Being a year-round WWE fan / masochist is a marathon. Lot like rooting for a middling sports team, really. A season has peaks but also valleys, lots of valleys, and post-season – or right at the finish line – is when your excitement rises. With wrestling, WrestleMania is your post-season, your finish line, where the euphoria peaks. New faces, big changes, great wrestling, hot crowds. Wrestling seems to have been made great again. And then, just like that, it’s a couple weeks out. “Calm down,” professional wrestling says. “We are headed into May.”
RAW (4/17/17)
This was a show about Braun Strowman.
It’s always fun to see Vince McMahon get the Star Machine running – sometimes the old man still has it. Braun had the opening promo, wrecked guys backstage, was presented brilliantly, and had a great main event wrestling match where he was both established as THE giant in the WWE and had a classic RAW moment.
First was the opening promo, where he yelled and screamed a lot and got pops for taking out Roman Reigns and also looked scary as all hell. Kurt Angle continues to bring the fun as new GM: “You flipped over a frickin’ ambulance with Roman Reigns inside of it! Your ass should be suspended!” Following this, Braun had 4 classic backstage segments:
– First, he attacked Golden Truth outta nowhere which was a fun way of playing with the “wrestler walks backstage before their match” trope
– Second, he got told by a ref he had to leave and responded “I’ll leave when I want to,” as he sat there and stared ahead, a broken man thinking “There used to be a part of me that would be ashamed of what I’m about to do, but that part no longer exists”
– Third, he dragged poor Kalisto through the backstage area and THREW HIM IN A DUMPSTER, before getting pushed down and challenged by Big Show
– And then, the last one which was my favorite – Heath Slater & Rhyno are interviewed in front of the Trainer’s Room where Golden Truth and Kalisto are being attended to, Rhyno eating crackers like a god damn goof. Suddenly, BRAUN charges forward, snarling and confident, reacted to by Rhyno & Slater and filmed like he’s an animal in a jungle – THIS, good brothers and sisters, is how you do profesisonal wrestling
Finally, he wrestled in the main event against Big Show and it was AWESOME. Just – this was fucking GIANTS!!! RAAAWWWWRRRR!!!!! And not the immobile muscular or fatass kind of giant – these boys can WORK. It was a spotfest with big guy moves vs. flips and a total spectacle, just incredible fun and a lot like their match from February which I thought was great. This was laid out perfectly for maximum fun – they popped the crowd a few times (highlighted by the Braun kip-up and the pop when Show struggled for a bodyslam and finally hit it), teased the superplex a few times, Braun kicked out of Show’s two finishes, they delivered the suplex, and the GOD DAMN RING BROKE. They have done this ring breaking fucker 3 times and it WORKS. And this may have been the biggest, the sound of that thing just IMPLODING was huge. And the ref falling out of the ring like he had been sucked into a black hole was phenomenal. And then Braun Strowman GOT UP AND RAISED HIS ARMS. The STAR MACHINE is at full speed. EVERYONE WILL FALLLLLL1!!!
Other than all that awesome, this was a hopeful show – RAW is settling into the post-Mania blues, Roman Reigns and The Revival are missing, and the stories aren’t perfect. But – they are at least interesting, Braun is having an awesome run, and the in-ring wrestling was good and had purpose. A very very solid long-ass wrestling show.
There were a lot of rock solid TV matches on this show; Samoa Joe vs. Chris Jericho was the first. Jericho has become the master of the RAW TV match – they this kept moving while still telling a story, kept it interesting with signature spots, and Joe’s missed senton into the Walls of Jericho was a pretty neat spot. The Joe/Rollins post-match promo was very much the promo the WWE likes to do when they’ve ran through all the big angles and just want to get to the match. The KO/Joe alliance seemingly over, Triple H disappearing, and Seth’s victory over Triple H not being hard sold are all strong indicators of the post-Mania blues.
