The Empire is at the top of the food chain and the road to Wrestling Dontaku is paved with 2.75 star matches.
New Japan has been stuck in cold streaks before, but in this one Korakuen Hall of all places exudes an aesthetic so repetitive and bland that it makes the Thunderdome seem like a reasonable idea.
1. Tetsuya Naito & SANADA vs. Great O-Khan & Aaron Henare (4/18/21)
Aaron Henare is trying — TRYING — and he could very well get there but I’m not sure it is going to be here, in the middle of all… this. He’s tied up with Ospreay, Cobb and O-Khan who are all still figuring their own thing out, and he’s got this vibe where he’s doing all the things asked of him for the New Japan environment but until he adds his own quirk it’s the same generic stuff – call it Dave Finlay Syndrome or something.
Great O-Khan has the decency to stall and be a weirdo, but this was a pretty contractually obligated tag team wrestling match. Not enough hate to build a feud, not enough interesting wrestling to get by otherwise. Special Tag Match Naito is still t-shirt Naito and it was O-Khan/SANADA — the match they’re not building to — I came out of this wanting more of. An OK bummer match. **
2. Tomohiro Ishii vs. Yujiro Takahashi (4/19/21)
This is pretty good, though it kind of exposes Ishii’s whole deal when he’s out here dragging Yujiro to a competitive match like everyone else. As much as Ishii is capable of adding to the presentation, the presentation is still just Yujiro beating up Ishii for a while. Subpar Ishii match, decent wrestling match, outstanding Yujiro match. **3/4
3. Hirooki Goto vs. Taiji Ishimori (4/19/21)
Goto’s traditionally stoic temperament during his entrance is replaced with one staring daggers through his opponent, one of the last real wrestlers on Earth either disappointed or simply unable to comprehend that this Bullet Club junior heavyweight is going to beat him pretty soon.
Ishimori goes after the arm because he’s psychologically sound and whatnot, and because he’s a pro (and because I was probably reading too much into his entrance demeanor) Goto sells and grits his teeth like a professional. Goto makes a comeback and kicks the shit out of Taiji (seriously, check out this kick), then goes for the GTR and gets caught with a backslide for a genuinely surprising 3-count. **1/2
4. YOSHI-HASHI vs. KENTA (4/19/21)
There’s a good match in here but it’s missing an energy, and in a world where you kind of need to be briefed on YOSHI-HASHI’s whole underdog thing in the first place that’s a tough sell. KENTA is a riot but this is just a decent, albeit completely drawn out and disappointing main event. Go watch their G1 Climax match instead. ***
5. NEVER Openweight 6-Man Tag Team Title: Hirooki Goto, Tomohiro Ishii & YOSHI-HASHI [c] vs. KENTA, Yujiro Takahashi & Taiji Ishimori (4/20/21)
OK, here’s the match. Everything that was drawn out or lacked any energy about the last three singles “teasers” was solved for here because the brothers could, you know, tag out. CHAOS triple teams continue to be one of the most impressive things going in wrestling and even Yujiro was laying his stuff in. Of course Ishimori got a near fall off a backslide on Goto too. ***½
6. SANADA vs. Aaron Henare (4/26/21)
Once again, big Henare does the work. He’s got the aggression asked of him early and other than delivering the Cold Skull of spears he’s got the execution asked of him towards the end too. SANADA’s idea of firing back from a beatdown is hitting a gorgeous dropkick, but hey: it really is gorgeous. They do the whole thing for the closing sequence and if anything it says Henare is more than capable of a strong G1 run if not becoming my favorite wrestler right now. ***1/4
7. Tetsuya Naito vs. Great O-Khan (4/26/21)
If you want to watch a really great Tetsuya Naito vs. Great O-Khan match, you should check out their New Japan Cup match two months ago at the 47th Anniversary Show. This had a little of that vibe, but with less stakes and crowd heat. O-Khan continues to be a welcome addition to the New Japan midcard/main event/whatever it is anymore scene, capable of all the hurt and drama but with his own wildcat twist.
Our good friend Tetsuya will absolutely try and die for O-Khan off a big boot, but key parts of the match are him messing with O-Khan and pulling at his ponytail and it makes me wonder if he couldn’t go with something else during the boner-killer Empire Era of New Japan Pro Wrestling. A limb got targeted, someone almost got counted out, and a few things got kicked out of — though not as many as you’d think. Destino wins. Not so Great for O-Khan. ***
8. Creation of Darkness Blindfold Match – KOPW Title: Toru Yano [c] vs. EVIL (Satsuma no Kuni Night 1 4/28/21)
There are always the voices giving warning by stating the very obvious. The first time Okada pitched the King of Pro Wrestling Title, too many just shrugged and said: “uhhhhh… I guess.” There were people who spoke up. Those that said it was “stupid.” But there’s nothing like the momentum of seemingly stupid moments during times of struggle. Akin to when Trump went down that stupid escalator and we ended up with empty wrestling and COVID-19, in New Japan we’ve got Will Ospreay as IWGP Champion and a fucking Blindfold Lights Out match.
I didn’t have to watch this and New Japan’s had plenty of suspect matches in the past (think I once watched Manabu Nakanishi work K-1 rules), but this. Here. This is one part a particularly weird and bad wrestling match; it’s also just a really sad statement on whatever this boring era of New Japan is right now.
Toru Yano and EVIL, two of the shtickiest shtick guys in all of New Japan’s current massive amount of shtick, didn’t even do much shtick. The match was somehow still 15-minutes and had like 10-minutes of EVIL on offense. I can’t in good faith even tell you the rules though. I think when a clock went off one of them was supposed to be blindfolded and then the other one for another part, and then the lights went out after a while. I don’t care. Life is too short to try and crack this code. DUD
9. IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Title: SHO & YOH [c] vs. El Desperado & Yoshinobu Kanemaru (Satsuma no Kuni Night 1 4/28/21)
SHO and YOH took turns here getting smacked around by two of the most solid heat delivery mechanisms on planet Earth and the junior heavyweight tag team title match continues to generally deliver, but with so few options in this division over such a long period of time it can make a man think: why? ***
10. Tetsuya Naito & Shingo Takagi vs. Will Ospreay & Great O-Khan (Satsuma no Kuni Night 2 4/29/21)
A tag team skirmish to preview the upcoming Ospreay/Shingo IWGP Heavyweight Title match, and I’m one to have faith in Shingo but I think that match might have peaked a couple years ago. Naito messed with O-Khan some more, then O-Khan got pinned. Really not cool! **1/2
11. Kota Ibushi & Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Jeff Cobb & Aaron Henare (Satsuma no Kuni Night 2 4/29/21)
The good-looking ring kings are back on the scene and against young Aaron Henare, who once again performed well in a big(ish) spot. Jeff Cobb messing up Ibushi created such a nice dynamic too that it made me think an IWGP Title match between them might be goo– ahhhhhh jeez. Thinking about shaking my fists and looking up at the sky while yelling “Ospreay!!!” but don’t think it’s worth the effort. **3/4
