Can we reflect for a moment on how good both go-home shows for WrestleMania were this year compared to years of ehhh RAW’s and digest SmackDown’s? WWE done stepped up. It’s still super stupid, but the roster is loaded with so much talent that one of the biggest (and honestly, for me, only) disappointments about this year’s card is that there isn’t enough room for all this awesome talent to have a good spot.
It’s probably really hard write hours of weekly television and still be expected to provide at least a couple really good things every single week. Like, any run-of-the-mill episodic series spends time on setting pieces in place. But if it’s a good show, the setting pieces in place is what’s interesting to watch. WWE is really boring and transparent at setting pieces in place. As I’ve discussed on this here blog in the past, WWE usually gets to where they need to, but in the stupidest possible way.
Mania build is where all that comes to roost. They’ve gotten to where they need to on so many things. In 2016 Kevin Owens, AJ Styles, The Miz, Baron Corbin, and Alexa Bliss were all built up to the point where they are credible in big time matches on this card. Even if some of the week-to-week sucked, the good outweighed the bad and they got to where they needed to. The Owens and Jericho Best Friend angle has been building since KO got the title in October. The Miz and Maryse have been on a tear to the point where them against Cena and Nikki Bella seems like a massive deal. Triple H vs. Seth Rollins has been in the works since Rollins turned on his brothers in 2014. Roman Reigns vs. The Undertaker feels like a massive deal. Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg, despite it being a little bit lame, feels like a Big Fight.
Unfortunately, some of that stupid piece-setting also leads to things like the RAW Women’s Title match having zero buzz, or Wyatt/Orton feeling a bit off what with the sudden Orton turn and #1 contender stuff and not having Harper involved, or yes a few disappointing names being relegated to the Battle Royal.
But what do I know? At the end of the day WrestleMania is gonna make a million billion dollars and I am going to love so much on this weekend. Hall of Fame, TakeOver: Orlando, hanging with the good 1053 Ridge brothers for Mania … and the corporate-backed indies. My god, the corporate-backed indies. Hopefully the show itself ends up good, too.
RAW (3/27/17)
As a WrestleMania go-home show I thought this was completely acceptable. It hit all the right notes, hard sold the matches, and had some shockingly solid in-ring stuff too. If you’re not into modern day WWE I could see you hating it; otherwise I thought they knocked it out of the park and tried harder than usual. Philly sucked for the first couple hours, but once the Big Dawg got out there opposite Undertaker they got their mojo back.
Women’s division stuff for the first few segments wasn’t great, though the match got decent towards the end. Bayley didn’t exactly have the crowd in the palm of her hand for that promo. As challenging as writing RAW might be, there’s no excuse to have blown this build-up so badly… just diminishing returns being seen here, a result of them fucking up every peak this division should have had the last year. Ice Queen Charlotte remains pretty great though, I want to see her in a Cersei Lannister role someday. She should cackle after every line too.
The tag match was alright, pretty slow start but got better towards the end. Charlotte and Sasha have good brawling chemistry, but not “start a tag off hot” chemistry. Everybody did their shtick here and it was fine, there just wasn’t much energy to it. I liked Bayley’s missed crossbody bump and Charlotte’s backbreaker on Sasha. Nice hot tag too, and a decent finish outside of rookie-ass Nia just leaped through the ropes when Sasha ducked.
Sami Zayn finally just entering the Andre Battle Royal was kind of funny and sad at the same time – Zayn’s had an up-and-down year but has finally gained some momentum, and here he is ready to duke it out with Simon Gotch. All in all though, I don’t have a problem with it – there’s no room for Joe vs. Zayn on this big-ass card, and if they ever do go with it it does assist the frustrated underdog role. Zayn in the Andre could be to Bryan losing to Sheamus in 18-seconds. Or not.
