I’ve always been kind of interested in the idea of criticism and moods.
Like, how does a movie critic in a bad mood objectively discuss a movie? Or, is that the job – take something in with a blank slate and articulate its’ merit to the reader? A critic doesn’t say they enjoy something, for they are objective viewers and to recommend based on enjoyment would be subjective.
But for wrestling, that’s kind of stupid.
Sometimes you watch wrestling in a bad mood and a crap show comes off even worse, makes you question why you spend so much time on this dumb thing in the first place. Or sometimes you watch it in a good mood and you accept and embrace the madness more than ever.
I’ve been in a pretty good mood the last few weeks, and WrestleMania and all that that encapsulates – the Hall of Fame ceremony, NXT TakeOver, independent wrestling, and post-Mania RAW and SmackDown – kept that mood chugging along. And objectively, subjectively, whatever – I enjoyed myself, but also found it to be a pretty awesome, impressive presentation of sports entertainment.
This week of WWE TV was just a sugar rush of professional wrestling. Debuts, returns, angles, and great wrestling. Plus – ENERGY!
RAW After WrestleMania is usually a strong show as WWE has to get angles going to push them through the spring and you usually get a few cool debuts/returns, but this year had both RAW After WrestleMania and SmackDown After WrestleMania and each show was just non-stop awesome. Like, every single match or THING on TV this week – outside of Titus O’Neil vs. Curtis Axel on Main Event – was good. There’s something to be said about WWE catering to dopes who would rather chant for a beach ball then RESPECT THE BOYS but those dopes are also the folks who go absolutely mad for Cesaro and Sheamus winning a shot at the Tag Titles or flip out for an Ambrose vs. Corbin match after they practically shit the bed a couple nights before.
WrestleMania is usually a confirmation that the brand is hot, and WWE took full advantage of that. This is BIG. Reigns’ heat-seeking promo, The Hardys Tag Title defense, Neville vs. Mustafa Ali, Teddy Long cameo, Vince introducing a happy Kurt Angle as GM, The Revival call-up, Emma’s return, Sami Zayn getting some love, Brock/Braun confrontation, Finn Balor return and NXT4 main event, Erick Rowan return, Alexa/Naomi having themselves a wrestling match, Tye Dillinger call-up, Miz and Maryse dressing up again as Cena and Nikki, Corbin and Dean making up for Mania and beating the shit out of each other, Styles maybe turning face, and SHINSUKE NAKAMURA. Like, WHOA, dude. And that’s in addition to The Undertaker maybe possibly retiring, The Hardys returning, Seth Rollins beating Triple H, John Cena proposing to Nikki Bella, and Rob Gronkowski. The key is in the follow-up, of course. And usually that’s hit-or-miss. But man has this run been FUUUUUNNN!!!
RAW (4/3/17)
A show in which I sat back on my couch, got hooked up to an IV, and said “ONE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING, PLEASE.”
God damn was the Roman Reigns bit a brilliant start to the show – the five minutes of UNDER-TAKER chants, Roman’s music hitting to a chorus of boos. I would’ve totally popped if like Drew Gulak or Ariya Daivari came out for a tag match, but Roman was fine. This was everything you want from the worldwide leader in sports entertainment adapting to their most rabid fanbase. All the most spectacular chants for the greatest modern day heel: DELETE!, FUCK YOU RO-MAN, ASS-HOLE, GO! AWAY! And Roman just stood there, milking the shit out of it, before he uttered “THIS IS MY YARD NOW.” Will they blow the follow-up? Probably. But for one night, this was fucking electric.
Then the Hardy Boyz defended their Tag Team Titles! It was so fun to see the Hardys just doing their thing again on RAW – all their Greatest Hits spots, Matt taking the heat, crowd going crazy with the Broken Matt/Brother Nero chants. Jeff Hardy is still a superstar and I am really interested to see where both guys end up when the nostalgia run closes up. Like, Jeff Hardy vs. Brock Lesnar is something I am all in on. Jeff’s bump on the Boot of Doom was tremendous too… a really fun little match.
