Did you guys know that the Royal Rumble is every man or woman for themselves?
RAW (1/22/18)
Ugh.
I mean, some of this was fun. The hype! The ICOPRO banner! Light blue ref shirts! Harvey Wippleman! Brother Love! MEAN GENE! TOO SWEET! But – man. Besides the various things that just made me grumble like an old man, it was just kind of a boring bummer of a show.
Stars of the past stuffed into lazy cameos, the awkward Undertaker promo, the poorly executed alternating venues, 15,000 people watching a big screen TV, divas and GM’s of the past just awkwardly being trotted out to the stage to stand around, the 2-minute Revival/Gallows & Anderson match… all surrounded by lifeless RAW tag matches that felt like something out of 2008, not 2018.
For the last six months or so RAW has been a great wrestling show, but its’ strongest aspect has been the stories. On RAW 25, the stories got thrown out in exchange for… I don’t know, Shawn Michaels stand-up?
At least McMahon got a Stunner and Roman vs. The Miz happened.
The opening with Stone Cold and the McMahon Family might’ve been the peak of the show. It is so the most Vince thing and the least Vince thing to come out and take credit for these last 25 years. Dug the shitty plaque, another classic heel Mr. McMahon promo, Austin’s LOOK at Vince (he’s still got it), Vince selling out Shane, VINCE VS. AUSTIN, and the STONE COLD STUNNERS. Shane with the Spit Take Stunner was phenomenal. Really needed Mark Yeaton throwing Steveweisers to put it over the top, but this was good.
8-woman tag (brought to you by Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s!) was such a nothing match and kind of set the tone for what to expect from the Current Wrestling offering of this show. RAW 25 didn’t need no chinlocks.
Did you hear the POPS for Brother Love and The Boogeyman? Oh my word. Not sure even the photo stills of CM Punk got close to the reaction.
The Undertaker promo was so WEIRD. Classic wrestling fan to get hyped up for a John Cena interruption, but c’mon – this was a basic-ass two-minute nothing promo where Taker of all people seemed shook by the small crowd chanting “ONE MORE MATCH” as he went to his catchphrase. And then it just FADED OUT. Much like the 8-woman tag set the tone for the disappointing wrestling, this set the tone for the Manhattan Center nightmare.
Roman Reigns vs. The Miz was this show’s saving grace, another great match between two awesome SUPERSTARS who have great chemistry. They didn’t even really do anything but it all worked – bumps, timing, stalling, selling. Just awesome. Extra credit to Bo Dallas who was just taking the wackiest bumps on the floor. Absolutely insane near fall off the SkullCrushing Finale when Miztourage got kicked out, and then a beautiful and shockingly subtle Cheat 2 Win finish.
Peep Show segment was tremendous just for the absolute HEAT Jason Jordan was getting from Barclays. Got some serious Vickie Guerrero vibes in the best possible way, and Jordan’s grinning through it makes me think this whole thing is going to take him to the top. Otherwise, it was such basic last-minute PPV build – Oh wow, Bickering Tag Partner #1 hit Bickering Tag Partner #2 by mistake! Get over yourselves.
Also highly enjoyed them basically apologizing that Christian was there without Edge.
Bray Wyatt vs. Woken Matt was an OK enough sprint I guess. Bray’s crossbody legit made me gasp. And then he just beat Woken Matt clean and, I mean – yeah Matt’s totally gonna get a win back and then they’ll go to PPV and do some weird stuff but Matt just going down for the 3 clean was such a bummer of a move on a show that was already starting to be a bummer.
It was neat to see the GM’s and divas of the past I guess. I suppose? I don’t know. Can we talk about how amazing post-pregnancy Brie Bella looked?
Chris Jericho’s still got it. Great little deal with Elias. Loved him rocking the the Alpha Club shirt on WWE TV.
Really did like Elias tangling with John Cena. Elias is a serious pro – has a command of an audience, star presence, looks perfectly annoying but also badass. His delivery of “SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH” to Big John was tremendous. I can’t help but regret that this isn’t Samoa Joe laying out John, but as far as replacements go this isn’t bad.
Usos and New Day right there and ya send Titus Worldwide and Slater/Rhyno out for a tag. All I remember from this match is the crowd not even popping for Apollo’s ten-minute long stalling suplex. Then The Dudley Boyz did their thing, yeah yeah whatever.
Did I mention the APA card game deal? It was alright but just felt kind of lazy. Did enjoy MVP having the look of a guy who had a strong upper midcard run in 1987. Speaking of MVP, how did he get paid? Cash? Check? Do they still have MVP’s direct deposit info?
Also, why did Jackie or Trish not show up to the game? C’mon.
