I was going to go to this year’s Hell in a Cell. Well, I wasn’t going to at first, but then a couple friends and I convinced ourselves in a texting flurry that Cody Rhodes was now a draw who had sufficiently captured our interest and must be rewarded with us buying a ticket to the show he was to main event. But then none of us ended up buying a ticket. Aren’t consumers crazy?
May’s WrestleMania Backlash brought WWE back down to Earth from the cosmic joys of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Sami Zayn at WrestleMania, and the many hours of TV since then could probably be summed up like this: Roman Reigns was backing away from WWE while Cody Rhodes was aggressively, lovingly leaning into it.
Cody Rhodes, who departed WWE a few years ago to start a currently thriving rival wrestling company, had returned and was scheduled for his first WWE singles main event while Roman Reigns, WWE’s Undisputed Universal Champion, was never booked for the show.
Besides these instances of off-screen intrigue ending up on TV, two chapters in wrestling history were rendered to nearly footnotes as Vince McMahon or whoever spoke for him now continued to get their Weird Shakespeare on: Stephanie McMahon stepped down as WWE’s Chief Brand Officer to spend more time with her kids while Triple H’s uncomfortably public demotion was followed by his in-ring retirement.
It was under this set of circumstances that a crew of mostly RAW wrestlers arrived at the Allstate Arena near Chicago, IL, for the 14th edition of Hell in a Cell (the show) and 51st ever Hell in a Cell (the match). It was also under this set of circumstances that it was announced that Cody Rhodes had torn his pectoral muscle while lifting weights, but was still wrestling anyways.
It’s Hell in a Cell!
1. Triple Threat Match – RAW Women’s Title: Bianca Belair [c] vs. Asuka vs. Becky Lynch
They packed this with incredibly organized and incredibly executed wrestling moves, but the match’s best spot and standout reaction came closer to the middle when Becky escaped the setup for Bianca’s K-OD finisher but Bianca didn’t blink, quickly moving into a stalling suplex that she read the moment on and marched while doing. It exemplified what was so cool about this, all the action taken up another level with bits of timing, strategy, and three people who are somehow able to wrestle this type of match while maintaining their characters throughout.
Babyface Belair relied on strength and speed while Becky pouted and tried to steal pinfalls. Asuka was the chaos factor, able to inject an extra energy and urgency to any match she’s in — her speed when throwing a spinning backfist and panic when lifted for Belair’s K-O-D were just two examples of many. For 15 minutes they kept the action moving, gave the crowd their money’s worth, and made the concept of a Triple Threat make sense. These three are so good at this, whatever that is. ****
2. Handicap Match: Bobby Lashley vs. Omos & MVP
MVP’s rap diss track for Lashley was an inspired bit of heel promo to lead into this match that was more of the same thing you’ve seen from wrestling since the beginning of time. It wasn’t bad; they just went about there business until everybody went apeshit for Omos and Lashley crashing through the barricade and when Lashley speared Omos to win the match. Mission accomplished-ish. **
3. Ezekiel vs. Kevin Owens
Fired-up and clean-shaven good guy “Zeke” (Elias’ little brother) vs. a Kevin Owens becoming increasingly beside himself has been the rare WWE rivalry to “work,” each guy’s commitment to the bit a gift that’s been giving since the night after Mania. The match wasn’t spectacular but continued the fun, and the Allstate Arena played along. **1/2
4. Mixed Tag Match: AJ Styles, Finn Balor & Liv Morgan vs. Edge, Damian Priest & Rhea Ripley
Pretty good match, but there’s one of these every other week on RAW or SmackDown. Balor got beat up, Liv did some cool stuff, and Edge pinned Balor to win only to be turned on the next night by Priest and Ripley on behalf of Balor. Nobody ever said Judgment Day wouldn’t be confusing. ***
5. No Holds Barred: Madcap vs. Happy Corbin
They brought poor Michael Cole to Chicago to do commentary for one whole match, and it was this one with Madcap Moss. As of tonight he appeared to be re-named just “Madcap,” though before trying to hammer that in, Cole kept calling him “Moss” which I’ll take as a weird form of protest. This went a few minutes over ten and didn’t fall apart, though it never got any “good,” either. Moss might have something but for now he’s still playing. **
6. U.S. Title: Theory [c] vs. Mustafa Ali
The night before this match, in the carefully maintained atmosphere of NXT 2.0, Julius and Brutus Creed won the NXT Tag Team Titles and afterwards embraced their parents who were sitting front row. Here, before a live audience 100x bigger, in Mustafa Ali’s hometown, with Mustafa Ali’s wife and kids sitting in the crowd, Theory retained the U.S. Title. There was some cool stuff here – Ali’s big plancha, Theory’s leaping superplex thing, the tilt-a-whirl DDT to setup the 450 – but it wasn’t overcoming its’ card placement nor the general malaise that still surrounds Theory. ***
7. Hell in a Cell: Cody Rhodes vs. Seth Rollins
These are Happy “Thoughts” but I’m not sure how much more I want to think about this match. It might be nice to at some point. It was an impressive thing that happened, a visceral testing of human will and one of those rare things that could stand out in today’s overstuffed pro wrestling landscape and really any era of it, ever.
When Cody Rhodes — this walking talking human interest story — revealed what his injury looked like, a deep shade of purple covering most of his upper arm and chest, the audience let out a gasp. It was followed by an uncomfortable silence as they — among chatter of “are you fucking seeing this shit that can’t be real oh yes it can be” — weighed whether it was worth participating in and encouraging this performance. Wrestling can be a lot of things, but rarely do you get to take in a crowd going through a crisis of ethics.
That silence lasted longer past the bell than I’d imagine either Rollins or Rhodes would have liked, but they powered through and by the time Seth went through a table and Cody grabbed a bullrope from under the rung the people had come around enough to, well, chant for more tables.
Then it just… kept going, and whether by adrenaline rush or match structure (maybe both) Cody seemed to go even more buck wild bumping around the Cell. The crowd eventually forgot they were watching a man mangled by the grind, something Cody and Seth pounced on with the Crossroads, a Pedigree, a sledgehammer and more.
The other night my dad asked my 4-year-old son what he had for dinner, to which he replied (honestly) “a hamburger, french fries, and we saw a lawnmower.” And the last bit was cute, but nobody was really clamoring for anything other than the answer to the question. What I’m trying to say is: Jesus Christ, Cody Rhodes, you can go home and rest for a little while. Stars? Stars?? ***1/2
Happy Thoughts: Consistent enough wrestling though only the opener and, if you can stomach it, the main event are really worth making an effort to see. 3.0 / 5.0