Then Neville and Mustafa Ali tore it up! This was an awesome match that also made me cringe at the RAW after Mania crowd. Love the energy they give these shows, but no “smart” fan should stay silent for Mustafa Ali’s entrance, or chant for a god damn beach ball over these two fellas absolutely crushing it in the ring. Neville is having himself one hell of a run… awesome matches every time he goes out, sometimes to silence and apathy, but awesome nonetheless. Ali hit his spots and took his bumps (all great and pretty-looking) while Neville bumped like a madman. Ali’s springboard Spanish Fly got the beach bums to shut up and then Neville did the amazing FINGER SELL~! where he shakes his fingers to make sure he didn’t just get paralyzed. Reverse rana by Ali looked gorgeous too, and then Neville got control and teased the Red Arrow… then said fuck you, you just played with a beach ball over watching my match, I’m gonna get off the top rope and tap this young boy with a Rings of Saturn. Amazing.
Then Vince McMahon showed up! Love how big of a moment it feels when Vincent K. McMahon appears on TV. He always looks super healthy on TV but crippled anywhere else – guy looked like he was a day from death in the Kurt Angle reunion video. He powered through the Roman Sucks chants and the crowd actually shut up – what a professional this man is. He announced a Superstar Shakeup which is kind of a Draft but not really, and I am all in on this move as SmackDown stacked their shows in the last year and doesn’t have a ton of options left. Plus you can play with the post-Mania debut trope… Nakamura can show up on SmackDown but move to RAW, vice versa for Revival, and the intrigue keeps going after a hot post-Mania week. THEN he announced the new GM for RAW. Teddy Long coming out at first was hilarious, and him strutting away was fucking incredible. Kurt Angle is the new RAW GM and he looked SO. HAPPY. The hits just kept coming.
THEN THE REVIVAL GOT CALLED UP. SAY YEAH! WE GO HARD, ALL DAY ALL NIGHT, ALL MY GOOD SOUTHERN BOYS COME READY TO FIGHT. SCOTT DAWSON PUSHED DOWN THE FUCKING ICE CREAM CART. THE CROWD WAS SCREAMING YEAH! TO THEIR ENTRANCE MUSIC. THE REVIVAL VS. THE HARDY BOYZ IS A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY. Loved every bit of this… a perfect debut to get over exactly who these guys are. They were doing their teamwork shtick on Monday Night RAW!! Distractions, quick tags, cut-offs. Dash pulled Dawson away from the Big E apron spear spot!!! An awesome Shatter Machine finished Woods off, and then they tried to break Kofi’s leg because they are the god damn REVIVAL. So great.
Between Teddy Long strutting away after his cameo and Kurt Angle interacting with folks backstage, the comedy was shockingly on point all show. Enzo’s “Why is Goofy treated like a Goofy and Pluto treated like a dog?” line was great, as was Kurt’s bewilderment at Enzo & Cass’ spelling of SAWFT. I might be sick of Kurt doing RAW shit in a few weeks, but was loving him bantering with the young fellas tonight.
Then the RAW women’s division got its mojo back! The 6-man was helped by the crowd’s energy, but it was really the best RAW women’s TV match outside of the title matches in forever. Evil Emma’s return got a massive pop… one would hope with all the stupid debut teases they’ve inexplicably got her over, but we’ll see. There’s got to be a large chip on that shoulder. Her jumping up on the commentator’s desk on her entrance was awesome. They kept the action moving, got a lot out of the hot crowd, and I was loving Emma being all fired up being back. Solid heat segment on Bayley and a nice finish too, though Nia Jax gingerly jumping out of the ring when somebody ducks is becoming one of my least favorite things. Probably could’ve used a Dana vs. Charlotte spot, otherwise this was good stuff.
Then Braun Strowman confronted Brock Lesnar!!! This was a fine promo by Paul and Brock – the “2 in 23 and 2” is a fine line. Balor chant during the promo was sweet too… would they do The Demon vs. The Beast!? Would they!?!?!? Braun got a big ol’ pop coming out and Brock laying the title down in front of him was HOT.
