I take every awful thing I said last week back – WWE done did it again.
Like, week-to-week WWE storytelling sucks. But my word – how far we have come.
5 years ago on RAW – show opened with Big Show beating IC Champ Cody Rhodes in 2 minutes by countout. Dolph over Kofi in their hundredth match in 2 minutes. Kelly Kelly & Layla vs. Maxine & Natalya for a minute. Brodus Clay over Miz in 4 minutes. Marquee matches were Del Rio & Jericho vs. Orton & Sheamus, and freakin’ Daniel Bryan & Lord Tensai vs. CM Punk in a Handicap Match. A year before that they were having a Country Whippin’ Match for gods sake.
Even 2 years ago – we were in the midst of Rusev’s heat getting killed in a crap feud with Cena, Reigns awkwardly climbing to the top of the WWE, the Bella Twins before the Bella Twins were awesome, and Barrett and Sheamus and Ziggler and Neville and Wyatt and Ryback going nowhere. Also, can I say it now – Macho Mandow was stupid as hell.
This was a fun week of WWE TV. Good wrestling, interesting angles, a couple new directions, talented dudes getting pushed – COOL!!!
RAW (5/1/17)
This was good. A RAW where I didn’t want to gouge my eyes out 2 hours and 15 minutes in. Like, I wanted to hurt myself still, but not that bad. Maybe that’s on me.
The ladies got some love, stories mostly made sense, semi-interesting direction and hooks for a lot of the roster, great main event that got 3 feuds over, even Golden Truth got an interesting angle – I know a couple of writers who deserve a beer!
Thirty minutes of the women’s division to start the show wasn’t just pretty cool, it also didn’t feel so forced like it has in the past. I attribute this mostly to Alexa Bliss. This girl is GOLD. What a god damn professional wrestler. Is she going 30 with Sasha? Na. Is she better than maybe anybody in the division outside of maybe Charlotte and maybe Becky at being a professional wrestling person? Ya.
Not 100% into everything about the RAW women’s division, but mean girl Alexa “I won the title and I am going to be a god damn BITCH about it” Bliss as the centerpiece is a good move. 8-woman tag was an OK enough RAW TV match, some solid exchanges around Alicia and Sasha getting beat up and then Bayley getting her run on Alexa. Stone Cold Steve Austin would probably say that Bayley had some good fire. Her bayley-to-BACKDROP SUPLEX was pretty nuts, intentional or not, and loved Alexa raking her eyes and DDTing her right on her head for the win.
I guess Gallows & Anderson and Enzo & Cass are feuding. Sure. I ain’t gonna give a shit until they let Gallows & Anderson loose.
Seth Rollins isn’t the best promo in the world but him actually doing the next logical thing after beating Triple H and Samoa Joe and straight-up challenging Brock Lesnar for the Universal Title is AWESOME. And then they kept all the logic going with Balor (beat Seth for the title and never lost it), Dean (holds the top title on RAW with Brock gone), and Miz (hates Dean, wants title) all getting involved… wrestling has never really required a whole lot of logic but it sure is fun when it’s there. Look at these YOUNG LIONS carrying the show!
By the way, Balor in his leather-jacket and jacked-up abs looks like such a piece of shit – love a lot about him as a face, know The Demon is a money-maker and face gimmick, but I don’t think he locks in until he goes heel.
Tony Nese is boring, but he also does a torture rack, so I dunno. Nese/Dar/Kendrick vs. Tozawa/Swann/Gallagher had some cool shit but was also kinda boring and I don’t think it did a thing to make anybody want to watch 205 Live.
Cesaro & Sheamus as Team No Fear could be pretty sweet. SUNGLASSES! JACKETS! KILTS!!! Not happy that Cesaro is the same boring mic guy as a heel, but maybe we’ll get there. WE ARE THE BAR.
Apollo Crews and Heath Slater had themselves a… I dunno, pretty cold babyface vs. babyface match. Nothing terrible or anything. Titus O’Neil as overbearing black athlete father might just be incredible. It’s a good start at least.
Bray Wyatt interrupting Kurt Angle had me flipping the F out. What a cool little thing there. Wyatt’s still spouting nonsense, but if you want to give the guy some love having this type of promo with Angle is a fun way of doing it.
Austin Aries vs. TJP was really good just felt a little weird 2 and a half hours into Monday Night RAW. That’s a card layout issue though; I thought this rocked. They got some serious time and ran with it… TJP as a heel is a lot more interesting than him as a face, he worked the knee and Aries sold his ass off. Even as a heel, TJ working over a leg isn’t like fascinating but it made for a good match here. Half-crab on the top was AWESOME. Loved TJP’s sell of the ear clap thing Aries does too.
Great use of Dean Ambrose all show, what a funny guy! Again, they didn’t do anything major with him but this was a fun wrestling way to kill some time with a guy. Plus, the Gene and Bobby references were cool – even if you know that’s just a call from marketing to promote all the Prime Time that just went up on the Network. Speaking of that, I should probably watch all of that.
