Jake the Snake is ready for 1988. Bobby Heenan has STEPPED ASIDE to let Andre the Giant be in King kong Bundy’s corner as he battles Hulk Hogan! Slick wants a… Russian Revolution? I don’t know, HULKAMANIA – it’s SATURDAY NIGHT’S MAIN EVENT!!!
Jesse Ventura Fashion Watch: a green tiger-striped bandana, the same pink tie-dye boa as last time, a grey tank top showing off his hairy chest, and a black weight belt over his pants.
Hulk Hogan does squats, cuts a promo, flexes, and backs away. It’s about time.
1. 2/3 Falls – WWF World Tag Team Title: Strike Force [c] vs. The Bolsheviks w/ Slick
This is a lively tag with Strike Force enduring two sections of heat but also winning two falls straight, one from Martel’s Boston Crab and the other after Zhukov gets blasted by mistake with Slick’s cane. The Bolsheviks both bring nothing new to the table and fit perfectly as the bland, dour opposition for Strike Force to do their thing against. It’s like a pop single of pro wrestling. Strike Force is properly fired up and Santana’s flying forearm here is extra stiff too. Strike Force, striking like lightning! ***1/4
2. Jake Roberts vs. Sika w/ Mr. Fuji
In the promo before the match, Mr. Fuji shows off a big ass jar of mustard and huge sandwich bread for Damien. It is a lot better than the actual match – watching Jake and Sika working out of armbars is not a great way to spend a Saturday night. Jake rolls up Sika to win, then Fuji takes the DDT afterwards as if Roman Sr. told Jake, “not tonight brudda.” *
3. WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] vs. King Kong Bundy w/ Andre the Giant
Hogan calls Andre a big nasty giant before heading to the ring for a matchup that totally peaked last month, despite a crowd that buys in and a WWF in full hype mode: “Never before has The Hulkster faced these… well, it’d appear to be insurmountable odds!” observes McMahon, while Ventura thinks that this is going to be one of the greatest WWF title defenses EVER. Hogan endures a chinlock before he almost makes the people believe Bundy’s winning off a splash. Bundy goes for the Avalanche and Hogan moves so Bundy can ram his shoulder into the buckle and get in place for the legdrop. **3/4
They run a great angle after, ramping up a busy WrestleMania season and continuing to heat up Andre/Hogan. Hogan stares down Andre and Andre backs away, but attacks as Hogan poses. He headbutts the back of Hogan’s skull and chokes him while Hogan sells like Hogan, grimacing in a way that’s both over the top and the only way to do this. The WWF’s attention to detail in their big 80s Hogan angles was great, everything laid out perfectly to feel totally chaotic.
The escalation of the saves by the WWF’s babyface locker room is great too – first the British Bulldogs try to pry Andre off and take what might be the first heel-delivered noggin’ knocker before Andre tosses them with a scowl. Other assorted good guys run out but Andre refuses to let go of Hogan. Finally Hacksaw Duggan comes out with the 2×4 and whacks Andre, not visibly hurting him but prompting Andre to look up at him ready to fuck him up. This gives the babyfaces enough time to drag their money ticket to the outside.
4. Koko B. Ware vs. Greg Valentine w/ Jimmy Hart
The bird guy opposite serious Valentine is a good dynamic, but this is the usual SNME closer fare – 5 minutes and completely unspectacular. Brutus Beefcake comes to ringside and looks menacingly at Valentine, but is kicked out by the referee and leaves walking backwards and clipping his scissors over and over, holding them up to the crowd as if to say: “YES, this is my gimmick.” Valentine submits Koko with a figure-four then Beefcake chases him off and cuts the top of Jimmy Hart’s pompadour, which isn’t cooperative. You can see the absolute pro that is Jimmy Hart working his ass off here to find ways to get the hair in a place where physics will allow Beefcake to chop it off. *1/2
Andre the Giant promises vengeance, while the trio of Mean Gene, Vince McMahon, and a flexing Jesse Ventura reflect on Hogan’s new injuries.
Happy Thoughts: A very low key and unspectacular Saturday Night’s Main Event, but the big angle makes it worth checking out. 4/10
