Good evening to all my imaginary HWL readers. Not only have I returned to my true calling as a Wrestling Reviewer, but I have been promoted to Senior Analyst of Wrestling Compliance. Yes, the time has come to dissociate from the horrors of real life by attributing star ratings to half-naked Japanese men and women. Let us become reacquainted with the Dramatic Dreamers of DDT.
Rika Tatsumi & Uta Takami vs. Yuki Kamifuku & Kira Summer
In my two-year absence from the Squared Circle, it would appear that the TJPW crew still has not learnt to lay their shit in. We are talking feather light kicking and screaming – even from the initially badass-looking Kira Summer. As a weak-willed 39-year-old man, I was quite taken by Kamifuku’s charisma but that’s about it. *
Chris Brookes, Kota Sekifuda & Hinata Kasai vs. Shinya Aoki, Junta Miyawaki & Viento Maligno
Good to see the once-promising NOAH youngster Junta Miyawaki show up on this undercard to engage in a war of attrition with Sekifuda over their shared passion for the color orange. My advanced background in t-shirt decryption tells me Brookes may be leading a new faction called Fantômes Dramatic. How extremely French of him. The masked man Maligno gave off strong 2002 US indie vibes – what with the baggy pants and underwater pacing. Aoki going full hooker on the young boy was more my thing. **
HARASHIMA & Antonio Honda vs. Jun Akiyama & Kazuki Hirata
Uncle Jun living his best life as an old man prankster on the undercard? Perhaps we have never been more back. Anton has evolved his comedic art form to the point where his opponents must frantically prevent him from tripping all over. In the film industry, this is what we call character development. Meanwhile, HARASHIMA is still looksmaxing at the tender age of 51. Respect. **
Daisuke Sasaki, Hideki Okatani, MJ Paul & Illusion vs. Kazuma Sumi, Naomi Yoshimura, Ryota Nakatsu & Yuki Ishida
As an investigative journalist, it is my sworn duty to tell you that Kazuma Sumi recently won this year’s young boy tournament. He was the clear highlight here, stealing the show with his high-level athleticism and Dragon Gate polish. Okatani has turned goth heel since I last saw him – so far he feels more AFI than Bauhaus. There is a pleasing thickness to the Harimao boys. I wish them great success. **
Shishamo Power, Unagi Mask & Gota Ihashi vs. Yuki Iino, Yukio Naya & Tomimitsu Matsunaga
Former submission guy Akito and former guy with red hair Soma Takao are now working masked gimmicks as part of a likely-temporary angle that seems to riff off the Osaka Pro seafood lore. As always, these impenetrable DDT storylines are all part of the fun – like being dropped in the middle of a Reddit thread on the correct length of pants. *3/4
MAO & KANON © vs. Danshoku Dino & Super Sasadango Machine – KO-D Tag Team Titles
Who betta than KANON!? The former Damnation hunk has united with MAO to form the excellently-named Strange Love Connection – a new group of raver fuckboys with apparent mental illness. There was a lot to like here until the whole thing devolved into Joey Ryan dick spots. MAO is still Michinoku Pro-pilled in the best possible way – ie: he will dive off a stage or throw in a random Quebrada for your viewing pleasure. Your mileage may vary on Danshoku Dino in full Rape Mode but I must admit the repeated MAO bridge kickouts into Dino kisses cracked me up. **1/4
Yuki Ueno, To-y & Kaisei Takechi © vs. Takeshi Masada, Yuya Kuroku & Daichi Sato – KO-D 6-Man Tag Titles
Fun look at DDT’s post-Takeshita/Endo main event scene. I don’t know if I fully buy into Ueno as the top dog but his prince-like ring jacket is truly spectacular. Every single woman in Shinjuku FACE started ovulating when Takechi got in the ring – a disgustingly handsome J-Pop idol who started working part-time spots for DDT in 2023. Frantic pace and lots of nifty multi-man spots, including a Kaientai tribute that tickled old Captain Lou in just the right away. Sato may have been the MVP here – oozing confidence and natural ability at only 17 years of age. ***
And there we have it. On the eve of World War 3, I have have decided to take a stand and review wrestling. Will there actually be more of these? My NDA with the Canadian government won’t allow me to say. Stay tuned.
