This show had white ring ropes. I didn’t love it.
Money in the Bank. MITB. M…I … TB. AM … I … TB? …Am I… Tyler Breeze?
0. The Hype Bros vs. The Colóns
Has anyone else since mid-90s WCW snuck under the radar as well as Epico? This was good for what it had to be – formula tag, with the Colóns working over Ryder’s knee as the crowd chanted MO-JO and a fun finish. Mojo’s “running in place” spot while Primo chopped him and Zack’s sell of the knee after he hit a neckbreaker were highlights. To be honest, this clicked better than any Hardys vs. Cesaro & Sheamus tag. **3/4
Is anybody else fascinated about the decisions around the German announce team? First it was 2-man team and sexy Tim Haber kept screwing up, then they added a third to accommodate, and now it’s back to two, with Haber surviving. Is Tim Haber the Tom Phillips of the WWE German branch?
1. Women’s Money in the Bank Ladder Match: Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch vs. Natalya vs. Carmella w/ James Ellsworth vs. Tamina
This was fun stuff, but it also felt like any other run-of-the-mill WWE multi-person ladder match, and maybe that’s disappointing but it also just might be progress. Did you hear that POP for Charlotte!? And CARMELLA!? This crowd was READY. They kept it moving with some ladder craziness right away… stuff was clicking, with a ladder Tug of War of all things getting Becky chants and Tamina pushing Charlotte and Carmella off the ladder feeling purty crazy. Appreciated a lot of little things here… Charlotte making sure the ladder was placed just right (she’s got to play the 2k games), Carmella working her ass off to lift the ladder. As it went on though it just didn’t feel like there was any sort of peak… kept waiting for some kind of memorable thing and never got there. Probably could’ve used a Charlotte/Becky showdown at least once. Ellsworth knocking down Becky and taking the briefcase was a fun spot in theory but yeah WWE definitely had a dude win the first ever Women’s Money in the Bank match. It’s possible I was more infuriated by the referees arguing, James Ellsworth announcing Carmella as the winner, and the music hitting – what, ELLSWORTH’S word is bond now!? There’s getting heat and then there’s getting “Ahhhh jesus christ…” ***1/4
Hope Vince still marks out every time they do the international commentator rundown.
2. SmackDown Tag Team Title: The Usos [c] vs. The New Day (Big E & Kofi Kingston) w/ Xavier Woods
Good tag match, a high-end version of the match WWE tag teams usually have when they’re entering a 3-month feud that sounds good on paper but will end up having no depth and just be a bunch of random singles matches and then they have tags on PPV and nobody really gets over and everybody wonders why. But wow, a good match! Fun spots – Kofi’s over-the-top bump, Big E’s belly-to-belly run, the Uso chop block, and some solid tag work by the Usos. A sweet finish too, lots of great near falls and I love the pull-out-your-partner tag save. Man, if Big E actually caught that Big Ending… ***1/4
3. SmackDown Women’s Title: Naomi [c] vs. Lana
Lana dances, Naomi attacks, Lana works a leg and makes mean faces, Naomi gets a comeback. Oh an MITB tease was in there somewhere too. Yup. Real basic match that didn’t go off the rails like many might have expected, and Lana doing a bunch of leg submissions was weirdly awesome. A perfectly solid success. **1/2
Mike and Maria Kanellis Debut
Love the theme song, love Mike Bennett taking the Kanellis name, love the obnoxious lovebirds shtick, intrigued by Mike’s possible gay overtones. Pitch perfect debut.
BARON RASHKE DOING THE CLAW = GOOSEBUMPS.
4. WWE Title: Jinder Mahal [c] w/ The Singh Brothers vs. Randy Orton
Man did the Singh Brothers get HEAT! And Randy got a huge hometown reaction. The in-ring isn’t world-changing but the face is over and heel is disliked and in 2017 sometimes that’s all ya really want. Love fired up Randy Orton… Orton is such a withholding wrestler that little shit like him pushing Jinder in the corner to keep him there had me marking out. Then Jinder went after a leg and, well. Jinder Mahal working a leg isn’t on any top 10 list of things I want to do on a Sunday night, but it was OK. Could’ve milked that figure-four a little bit better. Jinder’s boot after blocking the RKO was SWEET. As was the Randy superplex with his pop front row. Cowboy Bob did a great job selling the Singh’s grabbing him too, really felt like how an old white man would look if he was suddenly grabbed by two young men of color. I think I liked the Backlash match better – same thing, but better Orton ass-kicking and Singh Brother table bump. This was good though. ***1/4
5. Breezango vs. The Ascension
The best part of this nothing match was Tom Phillips’ empty “whoa…” when The Ascension’s music hit as Breezango’s mystery opponents. Just take out the “w” and you’ve got how I felt. Real run-of-the-mill match in front of a crowd just wondering WTF. Proud of Breezango though. *
6. Money in the Bank Ladder Match: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Sami Zayn vs. Kevin Owens vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin
Lot of cool stuff here – Ziggler taking Deep Six on the outside, Owens slammed off the top into a propped up ladder (and his AHHHH sell), Zayn powerbomb on Ziggler off the ladder, Styles’ DVD on Owens on the ladder outside, AJ’s amazing dangle off the briefcase and fall. I guess opinion on this match may fall on what you want out of your wrestling, how much many of these you’ve seen. The match had great spots. It was super fun. But my word, something’s gotta give with WWE and the ladder match – a lot of this shit is CRAZY but it’s too easy to get desensitized and they need a little more meat to stand out other than a bunch of big bumps – a feud, a thread, something. Nakamura’s return to the match and pop was great, as was Nakamura wrecking everybody and the the AJ/Nak staredown. Good for Baron Corbin – time to get to work, kid! ***3/4
Talking Smack featured Booker T doing 90% of the talking during the Naomi interview, Jinder Mahal saying “the only reason they boo me is because of the color of my skin,” and Baron Corbin slamming his Money in the Bank briefcase down in front of Jinder. What a crazy choice for your two big time heels – I am all for it as long as everybody commits. Road Dogg was clearly watching RAW last fall and saw Kevin Owens stink up the joint, time for new blood! Nice promo by Corbin. “I don’t need abs to walk away with that WWE Championship.”
The Springtime blues for WWE continue, and I feel bad saying that because this was a fine show with quite a few good matches but not much compelling story-wise and no match that was must-see. The Kanellis debut was great, New Day/Usos was great (just cut short), both MITB matches were fun but a little empty. I liked it but it didn’t seem like anything designed to move anybody.
5/10