Aries vs. Noam Dar was a fine squash for Aries en route to Neville. Think I’m over Dar though – same with the crowd, did you hear that GROAN when he entered!? He took a fine dropkick to the face though. Enjoyed Aries’ elbow to setup the finish, enjoyed his stares at Neville as the WrestleMania sign loomed in the background, and his EYES as he locked in the Last Chancery put it all over the top.
Thought the Triple H/Seth Rollins hold harmless contract signing was a fascinating bit of television – this was Triple H’s worldview in a promo. Felt like what would happen if Donald Trump dropped the populist act and revealed his true evil. “If everybody doesn’t hate you, then you are not living up to your full potential.” “Sleep – who has time for sleep? I would rather eat well than sleep well. I would rather drive a nice car, fly in a private plane, live in a mansion … live the good life, Seth.” Pro-tip for Hunter: I know you’re a hard worker, but a lot of studies say lack of sleep is just as bad as smoking cigarettes or being obese. C’mon man.
Seth FINALLY had a babyface promo here too, how in God’s name did it take this long for him to state his motivation!? It was pretty damn good too and made for a good go-home segment. ALTHOUGH – if Rollins said “that is the same line of BULLSHIT I bought into two years ago” instead of bullcrap, this show would do 2 million buys.
As silly as it was I still appreciate a good Over The Top Rope Challenge. This thing was kind of a mess but in a good way… first few entrants were 1 guy, then the Shining Stars entered at the same time, then like 3 guys ran out, then Show gets eliminated by guys he’s eliminated, then comes back in and chokeslams people and his music hits and who cares – BRRRRAAAAUUUUUUNNNN!!!!
Neville vs. Jack Gallagher was a fine squash for Neville en route to Aries. This was a fun match – Neville taking Jack’s shtick was neat, then – GERMAN suplex!!! Beautiful umbrella-assisted plancha by Jack before Neville finished his ass off. Jack got some shine and Neville looked strong – good shit. The Austin Aries News Network was great too – is Aries just pitching his head off or does creative really want him to succeed? He got to play with New Day!!
“I went on to headline WrestleMania… twice.” Roman Reigns as the #1 heel in professional wrestling sure is something. He’s doing babyface merch numbers and getting record amounts of crowd heat – what a moment we are living in. Philly was all over Roman and this honestly might have been his best promo ever. Of course, it was a heel promo. “This is MYYYY YARD.” What enunciation!!! And then the POP for The Undertaker. Great segment, if Taker’s at all mobile this match is going to be absolutely sweltering.
Luke Gallows’ personality continuing to creep out might be the biggest slow burn in wrestling – decent little promo on Enzo & Cass. All the tag division stuff on this show was a very forced way to get to a ladder match. As much as they have over-killed Enzo & Big Cass, I am all about them getting the big Mania moment, standing atop the ladder with tag team gold… or silver? What are the Tag Team Titles? The guitar screech to interrupt Cass spelling out SAWFT was the best moment this whole 3-way feud has had. Also enjoyed Graves’ sheer glee at Enzo getting knocked off the top rope.
Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn No DQ for Sami in the Andre / Sami’s Career was a lot of fun… had some stakes and these guys excel as this type of match, especially when they get the go-ahead to go crazy. Had a bunch of good brawling, big spots, and they played with all their signature moves by setting them up and constantly shifting momentum with counters. Lots of highlights: KO threw his shirt at Zayn! Zayn tried the barricade moonsault and KO pushed him into the crowd! Tope con hilo off the ramp! Cannonball caught with an Exploder! Diving tornado DDT! Helluva kick countered with superkick! Pop-up powerbomb countered with a Blue Thunder Bomb! Joe! Jericho! Owens makes The List!! This was fun, and Jericho putting Owens on The List was the final bit of build this whole crazy feud needed.
Did Paul Heyman do a Jewish prayer for Bill Goldberg??? Not much new you can do with the Brock/Goldberg feud, but Goldberg spearing Brock is a WAAAAAY better last moment before Mania than Reigns and Brock having a tug-of-war or Reigns diving onto Triple H and the WWE roster to chants of “You Still Suck.”