Then Chris Jericho became The Rock. How did this happen? The crowd was all about him during that backstage promo, and then Owens and Joe attacked him to give the hook of a mystery partner for Rollins later in the show. A nice way of winking to the crowd – yeah, you’re getting Balor.
Then Cesaro & Sheamus and Enzo & Cass had a fun little match. This moved quick with a bunch of fun spots and Cesaro & Sheamus took Enzo & Cass’ stuff like champs before the commercial break cut-off Enzo. Liked the finish – a tease of the Rocket Launcher and then BOOM! Brouge kick! BOOM! Euro uppercut!
Then Sami Zayn got some momentum! Jinder attacking him before the bell was a nice hook to keep this RAW interesting, and I wish all Zayn beatdowns had crowds chanting OLE during them. Exploder, Helluva, win. Did Jinder Mahal get the planned spot for Rusev? Gronk/Rusev would’ve been far more acceptable.
Then the four great young (kinda) hopes of the WWE main evented RAW – Seth Rollins, Kevin Owens, Samoa Joe, and the returning Finn Balor. Four former NXT champs main eventing RAW in Orlando was a fun idea, and god damnit is Finn Balor a superstar, a true #TopGuy. What a reaction. This was a good match, with a nice run for the good guys (and Balor not doing much, but just enough) followed by Joe and Owens going to work on Seth’s knee. Liked the crowd popping as Seth almost tagged Finn followed by the sweet kneecapper by Joe, and enjoyed Rollins selling the knee off the rope flip-dee-doo thing he does leading to the Kokina clutch. Wrapped up real nice too… Owens took that running dropkick Finn does to set up the Coup de Grace like a champ. Perfect capper to the show, love when WWE shows off the future post-Mania and then panics a few months later. Just love it.
RAW TALK (4/3/17)
This was a great bonus, with Bill Goldberg coming out to the ring and spitting TRUTHS. “By the way this ain’t no damn script – I’m speaking straight from my heart, so I’d appreciate if you’d listen.” Bill Goldberg alpha’d like 20K people at once, oh my GOD. He made jokes about not taking bumps, hugged his kid, made everybody cry, said he was done… and then picked up the mic and said “Never. Say. Never.” Loved this. The Hardys and Bayley had a pair of panel interviews and everybody seemed real happy and fired up, but this is worth watching more than anything for Big Bill.
SMACKDOWN (4/4/17)
So SmackDown After Mania is now a thing, and man did they stack this show to get that over. This was non-stop fun, a lot like RAW, with a stacked card that felt like a season finale for SmackDown. Some things were blown off (presumably, at least, Alexa vs. Naomi, Shane vs. AJ, and Miz vs. Cena) and a lot of hooks given to set up next season (Nakamura, Dillinger, Superstar Shakeup, etc).
Randy and The Wyatt Family kicked off the show and as cool as the Erick Rowan return was and a House of Horrors Match SOUNDS, they’re going to need to do a little bit more to hook me here. Like as cool as it is that for a fact Randy Orton set fire to Bray Wyatt’s spiritual mentor’s burial place, it all happened way too quick and isn’t making for a super engaging feud, and the ring work ain’t much either. Did love Randy milking the boos for him, at least, and Bray’s “I’m here” when he appeared in the ring was cool, as was Rowan’s new crazy-ass mask. This was a night of professional wrestling in which we got both RO-WAN and LUKELUKELUKE chants. Can we start calling him Hardbody Harper?
Then Alexa and Naomi had themselves a MATCH. Alexa ain’t a seasoned pro or anything but she has enough charisma and competence to pull off a fine TV match like this… she put the heat on Naomi and worked over her hurt knee before taking the finish. To be honest, a more effective version of Triple H vs. Seth Rollins.