Rollins and Dean just goofin’ off in the locker room was pretty weird, but loved Dean getting serious at the end: “Dean got surprised once – can’t happen again.” GOOSEBUMPS.
Giving Golden Truth a mini-angle is peak 2017 RAW – I am always cautious about me feeling like WWE has turned a new leaf with their weird Monday night show but man does the RAW team seem to be trying. Apparently, wins and losses DO matter in WWE.
Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor vs. The Miz for a shot at Ambrose’s IC Title was REALLY, REALLY GOOD. Seth was floppin’ around and poppin’ the crowd, while Miz picked his spots and got legit heel heat. This thing built well, with Miz’ stalling early making even Seth and Finn chain wrestling interesting. Wrestling needs more fake heel goofy stalling vs. fake moves that are actually dangerous. Then, as it happens, it got balls out towards the end. Your standard really really fun WWE 3-way with some talented guys – always fun to see Rollins and Balor get to let loose and do their thing, while Miz added a good hook to all their stuff.
The finish put it over the top though, with a lot of interference and an AWESOME call by Michael Cole, calling this thing like Good Ol JR in the god damn Attitude Era. First Joe tried to kill Seth by dropping his ass on the floor (YOU AREN’T MOVING ON FROM ME, MOTHERFUCKER), then BRAY!!!! interfered (with a classic Cole call – “WHAT THE HELL, NOW WHAT!?”) and laid out Finn, and finally Miz got the pin to go on to Dean.
Seth vs. Joe, Miz vs. Dean, back to Bray vs. Balor – OK, OK. Well played, guys.
SMACKDOWN (5/2/17)
This was pretty good too! In that low-key SmackDown way, and that’s not a bad thing. Strong main event, solid undercard, great women’s angle, great Breezango vignette, KO’s got heat, Dillinger’s back, Aiden English is crying, Dolph still sucks, yeah buddy.
Jericho, AJ, and Kevin Owens was, like, such a competent opening segment to a WWE TV show. Not sure what else to say about it, to be honest.
Thought Jinder Mahal vs. Sami Zayn was good stuff. Jinder Mahal is FIRED UP!!!! Love the meta-enjoyment of professional wrestling – here is a guy getting a random push after years of doing nothing, here is a guy who knows this might be his only shot, here is a guy working really hard because of that. Good basic stuff here with a crowd that cared. Jinder was vicious – nice back elbow and running knee – and Sami’s signature spots were all timed well. Crowd was buying into those near falls too, and the crowd was SHRIEKING as Mahal approached Zayn to setup the cobra clutch slam. Plus, the bright-colored dress shirts for the Singh Brothers are awesome – what shits! I’d rather judge a man on the color of his shirt than the color of his skin.
Tye Dillinger squashed Aiden English, then Aiden English cried and got put on The List of Jericho. Aiden English, ever the trooper.
The whole women’s angle has some real intrigue and is getting a LOT out of a pretty weak heel team – sorry Nattie. The 2-on-1 Natalya/Carmella vs. Naomi match was decent, the people like Naomi. Then Charlotte ran out and got a STAR reaction; I like that she’s just kind of sort of turned face but only out of necessity. Match got pretty good after that – Charlotte just STORMED at Carmella with that hot tag elbow, maaan. Then Becky Lynch ran out to save Charlotte and Naomi from a beating, teased joining The Welcoming Committee, and ran them off. WAY TO ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING, EVERYBODY!!!
Dolph Ziggler vs. Sin Cara was solid, mostly due to Dolph being giving and taking most of the offense, and Sin Cara’s crazy-ass gear. Like that Dolph just stopped Cara’s run short with a superkick and WON. Totally fine with the Nakamura use right now by the way, rather he’s a mysterious star debuting at the next PPV than doing mic work with Ziggler or squashing Konnor every week.
The Breezango Fashion Files thing was HILARIOUS! Remember when The Guerreros got over on the goofy “we lie, we cheat, we steal” promos and then they like never did it again except in probably a few cases that I don’t remember because they were really lame? Breezango will be SO over in Chicago. Lots of fun little easter egg things in the background too… good stuff.
Chris Jericho vs. Kevin Owens was another good match – hit the right notes, popped the marks, real physical with some sweet high-spots. The thread of Jericho working over Owens’ PINKY is pretty great. But, like the Mania and Payback matches – just GOOD and not anything beyond that. Did love Owens getting the clean win and then putting Jericho out with a nasty injury angle – not sure if Jericho’s capable but I want a crazy-ass hardcore match with these guys.
TALKING SMACK (5/2/17)
Awwww fuck it’s Shane McMahon.
Renee (exciting): How are you doing!?
Shane (catatonic): Very well, and you. Oh, Chris Jericho. Yeah. His neck might be broke.
This had an AJ Styles interview where he said he wasn’t scared of Braun Strowman and brought out the “SMACKDOWN MAKES EM, RAW TAKES EM” line, so this was a pretty good show. The Welcoming Committee interview was OK too, liked Carmella’s “I’m just super exhausted from beating the champ tonight” line.
A few questions:
Does anyone else think Natalya sounds like Aidy Bryant imitating a wrestler?
