Change is inevitable, but WWE was going fast. One-time heir apparent Triple H followed an awkwardly public demotion by announcing he was done wrestling in April; in May, Stephanie McMahon stepped down from the C-suite to spend more time with family; in June, Cody Rhodes — recently re-signed to a 7-figure contract — tore a muscle, powered through Hell in a Cell, and took a seat on the shelf.
Less than two weeks later, the Wall Street Journal – a mostly real and serious newspaper – reported that WWE’s Board of Directors were investigating a “secret $3 million settlement that longtime chief executive Vince McMahon agreed to pay to a departing employee with whom he allegedly had an affair.” Two days later, Vince stepped down (or “back”) from the C-suite. Stephanie returned to fulfill those duties as investigations (plural now) continued, and a week later AEW and New Japan hosted Forbidden Door from the United Center. I was there. I’m sure it’s connected.
This year’s edition of Money in the Bank was originally booked for Las Vegas’ Allegiant Stadium, but in the middle of all the chaos WWE realized it wasn’t selling and bumped it to the MGM Grand Garden Arena which holds around 40,000 less people. Like with the McMahon Investigation itself no true explanation was provided on-screen, just a very meme-able announcement promoting the Garden’s more “intimate confinements.”
Kayla Braxton, JBL, Booker T, Kevin Patrick and Peter Rosenberg hosted the Kickoff Show and interviewed the Street Profits.
1. Money in the Bank: Becky Lynch vs. Asuka vs. Alexa Bliss vs. Liv Morgan vs. Lacey Evans vs. Raquel Rodriguez
Somewhere around the year 2000, the term “spotfest” was having a real moment. More people were using the Internet and for a while everyone from wrestlers to wrestling fans knew to use it in a negative way, to process and probably slander a match that might’ve had a few mind-blowing moments of human athleticism but nothing “more” — none of the “psychology” that connected them and made them make sense — as a real piece of shit.
The term still exists, but at some point — maybe around 2006 when the Dragon Gate guys did Ring of Honor — fans kind of just embraced the spots, or pro wrestlers responded to the criticism. Neither sounds realistic now that I think about it.
Either way, this was one of those real piece of shit spotfests. The pros mostly had their stuff together or at least just blended in, while the kids got exposed or at least needed more time in whatever WWE P.C. class teaches carrying gimmicked ladders around. Asuka and Raquel did have a cool exchange on the floor and things got cooking for the last few minutes, but it wasn’t the sort of thing that could fill a stadium or anything. **3/4
2. WWE U.S. Title: Theory [c] vs. Bobby Lashley
After extended periods of silence spent more often than not watching a chinlock, the people lost their berries for the finish. **1/2
3. RAW Women’s Title: Bianca Belair [c] vs. Carmella
For a match that came together as a result of Sasha Banks and Naomi walking out, Rhea Ripley getting injured, and probably something with the Investigations of the Board, this still felt too unremarkable. It didn’t run very long, but by way of downtime and questionable amounts of Carmella on offense it still felt very long. **
A commercial for CreditOne featuring Alexa Bliss and her doll Lilly aired after.
4. WWE Undisputed Tag Team Title: The Usos [c] vs. Street Profits
The Usos and Street Profits have wrestled almost as many matches as The Usos and The New Day but somehow, some way, they’re able to not only deliver great wrestling but keep that wrestling fresh. Everybody did their part, but Montez Ford stood out: charisma while fighting back, charisma while taking heat, and the audacity to tell an Uso to Suck It. They definitely had no shame in stretching the clock out (23 minutes!), though someone might tell you that’s just confidence. The crowd stayed with them, up and down and up and down, until a pretty incredible bunch of wrestling for the finish. ***3/4
A mysterious and spooky vignette aired after.
5. SmackDown Women’s Title: Ronda Rousey [c] vs. Natalya
A lot like Belair/Carmella, something thrown together that was still unremarkable — and this went past 10 minutes. It was just white static anyways, necessary as a lead-in for the Money in the Bank cash-in and SmackDown Women’s Title victory of Liv Morgan, which really was a swell moment. **
6. Money in the Bank: Drew McIntyre vs. Riddle vs. Seth Rollins vs. Madcap Moss vs. Sami Zayn vs. Sheamus vs. Omos vs. Theory
Drew McIntyre was biding time for Roman Reigns, as was Sami Zayn — though he was saying it out loud. Seth Rollins was waiting Cody Rhodes (to fight) and Riddle was waiting for Randy Orton (to be bros). Rising stars Theory, Madcap Moss, and big (at one point colussus) Omos rounded out the cast. Sheamus was there, too. Again. Another one.
They got ladders and a briefcase. The briefcase was green. There were a lot of cool bits (Riddle’s ladder dive and the Omos table powerbomb to name two), though there kind of literally could not be. The future is… well, it’s here. Here it is. Here they are. What do you think? ***1/4
Happy Thoughts: I guess you could say that Money in the Bank 2022 can forever be remembered for the (attempted?) coronation of Theory. Decent efforts in the ring bogged down by crap seeping in from everywhere else. 1.75 / 5.0