SMACKDOWN (3/28/17)
This was all worth watching… Shane/AJ on the mic, Naomi’s return, Breezy Bella hamming it up with Daniel Bryan, Total Bellas Bullshit, The Miz, John Cena, 10-man fun, a great Wyatt/Harper match. As with RAW a fine go-home show.
AJ Styles and Shane McMahon did their thing – a contract signing in a world of contract signings. Kudos to the man in the crowd, yelling out “YOUR SISTER’S HOT!” and shaking Shane McMahon – he took his moment and made the most of it.
Yanno, after the creativity black hole that was last week’s SmackDown Women’s Title segment I appreciated what they were going for this week, even if both matches were kind of just everybody running through spots as background noise for commentary. Liked some of Mickie’s work – trying to fight away, selling Alexa’s boot. There’s some decent energy to even throwaway matches since SmackDown has done a better job establishing all these gals. SWEET return for Naomi. WHAT A POP! WHAT A RANA!! This whole thing kind of slunk along until the Naomi return made it allllll worth it.
Is anybody fascinated by how much Fandango has maintained his shape over the years!? Guy has been RIPPED since day 1. Fun little segment backstage with Breezy Bella, Fandango and Daniel Bryan. “I told you – you need to wear the wristbands.”
The Miz/Cena segment was so god damn good. SOOOO good. It is so gloriously professional wrestling. Like, Rollins/HHH has the history, Reigns/Taker and Brock/Goldberg have the Big Fight Feel, Owens/Jericho have the FRIENDSHIP… but WOWWWW. More Total Bellas Bullshit was fun – Miz’ shoulderpads as Cena and Miz’ hair as BRYAN was incredible. Miz as Bryan in general was incredible. And then, THE MIZANINS BROUGHT IT HOME! They took off the costumes and got SERIOUS. Exactly the promo this feud needed. “And the whole world is gonna know that your entire life… is total bullshit.”
An THENNNN John Cena tore the Mizanins apart. What a batch of just phenomenal one-liners, while at the same time selling his anger and intensity, while at the same time telling jokes, while at the same time overtly embracing his part-time role. I mean JOHN. CENA. “It was like actually, one of the few good things you’ve done here.” “Watchoo firin’ blanks there sport?” HE TAPPED HIS BALLS. “These two are nothing but gutless, spineless, loud-mouthed, cowards.” “If you so much as step in my direction, she’ll knock the botox out your cheeks.” There have been a lot of great performances as we close in on WrestleMania, but John Cena and The Miz stood above them all.
Good to see SmackDown’s recurring guest stars get a 2-segment 10-man tag. Pretty formula stuff but relatively fun, and as per usual a really fun finish. That Ziggler superkick on Heath leading to the Gore was pretty awesome – the people love the Gore. Nice corner bump by Jimmy Uso early too… I’m thinking the roster loves those new LED turnbuckle posts. Mojo’s hot tag was tremendous as well. Remember when Dolph Ziggler just killed Apollo Crews and Kalisto and then they disappeared?
Did Otunga get an atta boy on the Mania card rundown? You could hear him say “thank you” during Wyatt’s entrance.
Liked Harper’s pre-match promo: I AM FREE. I. AM. FREE.
Really liked Wyatt/Harper. They worked this fucker as a BRAWL, loved it. No feeling-out bullshit here – they went AT IT. Sometimes ya wonder where SD is going after Mania, sometimes ya remember Luke Harper is right there. Guy looks great in new gear even if he’s basically cosplaying as Dean Ambrose. Lots of nice spots that popped the crowd – the early crossbody, Harper’s sidewalk slam, the superplex, Bray’s senton, Harper’s Abigail tease, HARPER’S TOPE!!!, slingshot senton, and big boot for a near fall, the Sister Abigail cradle counter. Loved the finish too – Bray Wyatt’s signature move is a STARE INTO YOUR SOUL. Wyatt stared Harper down, hit him with the Abigail and pinned him – INTRIGUE!!! Also highly enjoyed Harper rolling Bray back into the ring quickly after the tope – I MUST PIN HIM.
