The plane was descending. The weather was rough. We were going through a dark and stormy cloud. Turbulence. So much turbulence. Surrounded by darkness.
My neurotic mind went to all that could go wrong. It was so WINDY. The plane was so SHAKY. I mean, turbulence – it’s normal! It’s the sky’s speed bump!
But, man. The possibilities. The terrible, terrible uncertain possibilities at 40,000 feet.
And then some kid behind me goes in his high-pitched voice, “We’re flying through a cloud? That’s cool.”
And god damnit he was right.
Think about the professional wrestling. All the chatter, the banter, Twitter and shades of gray. Sports entertainment, guys getting over, feuds working and not. Credibility, scripted promos, over-used finishes and under-pushed luchadores. Dropped balls, brass rings, babyfaces and Bayley. The good times, the bad times … we’re watching professional wrestling, guys.
That’s cool.
RAW (7/17/17)
RAW continued a hell of a run this week – fun stories, a bunch of nothing matches that still accomplished something (AKA ideal TV wrestling), and amazing third hour with a big angle and two great matches.
Have appreciated RAW going back to the trend of alternating the stories the show starts with. WWE seems to go back-and-forth on this – post-draft they tried weird stuff like that one week Enzo & Sasha vs. Jericho & Charlotte started the show, and then there were those other twenty weeks that Owens and Jericho and Roman and Seth opened every show. This week it was Ambrose/Rollins/Miz, before that it was Cass, before that Enzo, then Reigns/Braun, Reigns/Joe, Brock/Joe, Wyatt/Reigns. Mixing it up, baby. I mean if Reigns was a firecracker on the mic we might be telling a different story but you take what you can get.
Opening segment was more RAW is WCW on WTBS studio shit, I loved it. Rollins and Ambrose telling stories – Rollins apologizing for the turn three years (!) ago, offering his back and the opportunity to hit him with a chair to Ambrose. The light Roman chants. Miz, Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel coming out decked in their Los Angeles sales executive attire, talking shit then attacking. Felt like Paul Jones Army vs. Manny Fernandez and the Boogie Woogie Man. You’ve got faces, you’ve got heels, you’ve got motivations – baby, you’ve got a stew going.
Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss wasn’t much but I guess it told a story, what with Nia Jax out there looking all menacing and Sasha Banks going after Nia and Bayley beating Alexa. Felt very much like a “yeahhh sorry about all that weird stuff where we buried Bayley for no reason” kind of reset.
Mustafa Ali & Jack Gallagher vs. Drew Gulak & Brian Kendrick was a match with a reverse 450 splash.
Enzo Amore continues to be on fire with the Big Cass promos, though the dancing around of him not being a credible threat is going to get weird after a while. Get this guy a cuppa fellas to manage, stat. Big Show/Big Cass brawl was fine, not the most exciting development but also not a terrible way to keep things moving forward. Regardless, great god damn Enzo promo – “You bounced the check, you bounced the check!”
Huge boos for Elias Samson during the Samson song, WE WANT BALOR chants, talk about a midcard angle that is WORKING. Balor vs. Samson was another fine match between these two, Samson is delivering in taking it to Finn and Finn to his credit is selling his ass off for the guy. Liked the sit-out powerbomb thing they did. And Samson fired off a guitar shot in Nashville!! Also, someone in the crowd audibly called him an asshole. RAW IS WAR, BABY.
Bray Wyatt showed up with a promo on Finn and to be frank I’d be more into the Balor/Samson No DQ match happening at SummerSlam than another Bray Wyatt “they all look up to you, maaan, but they don’t even know” feud. I assume a certain Demon will need to defeat the Eater of Worlds, though?
WTF are they doing with Ariya Daivari? Is he the Iron Sheik now? Tributes to Iranian Olympians? What exactly does this accomplish other than awkward cheap heel heat from racists? I’m not surprised Vince McMahon approved it but seriously who pitched this shit? Daivari and Tozawa had an OK little match, with Tozawa hard-selling his shoulder being hurt and Titus throwing in the towel for him and whatnot. Decent angle, all for Tozawa and Titus Worldwide doing something interesting but this Daivari shtick is throwing me off.
