From Market Square Arena in Indianapolis comes a special Saturday Night’s Main Event aired LIVE on NBC on a Friday night, simply titled: The Main Event. It’s a mini-WrestleMania, with three titles on the line and the apparent blowoff for angles shot at the Survivor Series and last two Saturday Night’s Main Events.
Read Bix’s analysis on what used to be Deadspin, but the original broadcast drew a 15.2 Nielsen rating and 33 million viewers – records for American wrestling that haven’t been beat.
The SNME intro has a pre-show credit vibe, with the STARS of this show highlighted by their individual logos. Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura introduce the show, practically screaming over the loud crowd.
Prior to the live broadcast, Indianapolis saw Demolition Ax beat Ken Patera, Jake Roberts beat Harley Race, Ron Bass beat Koko B. Ware, The British Bulldogs beat The Islanders, Hacksaw Jim Duggan beat One Man Gang, and The Ultimate Warrior beat Sika.
The Jesse Ventura Fashion Watch is extra insane for this prime time slot, a David Schitt-esque black cloak but LEATHER and a cheetah-print Russian fur hat thing.
First up is a Hulk Hogan training montage, with big close-ups of big muscles over the sounds of… Jake Roberts’ eventual theme music. I think WWE Network dubbed over Eye of the Tiger, or at least I hope they did. Hogan puts the weights down, flexes, and CACKLES. We should talk about evil Hogan ready to beat ass more.
1. WWF Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man [c] w/ Jimmy Hart and Peggy Sue vs. Macho Man Randy Savage and Elizabeth
This is a lot like the Savage/Steele matches, Savage taking a great character with limited wrestling ability and making the most of it. There’s nothing to study here on day 1 of wrestling school but on day 300, maybe. It’s a wonderful butch of sports entertainment stupidity, with everything so wonderfully over-the-top that it acts as the perfect appetizer for Hulk/Andre. Honky Tonk Man’s girlfriend, who is WWF Women’s Champion Sherri Martel dressed in a 50s greaser look, is introduced before the match and runs down to ringside to be in Honky’s corner. It’s generally terrible but because Sherri Martel is SO awesome as a manager it does add something to the match, with her living and dying on every movement.
Honky plays dirtbag and is either begging off, getting his ass kicked, and trying to do his little Elvis dance in front of Elizabeth. Savage socks him, Jimmy Hart gets knocked down, Peggy Sue confronts innocent Elizabeth, Savage backs Peggy off, and Honky tries to attack but Savage throws him into the post. They brawl and Savage sneaks in before the 10-count to win the match but not the title. ***1/4
The twin referees later on is great, but the angle after this is just as good. Honky Tonk prepares to hit Savage with his guitar, and Miss Elizabeth steps in front of her man. Honky swings anyways, but Savage stops the guitar mid-air like a GOD and Honky dips. Savage, who has been a complete asshole to Elizabeth for over two years, helps Elizabeth into the ring and raises her hand to the crowd’s delight. He puts her up on his shoulder for the first time and there are GOOSEBUMPS, absolute goosebumps.
Andre and Hogan check in with Mean Gene before their match. Andre promises to SQUEEZE, and TWIST, and SQUEEEEZE!
2. WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] vs. Andre the Giant w/ Ted DiBiase and Virgil
The match that proves star ratings silly, maybe a less impressive performance than even WrestleMania III but the most-watched wrestling match there is and two giant presences that burst through the screen and say: “SEE! This is why people like wrestling! Don’t you SEE!”
As I write this WWE is getting praise for their cinematic matches, but their best cinematography was in the late 80s. The shot of Andre the Giant looking up at a big “ANDRE WHO?” sign, the shot of Hulk Hogan tearing off his shirt staring down the lineup of DiBiase, Virgil, and Andre… these are artists at work. DiBiase and Virgil stare a hole through Hogan, but I love how Andre always refused to even so much as look in his direction.
Hogan shows off early, tossing DiBiase and Virgil around and stomping on DiBiase’s hand which sends money FLYING. He uncharacteristically climbs to the top rope and Andre throws him off, a big bump for The Hulkster. Hogan sells big as Andre chokes him and steps on him before he fights back and heads back to the top rope where he hits a diving clothesline! Virgil distracts referee Dave Hebner, then Andre grabs Hogan from behind with the headbutts he used on SNME and drops him with the adorable butterfly suplex he used at Survivor Series. Hogan kicks out at 2, but Hebner keeps counting to 3 and hands the WWF Title to Andre as Vince denies and denies and denies. ***
The crowd is shocked, like Ivan Koloff just beat Bruno or Brock Lesnar just beat Taker. Andre is announced as the new World Heavyweight Champion and Mean Gene Okerlund jumps on the apron to hastily interview the new champ. Andre bellows that he did what he said, and will now surrender the title to The Million Dollar Man. The crowd BOOOO’s, processing the the original twist and now this turn.
Andre puts the title around DiBiase’s waist as DiBiase cackles, his plan complete. Suddenly, there’s a stir. Another referee has ran out and he looks just like Dave Hebner! Hold on – IT IS DAVE HEBNER! The referee in the ring was not Dave Hebner! The referee in the ring only looked like Dave Hebner! And the referee in the ring was paid off! The two referees scrap to the crowd’s delight, but the truth soon settles in: Ted DiBiase is the WWF Champion.
Or is he?
Hulk Hogan is in hysterics in the locker room when they cut to him during the next match, demanding to know about the “plastic surgery” and apparently unaware of the concept of identical twins. He recounts the 3-count again as if he has PTSD, screaming “IDENTICAL! IDENTICALLL!!” Then he storms off, screaming “HULKAMANICS! HULKAMANICS!!!”
A perfect insane mainstream professional wrestling angle – so dumb, so lucrative.
3. WWF World Tag Team Title: Strike Force [c] vs. The Hart Foundation w/ Jimmy Hart
These poor guys go on with literally two minutes left in the show, and as soon as the bell rings they cut to Hogan’s promo. When they go on Vince quickly throws to the credits as if TV time has run out and they’ll tell you the result later, but Martel blocks a sunset flip from Bret by holding him down and gets the 3 JUST as the credits fade out. What a pair of pros!
Happy Thoughts: Breezy show, the peak of the WWF’s powers. Must-see if you haven’t already. 10/10
