuff around Daniel Bryan and Kevin Owens being Very Good World-Traveled Professional Wrestlers. Bryan countering an Ali springboard into a Knee+ at the end was incredible too, with Ali just exploding on impact. Also, personal preference, but Owens and Bryan starting off a WWE Title match with Owens bending Bryan’s pinky and Bryan going AHHH – bliss. ****

Dug the Elias bits throughout the show, and they even got AJ Styles and Randy Orton some airtime.

8. If Becky Wins, She is Added to the RAW Women’s Title Match at WrestleMania: Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair
This was a match all about a couple of gals that are over – they didn’t do much, it was mostly Charlotte working a leg, but they made it all dramatic and intense anyways. And then Ronda ran-in. Another fine angle of a wrestling match.

9. The Shield (Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose) vs. Drew McIntyre, Bobby Lashley & Baron Corbin
One part great hot 20+ minute 6-man, one part tribute to an amazing faction playing their greatest hits. I was all about this. You had the crowd entrance complete with Rollins slingshotting over the barricade, Rollins selling, Dean selling, crowd brawling, a big Rollins dive, hot Roman sequences around his signature spots, the mauling attack, the “surround the ring” spot, and a big-ass spear – and it was all done in front of a raucous bunch of wrestling fans who were very much enjoying themselves. ****

This show ruled. It had some good matches, but it also had a lot of in-the-moment changes that actually made everything better: Kofi in WWE Title match then out, Rey and Andrade being added to a new U.S. Title 4-Way Match, Kofi in a Handicap Match with The Bar, Mustafa Ali added to the WWE Title match… it felt like TV but in a good way. What’s that word that Stone Cold likes? Organic. 10/10