Enzo & Big Cass vs. Gallows & Anderson was a relatively high-end Enzo & Big Cass TV match, with some sweet highlights outside of the usual beatdown and hot tag jazz – Anderson taking a clothesline over the top, Cass launching Enzo into Gallows & Anderson on the outside, Anderson’s spinebuster, and Anderson’s leaping cut-off of Enzo trying to make the tag were all good stuff. The finish was kind of incredible too – Anderson caught Enzo’s leaping DDT and just dropped him legs-first on the top post, pinned his ass, and WON.
Happy we’re back to an Ambrose vs. The Miz feud, as it’s just a natural fit with Miz as the full-of-himself prissy boy with a chip on his shoulder and Ambrose as the laid back tough guy with a chip on his shoulder. MizTV w/ Ambrose was a good pro wrestling segment, with Miz shooting on Ambrose like Vince McMahon himself wrote it or it was at least written by a guy trying to pop Vince McMahon (“You make us look like RASSLERS. Why don’t you go ahead and put on a fanny pack and zumbas and take us back 30 years? You’re LAZY and COMPLACENT.”) Plus, Maryse called Dean a dirty little street rat! Did enjoy Dean calmly folding his jacket as Miz ran him down, before trying the Dirty Deeds. Miz spit truths, Dean got motivation, Miz almost got his and then escaped – cool, cool, cool.
The Hand of the King is a fun addition to the Neville gimmick, not sure annoying shit TJP is the perfect choice but we’ll see. TJ with the extra close fade cut is such a heel move. TJ and Jacky Gallagher had themselves a decent little match. Fun wrestling early, and Jack doing the dab was a nice payoff. TJ threw down William the Umbrella, Jack took a wild bump through the ropes, and TJ kicked the middle rope into Jack’s eyes to setup his finish, which I thought was dandy. TJ mugging behind Neville was fun stuff too – the first few weeks after a WWE heel or face turn are usually good and it’s the follow-up that counts, but liking this so far.
Akira Tozawa and Apollo Crews!
The women’s #1 contender 4-way – Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Mickie James vs. Nia Jax – had it happened in 2008 might just have been Sasha vs. Alexa vs. Mickie vs. Nia instead. This thing got some TIME. And it was OK. There were a lot of fun moments, but it was a match built around Nia Jax who just isn’t all there yet. Alexa Bliss was the highlight and had some awesome interactions with Jax – slapping her, backing away, backing down off the top rope. Also loved her getting the big hometown pop and putting her hand up to her adoring fans – “Cheer for me? How DARE you.” To her credit Nia did take a solid bump in the corner, and her shake-choking Mickie was pretty great. The brief Sasha vs. Alexa showdown was pretty cool, they might have something there. Finish was great – Sasha set Mickie up for a superplex, Nia grabbed Sasha for a Samoan drop and then just casually drove her into Mickie which knocked Mickie off the top, Nia hit the Samoan drop, and Alexa knocked her outside and pinned Banks to steal the win.
Curt Hawkins taking credit for Show main eventing tonight was great. Finn Balor made a surprise return from concussion and had himself a perfect 30-second squash – get those signatures over, boy. Also liked Graves’ line on Finn: James Dean Cool, John Wayne Tough.
Jericho had himself a promo. The Drifter going on The List was dumb fun. Also liked Jericho not being ashamed of losing to Joe.
Bray Wyatt had himself a promo too. Eh. Maybe at this point he really works for the kiddies, I dunno. Kinda over him, and him vs. Orton, and we’ve got a Jinder Mahal match to get to now anyways. Of all the possibilities, babyface Wyatt tormenting Mahal and Bollywood Boyz is probably more interesting than Jinder vs. Orton or Orton vs. Wyatt, but here we are.
The Alicia Fox stuff is so embarrassing, keep that shit on the Network. Emma trying to recruit Dana Brooke is neat, but Jesus.
Jeff Hardy vs. Cesaro was another solid TV match, this thing was fun as hell. First of all though: God would I love to be in the room for a WWE pitch to an ad company – we can put your fucking allergy owl on-screen during a wrestling match! Anyways, this had a lot of good wrestling spots, with Jeff already back to selling / actually feeling like he’s a broken man. Cesaro’s powerslam catch, Jeff’s little dance before the dive outside, Jeff’s bump on the uppercut outside – all good stuff. The Hardys are already like top-tier workers in WWE.
