Mohammed Yone vs. Yuko Miyamoto
The randomly thrown-together opening match draw is the worst booking trend in NOAH at the moment. Judging by the ending stretch, Yone and Miyamoto had enough material for a solid 5 minute match. Instead we got a plodding, low energy bore with the only memorable moment being the opening disco battle. What do these guys even gain from going to a 15 minute draw together? They’re not bitter rivals pushing each other to the limit or youngsters making their stand against a veteran. Trying to find reasons for the existence of this match is more of a struggle than the match itself so I will stop right there. **
Daisuke Harada, YO-HEY & Kinya Okada vs. Tadasuke, Haoh & Nioh
First match as part of Kongo for THE CLEANER 2.0 Tadasuke and it was allright. The new leather jacket and gun fingers will surely help him detect all of the Bullet Club Babes, but otherwise he still feels non-descript. Speaking of non-descript, the heel beatdown seemed to go on forever here, likely because the Kongo trio don’t have the personality to make these types of tropes work. That being said, the action picked up for the finish and Haoh/Nioh closed strong with that double tope suicida. An occasionally decent time? **1/4
Kaito Kiyomiya, Daiki Inaba & Seiya Morohashi vs. Hideki Suzuki, Kaz Hayashi & NOSAWA Rongai
Hideki’s presence alone brought this up a notch. Loved him punking out Inaba and that big European uppercut showdown he had with Kiyomiya. The kind of guy I’d wish to see more in NOAH on a regular basis, as he brings out the best from everyone. Meanwhile, getting his ass kicked by Suzuki might be the optimal role for Inaba because he’s still not doing anything for me. Putting him with Kaito is a double edged sword, as it guarantees him a decent spot on the card but also exposes his blandness as soon as you see how charismatic his partner is becoming. **1/2
Yoshinari Ogawa & HAYATA © vs. Atsushi Kotoge & Hajime Ohara – GHC Jr. Heavyweight Tag Team Titles
Definitely too long for these teams, but at least they had a compelling story to keep you hooked for most of the match. Full Throttle came out as fun loving, engine-revving hometown boyz (Ohara is from Kawasaki) and Stinger immediately clipped their wings by taking out Kotoge’s leg. The dynamic was on point, as everyone fell in natural roles: Ogawa the heel technician tormentor leading the leg onslaught, Kotoge drawing babyface sympathy by selling his ass off and Ohara leaning into the hometown support by going on big hot tag runs of offense. There were points were you could tell they were just running through movez to fill up the time, but it all came full circle with a smart finish going back to Kotoge’s bum leg. Leave it to old man Ogawa to pull out the nastiest half crab variation I’ve ever seen to put BOOM BOOM Kotoge out of his misery. An expert jerk. ***1/2
Kotaro Suzuki © vs. Seiki Yoshioka – GHC Jr. Heavyweight Title
Very similar vibe as the last match, although the lack of Kawasaki natives made the atmosphere a bit more flat. Gundam Wing enthusiast Kotaro went after the leg right off the bat, trying to neutralize Yoshioka’s kicks and high-flying tomfoolery. Spoiler: Suzuki’s evil plan didn’t work, but the ex-Strong Heart did a decent enough job selling the injury after getting in his aforementioned kicks and high spots. I liked the escalation heading into the finish: Kotaro bombarding the challenger with clever rollups (ENDLESS WALTZ~!) and Yoshioka working towards his big high kick before finally succumbing to the world-ending MASS DRIVER. Could’ve benefitted from both guys showing more emotion, but overall it was a solid introduction to the junior title picture for Yoshioka. ***1/4
Keiji Muto, Naomichi Marufuji, Masakatsu Funaki & Masaaki Mochizuki vs. Kenoh, Masa Kitamiya, Manabu Soya & Yoshiki Inamura
That dastardly Marufuji, bending the M’s Alliance rule book to include first names now as well. Funaki’s an inspired addition to the group and he looked sharp here – dug the UWF vibes of his opening scuffle with Kenoh. Everyone else put in a good bit of effort too, Soya/Mochi stealing the show with their energetic chop versus kick throwdown. There have been more memorable Kenoh 8-man tags, but this did the job as a palette cleanser following the two junior title matches. **3/4
Go Shiozaki & Katsuhiko Nakajima vs. Takashi Sugiura & Kazushi Sakuraba – GHC Tag-Team Titles
AXIZ NO MORE. A sad day for Puro Twitter, but the post-match angle admittedly came off a lot better than I was expecting. A well-executed RAW IS NOAH bit of faction realignment, even if there was still merch money to be made with AXIZ. That being said, the match itself felt a step behind the warmup between AXIZ and Sugiura/Hayashi. They played with the same themes: Shiozaki’s arm injury and Sugiura/Katsu/Go all stiffing the crap out of each other, however the whole thing felt needlessly long and lacked urgency until the final few minutes. Saku added some extra danger to the arm story, but his style doesn’t lend itself so well to long matches and he seemed in rough shape by the end of the 30 minutes. Still, the NOAH top 3 working each other is a guaranteed solid time, even if they didn’t completely shatter the spreadsheet. ***1/4
