Gorilla Monsoon hosts and says Captain Lou Albano is most influential figure in professional wrestling.
Where’s the lie?
1. Lou Albano vs. Tony Angelo (1960s)
TONY ANGELO! Is very fat. And so is Captain Lou, though in the 1960s he was not quite as rotund as he’d become. Regardless, the ROLLS in this match are overwhelming. This is JIP and real brief. Angelo does this great spot where he jabs Albano’s gut in the corner repeatedly and just seems so pleased with himself. Albano bleeds but wins when Angelo misses a knee in the corner.
2. Lou Albano vs. Rick Martel (JIP; 6/20/81)
By this time Albano had longer hair and a longer beard and is just full-on dirty heel: he throws Martel outside, slams him into the buckle on the apron, and hides a foreign object. Martel is just this incredible babyface wrestler who is selling BIG – an eye gouge leads to THREE wild swings at nothing by him. Martel chokes Lou with a rope and he bails, though on the voiceover commentary he says, “I think I was runnin’ back there to get a glass of water to recuperate.” Very short match but HEATED.
3. 2/3 Falls Match – WWF World Tag Team Title: Mr. Fuji & Mr. Saito w/ Captain Lou Albano vs. Chief Jay & Jules Strongbow (first fall only; 7/13/82)
This is just the first fall of the match which was 38 god damn seconds. Saito distracts the ref, Fuji throws salt in Jules’ eyes, and Fuji hits a falling headbutt for 3. We get it: Captain Lou was a cheater.
4. 2/3 Falls Match: Lou Albano, Mr. Fuji, Mr. Saito vs. Tony Garea, Rick Martel, & Tony Atlas (clips; 2/20/82)
Monsoon prefaces this match with a Fun Fact: every guy in it is a former WWF Tag Team Champion. Monsoon says Albano was one of the first managers to also wrestle and I don’t think a fact check is necessary. This is clipped at certain points. Kal Rudman is a god damn riot on commentary: “Oh he’s dirty, he’s dirty!” he says of Albano, and later of a dropkick: “In the mouth, in the mouth – he kicked him in the mouth!”
This is real basic stuff that mostly worked – classic Martel and Garea fired up babyface work plus a hilarious hulk-up by Atlas. The bad guys steal the win when Saito comes off the top with a CHOP as Garea has Fuji in abdominal stretch. **
5. No DQ Match – WWF World Tag Team Title: The Wild Samoans [c] w/ Captain Lou Albano vs. Tony Atlas & Rocky Johnson (finish only; 11/15/83)
Most of this match airs on TNT #1, this is just the finish which sees Johnson and Sika taking the stupidest most choreographed bump to setup Albano hitting Afa with a chair by mistake and Atlas getting the win. The crowd goes absolutely NUTS – fist pumping, jumping up and down, all of it.
Captain Lou Albano Interview on Losing the WWF World Tag Team Titles (TNT #1 5/29/84)
There is a lot of Albano on TNT here and with good reason: he was all over the early ones and a real treasure, just a total madman and classic professional wrestler who could take any concept and get 20 minutes out of it.
In this segment, Albano is ranting and raving on another level to avoid complicity in the tag title loss. It is good.
Captain Lou Albano Interview on The Spoiler and Greg Valentine (TNT #14 11/13/84)
In this segment, Albano gets red in the face cutting an INSANE promo on the Spoiler’s claw hold and Greg Valentine taking on any challenger for the IC Title. The whole thing isn’t here, as he eventually goes ahead and sticks a plant down his pants.
Captain Lou Albano and Fabulous Moolah Backstage Interview on Cyndi Lauper and Wendi Richter (Brawl to End It All 7/23/84)
Here lies an epic Albano promo talking up Moolah in advance of the Brawl to End it All match. “She’s been champeen for what is it, 12 years?” “27.” “Alright – I’m sorry, alright – very good!”
6. WWF World Tag Team Title: Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch [c] vs. The Wild Samoans (Guest Referee: Captain Lou Albano) (clipped; 6/16/84)
Captain Lou is playing special guest referee and that gives you kind of what you’d expect. He wears his usual open shirt and shorts get-up with no referee shirt and takes his time to go over the rules and generally makes himself seen. It’s a little lazy to be honest. Adonis and Murdoch meanwhile are bumping all over, as they do. Epic moment late in the match when Murdoch gives the Samoans a noggin knocker and they just LOOK at him.
The crowd is WILD as the Samoans set up the win, but Albano stops at 2, tells Sika to go into the corner, gets grabbed, and calls for the DQ. Big brawl post-match until Adonis & Murdoch escape holding their titles. This was all kind of dumb but had the crowd going crazy. ***
Hearts and Flowers: Captain Lou Albano (TNT #14 11/13/84)
Hearts & Flowers was a TNT segment that had WWF managers answer questions sent in by lovelorn lady wrestling fans, questions that seem written explicitly to crack Vince up. Here Albano is as per usual insane, offering replacements for deodorant and saying he hates fat people. When people complain about scripted promos, it shouldn’t just be because guys can’t be like Stone Cold – it should be because guys can’t be like Lou Albano.
