It was 2004 and I was 17 years old. Still waiting for the right to drink, the right to smoke, and doing both anyways. The American Dream was still alive. The possibilities were endless. What would I become? In College? At work? In life?
I sat in the back of my friend’s 1987 Ford Escort. A pretty girl with a Southern accent had come up to the car and wanted to hang out with us. I was under the influence and the world was clicking. “The Chain” by Fleetwood Mac came on, and once the guitar solo hit and it was the greatest thing I had ever heard in the whole wide world.
That feeling of sheer invincibility and wonderment is something man constantly seems to be trying to re-create, and pro wrestling does as admirable job as anything at doing so. But after you hear The Chain a few dozen times, or after you play it over and over again… well, that feeling can be fleeting. Yeah the guitar still rocks, the vocals, the bass, the drums – but it’s getting old, man.
So the UK Title Tournament happened this weekend. Even if all of it wasn’t great, it was fun and it was interesting and if something can’t be great then that’s really all you can ask for. And on top of that Night 2 really was actually great. I understand RAW can’t be great every week – my God, can you imagine? But for godssakes at least make it at least semi-fun and semi-interesting.
RAW started strong and finished strong and had a couple fun things peppered into its almost 200 minutes. Otherwise? Eh. It was MLK Day and WWE celebrated in the location of the Little Rock Nine and also where Robert E. Lee Day is still a state holiday. You know – Real America.
Opening segment was a great 3-minutes wrapped up in like 20, a true microcosm of RAW. I can confirm that I lost my shit for Sami Zayn attacking Braun and the Sami/Brock and Braun/Brock showdowns. All the chatting though? C’mon. Karl Anderson and Big Cass’ tans made me uncomfortable on this evening. Enzo & Cass vs. Rusev & Jinder was a fine Enzo & Cass formula match and Rusev dishing a beating (and no-selling an Enzo clothesline) is never a bad idea but I am way past this feud. Daivari vs. Lince Dorado was alright, though Daivari’s punches were a little embarrassing – Michael Cole basically went silent for those. Lince did his impressive flying to a vaguely entertained crowd and Daivari introduced the cobra clutch as a finisher, so that’s nice. The footage of Sasha training in the ring before the show and Nia Jax attacking her was awesome – more WWE playing with the world they have developed, which has been a fun trend lately (assaults during Up Next shots, guys attacking guys while videos play, this).
Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Luke Gallows/Karl Anderson was pretty good. A couple nice double team runs by each team and some sweet hot(ish) tags by Sheamus and Cesaro. The Swiss One Nine is a great name for the Cesaro 619. Finish was very fun up to the Dusty Finish… WHAT A REF BUMP, but teasing a Gallows and Anderson title win with a Dusty Finish is a very lukewarm way to get to the Rumble match. The crowd really helped this one and Little Rock deserves credit for being into this show all night – they dug this a lot, I wasn’t buying it so much. Like it was pretty good but calm down with your This is Awesome. After Gallows and Anderson, no idea where Cesaro/Sheamus go from here unless they introduce something new. Had to really fight the feels for the Snuka tribute. THIS MAN IS A MURDERER, ALLEGEDLY.
The Neville/Swann thing was solid. Highly enjoying the “guy attacks guy while a video package is running and Michael Cole freaks out” thing – did it with Dunne at the UK Tourney and Neville now. Titus vs. Big E was 3 minutes of acceptable garbage. This Titus stuff is just the most agonizing way to keep New Day on TV leading up to the Rumble – hope they get to do something interesting afterwards. The Charlotte/Bayley angle I thought did a pretty solid job establishing the Bayley character but done through the eyes of gross cynical Vince McMahon Entertainment it felt a little awkward. I don’t think Charlotte knew who Ivory or RVD were. Cedric Alexander vs. Brian Kendrick was OK – love that Cedric will just elbow his way into people caring. WTF was with the ref just accepting Alicia helping Cedric with the ropes though? What a damn bump by Kendrick on that Lumbar Check.
KURT ANGLE, MAN! There have been points in my life where I thought Kurt Angle was the greatest professional wrestler in the world and other points where I thought Kurt Angle was one of the scariest, saddest situations in the professional wrestling business. Regardless, it is tremendous that he’s coming home and getting some love. If it’s just an induction, great, but imagine they’ll get some matches out of it that I am equal parts excited and worried to watch.
The new Coked Up Sami Zayn character is amazing. Roman’s “This guy’s crazy” was awesome. Not sure if I even recall them announcing the 6-man, but it happenened – Reigns/Rollins/Zayn vs. Owens/Jericho/Braun. It took a lot of commercials to get that thing going, eh? Good solid match… Zayn and Reigns as face-in-peril is always a winner and liked Braun’s use being minimal outside of him tagging in and them abruptly cutting to commercial. Owens’ looked pretty good here… hit some hard-ass strikes and liked his two setups to the two hot tags – one time waving before trying a senton and landing on Zayn’s knees, and the other time screaming “oh no” on a Samoan drop from Roman. Sweet finish based all around BRRAUUUNNN. Hey guess what – KO stopped looking like a geek and got the upperhand on Roman. Started strong, finished strong.