This was a good show. BRAAAAAUUUUUUNNNNNN
SMACKDOWN (4/18/17)
Even at a time when their roster feels a bit depleted, and even at a time when the show isn’t like, AMAZING, SmackDown still presents their stars so much better than RAW. Even if nobody is getting shine like a Braun Strowman, they are still put in positions where they aren’t overwhelmed by the BIGNESS of the show. Naomi, Luke Harper, Mojo Rawley, now Jinder… these fellas are getting reactions. On Monday, RAW is the star. On Tuesday, the wrestler is.
Decent enough Charlotte/Naomi interview/angle to open the show. Not gonna tell some newcomer to wrestling to start with this, but it got the point across. Charlotte Flair is a star and they’ve done so well with Naomi.
The 6-way #1 Contender’s Match was bonkers. Really appreciated the wackiness of the lineup here – Dolph, Harper, Zayn, Mojo, Rowan, Jinder. This had a fun bunch of action, everybody got some love, and then – JINDER. I like how straight-up OVER Luke Harper has become, the crowd is buzzing for this guy. Good solid ACTION~! early and then they did that thing they do where it got batshit crazy towards the end. Rowan powerbombing Ziggler to the outside was wild – Ziggler was just bumping his head off here. What a god damn near fall with Jinder covering Ziggler after the running punch by Mojo, great timing on the save by Sami and sell of it, pleading with the ref that he got there in time. Harper reaching off the top rope as Ziggler covered Rowan was also cool. Jinder Mahal’s post-bump here may have been the first interesting thing he ever did in wrestling. Honestly, this match was like most of the 205 Live matches should be. And then, the Bollywood Boyz showed up which was so WHAAAAT!?!?!? Great filming and delivery of that – they teased Zayn hitting the Helluva kick and winning, and then pan-down BOOM random Indian guys.
We need to talk about Jinder. I am absolutely, positively down with this. It’s wrestling. There are 52 weeks to fill. And I don’t need to get all holier than thou, but this is a god damn business. It’s been said to death on Wrestling Twitter, but WWE is expanding into India and just opened a shop there. And fuck it, it’s an awesome hook. I’m not confident Jinder is an interesting enough wrestler to do this but I am so interested to see it happen. All I have seen him do is a crap angle with Great Khali, an OK NXT Title match with Seth Rollins, and a bunch of trash Main Event/Superstars matches. But, I know he’s capable, too. He wouldn’t be here otherwise. And it’s going to be pretty fascinating to see a guy who’s been mocked and treated as an afterthought for so long get a RUN. That is the meta-entertainment that WWE provides. And really, the post-match promo was pretty awesome too. Crowd was pissed off and he went in on them – YOU PEOPLE BOO ME!? BOOOOOO!!! WEALTH! EDUCATION! 2 LANGUAGES! It might be JBL, it might be Eric Escobar, but I am intrigued. And the Boyz running with him is great shit too.
And then Randy Orton cut a promo on Bray Wyatt as he was standing in the ring with Jinder. Oh brother.
Did these dickheads really advertise Nakamura to the live crowd as “up next” and then just give them a video package?
I continue to enjoy James Ellsworth as a background piece of shit for Carmella – “Back of the line, Tamina!” Natalya/Carmella/Tamina is, like, I dunno. Glad they’re giving them direction, I guess. Can see Charlotte turning face, teaming with Becky, then turning on her again to re-cement her shittiness. I’d be into that. Though Charlotte, Natalya, Carmella and Tamina would be the worst possible Four Horsemen.