Captain Lou Albano Interview on Teaching Cyndi Lauper Etiquette (TNT #4 7/3/84)
This is all about the shot of Vince’s disgusted face as Lou talks about spitting out food.
Piper’s Pit w/ Captain Lou Albano (TNT #4 7/3/84)
Just two GOAT’s doing their thing. This is either clipped or two separate Pit’s – in the first clip Albano sucks up to Piper, in the second he’s taking credit for Lauper’s magazine spreads, taking her to #1, and making her SEXY.
Piper’s Pit w/ Cyndi Lauper; Lauper attacks Albano and Piper (TNT #4 7/3/84)
This is excellent. Lauper was an ideal guest star – she sold everything really well and was a legitimately great promo. The way she moves from smiling and “you’re just joking, right Lou?” to disappointment and “I don’t like that” as Albano continues to rant is awesome. Then she gets pissed and hammers them with her bag before David Wolff runs out and breaks it up. Crowd is going NUTS.
Captain Lou Albano Interview on Cyndi Lauper (TNT #4 7/3/84)
“I made you a lady! Got it Lauper? Got it Lauper?”
Captain Lou Albano and Rowdy Roddy Piper Studio Interview on Cyndi Lauper’s Award (12/4/84)
Quick interview where Vince informs Piper and Albano about Cyndi Lauper being honored with an award and Piper is calling her a broad and Albano is like nawww man, nawww man. Albano would eventually see the light as he raised money with Lauper for their MS charity, and really see the light when Piper pushed Lauper down during the award ceremony at MSG.
Captain Lou Albano Interview Rowdy Roddy Piper interrupting Cyndi Lauper’s Award Ceremony (TNT #18 1/4/85)
And just like that, Albano is wearing not Hawaiian shirts and shorts but a tuxedo. Here he is going over his rift with Piper, praising Lauper, and talking up their MS charity. Now that Lou was face, the rambling promos and cowardice were replaced with rambling promos and alcoholic uncle-ness. They cut his incredible plea to Hulk Hogan to avenge Cyndi Lauper, but what’s here is still fun.
Rowdy Roddy Piper Interview on Cyndi Lauper and the MS Charity; Captain Lou Albano Confronts Piper (TNT #18 1/4/85)
Should note that the full Piper interview is epic and includes Piper asking about Vince’s son and bringing up masturbation. Regardless, this is here for Albano confronting Piper, which is a fun little deal but they cut Piper punching Albano here. Regardless, ya still get Piper telling Albano to “put your fluffy little butt right there.”
Lou Albano Interview with Gorilla Monsoon for Coliseum Home Video
This is a little bonus footage with Gorilla Monsoon interviewing Albano in the WWF Control Room. Lou is asked the origin of name Captain, the hottest and coldest place he’s ever been to, the origins of the friends he brings up in his promos, and asked about meeting Cyndi Lauper, his face turn, and MS. Such a pro.
Albano asks to manage Gorilla Monsoon for a comeback and he offers this gem: “I want to have the dubious distinction of being the only professional wrestler that stayed retired.””
Captain Lou Albano Interview Dressed as a Pumpkin (TNT #55 10/25/85)
Captain Lou is showing up on TNT in a pumpkin costume and he gives no fucks. Everyone on-set seems to be having a blast. “Get a load of them calves… check them numbers, baby. Verticals, veins, everything.”
Tito Santana Visits Chef Captain Lou Albano (TNT #55 10/25/85)
This is generally pretty stupid but Tito Santana’s reaction to his sandwich is incredible: “What the heck is this… somebody took a bite out of my sandwich.”
Captain Lou Albano Carves Pumpkins (TNT #55 10/25/85)
Captain Lou is carving pumpkins on the TNT set and telling his creepy dad jokes. It’s OK. Babyface Albano lost a little luster as it went on – still a pro, still great rants, but I preferred him talking up his champions vs. having fun on TNT.
Captain Lou Albano Cooks Italian Food (TNT #52 10/4/85)
This is from a TNT hosted by Rowdy Roddy Piper and Cowboy Bob Orton. He wears a chef outfit and cooks food for them, which they rudely spit out.
7. Lou Albano, Andre the Giant, & Hillbilly Jim vs. Big John Studd, King Kong Bundy, & Bobby Heenan (JIP; MSG 11/25/85)
This is the most basic of matches but it’s a classic group of characters. Like, I get it: there’s going to be a lot of clubbing. But also: it’s KING KONG BUNDY! My GOD! Heenan’s big ass bump into the corner is your highlight
The wrestling ain’t great but the guy is a legend. 7/10