And let it be said. By the authority vested in the by the State of Professional Wrestling, Jason Jordan will forever be known Kurt Angle’s kayfabe son.
THIS WAS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE. If you didn’t like it – shut up, serious wrestling fan. What a dumb fucking awesome angle. All the build. All the intrigue. Angle crying, Jordan’s wide smiles. This was a BIG ANGLE. Here’s the god damn spotlight, kid – come and get it. Does it go anywhere interesting? Does WWE have a good track record with this stuff? Are they probably going to muddy it up by getting the Authority involved and maybe even going back on Jordan being his son? Is he just gonna have a shit feud with Big Cass all through the fall? Or is it just gonna work, are they actually gonna run with it, either with Jordan as uber-babyface Angle kid or uber-heel chosen Authority guy? Has a star been made? Who in god’s name knows, but this was such stupid fun and I loved it.
The Hardy Boys vs. The Revival was fucking AWESOME. Not the epic match I hope these fellas have somewhere down the road, but way better than a throwaway TV match had any right to be. They got a lot of time and it had all the good formula tag stuff that these teams have mastered – Revival beating and cut-offs, Hardys selling and being all fired up. But it also had all the little extra that makes these guys great. Dawson bumping around for the Hardy Boyz is just THE BEST. Matt took the beating and sold the leg like a champ, while Jeff was a good corner-man and I loved him getting pissed off for like the first time in his life and just walking in and pushing Dash down. Awesome hot tag set-up, with Dash sprinting in for a cut-off on Matt but getting back body dropped, which brought Jeff in. Amazing near fall off Jeff’s Twist of Fate. Dash’s insane three-tier bump off the Hardys’ new swingy-doo thing was epic too. And then The Revival WON. All the stars. All of them.
A Balor vs. Samson No DQ Match, Bayley vs. Sasha to see who faces Alexa Bliss at SummerSlam, Rollins & Ambrose vs. Miz & The Miztourage – HYPE a week in advance!! WHAT’S THE DEAL, RAW!? What has caused the firecracker to be lit under the ass!?
Roman vs. Joe for the right to face Brock Lesnar was god damn tremendous. Another Roman Reigns TV classic – heated, intense, physical. Is Roman like what Barry Windham would’ve been like if he got a real main event run? A big, athletic motherfucker who sells his ass off and puts a little OOMPH on every shot. Say what you will about positioning, but nobody is getting the sustained reactions Roman gets right now. Nobody really comes close, actually. The folks are wrapped up in it, so while the work may be great it’s the investment that makes it special. Samoa Joe meanwhile is SOOOO fired up right now and it is amazing to watch.
Loved all the early stuff – two big Samoan fellas shoulder tackling each other, Reigns’ “WTF” look when Joe wouldn’t budge, Joe’s big slap and Reigns finally knocking Joe down. Joe wrecked Reigns for most of the match and Reigns as per usual sold sold sold. Tried a comeback with a schoolboy and Joe just knocked his ass DOWN. I like how Joe’s doing this thing where he’s this big aggressive mean guy but he’s also a vet and smart as hell – case in point, Roman sets up a Superman and old Joe just slyly rolls outside. The counter of the Drive-By with a lariat was tremendous, as was Michael Cole’s sell of it. “There is a buzz in the air!” – yes, indeed.
And then BRAAAAUUUUNNNNN returned from the dead. Loved Roman’s absolute DEAD look as the music hit – “awwww fuck!” Braun just throwing Roman through the second rope like he was hauling a moderately heavy piece of junk into a landfill was incredible. Then we got the Braun/Joe showdown and punch-fest, which is something I never knew I wanted so bad. Joe got a choke on, Roman hit the Superman, and Braun went down to THIS IS AWESOME chants. What fucking gold these guys have struck. Are we getting a hoss 4-way at SummerSlam? I want another Brock/Joe collision and Braun/Roman blowoff, at the same time I can’t doubt anything that involves any of these guys right now.
Jesus Christ, what if we ever got The Shield vs. Brock, Braun & Joe?
SMACKDOWN (7/18/17)
Vince: Aw fuck, Paul, another PPV? Who approved this?
HHH: It was me, pop. We’ll get it sorted out.
Vince: Well don’t do anything crazy before Brooklyn. Kill some time.
