New Jersey bounds…
When sound asleep, they’ll find
You at your most vulnerable
Poll position… Speak up, let out
When down the street, the corner boys fuck shit up…
Scream loud, scream sayonara! OH-OH!
Sweet Josephine, will you follow me home?
Scream loud, scream sayonara!
Sweet Josephine, will you fuck me back home?
1. Yota Tsuji vs. Gabriel Kidd
A 15-minute draw behind them, these two have HISTORY. BEEF! An absolute DISAGREEMENT! In between the ass-beating, Gabriel Kidd does the most gorgeous leapfrog I have ever seen in my life. Tsuji ensures they don’t go to a draw again when he locks in a crab hold that looks like it breaks Kidd’s back, and Kidd absolutely shattered afterwards. **1/2
2. G1 Climax – Block A: Tomohiro Ishii vs. Yujiro Takahashi
Did they have some kind of bet? Yujiro is the loser of this tournament who might win once or twice, but everyone is selling for him like he is some kind of equal and he is just… not. I don’t care how many wars Ishii has been through in the G1 so far, I’m not buying Yujiro taking him down with a clothesline to start the match. Yujiro is the Tokyo Pimp. That’s the thing. Play into it or something – my god, man!
They worked hard here but Yujiro’s work just doesn’t have enough spto it to actually make it worthwhile. They pulled off a few big near falls at the end, but were they really? Were they necessary? Was it worth the bore?? Was it worth seeing Ishii do all this??? **1/2
3. G1 Climax – Block A: Kauzchika Okada vs. Jeff Cobb
Anybody praising Okada and Cobb in this tournament is just being polite. I bet they’re nice boys, but they’re not having a good G1. Cobb is throwing people around without playing any other note, while Okada wrestles sometimes like Owen Hart just paralyzed him with a piledriver. Taking it easy is one thing, but the charisma feels distant too. More an NXT TV match than a G1 match. *1/2
4. G1 Climax – Block A: Minoru Suzuki vs. Will Ospreay
Worse than Yujiro taking Ishii out with a single clothesline might be Will Ospreay competitively trading elbows with Minoru Suzuki, though this eventually settled into a pretty good match. Nobody needed this styles clash and it might’ve been more fun if Suzuki was younger and meaner, but it was like the most upbeat Suzuki match in years as he tried to keep up to mixed results.
The finish was awesome: Suzuki ducked the Hidden Blade, kicked Ospreay’s hurt arm, then hit the ropes and did a freaking LA MISTICA before Ospreay countered his way to a Stormbreaker for a major win. Fun, if not the special kind of match you might want from New Japan’s assumed next top guy. ***1/4
5. G1 Climax – Block A: Jay White vs. Taichi
I am sure there is an audience for the cheeky bad boys of wrestling doing their thing for 15-minutes, but it is not I. This was shtick so stretched out that it lost the plot of what the shtick was supposed to accomplish in the first place. *3/4
6. G1 Climax – Block A: Kota Ibushi vs. Shingo Takagi
This was one of the most exciting possible first time matches left in wrestling and the thing delivered. SO MUCH. I mean, COVID-19 wrestling is depressing whether the arena is empty and silent or filled with fans and silent, but fun can be had in seeing how the boys adapt – if they do at all. Sometimes they actually just power through and get the people to react anyways, whether it’s astonishment or applause or even just Milano Collection A.T. marking out on commentary.
This is high impact wrestling, folks – put on that Enzo Amore voice: they move fast, they hit hard, and they’re STRONG. AS. HELL. The high impact match style can easily run together with many others, but they settled themselves into a story of Shingo again positioning himself as a big star by completely wrecking Ibushi and being a boastful god damn prick about it.
Shingo basically beat the life back into Ibushi, the only guy to actually make Ibushi’s whole “I must become GOD” thing inexplicably work. After taking such a shit-kicking, Ibushi looked SO happy on his comeback and brought ALLLLL the fire needed to take this to epic territory. This was a special kind of match, so I think that means Shingo should actually be the next top guy. ****1/4
Happy Thoughts: There is some bad here, but there is also Kota Ibushi vs. Shingo Takagi. 6/10
