The ghost of Mitsuharu Misawa appeared in my dream last night and spoke of a great flood that would wipe out all civilization. I asked him how could we prevent the cataclysm. Clean energy? Veganism, perhaps? No. Misawa looked me dead in the eyes and said:
‘’You must review Pro Wrestling NOAH.’’
Yasutaka Yano vs. Taishi Ozawa
This was my introduction to the latest product of the NOAH Performance Center and let me tell you, Ozawa has already mastered the art of the leapfrog/drop down/dropkick. These are the tools that you need to thrive as a professional wrestler. Also, white boots. **
Masa Kitamiya, Yoshiki Inamura & Daiki Inaba vs. Mohammed Yone, Akitoshi Saito & Shuhei Taniguchi
Some fine undercard wrestling of the Meat and Potatoes variety. A lot of these folks seem perpetually lost in Midcard Purgatory, but when it’s time to deliver two and half stars of wrestling, they WILL give you those two and half stars. Inamura shone during the toasty ending stretch with Yone. **1/2
Ninja Mack, Dante Leon & Alejandro vs. Shuji Kondo, Tadasuke & Hi69
Due to my NOAH absence, I’ve completely missed the GCW-fication of the junior division. I am therefore completely devoid of strongly-worded takes on Mack and Dante, but I will say that their style works quite well in a match like this. Get in, do the flips, get out. Satisfactory performances across the board. ***
El Hijo Del Dr. Wagner Jr., Atsushi Kotoge & Seiki Yoshioka vs. Masaaki Mochizuki, Susumu Mochizuki & Mochizuki Jr.
The M2K (M3K now!) Nippon Budokan entrance is such a blessed sight. This was a match that combined live Spanish language teaching and Father/Son comedy antics to pleasant results. The Dragon Gate crew is a natural fit for the NOAH junior style – Mochizuki Jr. clicking especially well with the kick-based Yoshioka. ***
Masakatsu Funaki, Katsuhiko Nakajima, Manabu Soya & Hajime Ohara vs. Hiroshi Hase, Kazuyuki Fujita, Kendo Kashin, NOSAWA Rongai
A match with the noble aim of Getting Everyone On The Card. In a slightly-less noble move, they brought out Governor Hase as X and made him the star of the evening. Depending on your familiarity with the man’s latest scandal, this might make for a difficult viewing experience. For the sake of pure observational fairness, I will simply say that the crowd ate all of this up.**3/4
Timothy Thatcher vs. Jack Morris
With Thatcher’s limited crowd connection and a few pacing issues, this one struggled to reach the COVETED Three Star Plateau. Their two subplots (Wrestler vs. Shooter, Thatcher Arm-Work) made sense but it all felt a bit dry. Morris has a solid grasp on the white meat babyface philosophy and seems to understand the mysterious concept known as Selling The Arm. There just wasn’t enough drama to back up the limb-centric clash of styles they went for. **3/4
The Freewheelin’ Gentleman Jake Lee has ARRIVED and you will respect his random alliance with the gaijin heartthrob Jack Morris.
AMAKUSA © vs. Junta Miyawaki – GHC Jr. Heavyweight Title
Both of these men have gone through a transformative Mexican Journey that helped redefine not only their wrestling, but most importantly their hair. Based on presentation alone, the match accomplished its goal in reintroducing young Junta on the big stage. The boy looked handsome as hell and repackaged his offense to add more crowd-popping lucha wackiness.
In terms of science-based, star rating ANALYSIS – things got tricky. Some of the move placement was a bit weird (see: late-match Floor Armdrag of Death getting no reaction) and a few of the blockbuster moments just didn’t land. The potential for junior stardom is here though, so in conclusion: STAY TUNED. ***1/4
Takashi Sugiura & Satoshi Kojima © vs. Naomichi Marufuji & KENTA – GHC Tag Team Titles
For all the (deserved) MaruKen revival hype, the real reunion here turned out to be KENTA and Big Daddy Sugi. These two had some slobberknockers back in the day and picked up right where they left off – beating the brakes off each other as soon as they got in the ring together. KENTA might be old, battered and Bullet Club 4 Life, but he can still dish out an ass whipping.
The whole match leaned into that strike-oriented, heavyweight wrasslin’ vibe – a departure from the original MaruKen junior bangers, but a fitting approach for all four of these guys in their current Old Men Form. There was a lot of clock-rewinding in the ending stretch, with big-time finisher trading and restriction-busting Budokan heat. Equal parts VHS nostalgia trip and straight-up rock-solid tag wrestling. ***3/4
Kzy & YO-HEY © vs. Yoshinari Ogawa & Eita – GHC Jr. Tag Team Titles
Could the actual wrestling here ever live up to a full-blast Kzy Nippon Budokan entrance? To be fair, not a whole lot of wrestling could top such a freakin’ Wrestlemania Moment, but these four gentlemen certainly tried. They kept things moving and steered clear of the Ogawa limb-work hellscape, essentially telling the story of the champions getting outclassed by the heels’ superior team work. Simultaneously super-polished but not extremely memorable, the action did manage to peak at the right moment with a 100% banging closer between Eita and YO-HEY. ***1/2
Kaito Kiyomiya © vs. Kenoh – GHC Heavyweight Title
NOAH have a special rivalry on hand with Kaito and Kenoh. The matches carry the gravitas of a proper Ace Battle while getting more and more ambitious every time. I suspect we won’t see the Ultimate Kenoh/Kaito match as long as Kaito clings to his current identity crisis/unfortunate Muto cosplay, but this was probably the best match they could’ve had with this version of him.
These boys packed a ridiculous amount of content in 20 minutes. Not only did they try to steal the show and outdo their previous matches, but there was a clear intent to live up to the NOAH Budokan bomb-fests of the past (looking at you, Apron Falcon Arrow of Horrific Spine Destruction). As your vinyl-collecting 40-year-old uncle might say: all killer, no filler.
Considering the complexity of the sequences they put together, the execution here was breath-taking. They had counters for all the counters and managed to keep you on your toes with all sorts of rad twists (Frankensteiner kickout into INSTA-CHOKE SLEEPER, Dragon suplex flip-out into Shining Wizard, Kenny Omega-level tope con hilo – tell me when to stop).
Kaito’s new Tiger Driver variation was extremely encouraging. Not only did it look cool as fuck, but it showed Kiyomiya’s awareness about his role in the NOAH legacy. In other words, the Shining Wizard shtick won’t last forever. Total blast of a wrestling match that succeeded in claiming the true main event spot of this card. ****1/4
Great Muta vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
As conflicted as I am about the large-scale grift that was Muto’s NOAH run, I loved every minute of this. Shinsuke proved to be the best possible opponent for the old demon– one of the very few wrestlers on Earth able to match his star power and sense of spectacle.
A lot of the appeal here was seeing Nakamura back in his element and presented as a God-tier performer. The crowd’s stunned reaction to his Big Match Gear reveal set the tone perfectly. His performance felt like a time warp to 2015 – hamming it up but also laying his shit in and looking impossibly cool.
It was a match full of wild visuals between two masters of the esthetic. There’s already been plenty of well-deserved praise for all the mist creativity, but the picture that stuck with me the most was the recreation of the 1994 Muta/Inoki ramp lariat. A perfect throwback to a similarly larger-than-life Event Match and timely tribute to the late Inoki. ***3/4
