There aren’t many happy thoughts here.
0. Kevin Owens vs. Murphy
A super cold match added at the last minute, but they went hard – like really hard. Owens is working like he has something to prove. The jump-up moonsault was awesome. Good bell-to-bell ACTION. ***1/4
1. Tables Match – SmackDown Tag Team Title: The New Day [c] vs. Shinsuke Nakamura & Cesaro
The Tables Match is dead, but this was a bunch of wild spots from four old pros that was hurt by nobody in WWE really wanting tag wrestling to work. I liked how they teased the wild Doomsday Device table spot early, then Kofi did actually take the epic double table powerbomb bump for the finish. ***1/4
“Even if you lose, we will still be your friends!” How did WWE waste SO MUCH TIME with Kairi Sane working HEEL!?
2. SmackDown Women’s Title: Bayley [c] w/ Sasha Banks vs. Nikki Cross w/ Alexa Bliss
Another women’s match that felt a cut above the rest in 2020, like an actual competitive contest with few holes. It’s almost like the guys spent the last 5 years trying to pop crowds and the girls spent it getting better at wrestling. Nikki Cross is good and this was the type of match you could sense people really rallying behind her at the end. ***1/4
MVP is the new U.S. Champ. OK.
3. Eye for an Eye Match: Rey Mysterio vs. Seth Rollins
All for a wrestling match where the goal is to rip out your opponent’s eyeball, but not here. Not in COVID WWE. Rey went hard again, taking bumps and doing moves that would be impressive if he was 15 years younger, but in between it all they were trying to have a hate-filled brawl that came off as a joke even before Rollins puked. The PC trainees doing a babyface clap rally as Rollins was trying to gouge Rey’s eye out with a chair almost made ME puke. **3/4
4. RAW Women’s Title: Asuka [c] w/ Kairi Sane vs. Sasha Banks
A true Dream Match, a match that deserved a rabid crowd and that Big Fight Feel but fought through it to have an even better version of the Bayley/Cross match… for a while. The first 16-17 minutes were competitive, fun, believable. Sasha was working as stiff as she used to in NXT and Asuka is just straight-up the best in the world. Nobody wrestles more seriously while emoting like her. The finish unfortunately was a mass of uncoordinated confusion before Bayley threw on a referee shirt, counted 3, and handed Sasha the belt. To be continued? ***3/4
5. Extreme Rules for Dolph Ziggler Only – WWE Title: Drew McIntyre [c] vs. Dolph Ziggler
To be fair, the gimmick and Dolph Ziggler himself brought as interesting of a hook as maybe possible to the dreaded Dolph vs. Drew WWE Title match. I never actually liked it, but I can see when a guy is busting his ass. The Claymore out of nowhere finish was legitimately incredible too. **3/4
5. Wyatt Swamp Fight: Braun Strowman vs. Bray Wyatt
Braun vs. Bray isn’t interesting enough to carry this, Braun and Bray aren’t good enough to carry this, and the cinematic WWE match might have just jumped the shark. Just a lame bunch of brawling and effects. Even the Alexa Bliss appearance just seemed like somebody realizing they shouldn’t have canned Harper and Rowan. Nothing here. DUD
Happy Thoughts: Bayley and Sasha Banks continue to carry WWE, but the rest was rough. The stories and gimmicks are bad and the wrestling just isn’t good enough to cut through it. Lots of decent wrestling stuck in a… Horror Show. 2/10
