“HEAR ME NOW – ooooh YEAH,” shouts Macho Man Randy Savage – “Million Dollar Man, there’s no room in the Danger Zone for your KIND or your MONEY.” Ted DiBiase LAUGHS. Brutus Beefcake TRIES. SLICK!!! King Harley Race says Hulk Hogan will bow down, but Hogan says Race will be crowned like never been crowned before. Hulk Hogan is throwing a referee over the top rope in this intro now, my GOD – it’s SATURDAY NIGHT’S MAIN EVENT!!!
As usual Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura are on commentary, and your Jesse Ventura Fashion Watch is this: Black suede three-button shirt, panama hat with explorers’ bandana, and shades. Jesse got less and less colorful as the 80s went on.
We’re in Nashville at the Municipal Auditorium, and there are occasional jokes about the SOUTH!!! YEE HAW!
The show begins with an extended clip from the aftermath of The Main Event, where Ted DiBiase hired a decoy referee to ensure Andre the Giant beat Hulk Hogan for the World Title and handed it over to him. The WWF rightfully milked this highly-rated footage for all it was worth, airing it multiple times in the lead-up to WrestleMania IV.
1. Brutus Beefcake vs. Greg Valentine w/ Jimmy Hart
It is impressive how putting Valentine with Hart as a singles act instead of putting Valentine with Johnny V as a tag wrestler immediately presents Valentine as a more important guy. Mean Gene even comments as soon as the observation came to me, saying he’s been revitalized into a top contender. Between his incredible robe and the fact that Hammer is the same wrestler he was in the early 80s, I cannot doubt it.
Beefcake struts out with see-through stockings where his thighs would usually be covered and asks Vince if he’s getting excited, to which Vince is quick to reply that Elizabeth excites him and pivots to how she’ll be around later. The man covers up for his masculine insecurity all while promoting his wrestling show, a really impressive feat if you really really really think about it.
Valentine does a JOB selling for Beefcake early here, getting cracked with a jumping knee and doing a hilarious sell for an atomic drop where he squats down and holds the top of his head. Valentine eventually takes over and begins to work the leg, then Beefcake’s Mania opponent Honky Tonk Man waltzes to ringside where he talks shit and points to his hair. After commercial Beefcake gets the sleeper on, Valentine drags him to the floor, Beefcake chases Jimmy Hart, and Valentine just straight-up stomps him and delivers a backdrop suplex for…. THE WIN?
Not exactly – Beefcake’s shoulder went up and Valentine’s was down, so Beefcake wins and the momentum of The Barber continues. He cuts a lock of Valentine’s hair to close the segment. It was a rocky ride but somehow they built up a Beefcake/Valentine feud across a year and blew it off on the SNME before Mania. Respect. **3/4
2. Hulk Hogan vs. Harley Race w/ Bobby Heenan
It feels positively uncomfortable for Hulk Hogan to be wrestling and not defending the WWF Title on Saturday Night’s Main Event, but this match is tremendous. It’s 6-and-a-half minutes and all action, with both guys keeping the movement and Race keeping the pressure. Hogan’s music plays and plays as Race goes after him before the bell with a headbutt and he responds with a stare and taped right fists. Race takes his classic ridiculous bumps off a couple Axe Bombers, then takes a backwards spill over the top that sends his knees crashing onto a non-gimmicked table.
Hogan gets distracted by Heenan and Race tries to take over with a piledriver on the floor, but Hogan powers out. That’s another thing I liked about this – there wasn’t a lot of long stretches of Hogan selling. Race absolutely kept bringing the pain but they didn’t go with convention as Hogan kept at least trying to fight back. Speaking of not going with convention, Race convinces Hogan to actually take a piledriver in the middle of the ring.
Race goes for his falling headbutt off the apron through that non-gimmicked table, but Hogan moves – it doesn’t look terrible, but apparently contributed to ending Race’s in-ring career. Soon after this Hogan does a very succinct fire-up before dropping the leg to end a short but awesome match. All of Race’s best bits were applied to the Hogan formula in the form of a sprint where they kept moving, moving, moving. ****
3. Macho Man Randy Savage w/ Elizabeth vs. Ted DiBiase w/ Andre the Giant and Virgil
“There’s nothin’ more macho than a man with money,” says DiBiase. “Nothin.” This match is long by SNME standards (10+ minutes but across 3 segments) but remains compelling throughout, with amazing chemistry between a DiBiase on the ascent and a Savage who hadn’t stopped ascending. These are two of the all-time greatest wrestling characters colliding as big time players right before WrestleMania IV.
Before the match Andre waltzes down the aisle to be in DiBiase’s corner, a heck of a teaser going into commercial. On return, an intense Savage jumps outside and slaps Virgil before he gets stomped. They work for offense early, DiBiase controlling but Savage getting in occasional bursts of offense. Savage is so precise with his offense, but DiBiase complements it by being so precise with his defense – his bumps are big and selling is chaotic, but you can also always sense he knows exactly where he needs to be.
Randy Savage doesn’t just put a boot up to counter a charge in the corner, he puts a knee up that causes DiBiase to stumble back and fall on his face, Savage smoothly propped up on the top turnbuckle to watch his work.
DiBiase works the longest, most compelling chinlock there ever was – he’s just laying there but Andre is watching, Liz is fretting, and Savage is absolutely SPENT. Savage manages to send DiBiase to the floor and everybody stands in unison as Savage goes to the top and drops an axehandle smash to the floor. Andre attacks Savage and Liz runs to the back while Savage gets counted out. Hogan runs back out holding a chair up high like a goof and the heels bail QUICK. The new threesome celebrates to the delight of millions of people, one of whom is Vince McMahon. ***3/4
4. The Killer Bees vs. The Islanders w/ Bobby Heenan
It’s WrestleMania season, so we are fitting in TWO midcard matches on Main Event! Bobby Heenan accompanies The Islanders to the ring wearing beekeeper mesh and holding a dog collar, ready to feud with any gimmicked up tag team that crosses him. The boys deliver a good basic tag that goes only 3-and-a-half minutes before Haku stops a reverse cradle pin with a kick. *3/4
5. Ken Patera vs. One Man Gang w/ Slick
Slick was on a tear anytime he got a mic, here calling out no less than the U.S. Olympic Team, George Steinbrenner, and the New York Yankees. In the match, One Man Gang attacks and Patera fights back with a… bearhug. Then a full nelson. It is not the most appealing approach, though he does throw punches and kicks in there too. Eventually he does the 10-count punch, whips Gang into the ropes, and gets caught with a clothesline for the 3-count. Decent Jobber to the Stars type of squash. *1/2
Hulk Hogan closes the show promising one hell of a second round bye match with Andre the Giant – “Fee-fi-fo-fum, you big nasty giant!” He’s all fired for his fourth trip to the big time: “”That’s not maniacal behavior, that’s behavior of a Hulkamaniac – a star craven maniac, man!” McMahon and Ventura close speculating on Mania, with Ventura speculating the cool and calm of Andre might prevail. Mania is just a couple weeks away… WOOOO! I mean – Hulkamania, Brother.
Happy Thoughts: All the big WrestleMania angles already got run earlier in the year but this has a pair of seriously classic WWF wrestling matches. Very good show. 7/10