HHH: Got it. *SPITS WATER*
Road Dogg: Aw fuck, Paul, another PPV?
HHH: The old man gets what he wants, Bri. Just don’t do anything crazy before Brooklyn. Kill some time. *SPITS WATER*
Road Dogg: Got it.
I watched this show after drinking too much scotch whiskey at a telecom conference and here’s what came to my stupid head: Vince McMahon is so god damn smart. You rile the marks up with good TV, do it for a few months, and then you go back to your holding pattern. Ya don’t need spectacular ratings and interest, ya need fine ratings and interest. It fucking works. You can be entertained some other time – enjoy RAW, tolerate SmackDown. The wrestling fan is truly blessed.
Who cares about Jinder/Randy at this point? The shark’s been jumped, do the stupid gimmick match and find something else to do. All for longer feuds, but not when they are this… I don’t even know the word … this NOTHING. My goodness.
Liked The New Day reaction to Kofi’s crazy tope vs. Jey Uso. Otherwise, for fuckssakes, The New Day and Usos are superstars, why are they in this basic-ass copy-and-paste WWE tag team wrestling feud?
And let it be said. By the authority vested in the by the State of Professional Wrestling, Chad Gable… is in a very strange position. “Yeah… ummmm.” This wasn’t a bad follow-up at all to his tag partner moving to RAW, but man am I worried about young Chad. Guy is good, but nobody is doing him any favors right now.
Oh my GOD, I HAVE THE SAME WEDDING ANNIVERSARY AS MIKE & MARIA KANELLIS!!! Mike vs. Sami Zayn was a storytelling match – Sami fire, Maria distraction, Mike win. Not sure if Mike looked any good or not. But it happened, and we’ll see what happens next.
John Cena was assuming a LOT of things of the fans with that Battleground go-home promo – investment in the Rusev feud, investment in Battleground, investment in America. Fine for what it was – raaa raaa I’m John Cena USA – but felt really tone deaf.
Where’s the AJ Styles Open Challenge!?
Awwwww FUCK YEAH did I miss Charlotte and Becky trading holds, running ropes, trying to out-do each other. Natural Selection countered with Disarmer was awesome. Charlotte vs. Becky was a very good professional wrestling match.
More Fashion Files fun – I mean Tyler Breeze dressed up as Gillian Anderson guys – and it appears that the mystery of Breezango’s attackers will be solved at Battleground. Hope that also doesn’t mean the end of their relevance. What’s in the box??
The brawl at the start gave it a hook, but Styles & Nakamura vs. Owens & Corbin was a very basic-ass beating on Nakamura for a while. I liked Corbin snapping on the ref with Shut UP I CAN COUNT!!! I liked… AJ’s apron bump when Owens stopped the forearm? I dunno. Fuck. I like all these guys. But fuck.
I should’ve just watched Fashion Files on YouTube, maybe Becky/Charlotte, skipped the rest. Nothing happened here. Hope there’s some good stuff in the pipeline for the SummerSlam build, otherwise just bring the RAW crew to Brooklyn.
205 LIVE (7/18/17)
This was a one-match show and an hour-long show that is a one-match show is not a bad thing at all. Mustafa Ali vs. Drew Gulak, 2/3 falls, totally delivered. Both of these guys are awesome. Having seen neither’s work before their WWE runs, they stood out to me early when the cruiserweights came to WWE. Gulak’s jacket and weird faux-nazi posed was pissing me off, but once he dropped that and just became the Finlay of the cruiserweights who can take all the flying moves better than anybody he became one of my favorites. Then he started this weird creepy politician gimmick and I was all in. Mustafa Ali meanwhile is just so impressive – even in his short CWC run he stood out, and he has now cemented himself as one of the few highlights of 205 Live – such impressive flying, a massive bumper, and just a legit likeable dude.
Of course, they’re also on 205 Live. And that’s a tough sell. But even wrapped up in all the apathy, they had a hell of a match, and at the end of the day that might be more impressive. I liked how this really did feel like a contrasting styles type of match. I flipped out for both – loved Ali’s big somersault plancha, loved Gulak grabbing a cravat and just throwing Ali into the turnbuckle. Tons of fun stuff packed into 15 minutes – Gulak working holds early vs. Ali using his speed and cradles, each guy with a smile on their face thinking their chosen way of combat is the best. Gulak just catching Ali and shoving him to the outside, Gulak’s brutal Dragon sleeper, the countering of the walk-the-ropes rana with a straight-up POWERBOMB.
