Vince McMahon sets the tone: “Welcome to the Nassau County Coliseum where thousands of screaming fans have gathered for the greatest spectacle in wrestling… (Vince voice) SATURDAY NIGHT’S MAIN EVENT!”
It is very possible that the modern day WWE hype machine can all be traced back to this single night.
The first WrestleMania took place just a month earlier and despite all the pomp and circumstance, it was still a wrestling show. When the WWF joined up with NBC, something else happened. At the time, most WWF TV shows were squashes and promos and maybe an angle if you were lucky. SNME had all that, but also big matches usually reserved for local television aired nowhere else or pay-per-view aired across the country. The graphics were big, music was charming, and stars looked like stars. The crowd was hot and lit to show just how many god damn people were there.
The show opens with the crowd buzzing to the tune of Cyndi Lauper and Mr. T promos. Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura are on commentary, with Jesse decked out in a pink outfit with big earings, bandana, and sunglasses. McMahon and Ventura were a classic commentary pair, only reserved for major events. Vince and Jesse run down the card and out charges THE IRON SHEIK with a spotlight and Iranian flag.
Most matches on these shows have pre-match interviews with Mean Gene at the entrance area, with screaming throngs of fans seen in the background. The first example of this is special: the U.S. Express and Captain Lou Albano are interviewed, Captain Lou ranting and raving in front of this good-looking pair of babyfaces.
1. Ricky Steamboat & The U.S. Express w/ Captain Lou Albano vs. Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff & George “The Animal” Steele w/ “Classy” Freddie Blassie
What presentation. Crowd is HOT. The U.S. Express comes charging through the crowd to a shit dub of Born in the USA, George Steele is being a creep, the Iranian flag is being waved around, the Russian National Anthem is sang, Blassie is in his Florida retiree gear complete with cane, Captain Lou Albano is there – it’s the very height of professional wrestling.
Fun 6-man with all the fixings. Sheik tries a dirty break, Barry blocks and punches him. The Express works over Sheik, with frequent tags that pop the crowd. Steamboat hiptosses everybody. Barry and Steamboat awkwardly shake hands. The crowd does a massive U-S-A chant as Steele covers his ears. Liked how Rotundo avoided having to take heat by just rolling up Volkoff a couple times. Steele has a showdown with Barry that has the crowd HYPED as Steele is just the most expressive heel wrestler, and then Steele begs off only for his team to ditch him. The crowd goes fucking NUTS for Barry pinning Steele. FUN!!! ***1/4
They do an angle to turn Steele face post-match. He eats the turnbuckles, Sheik & Volkoff attack him for losing, and Steele is consoled by his old pal Albano. Steele looks like an absolute insane man and it’s a little heartwarming too.
Piper’s Pit w/ “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff
Great promo, an in-ring Piper’s Pit with Mr. Wonderful going full babyface after a few weeks of TV teases. This has Piper being his dickish self, calling Orndorff a loser and laughing off everything, and Orndorff getting right in his face, shirtless with ultra-short white short shorts. Very 80s “I’M A MAN – YOU LEAVE MY FAMILY OUT OF THIS” stuff here and it all works. Orndorff sets up a piledriver, Cowboy Bob hits him with the cast, and so sets up six months of matches. Mr. T shows up at the end and helps Orndorff to the back.
2. WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] w/ Mr. T vs. Cowboy Bob Orton w/ Rowdy Roddy Piper
The Hulkster gets pulled back a few times by raucous fans on his entrance and I wonder to myself if he did that on purpose to make him appear more of a star. This whole match works – Hulk is Hulk, and Cowboy Bob bumps and feeds for him like a total pro. They go right at it with back-and-forth punches, then Bob takes a bunch of bodyslams while still in his chaps. Hulk goes to work on the CAST until Bob catches him with a BEAUTIFUL jumping knee to the face. Bob hits an incredible atomic drop that Hulk sells like his anus just got busted, but the power of Hulk’s kickout has Bob land on his FEET. Bob clubs away, Hogan starts no-selling, gives him THE EYES, throws punches. Bob sets up a superplex, and his bump off the punch that sends him to the mat is delightful. Legdrop, cover, Piper attacks Hulk for the DQ. Short, to the point, liked this a lot. ***
3. WWF Women’s Title: Wendi Richter [c] vs. Fabulous Moolah (Cyndi Lauper banned from ringside)
Not good. Hair-pulling and bumbling around bullshit, a fake-looking brawl that ends when Richter hooks a small package for the win. The pop for the finish and Lauper sprinting to the ring is great though. *1/2
4. Junkyard Dog w/ Bertha Ritter vs. “The Duke of Dorchester” Pete Doherty
Junkyard Dog’s MOTHER is at ringside and crazy-ass Duke dares go near her, so Dog goes to work. Doherty is a freakin’ legend – milks his intro for all he can (we’re on NBC, baby, time to become a star!), then bumps like an absolute crazy person for JYD. He screams like a loon as JYD grabs his hair and pulls him up from the floor by it, then threatens to HIT JUNKYARD DOG’S MOM. JYD does the right thing and headbutts his face and pins him with a powerslam. Total squash match, but THE DUKE is worth your time. *1/2
Cyndi Lauper’s Mother’s Day Surprise
A mid-80s WWF goofball segment, AKA probably worth watching. It’s all the folks on this show and their moms standing around (including Hulk and Cyndi Lauper!), getting interviewed by Mean Gene. Blassie has a young lady as his mom and Mean Gene tries to kiss her. Captain Lou reads a poem and hits on Lauper’s mom. Moolah comes out in an HBK-esque vest and confronts Lauper’s mom, which leads to her getting pushed into a cake. This. Is. Wrestling.
Happy Thoughts: A fun show, absolutely must-watch for the historical aspect, to see what Vince McMahon went for when he got another big shot at a new audience. You’ve got the George “The Animal” Steele and Paul Orndorff babyface turns, a really fun 6-man tag, Hulk Hogan and Mr. T, Cyndi Lauper running around, and Junkyard Dog’s mom – this had it all! 7/10
