Macho Man Randy Savage is in… space? And he’s going to get revenge on Honky Tonk Man and The Hart Foundation. First, The Hart Foundation. PLUS, King Kong Bundy and Hulk Hogan are going to war again. Dana Carvey isn’t on TV tonight because it’s SATURDAY NIGHT’S MAIN EVENT!!!
Jesse Ventura Fashion Watch: Black cowboy hat with medallion trimmings, black leather jacket, pink tie-dye scarf, and black Saturday Night’s Main Event t-shirt. He is some kind of Hollywood WWF rancher man.
1. George “The Animal” Steele vs. Danny Davis
They air footage from and are blowing off an angle from April where Davis hit Steele with a ring bell, commitment to something if I ever saw it. George carries the Elizabeth action figure in his hand for his interview before the match where Mean Gene once again questions his basic competence. The match isn’t much, the most basic acceptable opener with a few fun spots. Davis isn’t really interesting enough to make up for any of George’s limitations. *1/2
The Hart Foundation and Jimmy Hart are interviewed by Mean Gene before a pink backdrop and Vince must have told Neidhart to really push the laugh, back when Vince’s suggestions sometimes worked. As they walk away, Mean Gene Okerlund looks into the camera: “If there are sicker men in this sport I love, I don’t know whomever they may be. Vince, let’s go back to you.”
Macho Man shouts that VENGEANCE IS MINE before no less than NFL rookie Brian Bosworth walks to his floor seat.
2. Macho Man Randy Savage w/ Elizabeth vs. Bret Hart w/ Jimmy Hart and Jim Neidhart
This is a match that Bret Hart is very proud of, a match I watched ten years ago and loved, a match I watched today and loved. It is two of the WWF’s best in-ring 80s guys having a high-level WWF TV match with both great wrestling and a unique hook. The first half has both guys trying to take control by any means necessary in front of an all in crowd, creating a vibe that they’re near equally matched as wrestlers and either guy just has to catch the other to get something going. They do a great double Irish whip reversal spot where Bret dodges Savage at the last second and Savage nails the corner hard.
Neidhart and Jimmy keep getting involved to keep Bret competitive and Bret finally gets lucky when Savage tries to drop an axehandle smash from the top rope to the floor, getting in a shot to the gut at the last second. Bret then wraps Savage’s leg around the turnbuckle post and slams it, causing an apparently legit ankle injury for Savage and taking us into the next awesome portion of the match where Savage’s boot is torn off and he’s wrestling with one foot in a sock, selling like he’s completely helpless and unable to walk while Bret keeps the pressure and tries to put him away. It’s a little over-the-top with 30 years of hindsight, but undeniably completely wraps up the crowd who loses their shit when Savage is finally able to reverse a suplex into the ring and catch Bret with a cradle for 3. ****1/4
Hulk Hogan creeps me out when he attempts a new metaphor to explain what he will do if Andre and Bundy team up on him: “…the hoses popping out, the new four lane highways of the secondary survivor system!” he crows, pointing at his soaking wet veins.
3. WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] vs. King Kong Bundy w/ Bobby Heenan and Andre the Giant
Trash is thrown from all directions as Bundy and Heenan enter the ring, while Andre is one of the greatest of all time at looking thoroughly annoyed. He lumbers down the entryway to boos on top of boos. This is a match laid out for TV, with a scene before the commercial break and after. Before it, Hulk takes it to Bundy with a big jumping knee smash and Axe Bomber before Andre interferes and is ordered to leave the arena. As he walks to the back, he knocks down and kicks at the cameraman which provides a terrifying scene as Andre hovers over the camera before smothering it with his hand.
Once the Andre angle is shot and they return from commercial, they have a really good match that’s more impressive than WrestleMania 2. Hogan was getting more formulaic and Bundy was slowing down, but they delivered great cut-offs and a better than usual Hulk Up with Bundy treated more seriously than the usual Hogan opposition. They both brawl outside before Heenan holds Hogan’s leg down to give Bundy the countout victory. Hogan gives Heenan two double-handed chokeslam bombs after the match, re-injuring the poor guys’ neck. ***1/2
4. Bam Bam Bigelow w/ Oliver Humperdink vs. Hercules
In 2020, watching Bam Bam and Herc lock-up for 3 minutes before going to a double countout is weirdly refreshing. Bam Bam calls for a restart, accusing Hercules of possibly not – gasp – having any GUTS, and without the guidance of Heenan Herc actually obliges. They have a fine SNME closing match with Hercules bumping big and Bam Bam still an interesting presence. The finish is awesome: Bam Bam catches a Hercules crossbody from the top rope, lifts him into a gorilla press, takes in the pop, slams him down, and wins the match with a slingshot splash. **
Vince McMahon: Mean Gene Okerlund, any last minute information on the neck injury of Bobby The Brain Heenan?
Gene Okerlund: No, but – who really cares?
Vince McMahon: Good point.
Jesse Ventura: Hey, I care!
Vince signs off but not before plugging the New Year’s Weekend show. Hell yeah.
Happy Thoughts: Not the most exciting start or finish, but the traditionally rich middle quarter hours were filled with some of the best in-ring Saturday Night’s Main Event content yet. 7/10