Is WWE saying the date more than usual for Backlash? Every intro is “Backlash, Sunday May 21st, in Chicago” – I get the city, it’s freakin’ Chicago, but the date seems new.
Are KO and Shane gonna wrestle?
205 LIVE (5/2/17)
Man, this show kills me. Good wrestlers, good matches, all with a backdrop of weird-ass WWE presentation and gut-wrenching silence.
TJP vs. Lince Dorado was fun stuff. These two have great chemistry, two guys of a similar size and it’s just a good matchup: TJ’s crisp technical-ish shit vs. Lince’s flying. TJ milking the dab for boos is awesome – polite applause after an exchange, dab, boo, glare. He did a BOOT SCRAPE~! here. Lince’s moonsault double stomp to TJ’s back was wild, and loved the finish – sunset flip from Lince off the top, TJ grabs the mask, locks a kneebar, wins.
Tozawa just running on set with a kick on Kendrick during his sit-down interview was pretty awesome. Would be interested to see how Tozawa would fit in with the regular roster. CHARISMA! SO MUCH CHARISMA!
Drew Gulak vs. Mustafa Ali was a fine little angle of a match. Liked how Gulak ended his inset promo – “thank you” and a douchebag smile, such a smarmy fuck. Gulak as the Finlay of the Cruiserweights continues to be great… he just beat Ali’s ass here. Ali to his credit bumped like a madman.
Rich Swann vs. Noam Dar was pretty fucking boring, yikes. Love Swanny and like aspects of Dar but this was a totally average outing made a really bad outing by its’ 205 Live-ness.
NXT (5/3/17)
Three good squashes, a Tag Titles angle, and a Battle Royal – nice.
Big Boy Killian Dain had himself a squash, with his opponent Danny Burch throwing in some fun stuff. Burch is a neat guy to watch, even if he’s getting squashed – an old Euro dude with some CREDIBILITY. Also, Dain’s monstrous running dropkick was cool.
Is Patrick Clark’s new name Velveteen Dream or is he still Patrick Clark? I like that Patrick Clark had an opening to be a lovable good guy post-Tough Enough and said naw – I’m gonna work a gimmick, baby.
Otis Dozovic needs a new name, stop fucking around guys. Heavy Machinery squash was fun … the little scared jobber fella looking on at Otis was great. Their finish is a man-assisted double World’s Strongest Slam… my god. STEAKS AND WEIGHTS, BABY.
Hideo Itami vs. Kona Reeves was an acceptable boring beatdown by Kona, and then – SLAP!!! This was prime Hideo just beating the poo out of a dude… did you see those kicks!? Good lord. Liked the hook of having Roode giving Kona advice – attack before the bell, kid. You might just make it in this business after all.
Hell of a video package for Roddy, and they’re following it up with a match with Itami for a shot at Roode – NICE. You have footage of a guy wrestling when he’s a 12-year old, you push that guy.
Battle Royal main event to see who wrestles Asuka for the NXT Women’s Title was just a buncha fumbling around for a while, though Riot and Kimber Lee pulled off a pretty awesome rana elimination. Candice LeRae and Rachel Ellering being most over was probably best part of the match. Plan with Ellering seems to be, Hey we’re going to sign you, but don’t become some robot in this system kid, go find yourself on the indies and then we’ll grab ya. Match did pick up when it got down to Ember, Ruby, and Nikki, and then Asuka ran-in and JESUS CHRIST EMBER MOON TOPE’D HERSELF INTO THE BARRICADE, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK.
MAIN EVENT (5/3/17)
Main Event might be becoming THE place for low-key solid cruiserweight matches, which are a lot better than soulless formula WWE heavyweight matches. Drew Gulak vs. Lince Dorado here was fun stuff… Gulak is SO great at taking Lince’s stuff – everything looks beautiful, Lince looks like a star, and he reacts to a lot of it like a total goof – cackling, smirking, swinging wildly. Seemed to be a little mis-communication in the middle, but also might have just been Gulak being reckless on purpose. Lince does a moonsault towards the end and Gulak puts booth boots up and it is SWEET. Then Gulak finishes it off with a Dragon sleeper. NICE.
Curtis Axel vs. Curt Hawkins was the other match. Tom Phillips’ feigned excitement at Axel answering the Star Factory Challenge – “Ahh this should be interesting!” – was your highlight.
WWE TV Match of the Week: The RAW 3-way had some great action, Miz being a douche, a balls out finish, and got 3 feuds over. Top shelf.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Lots of solid stuff this week, but Alexa Bliss stood out like nobody else – she carried the hell out of that opening RAW segment. Well done.
A fine week of WWE TV, and all done with Roman, Braun, and the two World Champs missing. A few GREAT things, one or two crap things, but mostly rock solid things. Interesting post-Payback directions, KO going over on SmackDown, good stuff with the women, Jinder Mahal keeping up the momentum, heel TJP, NXT continuing to rock – this was good, at least in its’ own WWE kinda way.
RAW: 7/10
SmackDown: 7/10
205 Live: 4/10
NXT: 6/10