Dug Ali’s fired up facial expressions as Gulak threw boots at his face, Ali’s big reverse rana (and Gulak’s big unfortunate bump). Gulak’s tornado DDT counter into a suplex into the corner was wild. Incredible sequence towards the end, a reverse cradle countered with a Dragon sleeper countered with a pin followed up with a big lariat by Gulak and big bump by Ali – WOO! Gulak teases a flying move, thinks better of it, Ali takes advantage, Ali flies with a reverse 450 and wins. Not the most compelling feud, very challenging to be anything EPIC stuck on this show with this presentation, but these two did their best and I hope there’s some legit spots waiting for them when somebody finally decides 205 Live either needs a total revamp or cancellation.
Hey! Brian Kendrick had a squash of a British guy cos he’s feuding with a British guy.
Daivari vs. Tozawa was basically a re-run of the RAW match – more Daivari hawking Iranian Olympians, more Tozawa selling the shit out of his shoulder. Less Titus, I guess, so that ain’t good. Not sure why Ali/Gulak didn’t close the show but here we are.
NXT (7/19/17)
A couple real fun matches here, disappointing main gave it a weak close though.
Ember Moon vs. Ruby Riot was the best straight-up no gimmicks NXT women’s match in a while. They just did a lot of cool-ass shit and it all looked really pretty and such. Two polished god damn professionals popping the crowd, and an amazing Eclipse bump by Ruby to close it. Lone guy trying to start a women’s wrestling chant made me sad though.
Who pitched Street Profits? Who approved it?? This is what happens when old promoters and young talents just aren’t on the same page and neither of them knows how to tell the other.
ONEY FUCKING LORCAN VS. DANNY FUCKING BURCH. LOW KEY DREAM MATCH RIGHT HERE. Five minutes. Two WORKERS. HOLDS. STRIKES. INTENSE FACES. Nigel calling a Tower of London!! The SLAPS!!! A fucking POWERBOMB. Team these two up, for godsakes – they could be the pasty Road Warriors. The high intensity Oney Lorcan TV wrestling is just too much fun.
No Way Jose had himself a squash over Cezar Bononi and then Andrade Almas and his mystery gal beat up Cezar because Cezar beat Almas a couple weeks ago and then Jose ran Almas off. It was all fine.
Bummed that Drew McIntyre vs. Killian Dain wasn’t very good. Felt like they wanted it to be something special, but it didn’t click. The pre-match shot of Killian Dain outside was cool but they’ve been so focused on making SAnitY mysterious that we have zero idea WTF is going on with them. I mean what is the point? We haven’t seen Drew work underneath since the return and though he sold his ass off I’m not sure it got over. Dug some of this – the big Dain crossbody, the attempt at making Dain look monstrous with the Claymore kickout, but this thing just never got going. Didn’t help that commentary was hard-selling it as some epic while the crowd was just kinda hangin’ out.
MAIN EVENT (7/19/17)
R-Truth vs. Curt Hawkins was a match straight out of 5 years ago. Nothing wrong with giving the folks some R-Truth, but I’ve seen too much.
Rhyno & Slater vs. Gallows & Anderson was perfectly acceptable tag team sports entertainment. Gallows & Anderson haven’t lit the world on fire but they’re a couple of characters and should be in a stable stat. Doesn’t have to be the Club. Them as Miztourage would’ve been interesting. I dunno. Decent enough match.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Reigns vs. Joe, Ali vs. Gulak, Oney vs. Burch – 3 different matches, 3 things I love about the wrestling.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Kurt Angle committed. Give it up for Mustafa Ali though, love that guy.
Some stuff – most of RAW, Fashion Files, Mustafa Ali – is clicking, some stuff – almost everything about SmackDown and 205 Live – is really off. Battleground hype is not very high, hope things kick into gear afterwards.
RAW: 8/10
SmackDown: 4/10
205 Live: 6/10
NXT: 5/10