Charlotte vs. Naomi had some cool shit, or at least cool ideas – some was a bit clunky, but they got 10 minutes and did alright. Alexa Bliss did have a much better match with Naomi though. I like Charlotte’s shtick as one of the only gals who works legit HOLDS, and though it looked super setup, Naomi’s rana to the outside was neat. Liked Charlotte’s response to Naomi’s springboard sunset flip-de-doo with a simple knee to the back of the neck. Charlotte did telegraph a lot of Naomi’s shit – I mean it was probably their first match together, but still – try less shit if you’re live then. Finish was awesome – Charlotte countered the Rear View with a straight-up boot to the ass, then immediately hit the Natural Selection to win win. Not great, but at least they tried some shit.
American Alpha vs. Primo & Epico Colon was a solid enough short tag match. I mean, we were always headed towards them straight-up being called The Colons, right? Who will be the first to make fun of it? Cena? Is it gonna be Cena? I bet it’s Cena.
The Face of America Open Challenge is a fine use of Kevin Owens. On his entrance, HIS FACE IS THE FLOOR NOW. This was a great straight-up squash, total perfection right down to the jobber awkwardly taking the finish.
AJ Styles vs. Baron Corbin was a good main event. AJ is gold and COrbin’s trying. Liked all of Corbin’s seething anger at not being able to easily finish AJ off. Early stuff was fun with AJ ducking and dodging Corbin, and finally getting caught with a snake eyes on the apron. AJ’s bump under the bottom rope on the corner post was amazing, this man is a magician … just drove his ribs into it and went FLYING to the floor. Epic Deep Six here too. Finish was a fine way of protecting Corbin and doing something in Week 1 of 5 with Owens/AJ, with Corbin back body dropping AJ into KO and THAT GUYS’ reaction to it. Amazing use of cutting to a dude in the crowd just freaking out, hilarious.
TALKING SMACK (4/18/17)
This was not a very compelling edition of the show. Renee hosted with Shane instead of baby-expecting Daniel Bryan, and Jinder, The Colons, and Charlotte are not ideal interview subjects. Embrace the Talking Smack, folks. Start trying some weird shit, this is a safe space.
205 LIVE (4/18/17)
205 Live is proof that you can’t get away with just good in-ring stuff… this is such a dead show considering it has pretty consistently at least one good match, as well as Tozawa and Neville who I’d put in my top 5 WWE guys right now.
Tony Nese vs. Tozawa was a solid match to get to the angle with Kendrick. Nese was a cock early, pushing Tozawa away and avoiding him. Tozawa got some brief control, then got cut-off. Nese’s delayed slingshot suplex was pretty sweet.
The Noam Dar/Rich Swann/Alicia Fox angle continued to be hot garbage, wrestling-wise the attempts here to get Swann and Cedric over are admirable but in the end this is nothing that belongs anywhere on a television set.
Well they did it. Ariya Daivari has a ring jacket and sunglasses. Someone told him it wasn’t working! WWE having 2 Rich Indian Guy gimmicks going at once though, fuck. His match with Mustafa Ali was good… don’t think Daivari is doing anything new outside of having a spot where he makes sure his boots are clean, but Ali did a nuts tope con hilo and got backdropped on the apron. Every Ali match, even the most rudimentary, at least has something sweet. Daivari working the back, then countering the tornado DDT with a spinebuster was cool too.
I’m Not Lying, No More Flying – not exactly a step forward for the new Drew Gulak gimmick, but not a step back, either.
Liked Austin Aries vs. TJ Perkins, or at least most of it. Seemed to lose some momentum towards the end and the crowd felt deflated, but then for the last couple minutes it had a weirdly epic feel to it too. TJ as a heel is a million times better – he backed out of the ring after getting his hand slapped! Some pretty spiffy matwork here, with Aries aggressive and TJ being a bitch. Incredible tope by Aries too – Tozawa has the lightning speed and headbutt delivery while Aries just dwarfs folk with his. Aries missed 450 > knee tweak > TJ kneebar was a nice spot. Did TJ do a double chickenwing nut shot, or did they fuck up? Aries you are 40, why ya doing two 450s on 205 Live. Post-match had a good visual: TJ sitting as Neville applied the Rings was NICE.
