January 23. Saturday. One week until The New Beginning in Nagoya. Ota City General Gymnasium. Sometimes they play basketball here. The Americans are sleeping. Or maybe they’re awake.
We’re on the Road…
1. Minoru Suzuki & DOUKI vs. Jado & Gedo
Some matches just aren’t good; here is one that’s mostly grabbing and choking from 50+ year-old men. DOUKI gets beat up for most of the match and they throw in brawling on the floor and some chairshots because my god, man – I wish I had a phone to look at when Jado & Gedo were building heat in 2003!
Jado is so buff right now it makes you forget he can barely move – watching a chinlock isn’t fun, but credible wrestling can be and damnit I’m buying that DOUKI is completely trapped in that chinlock. Suzuki tags in and closes it up with his signature spots, and it’s a few steps slower but my god, man – I wish I could see Minoru Suzuki live in 2021. **
2. Kazuchika Okada, Tomohiro Ishii & YOSHI-HASHI vs. EVIL, Yujiro Takahashi & Dick Togo
I’ve been so conditioned to not expect any surprises from a New Japan undercard 6-man that the fact that this was actually good caught me by surprise. Maybe they were bored — or maybe it’s me? This was the week I deposited money into an app because people were talking about the moon. I haven’t enjoyed a minute of this Dick Togo run beyond that one time I went “holy shit is that Dick Togo?” the night he arrived, but I’ll take more of Togo running the ropes with Ishii and making his punches snap so good it’s a signature spot.
CHAOS took turns getting beat up by the Bullet Club bros and no it was not “good” but EVIL holding onto YOSHI-HASHI’s nose while HASHI screamed in agony was brilliant and the kind of diversion the world could use more of. The finish came together with some real flair; it’s usually pretty obvious when these matches are coming to a close but this one was firmly based within an Okada comeback and he made sure there was energy in the air as everyone hit their spots on time. Money Clip won. ***
3. Hiroyoshi Tenzan Return Match: Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima vs. Will Ospreay & Great-O-Khan
Go. Do it. One more run. It’s time. These mofos don’t even belong here. Well, maybe O-Khan. He seems good. Why’s he being such a dick? Is it cause I hang with Wato? I don’t even do that anymore. Let’s try throwing hands cause that worked back in the day. Man, Kojima throws hands. That’s my dude. Remember when we used to wrestle 60-minute matches? Man. That was not me. I liked those tags we did though. Until then…
SMASH CHAIR SMASH CHAIR SMASH CHAIR
THIS. This. THIS is me. This O-Khan bitch about to learn. Get out of my way. I’m headed to the back. ***
4. Elimination Match: Kota Ibushi, Hiroshi Tanahashi, Tomoaki Honma, SHO & Master Wato vs. Tetsuya Naito, SANADA, Shingo Takagi, Hiromu Takahashi & BUSHI
Complaining about New Japan matches being too long became hacky a long time ago, even if that truth shows up again and again — especially on a tour where the crew is so standard that Tomoaki Honma and Jado are featured acts. One way to make 20 plus minutes of time with that crew fly by is to put them in an Elimination Match, where in Japan you can be eliminated by getting tossed over the top rope to the floor – or at least to the apron, where a guy will then run at you with enough force to knock you to the floor.
Instead of building to the usual series of signature spots and an unsurprising finish, they’re building around a series of random, surprising, and usually funny eliminations. Times are shit – give the people fun.
BUSHI eliminating both Ibushi and SANADA was a vibe, as was Wato taking out BUSHI then Hiromu taking out Wato to establish himself as the true champion of New Japan. Besides the tosses there were some fun exchanges between all the upcoming matches, with all 5 here are paired off in feuds… even Naito vs. Honma. The Hiromu vs. SHO and Shingo vs. Tanahashi matches are so obviously going to rule.
Shingo eliminates SHO, Tanahashi eliminates Shingo, Naito eliminates Tanahashi, and it’s down to Naito vs. Tomoaki Honma. The former Deathmatch Misawa absorbs an enzuigiri, throws a headbutt.. and another headbutt launches Naito over the top and to the floor. A fun match!! ***1/4
5. IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Title: Yoshinobu Kanemaru & El Desperado [c] vs. Taiji Ishimori & El Phantasmo
Complaining about New Japan matches being too long became hacky a long time ago, but my word — this was too long! I know that because it’s the only thing I can really say about it. Kanemaru and Desperado have showed up again and again in low key good tag matches, the kind of ones that sneak up on you: they’re dishing a beatdown and you’re not enjoying it then 5 minutes later everybody at Korakuen Hall is losing their mind and you can’t help but accept the good job done.
This was not that. This had a beatdown dished out by Ishimori (who’s usually over it) and ELP (who’s gimmick I guess is “purposely annoying”), and besides a tornado DDT that ELP took on his head this was the most average match I’ve seen in a very long time. **1/4
Happy Thoughts: The highlight here was Tenzan wrecking O-Khan with a chair so hard it had to sell some tickets to the Nagoya show. Otherwise, more of a bonus house show feel than anything – not worth seeing and not bad either, though the main event came close. 3/10