That Orton thing at the end was like, the video package you air before the actual match, not the go-home promo. Whatever. I accept.
TALKING SMACK (3/28/17)
This was a relatively catatonic edition of Talking Smack outside of Baron Corbin bringing it home with a promo on Dean Ambrose. Nice touch early on with the Jan Ross tribute – I might well up if JR appears on-screen this Sunday. AJ Styles seemed tired. Naomi seemed exciting. Ambrose/Corbin promo was OK. “When he was stapling dollar bills to his forehead, I was playing in front of 70,000 people getting paid big time money.” Nice hard sell by Corbin at the end there. THE ULTIMATE THRILL RIDE! YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
205 LIVE (3/28/17)
Well this thing snuck up on me. Lot to bitch about here, but it also had Tozawa vs. Brian Kendrick which was a bonafide classic.
Liked the straight replay of last week to start the show versus the bullshit RAW video package that usually does. Neville saying “The Ultimate Thrill Ride, WrestleMania” was incredible.
Rich Swann vs. Ariya Daivari just made me confused and then sad. What is Daivari’s gameplan? Like, Daivari – the actual person. What’s his angle here? Is it just to be nondescript? Just a bland guy? Who backstage is telling him: everything is working just fine, bud. Your gimmick is that you don’t really have a gimmick, you’re just kind of a dick and wrestle really generically. Daivari is a competent wrestler – for all I know he is one backwards hat or rubber ducky away from being a superstar. Why is he not pitching anything!? He and Swann tried their little hearts out but c’mon.
And then the Rich Swann/Alicia Fox thing backstage… that was not good, and it made me just distraught. I know nobody’s listening, but let me just say it out there into the world: do not do this to Rich Swann. Just don’t do it. Do not make him some m’lady nerd or put him in some stupid relationship angle just after he got married and make him do these dumb segments designed to maybe make him look smooth but really just make him unlikable. DO NOT DO THIS.
Thought Drew Gulak’s deal with Mustafa Ali was a pretty great little thing. I hope reading cue cards becomes a part of the act – Gulak leading an army to fix 205 Live is interesting, but Gulak as somebody’s Stephen Miller would be downright fascinating. Enjoyed it transitioning into the Ali entrance too. Fine squash for him against Brandon Scott, who looks like Noam Dar from afar.
Akira Tozawa vs. Brian Kendrick was SO good. Just loved this thing. Tozawa is such a spectacular wrestler to watch and everything felt like a gritty fight. The best way I can describe this match is that it happened in three acts.
Act 1 – Tozawa’s Attack: INCREDIBLE Tozawa squash. Holy shit. Guy has built up like fifteen signature moves already, and just GOES at Kendrick, tired of the lesson bullshit. He starts the match with a straight-up BOOT that knocks Kendrick outside. He follows it up with a PHENOMENAL bullet tope. He follows THAT up by going back in and dropping a HUUUUUUUGEEEE top rope senton. He then hits his delayed fist spot and the crowd is popping, doing his HAW! thing, all of it. Kendrick tries the Captain’s Hook – it’s all he has! – and Tozawa gets out and tries the snap German. Kendrick ends up outside, so Tozawa delivers ANOTHER beautiful bullet tope.
Act 2 – Tozawa’s Struggle: Kendrick takes over by drop toeholding Tozawa onto the ramp, which Tozawa takes HARD. Then Kendrick does nothing but just aggressively trying to apply the Captain’s Hook, desperately trying to put away this beast. The only real move he hits is just dropping Tozawa’s ass with a nasty backdrop. He punishes Tozawa with crossfaces and it’s all gritty and great.
