1. Hell in a Cell I Quit Match – WWE Universal Title: Roman Reigns [c] w/ Paul Heyman vs. Jey Uso
Where does WWE get off keeping this Roman Reigns from us all these years? Where do they get off opening the show with this?? WWE has been doing the worst possible America’s Got Talent when their guys are occasionally capable of Breaking Bad.
The star rating is useless here as this is more engrossing and entertaining television than wrestling match, but everyone showed up for another flawless angle within a wrestling match that was better than many matches I’ve ever watched. They had an epic match in there too, based around the spear early on before Jey put up a fight and the Big Dog had to bite.
Roman was dropping lines like he was in Goodfellas and sold the frustration and eventual sadness of the monster he’s become brilliantly. This was BEFORE the chaotic finish: Jey refuses to say quit, Roman tries murder, producers run-in, Jimmy covers up Jey, Roman chokes Jimmy out until Jey has to quit.
Look at Jimmy’s EYES while he’s in the choke, clinging to Jey so Jey could wake up – I had a tear in my eye. The LAYERS. The LEVELS. The FAMILY!! No less than Afa and Sika appearing on the ramp to officially crown Roman as king of the family was as good as WWE gets. Wrestling doesn’t always wrap me up like this but when it does it reminds me why I’m obsessed with it. *****
2. Jeff Hardy vs. Elias
In between the Cell matches, WWE had a couple wrestlers sell chinlocks. First up was Jeff Hardy. *3/4
3. Money in the Bank: Otis [c] w/ Tucker vs. The Miz w/ John Morrison
Next up was Otis, though he did do a pretty sweet discus clothesline before Tucker smashed his face with the briefcase to give Miz the win. I don’t know – did that one shock you? I was shocked. *3/4
4. Hell in a Cell – SmackDown Women’s Title: Bayley [c] vs. Sasha Banks
I wrote this a year ago and it still holds true: All hail Sasha Banks, the absolute maestro of Hell in a Cell matches, the ONLY bad motherfucker on the roster willing to embrace the absolute violence of the CELL.
She did it again, having what felt like both a triumphant babyface overcoming the odds match AND the kickoff to an even more interesting feud while in the confinements of ol’ Hell in a Cell. Bayley is like the Hirooki Goto of WWE now, just quietly having ALL the best matches and going along with whatever the opponent wants: in this case, Sasha Banks’s version of the Cell match that has a faster pace and more interesting dynamic than any other Cell match (except maybe Roman/Jey sorry).
Creative, violent, fun, brilliant professional wrestling. It’s 2020 – throw em up. *****
5. WWE U.S. Title: Bobby Lashley [c] vs. Slapjack
SLAPJACK? That’s what they did between Hell in a Cell matches, a Slapjack U.S. Title challenge. Retribution’s a rib. *1/2
6. Hell in a Cell – WWE Title: Drew McIntyre [c] vs. Randy Orton
Where does WWE get off ending the show with this?? After being completely DAZZLED by the previous two Hell in a Cell matches, I ended this show with disappointment as Drew and Randy had the kind of Cell match that makes you think nobody has any new ideas for the Cell match – even if those new ideas were present like an hour ago. It was PHYSICAL, folks! **1/2
Happy Thoughts: WWE is inherently problematic, but they occasionally let some amazing wrestlers loose and here it resulted in two of the best matches you’ll see all year. 9/10
