The first WWE show of 2022 began with some news: Pay-Per-Views are called Premium Live Events now. Also, Roman Reigns (The Universal Champion and Head of the Table) was off the show. That Fatal 4-Way for the WWE Championship? That’s right, it was a Fatal 5-Way now. With Brock Lesnar.
Welcome to another trip around the sun — it’s WWE Day 1! On a Saturday!
0. Cesaro & Ricochet vs. Sheamus & Ridge Holland
This was the kind of tag match you have when one side loses a guy (Holland) to a broken nose after a couple minutes. The improvisation that followed included Sheamus going solo on a heat segment on Ricochet, then Sheamus not quite re-creating the old flame with Cesaro. Pat McAfee yelling was probably the most notable thing. It was constant. **
1. SmackDown Tag Team Title: The Usos [c] vs. Kofi Kingston & King Woods
Doing the same thing over and over is the definition of insanity unless you’re these guys, who just keep getting away with it by way of flashy moves and excellent timing. This had the added atmosphere of a PPV open– sorry, Premium Live Event opener — and King Woods in particular hit a spectacular tilt-a-whirl headscissors and double-team kneedrop. It closed up with — of all things — a 3D. ***3/4
2. Drew McIntyre vs. Madcap Moss w/ Happy Corbin
“The Scottish Warrior” Drew McIntyre spent so much time playing WWE’s one-dimensional top guy on RAW that it’s been sort of nice to see him go back to basics on SmackDown, trading long monologues and matches for sprints and squashes. This was the latter, and this dumbass Madcap Moss took enough bumps to feed a family before McIntyre apparently takes time off with an injury. They closed up real nice too. **3/4
3. RAW Tag Team Title: RK-Bro [c] vs. Street Profits
Randy Orton and Riddle were accompanied by Migos, who I continue to know as the group that is culturally relevant but who I still do not exactly know. They hopped on commentary and looked kind of bored as RK-Bro and the Profits had a whole WWE tag match, with not a lot of highlights outside of Montez selling Orton’s stomp and Montez’ big tope. So mostly Montez. They should do something with this guy. ***
4. Edge vs. The Miz w/ Maryse
Miz — extra tan — went 20 minutes with Edge, who even if he’s wrestling once every couple months now just feels worked to the bone in these unnecessarily elaborate matches. They hit enough notes and killed enough time to get by, but that’s just kind of my nice way of saying it was boring. They built up to Maryse interference and a big SkullCrushing Finale near fall, but it didn’t really hit as there wasn’t enough prior to help it beyond middle-aged men doing a practically medieval WWE main event routine. Then the music department missed the cue for Beth Phoenix and just… ***
5. RAW Women’s Title: Becky Lynch [c] vs. Liv Morgan
Liv Morgan’s sunset flip powerbomb was awesome, but the best part of these Liv/Becky matches is that they seem to have an agreement where any open space is filled with vicious, vicious, rapid-fire stomps. It added a great seasoning for a very good match, about the same level of their RAW main event though also like that match it was stuck in a weird spot (following 20 minutes of Edge vs. The Miz, following all of RAW). ***1/2
6. Fatal 5-Way Match – WWE Title: Big E [c] vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens vs. Brock Lesnar
The non-stop multi-man stunt show is all the WWE men’s singles division seems to have left anymore, and hey — this was pretty fun for a little while. Just a little while though. Five pros powered through with a bunch of fun and ridiculous wrestling for a little over 8 minutes, then Brock hit the F5 on Big E and pinned him before WWE’s cameras moved right on to a Brock/Lashley program. ***1/4
Happy Thoughts: Brock Lesnar pinned Big E in a Fatal 5-Way Match to win the WWE Title after a little over 8 minutes. Whaddya want me to say when that says it all? The wrestling tonight was pretty good, but pretty good wrestling never did a thing for nobody. That’s especially true with WWE’s decade-long romance with Brock Lesnar hovering above it. It’s disappointing and I’m used to it, but I’m clearly a lot more forgiving than (millions of) others. 3.0 / 10.0
