Satoshi Kojima vs. Masa Kitamiya (NOAH 2/5/23)
Cheering has returned to Korakuen Hall. The world is finally at peace. But for how long!? Well, for at least the 10-minute duration of this plate of meat and potatoes. To heat up their upcoming tag title encounter, Kojima and Kitty had themselves a wrasslin’ match. Simple but effective, it was the character moments and crowd interplay that laid on the charm. Yes, I’m referring to such Cinematic Moments as Masa beating his chest like King Freakin’ Kong during the Prison Lock and Kojima comically selling his old age after the machinegun chops. These barrel-chested men can trade lariats all day but deep down inside they are HUMAN. ***
Kaito Kiyomiya, Takashi Sugiura & Naomichi Marufuji vs. Jack Morris, Jake Lee & Anthony Greene (NOAH 2/5/23)
GOOD LOOKING GUYS. You must respect this himbo hive-mind. The brand spanking new Jake Lee Elevation Vehicle was on a mission to tick every imaginable box – deliver satisfactory first-time interactions between Jake and the NOAH legends, hype up the Kaito/Morris GHC title match and most importantly – give YOU three and a quarter stars worth of action. It made for a stupidly-fun midcard burner, full of tasty fan service and actually-cool professional wrestling. The Freewheeling Gentleman Jake Lee keeps walking the line between mystery and camp, like a daytime TV star auditioning for a Batman movie. I love this man. ***1/4
AMAKUSA, Junta Miyawaki, Alejandro, YO-HEY & Seiki Yoshioka vs. Yoshinari Ogawa, Eita, NOSAWA Rongai, Chris Ridgeway & Daga – Elimination Match (NOAH 2/5/23)
Booking-wise, no one can really say what the fuck is going on with the NOAH juniors at any given time, but if you let them cook – they will give you wrestling. This match did just that and doubled as a compelling Piece of Business, making the company’s haphazard junior heel alignment look like absolute killers.
Both Ridgeway and Daga came off as can’t-miss future players, the kind that will make you forgive any NOSAWA booking sins. Miyawaki’s last stand against the rudos gave him more babyface juice than any of his post-excursion performances so far – which makes me think Eita might be the key to unlocking his full potential. A good time at the matches. ***1/2
Hijo De Dr. Wagner Jr. © vs. Manabu Soya – GHC National Title (NOAH 2/5/23)
Having bailed on NOAH for most of 2022, I missed the Son of Wagner Jr’s entire run. This is a mistake I will have to rectify, because judging by this match – he might be one of the coolest wrestlers around. Blending lucha-flavored super heroics with Hoss Fight Logistics, this man infused a wild new rhythm to the NOAH main event slug-fest and brought out the best from the eternally-underrated Soya.
They had Korakuen Hall’s favorite kind of match – the one where two beloved midcarders grab the spotlight and activate Beast Mode. Wagner’s appeal quickly revealed itself in the sheer scope of his offense, which ran the gamut from crafty rollups and dives to brick-shithouse-bomb-throwing. A real breath of fresh hair in NOAH’s fairly-traditional heavyweight scene.
THE DEMON DAD Manabu Soya was an ideal counterpoint, bringing down-to-earth grit to Wagner’s near-inhuman performance. While Junior Junior kept you on your toes with dizzying variety, Soya exploited the more classical tropes to generate pure drama. Case in point: the late-match chop war where the Kongo bruiser turned into the world’s greatest babyface.
20 minutes of pure spreadsheet fun capped off by a killer ending stretch and two homerun performances. We’re only two months in, but this is already 2023’s most severely under-hyped wrestling match. ****1/4
Kenoh & Manabu Soya vs. Jake Lee & Anthony Greene (NOAH 2/12/23)
Thanks to an advanced form of streaming technology known as ‘’Wrestle Universe’’, we’ve now time traveled to Osaka Edion Arena for a first-ever meeting between Kongo and Good Looking Guys. Once Kenoh and the Jakester got past their salty initiative ritual, a pretty decent wrasslin’ match was had. They told an efficient Midcard Tale – GLG still finding their footing as a unit and meeting their demise at the hands of the red dudes’ superior team work. Shoutout to that beastly power slam/diving foot stomp combo from Kenoh and the Demon Dad. Straight out of a Best of 2002 ROH compilation tape. ***
Dralistico vs. Atsushi Kotoge (NOAH 2/12/23)
In another wacky attempt to drain the Cyber Fight bank account, NOAH have brought in the artist formerly known as Mistico II – brother to lucha fan favorites Rush and Dragon Lee. Ever the company guy, Kotoge was game to tag along for a straight-forward Dralistico showcase. There was nothing actively bad with the match, but it all fell a bit flat. Dralistico’s current repertoire seems to default towards all the most generic super indie spots in the game – all executed with roughly 73% accuracy. The guy still looks cool as fuck, but this cameo might work best as a one-off. **1/2
Takashi Sugiura & Satoshi Kojima © vs. Masa Kitamiya & Daiki Inaba – GHC Tag Team Titles (NOAH 2/12/23)
A watershed Daiki Inaba Moment for the five Puro Twitter deviants who still cling on to the glory days of WRESTLE-1. I’m still leaning towards him being a less interesting version of Makoto Hashi, but he put in the work here and tried to make a statement against Team 007. That cannonball against the guardrail was especially gnarly. In terms of literary analysis (*cough*), the action stayed firmly within the Meat Consumption subgenre. Translation: lariats and shoulderblocks were thrown. Kitamiya stole the show thanks to his always-reliable chemistry with Kojima and Big Daddy Sugi. ***1/2
Yoshinari Ogawa & Eita © vs. Junta Miyawaki & Alejandro – GHC Jr. Tag Team Titles (NOAH 2/12/23)
Truly confounding match. After the junior babyface annihilation on the lead-up Korakuen, any reasonable wrasslin’ fan would’ve expected a heroic comeback of some kind on this show. Well, it wasn’t meant to be. The heel work/babyface payoff equilibrium was so off balance here that even Alejandro’s big Dragon Kid moment didn’t land. A literal 20-minute heat segment that did no favors to anyone. **3/4
Naito dropping Muto/Tenryu ’99 lore in his promo was tremendous.
Kaito Kiyomiya © vs. Jack Morris – GHC Heavyweight Title (NOAH 2/12/23)
Not every wrestling match needs a grand overarching storyline like Guy Works Over Leg or Wrestler Finds His True Self Through Adversity, but this could’ve benefited from exploring a few more subplots. As it was, we got a rock-solid back and forth – both Kaito and Morris looking polished. With Kiyomiya finally on the other side of his Muto feud, this could’ve been a fun opportunity for him to assert himself more as an Ace figure and force the challenger to fight from underneath.
Maybe this type of match structure just isn’t in his DNA at this point – or perhaps he thought Morris would look better in the context of a straight-forward Moves Match. NO ONE CAN SAY! Regardless of any armchair nitpicky bullshit, the crowd responded well to Morris and didn’t seem to mind the match’s lack of deep philosophical subtext. ***1/2