Act 3 – Kendrick Strikes Back: Tozawa rocks Kendrick with an INCREDIBLE comeback, highlighted by an insane pump kick in the corner. Then… they fight. The word that keeps coming to mind here is desperation. They both desperately struggle for a backdrop suplex off the top rope, during which Kendrick pulls the turnbuckle pad off. Tozawa tries a spider German (!?) but Kendrick desperately elbows away. Tozawa fires the crowd up but runs into the turnbuckle, leading to a Kendrick cradle for the 1-2-3.
Neville/Aries stuff at the end was pretty good. I like how the WHAT chants for Neville seem like genuine good old-fashioned heel heckling vs. a restless fanbase just shitting on something. Loved the “Let me show you 205 Live without Neville… run the footage’ bit. Aries cut himself an excellent promo – wonder if he’s a guy like Styles who Vince wishes he got earlier. Great elbow by Neville, great mic shot by Aries. These two are busting ass to make this a thing to be excited about and for me it’s worked.
A fine go-home for 205 with Aries/Neville and Tozawa/Kendrick, but Swann/Daivari was still a reminder that 205 Live can easily suck. Like maybe post-Mania we’re getting Itami/Tozawa/Ali vs. Aries/Neville/Breeze 6-mans with defined characters and getting lectured about needing to be patient. But a lot of this seems more testing patience than anything. Either way, watch Tozawa vs. Kendrick.
NXT (3/29/17)
You know I mostly ignore the official theme songs for NXT, just am quietly pleased that they’re cutting all these music deals and like to believe Corey Graves has a big part in it. But what in the fuck is Motionless in White? Who’s listening to this? Teenagers? Is it teenagers? I hovered around a phase in high school where I might have been interested in something like this, but I didn’t think bands like this existed anymore. My god. The touch. All out of the touch.
NXT is just limping their way until Orlando, aren’t they? The Gargano/Dash/Akam Triple Threat was alright – kept it moving, and Johnny/Akam was niiiiice. He just committed to just throwing himself at Akam until it ruled. Revival stealing the win was neat. Heavy Machinery debuted – I’d mark out for this if I was a 5-year-old, absolutely. They should have a finish called the Stop Sign. Asuka/Ember contract signing was pretty bad. Ember is not a good promo, at least not good at what they are telling her to do.
Kassius Ohno/The Drifter Loser Leaves NXT was pretty good, had some wild strikes but with Hero’s recent indy run being an unfortunate blind spot for me, Ohno’s stuff just isn’t clicking with me yet. Great aggression by Drifter though and those ELBOWS by Ohno, I mean Jesus. Drifter’s lariat might’ve been the match highlight. Solid snug stuff, and thought Drifter sold the exit like a champion.
MAIN EVENT (3/29/17)
Dana Brooke vs. Alicia Fox was just a bad wrestling match – still always impressed by Alicia Fox’s bumps and athleticism, but she works a super basic match around Dana being a clunky babyface. Dana working babyface is something new, I guess.
The cruiserweight 6-man – Mustafa Ali/Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado vs. Tony Nese/Drew Gulak/Ariya Daivari – was a Main Event Match Worth Watching, it was only like 5 minutes but was a fine showcase for 3 young babyfaces of 205 Live that deserve a lot more love. Metalik taking it to Tony Nese was fun stuff – everything was hit smoothly and he took a crazy shoulderblock bump in the middle. Ali took a great bump to the outside to setup the heat as well as a backflip bump off a Gulak clothesline, and they wrapped everything up all pretty and stuff.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Well Owens/Zayn was fun but Kendrick/Tozawa was another level for me, what a god damn match.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: John Cena brought it home. Roman did, Miz did, Rollins did, Triple H did, Aries did, Braun did, AJ did… but John Cena DID.
A good week of WWE TV … RAW and SmackDown were effective WrestleMania go-home shows and had a lot of fun stuff. The Cena/Miz and Roman promos are all-time keepers. 205 Live was better than usual with the Kendrick/Tozawa match and Neville/Aries promo, and well NXT was NXT, but that doesn’t really count.
RAW: 8/10
SmackDown: 8/10
205 Live: 6/10
NXT: 4/10