This week was not a peak SmackDown; at the same time everything was well worth watching. Can you imagine building a show around Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch in a Steel Cage when you’re going to run Ambrose/Orton and Styles/Miz and it actually making complete sense that you did it that way? We have turned a new leaf.
God DAMN is AJ and Cena the hottest thing going. The crowd was all about them in that opening promo. Enjoyed Miz just bodying AJ too. Cena stirring shit was sooooo… Cena, for better or worse. Even if SmackDown is doing the 20-minute opening promo thing, it at least moves something forward and establishes character – Miz getting the rub by looking legit next to Cena and Styles and heat building between SmackDown’s two top heels. RAW meanwhile tends to be the same six people making jokes. Am all about a SmackDown Elimination Chamber – they’ve built some stars, man, and 6 of them going at it in the Chamber feels like a big deal.
The Miz vs. AJ Styles! It was a good match between my #1 and #2 Wrestlers of the Year before the sudden double DQ finish. Miz was just WRESTLING AJ Styles. Holds! Rope-running! Counters! Distraction! A thumb to the eye!!! Liked that Miz felt like he belonged but had to work extra hard and cheat a little bit. The Styles Pele kick to Miz on the apron was tremendous. Very solid TV match that just kind of ended – all in on seeing these guys do something longer on PPV.
Liked Nikki looking over her shoulder for Natalya as she walked around backstage. This feud is Natalya’s best ever work. AWESOME angle by these two, HOWEVER – THERE ARE NEVER BRET HART SHITS AVAILABLE AT LIVE EVENTS, YOU LIARS. It was all worth it for Nattie calling Bret her “ex-uncle” though, and then – A CONCESSION STAND BRAWL!!! THE STAND FELL DOWN. NIKKI SMACKED A SECURITY GUARD. TAKE IT ALL THE WAY TO MANIA, AND I MEAN MANIA 34.
I was wondering for a hot minute why SmackDown was pivoting away from Miz/Dean to Miz/Styles and Dean/Wyatt’s and had completely forgot the Wyatt’s attacked Dean a few weeks ago. Now I have to pay attention!? Damnit, SmackDown. Dean Ambrose vs. Randy Orton was SOLID. It came off much better with the presentation of SmackDown; may or may not have died a hot death on RAW. They countered stuff and hit their signature spots the crowd was into it but lacked some of the smoothness and buzz a top shelf WWE-style match would ideally have. Enjoyed though. Randy’s quick fix on running into Dean on the duck-down being just viciously throwing Dean down was top shelf. How many losses has Orton taken lately? That’s what happens when you join the Wyatt Family. Harper’s look of disappointment when Bray elbowed him after the match – WOW. Orton/Harper next week? THERE’S THAT HOOK.
God, imagine turning on wrestling for the first time and seeing this fat old shirtless man in a cape and crown. As far as a sleazy Memphis-inspired wrestling angle, the King’s Court was good. But man is Dolph Ziggler just as terrible a heel promo as a face promo. Why is he suddenly a murderous psychopath!? Lawler, meanwhile, is the GOAT promo. JBL TRIPPING to get to Lawler was great. “ZIGGLER!!! ZIGGLER!!! IF YOU GOT ANY GUTS GET BACK IN THIS RING!” Good angle that would’ve been a great one with a better bad guy.
Alexa Bliss vs. Becky Lynch wasn’t great but it sure was cool. Better than Joe/Nakamura, at least. Avalanche Exploder! Half-hearted This is Awesome chants! La Luchadora interference!! Aaaand it’s Mickie James. And she’s hanging with Alexa. Neat! Let’s do it.
The year is 2006. You are told – 10 years from now, there’s going to be WWE show with 3 matches: one ends with a backdrop, the other with a running knee, and the other with an umbrella-assisted cobra clutch. What do you say? 205 Live had a great match a good match and a decent match, all in that order. I am just not buying this crazy-ass Alicia Fox shit even if she calls herself hot chocolate, but it did give Cedric Alexander vs. Drew Gulak a nice hook with Gulak and Noam Dar taking out Cedric’s leg. Cedric was tremendous selling said leg and Drew did a fine job going after it. Nice bump by Gulak on the outside to give Cedric his run too, and then Gulak just ends it with a BACKDROP SUPLEX. All of it made sense and I liked it a lot. Neville vs. Rich Swann video was good stuff. I enjoy Mr. Mustafa Ali – so wildly atlhetic, and him getting more confidence means we get cool shit like the muscle pose right before kicking Nese in the face. He reminds me of a more likable TJP. Ali vs. Tony Nese was alright, Nese isn’t the most interesting guy in the world but did OK in between some neat stuff from Ali. LPT for Nese: Work on the mic stuff maaaaan. You hooked Vince with your sweaty sexy body – keep him there.