Other top tier part of the show was the series wrap on The Godfather. There was the tease of him presenting a Ho to Mark Henry, only to reveal that it’s his wife. “Like you said, we’ve all grown up” as he walks away to his MUSIC playing from some void backstage. Incredible.
The DX promo in the Manhattan Center was rough even if it was cool to see X-Pac and Razor. Kind of amazing Triple H and HBK even kind of sort of got the bitter crowd back. Balor Club and DX Too Sweet’ing each other was neat but too little too late. Then The Revival just came out and got their asses squashed by Gallows & Anderson. Too sweet woop woop.
Then Braun and Brock and Kane brawled and it was OK. Did enjoy New Day making the most of their moment when trying to split them up.
Whatever. At least Austin Stunned McMahon.
SMACKDOWN (1/23/18)
This was a solid show outside of the brutal Owens/Zayn/Styles/Shane/Bryan stuff. First 15 minutes was Very Bad – so much boring exposition dialogue, the replays, the YEP trash, AJ’s lame one-liners, Zayn being a terrible heel promo, Owens now being a bad promo, the 30-second shot of AJ’s face to dead silence where it seemed like somebody forgot a line.
This is all just so WEIRD. Shane and Bryan appear to have guns to their head anytime they interact, and Owens and Zayn’s act heading into the Rumble just feels like a joke – nobody can possibly believe they’d win since they’ve been total losers for the past couple months, and the co-champion thing just seems like an inside joke between two friends and not guys actually wanting to win the top championship. Maybe the Owens and Zayn act is clicking with the kiddos as these insanely unlikable guys, but this is territory-killing stuff to me.
Jey Uso vs. Chad Gable meanwhile was a very good little match, especially post-commercial where they just started jumping all around. We all know how good Jey is, but Gable was just on fire: taking big bumps, the moonsault, the insane rolling German. Wish this feud was even semi-interesting, because then we’d be in business.
Shinsuke Nakamura reciting WWE scripts is still just the dirt worst. Gross.
Naomi vs. Liv Morgan wasn’t much outside of the very cool spot with Liv quickly avoiding Naomi’s kicks before she bumped huge for one. The match ending with a sunset flip was cool too.
Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Baron Corbin was GOOD. Which is amazing, because both Nakamura and Corbin have not been good for a while. They got some time and it kept getting better, ending with a hot finish. Nak in particular looked great – his selling brought the drama, and this was the best use of him: the mystery, the speed, the kicks. The Deep Six, crazy clothesline bump, and End of Days counter with the cross armbreaker = all the good stuff.
And then it ended with a HUUUUUUGE RKO from Orton, just epic stuff. The best use of Orton is definitely just as a modern day 9-1-1 running out and doing RKO’s.
Also, it’s very likely that from April through December, Nakamura will stink again, but I am pretty sure we are about to get Road to WrestleMania Nakamura and I am READY.
Roode/New Day vs. Jinder/Rusev Day was forgetful, but a solid 5-minute WWE 6-man with everyone eventually bumping all around.
KO losing to AJ in a minute was kind of hilarious. AJ vs. Zayn was the real main event, and it was good! Kind of felt like a 205 Live match – a bunch of good bits all wrapped inside a pretty apathetic package. Zayn was aggressive, AJ was bumping like a crazy person – on the stairs, in the corner, off a tornado DDT. They got a sweet near fall off a pele kick also. And Sami won! WHOA!
MIXED MATCH CHALLENGE (1/23/18)
Big E & Carmella vs. The Miz & Asuka was the match this week, and while Miz & Asuka is a really special team, E & Carmella was fun while it lasted. I mean – MATCHING ONE PIECES! The thing I like about The Mixed Match Challenge is that it gives time for stuff to breathe. It’s very house show-like, where these fun wrestlers actually get to gasp work like wrestling is supposed to be fun. The big foam “L” spot was inspired stuff, let me tell you. Carmella looked pretty great trying to get away from Asuka, then being a jerk when she did get some control. The VERY audible “Asuka’s going over” from Mike Chioda was pretty hysterical, and watching them work their way towards the finish right after that was kind of fascinating. I give a “like” to that. Get it? BECAUSE IT’S ON FACEBOOK.
Also, while Michael Cole acting like yer pa teaching you how to use an iPad was awkward, I seriously did learn how to go into “Quiet Mode” (no emojis, chat, etc) from his instruction. So god bless.
205 LIVE (1/23/18)
The first show of the post-Enzo era (thank Christ) was a better 205 Live than normal. The online hype all day of a GM being announced leading to Dan Byran starting the show and saying a GM will be announced next week was SO 205 Live, though.