NXT (4/19/17)
NXT is 2 for 2 since TakeOver, oh YES. Super solid show, with a fun NXT Title angle, feud-ending Steel Cage Match, and a couple matches/angle to get some fellas over.
Decent promo to open the show by Bobby Roode – I’m not his biggest fan, but know he’s a pro and like that they decided to run with a guy and are establishing him as the guy. Sweet return for Hideo Itami here too – he SLAPPED him! It is a god damn shame Itami hasn’t been around in forever, and fuuuuck do I hope this works out. If I’m booking, and I never will, but if I am I’d have his gimmick now be that he’s allll pissed off: I am Hideo. I was supposed to be on the main roster by now. I was supposed to be traveling the world. But I am still stuck in Florida. And I am going to annihilate everybody.
Oh god they’re making Tyler Bate do backstage WWE stuff HE’S NOT READY!!!!
The new cell phone footage thing they’re doing is neat – first Billie & Peyton confronting Liv & Aliyah last week, now Heavy Machinery catching Almas talking shit to Drew this week. They’re finally doing something with Almas… “He’s probably going to party. At 1:15PM?” Almas vs. Danny Burch was a fun-ass 3 minutes of wrestling.
The Asuka video package. My god, Asuka is unstoppable.
The Kay/Royce theme song has to change, it is positively ridiculous. Their tag with Liv & Aliyah was OK, but had some real clunk to it – like Billie Kay clearly started that rolling cradle on herself. Glad NXT is trying to be developmental again though.
The Tye Dillinger/Eric Young Steel Cage Match hit all the right notes, it wasn’t the most epic cage match in the world but was a fun thing and really did feel like a proper feud blowoff. Dillinger is like the best WWE-style wrestler, but not the best intense brawl guy … this was a steel cage match feud-ender where half the match was built around “10” chants. Lot of highlights here though… Tye closing the door, EY gouging Tye’s eye and slamming him into the cage, Young’s big cage elbow, Young’s BLOOD! And the action wasn’t all that bad either, just wasn’t fully buying in to the intensity. SAnitY taunting Tye as he tried to climb out of the cage was a classic camera shot. Ohno, Strong and Riot ran out to even the odds against SAnitY for the finish, which was all good stuff… Dain just charging Strong and smashing him against the cage was wild, Tye hit a big crossbody off the cage, Dain and Wolfe got into the cage like monsters freed from their chains, and Tye escaped to the floor and SmackDown Live.
MAIN EVENT (4/19/17)
There might be something to Main Event – every week, watching these cold matches with WWE-contracted talent forced to tell a story in the ring and not just hit signature moves with the story being told in the background. But, you’re still watching Curtis Axel vs. Titus O’Neil a lot.
This show was worth watching for another strong cruiserweight tag (Metalik/Dorado vs. Nese/Daivari); they’re still a little cold but the masked fellas are bringing the fun. Gran Metalik and Lince Dorado, both wearing masks, were always just destined to team together weren’t they? I like the attempt at a new Daivari gimmick but he looks like a guy playing dress-up. Metalik is tremendous, seeing him doing all his wild shit on WWE is a treat. Pretty sweet spot here with Metalik trying to reverse somersault into something, Nese lifting him with a powerslam, Metalik reversing with a tornado DDT, leading to a hot tag on Dorado. Another Main Event Match Worth Watching, just because Metalik and Dorado are spectacular wrestlers, even if they lost to Daivari in the end.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Big Show vs. Braun Strowman, not because it’s refreshing to see a big WWE guy match in today’s WWE, but also because these two can WORK, GOD DAMNIT. GIANTSSSSS!! AAAARRRGGGHHHHAAAAAA!!!!!
WWE TV MVP of the Week: BRRRAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN is becoming a star before our very eyes.
Solid. Very, very solid. The Braun stuff on RAW was epic and everything around it, all Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday night, was very promising. Another fun week of WWE TV. If you can’t appreciate a lot of stuff that’s going on right now then this just isn’t ever going to be for you.
RAW: 7/10
SmackDown: 7/10
205 Live: 5/10
NXT: 7/10