Then – 10!!! Tye Dillinger got the call-up! Good for Tye – freakin’ finally. This was a pitch perfect TV debut, with the crowd ready for Tye to answer Curt Hawkins’ Open Challenge and World Wrestling Entertainment totally delivering. Liked how Tye’s music hit as soon as Hawkins said “I’m gonna give it to the count of 10.” And then he squashed his ass. I don’t know where this goes, but will enjoy it while it lasts.
Then Mojo Rawley cut a decent promo on winning the Andre Battle Royal, though he’s a fella I have no idea how to use outside of being a sweet hot tag. Guy has energy but over-use him and the rejection will come. I know wrestling’s stupid and shit, but going from Cesaro to Big Show to Corbin to Mojo … the Andre Battle Royal is dangerously close to jumping the shark.
Then The Miz and Maryse made fun of John Cena and Nikki Bella some more, and it was cool and all, but then they started to leave and Shinsuke Nakamura made his long-awaited debut. This was SO awesome. What a reaction, what an entrance, what a fucking SPECIMEN this man is. Hopefully he can still wrestle too. Talk about a guy coming off like a major deal… the crowd’s WHAAAADFSNDFSKNDFS reaction to the violinist appearing was so cool. All in on Nakamura interacting with any number of guys on this roster… SO FREAKING COOL!!!
Then Dean Ambrose and Baron Corbin had a Street Fight and it was SO good. Jesus! This was two fellas wanting to prove something. It was like Hulk Hogan vs. Dr. D with more cocaine. Just non-stop chaos and awesome… they started brawling right from the start, kept a fast pace, Ambrose hit a tope that drove Corbin over the table and he got up on the table like FUCK Y’ALL I DON’T CARE IF YOU GAVE MY MATCH **3/4!!! Leather belt shots by Corbin, tables breaking, Corbin’s head driven into a chair in the corner … lots of craziness and the crowd bought way into the madness. Dean’s comeback ending with him giving Corbin a receipt and just going nuts on him with belt shots was awesome. And then Corbin just hurled a god damn chair at Dean’s face and finished him off with the End of Days. AMAZING!!! Had this happened at Mania it would’ve been a top 3 match, I’m serious.
Then AJ Styles might have kind of sort of turned babyface? Either way, an awesome little moment of respect with Shane McMahon – crowd went NUTS for AJ extending his hand. AJ Styles is in his god damn prime and the brass needs to take full advantage of it.
Then Randy Orton and Luke Harper wrestled Bray Wyatt and Erick Rowan in a decent match that felt pretty lackluster after all the excitement. Show might have been even better if this opened the show right after the Rowan return and then Dean vs. Corbin main evented. Tripping on a spin kick is not the best way to make a comeback, Erick. And Harper taking heat? Like, he’s not the champ, but I dunno. This is Hardbody Harper! He don’t need to be taking heat. The boot from Harper in the corner followed by Wyatt’s lariat and the crowd’s shrieks as Rowan set up the full nelson bomb on Randy were highlights. They’ve straight-up fucked Bray up tho.
TALKING SMACK (4/4/17)
Talking Smack was alright, but Shane McMahon as host instead of daddy-to-be Daniel Bryan makes it extra blah. The Usos confronting Shane for not being on Mania, then apologizing was awesome. Tye Dillinger and Naomi meanwhile seem like two folks genuinely happy to be finding success.
205 LIVE (4/4/17)
Did Drake Younger get the referee call-up and nobody noticed? Or am I not on the Internet enough? Either way, happy to see a ref on WWE TV that looks like he’s been through some SHIT.
This was a pretty decent show, though something outside of 4-Way and 5-Way #1 Contender matches would be nice. Tozawa vs. Kendrick was a good match and fine follow-up to last week’s epic, with a hot crowd keeping it fun. They were doing the HAW! thing unprompted!! It’s happening!!! I’m not sure if Kendrick and Tozawa have great chemistry or if Tozawa is just the best in the world. Their matches are based mostly around Tozawa having awesome strikes and charisma but Kendrick plays along with it well. Tozawa’s pump kick in the corner and hurricanrana are damn impressive… WWE 2k18 really needs to get him right, because holy shit. Dug Tozawa faking an injury to beat Kendrick – PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPREMACY! As far as I’m concerned Neville vs. Tozawa could be Match of the Decade.