The Lucha Trio vs. Nese/Daivari/TJP was pretty good, nothing must-see but the Lucha Guys getting to run through their shit while the Average Heels bumped for them was a good time. Metalik vs. Nese was completely insane, as is Metalik vs. anybody really. I don’t care if he does the same spots every time – they are so breathtakingly awesome. The completely terrible acting by these dudes did take me out of a bit though, and hurt the two key parts of the match: Kalisto’s awkward “what are you doing!?” when he got distracted to set up the heat, and TJP awkwardly yelling at Nese to get in the corner which set up the finish. Still though – better than Enzo shit.
I know Hideo Itami has lost like forty-five steps, but it is still kind of shocking how quickly they have made him just A Guy. Him vs. Gallagher was kind of a half-speed bummer of a match. Itami kicking Jack around was OK, but not when you’ve seen Itami REALLY kick a dude around. Yawn.
The Gulak and Tozawa campaign things for the GM spot were fun. Tozawa doing the Vince walk = $$$
Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali, as you might have heard, was the good stuff. A great example of a cold match between two babyfaces that slowly built into awesome. Went from matwork to a shoving match to crazy-ass spots to both guys just throwing blows and the crowd eventually being like, “Alright, alright – you got me.” Loved Cedric’s tornado DDT catch and deadlift, as well as his amazing wobbly man sell off Ali’s spin kick. These two as the aces to build 205 Live around would be good, but me have little faith.
NXT (1/24/18)
This was an OK show. A trend in the last couple years has been for the go-home show to TakeOver feeling kind of forced. This was the same. It wasn’t bad, but like – I get it. A face-to-face interview for the Women’s Title match, a video package or two, the NXT Title participants brawling and the challenger raising the belt – OK, guys. You wrote a wrestling show.
No Way Jose vs. Cezar Bononi kinda sucked. Bononi makes for an awkward jobber, even if he did take an amazing Black Mass kick that one time. No surprise, but Jose really has nothing more to accomplish in NXT.
The Bianca BelAir squash meanwhile was AWESOME. I love this girl. What a STAR. What a PRESENCE. I don’t care if she’s only 2 years into THIS BIZ-NESS, she looks like a seasoned pro ready to wreck the competition. That ELBOW!!! The HAIR!!! Also enjoyed how studio wrestling this match felt – the crowd buzzing throughout, calling out stuff, and popping for the big spots. A wonderful 3-minutes of professional wrestling television.
The Ember/Shayna face-to-face was kind of bad, even if I continue to dig everything they are doing with Shayna. Ember remains such a terrible actor. Another classic case of WWE taking a fun worker with some mystery behind them and making ’em carry a feud with TALKING.
“Did you know TM61 is a missile as well? Does anyone bring up? Nope. All they bring up is that it’s a Pokemon thing” – AMAZING. SOLD. TM61 vs. ReDragon might just be sweet.
The Authors of Pain beatdown and promo was solid. Yep.
Johnny Gargano vs. Velveteen Dream was pretty great. We know Johnny rules, but Dream continues to impress any time he gets some time to do his thing. There was a lot of fun stuff here, but I also liked how they always went back to just trying to out-wrestle each other. Awesome hold-trading early, a hot crowd, Johnny selling, big near falls towards the end… what else do you want in your wrestling!? Loved Dream’s flip over the top to the apron and pose, only to turn around into a dropkick, as well as the finish: a momentary pause on the top by Dream means Johnny puts his knees up for the diving elbow drop, leading to a superkick and Gargano Escape with Dream doing an EFFEMINATE TAPOUT.
Post-match with Almas and Johnny was ultra-basic but got the point across. Andy Almas looks good in a suit.
MAIN EVENT (1/24/18)
Hey this was an episode of Main Event.
Goldust vs. Curt Hawkins hit all the notes – Goldust did his amazing rope-running, Hawkins teased just taking an L, Hawkins lost.
TJP/Someone (I honestly can’t remember – uh, wait… oh yeah Gallagher) vs. Kalisto/Metalik was a match. Main Event is doing a new thing where they straight-up completely cut the heel beatdown out (like, seriously – they go to commercial when the face gets cut off and return on the hot tag). This is fine in theory, since 205 Live heel beatdowns are usually trash and you just get straight to the spots. But it also meant this match was like 2 and half minutes long.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Johnny Gargano vs. Velveteen Dream and AJ Styles vs. Sami Zayn were both good, but I still can’t get over Roman Reigns vs. The Miz. Such a hot match.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!
It wasn’t a terrible week of wrestling, but so down the middle… things feel really stalled heading into the Rumble. For the first time in what feels like forever, SmackDown was actually better than RAW. I think we’ll be back to normal next week.
RAW: 5/10
SmackDown: 6/10
205 Live: 6/10
NXT: 6/10