Was Mauro about to cry when Corey Graves mentioned Tozawa?? Really liking this introduction for him with comments from Cesaro, Kalisto, and now Crews. The I Forfeit Match between Ariya Daivari and Jack Gallagher was kind of a comedy match within a feud ending stipulation match, which was interesting but didn’t make for anything that great. Some fun stuff here and there but overall a pretty boring, slow brawl. Really needed a spill into the crowd or something to put it over the top. Gallagher informing Graves he’d need to move for the table spot was unquestionably great, however.
Main Event was kind of an odd duck. Alicia Fox vs. Dana Brooke started well enough with Dana doing one-handed push-ups, and it was your standard if not iffy C-show match until Dana didn’t go up all the way on a tilt-a-whirl and Foxy just said fuck it – time for the axe kick. Lasted maybe 5 minutes. Then, Darren Young vs. Epico (in what is possibly Epico’s only singles match on WWE TV) ended a couple minutes in when Young hurt his arm bumping on the apron (a bump all of Young’s opponents have had to take for the last year). It’s a nice thing WWE isn’t afraid to end a match for an injury these days, innit?
Talking Smack with Renee Young and Shane McMahon is no Talking Smack with Renee Young and Daniel Bryan, but this week Shane-O-Mac did try his best to add to the show. Guy legitimately marked out at Corbin’s “The Undertaker says he’s dug 29 holes… well that’s good because the world need ditch-diggers” line. Corbin interview was definitely the best thing here, delusional ex-football player comparing himself to Brock and Goldberg is incredible. Lawler calling the Rumble was announced which is a cool thing, and Bray Wyatt spoke without any spooky lights and it was OK.
NXT kind of stunk. It did what you’d expect a decent wrestling show leading into a big event to do, but – and I know how lame this sounds – its’ heart just doesn’t feel like it’s in the right place anymore. Nikki Cross had herself a minute-long squash to establish she can win like one match before she challenges for the NXT Women’s Title. Nikki’s a pretty gal, but give her some faceprint or a mask or something – if you’re gonna do a tweaker freak gimmick really lean into it. No Way Jose and Kona Reeves had themselves a confrontation backstage – feels like Jose’s taken a few steps back, while I’ve got to ask WHO IS KONA REEVES? WHO CARES? FRIENDSHIP? DISLOYALTY? WHO ARE YOU!?!? I don’t think they even said his name on the damn show.
Speaking of that – who is Roderick Strong and why is he here? Same for Steve Cutler. All I know about these two is that Roddy touches his nose a lot and Cutler hits his own head. I imagine Roddy is there to be a good hand but at least make a little effort because it feels like most of the NXT roster right now is just destined to be a good hand. Cutler on offense here wasn’t terrible but was one of those WWE beatdowns where there’s no story told outside the ring or inside the ring – it’s just a boring guy stomping and slamming and chinlocking another boring guy.
The Tye Dillinger/SAnitY stuff was decent but the whole jacket stuff is kinda stupid. I know Damo’s supposed to be pretty good so I’m vaguely intrigued and I like that Tye is being positioned as the great hope of NXT but at this point you might as well just have Tye join SAnitY and repeat the whole Bryan/Wyatt’s thing as it’d probably be better than anything on NXT not involving Revival or Asuka in the last year.
The Revival vs. TM61 was a fine few minutes to set up a further feud that might not happen given that Thorne might actually be injured. A chop block and Revival beatdown is always going to be great stuff, I liked the Shatter Machine right after the TM61 blind tag as well as Miller’s run of offense followed by an AA-approved spinebuster from Dash… and then it ended. Did love the immediate beatdown by Revival. Always a fan of a guy holding his helpless opponent in place for a move while the opponent desperately tries to escape.
Oh and there was a contract signing. Yep. Shinsuke Nakamura. Sit-down interviews and contract signings. Yes. Yessir.
WWE TV Match of the Week: Cedric Alexander vs. Drew Gulak from 205 Live, though it was a tough week to choose – there were a lot of really solid matches but nothing standout. Liked the Tag Titles and 6-man main event from RAW. Liked Styles/Miz and Ambrose/Orton from SmackDown. But Cedric sold his ass off, I dig Gulak more and more each week, and it ended with a BACKDROP.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Happy to say ol’ Sami Zayn got me this week more than anyone. Guys like Miz and Styles were reliably good, Cedric did some neat stuff, but Zayn took a step forward with the whacked out promo where he tried to join the Shield (although apparently it was supposed to make him look bad? wrestling is so weird), a nice sell job in the RAW main event, and sweet showdowns with Braun and Brock.