Was this #205LiveAfterMania!? ONEY LORCAN WAS HERE! And Oney Lorcan wrestles like wrestling is real. This was a strong debut, if it was a debut and not just enhancement for Rich Swann. He fucked Rich up, and then they just kept going and Swann got the win. Think it would’ve been more productive to give Oney a strong debut vs. keeping Swann strong so he can continue creeping on Alicia Fox, but what do I know. What I do know is that I am all about Oney and Gulak getting together and fucking dudes up.
Did Drew Gulak ask Mustafa Ali to compete more CONSERVATIVELY? This is my favorite gimmick, what a creep.
This show also provided a friendly reminder that the UK lads still exist! And their own show is coming! And Trent Seven got a tan!
The 4-way #1 contender’s main event – TJ Perkins vs. Jack Gallagher vs. Mustafa Ali vs. Austin Aries – was really good, but felt like an ROH Four Corner Survival in that it wasn’t very memorable but I dug it while it lasted, just non-stop fun. I rag on TJ but his early run here was hot. Gallagher just casually booting TJ off the apron and setting up the umbrella plancha before getting taken out by Aries was a pretty good metaphor for 205 Live, eh? Ali is an insane bumper… the fall off the Gallagher dropkick was nasty. Insane headbutts by Jack towards the end, and this got pretty great for the finish. Ready for Aries/Neville Pt. II, it should main event a god damn pay-per-view.
NXT (4/5/17)
TakeOver remains fun stuff but yyyeeeeeaaaahhhh. This felt like the season finale to a terrible season, and I don’t think “Bobby Roode’s NXT” and Drew McIntyre is a good enough hook for the next one but here we are. Peyton Royce vs. Aliyah was OK, pretty basic stuff though Peyton taking Aliyah’s stuff was pretty embarrassing. Giving Andrade an “is he dedicated?” gimmick sure is interesting… just the most cookie-cutter corporate way to do a Los Ingobernables gimmick, if that is even the idea. Hope the feller just gets called up already. Heavy Machinery vs. the Bollywood Boyz was a right place right time kind of situation, with the new big boys destroying the annoying dancing dudes. Nice finisher by the Heavies too, I might just be into them vs. The Authors of Pain. Oney vs. El Vagabundo was a silly fun little angle, but I dunno NXT. Get your shit together.
MAIN EVENT (4/5/17)
This was a decent show in that it had Akira Tozawa vs. Drew Gulak which was totally a Main Event Match Worth Watching. Tozawa remains a blast to watch but Gulak is coming into his own as a really effective heel, the ring work is good but he’s also becoming a really subtle piece of shit who’s fun to watch get beat up. Liked him doing shtick as he back-pedaled up the ramp – “Come on, do your thing, dive – I’ll catch ya!” Some great-looking stuff by Tozawa here and a hot finish. Curtis Axel vs. Titus O’Neil was a pretty basic bullshit match brought up a hair by AxelMania being super over. Titus might have been the only guy doing offense to silence during Mania week. Highlight here was the ref audibly telling Titus to put on a hold, and Titus responding with an all-time bad rear chinlock.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Honestly almost every match on main roster TV this week was good, but Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin was the best. Just a nutty match that kept moving, used weapons in fun ways, and had Dean just pasting the shit out of Corbin with a belt. Seriously an all-time great ass-whooping right there.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Dude, I have no idea. Roman Reigns? The Hardys? Kurt Angle!? Neville?? The Revival? Dillinger? Nakamura? I DON’T KNOW!!! Let’s go with The Revival, as they had the most effective debut and also Scott Dawson kicked over a god damn ice cream cart.
RAW: 10/10
SmackDown: 9/10
205 Live: 8/10
NXT: 4/10
