From the Reality Era to the Redundant Era, and — look folks: I already knew it was stupid. That’s my superpower.
0. WWE U.S. Title: Sheamus [c] vs. Ricochet
Sheamus’ open challenge for the United States Championship was answered by Ricochet, something that would have been hysterically more exciting just a couple years ago. This is life now. This is the Thunderdome. They kept it basic until Sheamus started blasting Ricochet with strikes and they managed a few near falls way more dramatic than you’d expect. A big Sheamus knee out of nowhere ended it, and it felt like the only way. ***
1. Triple Threat Match – RAW Women’s Title: Rhea Ripley [c] vs. Asuka vs. Charlotte Flair
They made this look easy, action that kept coming and everything flowing so seamlessly to the next thing that I couldn’t really stop and say, “Man – triple threat matches suck.” These things come and go and there was definitely nonsense here and there to get in place for moves, but it started the show off hot. ***1/4
2. SmackDown Tag Team Title: Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode [c] vs. Rey Mysterio & Dominik Mysterio
Ziggler and Roode took out Dom backstage on the Kickoff show, so Rey fought alone for most of the match. It was kind of awesome because it was Rey Mysterio still being Rey Mysterio for like 15 minutes, but it was also a match that WWE over-complicated and stretched out way too long. So, kind of a meet in the middle thing. It might’ve been better for it, but the angle felt unnecessary and Dom brought nothing new to the table as he held his abdomen and limped to the ring just in time for the finish. Roode tossing Rey under the bottom rope into a Ziggler superkick was tremendous, as was Rey just forcing Ziggler into the diving sunset flip powerbomb for the finish. ***1/4
3. Zombie Lumberjack Match: Damian Priest vs. The Miz w/ John Morrison
After The Miz was eaten by zombies in a wrestling ring, Damian Priest lined up his invisible bow-and-arrow and shot it at a big screen with the logo of the new Army of the Dead movie on it. Sometimes things are just stupid.
4. SmackDown Women’s Title: Bianca Belair [c] vs. Bayley
Triple threat matches, handicap matches, zombie matches — here was some actual wrestling. Bayley showed range here, being a real dick on offense and going in a matter of seconds from eating the floor mats on a missed tope suicida to trying to cheat to win and grabbing the ropes on a rollup. Belair meanwhile is ready to go tour with Dragon Gate at this point. Good serious wrestling outside of an iffy finish that left room for more. ***1/2
5. Triple Threat Match – WWE Title: Bobby Lashley [c] w/ MVP vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Braun Strowman
This wasn’t quite the SummerSlam 2018 Fatal 4-Way in terms of WWE heavyweight spectacles but it way exceeded expectations, another Triple Threat Match too filled with action to stop and think about how bad RAW is every week. I’m over a guy tackling another guy into a barricade or LED video board, a Strowman somersault plancha off the apron, McIntyre Michinoku Driver to Strowman, and Lashley lifting Strowman like he was weightless made sure this had a lot more than the usual spots. ***1/2
6. WWE Universal Title: Roman Reigns [c] w/ Paul Heyman vs. Cesaro
This is paced like and delivers an exciting 30-minute championship match, but it’s held back by a lack of urgency — the timing felt more inspired by Spiros Arion at MSG than any of Roman’s recent defenses. That’s fine, maybe even technically better… but at some point you hit a wall with really connecting. I loved watching these guys fight for headlocks and the way Cesaro sold his damaged arm the whole match, a result of some inspired and nasty attacks from Roman. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen the move where he trapped Cesaro’s arm in the turnbuckle and used his boot for pressure, or at least never done so well.
It’s just missing… something? We appreciate Cesaro for his ability, if not always his ability to beat some ass. Against this Roman Reigns in this Thunderdome era, I think he could’ve beat a little more ass — shown a little more fire, or whatever Vince McMahon was probably frustratingly always right about. Whether purposely or not it was Roman Reigns who came out of this shining more with me, maybe because he — WWE main event style guy — has adapted better to “good worker guy” more impressively than Cesaro has adapted to “WWE main event style guy.”
Eventually they found their footing and did what the kids like, mainly submission-trading and smacking the shit out of each other. Cesaro impressively hits his deadlift superplex on Roman and Roman impressively hits a sit-out powerbomb on Cesaro. Roman eventually gets Cesaro in his guillotine choke, though a timing mis-cue or just perspiration creates an awkward moment where Cesaro slips out. It’s locked on soon enough and that’s it. I’ll treasure this match, but Cesaro’s thing might always be he was so good he kept leaving us thinking, “could’ve been better.” ****1/4
Happy Thoughts: Zombies aside, this was pretty much good match after good match. In the Thunderdome era, that’s a winner. 4.0 / 5.0
