All the WWF’s freaks introduce us to the show over a green screen replaced with a black backdrop and their logos. Honky Tonk Man! Jimmy Hart! Macho Man! Miss Elizabeth! King Bundy! Bobby Heenan! Mr. Fuji! Sika, otherwise known as Roman Reigns’ actual dad, straight-up eats a raw chicken on TV before Hulk Hogan screams at you – for godssakes, it’s Saturday Night’s Main Event!!!
Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan are on commentary, so NO Jesse Ventura Fashion Watch this time.
The money was flowing and things were getting weird. Macho Man Randy Savage, in the midst of a babyface turn, gets weird with Mean Gene right away: “I’ve been in the Danger Zone East of the Pacific Ocean, West of London England, South of Mars, and North of hell – yeah!”
1. WWF Intercontinental Title: Honky Tonk Man [c] w/ Jimmy Hart vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/ Elizabeth
Might not be reflected on enough how important Honky Tonk Man was to the WWF, the heel shitbag who acted as a catalyst for tons of big acts including no less than Ultimate Warrior and THE MEGA POWERS. He and Savage get a lot of time for SNME, nearly fifteen minutes in the ring and half the show for their entire segment. Honky isn’t skilled or impressive athletically but fits the bill so well with his stupid haircut, bright blue pants, and arrogance for days. His Elvis swivel in front of Liz at the start of the match is so perfectly creepy.
Savage’s intensity is up so high that it didn’t matter if he was heel or face – all in, always. He sells huge and seems ready to rip somebody’s head off when on offense. Jimmy Hart keeps interfering until he gets punched out, which brings The Hart Foundation out to help him to the back. They stick around for a little while and eventually run in for the DQ. ***
THE MEGA POWERS!!!
The real meat comes after. Jim Neidhart CHUCKS Dave Hebner outside and along with Bret holds Savage down for a guitar shot from Honky, the employees of Jimmy Hart joining together to take out Macho Man. Elizabeth reluctantly gets in the ring and steps in front of Honky Tonk, pleading with him not to do it. He PUSHES HER DOWN causing an audible gasp from the crowd, the most heel bullshit you’ve ever seen. He slams the guitar over Savage’s head and celebrates as Vince McMahon screams outrage on commentary.
It’s a great heel beatdown but next Elizabeth drags out HULK HOGAN to the ring to back up Savage, who hasn’t stopped calling Hogan out since he joined the WWF. Hogan and Savage clear the ring, back into each other, stare into each others eyes, stare at the crowd, stare back, and shake hands. The Mega Powers have begun. This was pitch perfect: production, crowd, commentary, performers. The WWF these days is a parody of itself but this was high level, 100% professional wrestling.
If that wasn’t enough, Hulk Hogan now has to defend his WWF World Championship against Roman Reigns’ dad. Mr. Fuji sets up the match with a more insane than usual promo, harping on the fake live chicken Sika ate earlier with a smile on his face: “And he loves chicken… the chicken neck, he bite and he bite, he bite the head… to the brain, slowly, slowly… and the eyes fall out… and I love it!” Hogan ranting about his Hulkamaniacs and the Jungle Zone next can’t even compete. “A different kind of contender for sure,” deadpans McMahon.
2. WWF World Heavyweight Title: Hulk Hogan [c] vs. Sika w/ Mr. Fuji and Kim Chee
As cool as it is to see Roman Reigns Sr. challenging for the WWF Title on Saturday Night’s Main Event, this is the usual Hogan formula plus Mr. Fuji choking him with a cane and Sika just… choking him. It’s all passable, outside of a blown finish where Hogan drops the leg but gets up a little before 3 to knock Kim Chee off the apron – not sure if Kim missed his cue or Hogan got up early, but after a few seconds of awkwardness they just run with Hogan as winner. Heenan may or may not cover after by saying he thinks Hogan pulled Sika’s tights, re-directing the focus to the FACT that Hogan won as opposed to the FICTION that there was any doubt he did. **1/2
3. Paul Orndorff w/ Oliver Humperdink vs. King Kong Bundy w/ Bobby Heenan
This was like a lot of Paul Orndorff vs. Heenan Family matches, real quick with a lot of punching and shoulder tackling and an occasional 2-minute bearhug. Orndorff is over and the crowd has fun. Andre the Giant lumbers to the ring and there’s an epic shot of he and Bundy talking strategy on the floor before Andre’s distraction helps Bundy win. **1/2
4. WWF World Tag Team Title: The Hart Foundation [c] vs. The Young Stallions
Jimmy Hart is incapacitated after getting punched out by Macho Man but Bret and Anvil still deliver 5 minutes of good solid tag team wrestling before they hit the Hart Attack behind the referee’s back. **3/4
Mega Powers Interview
DIG IT! MACHO MADNESS! YYYEEAAAHHH!!!
Piledriver Music Video World Premiere
Two years after the success of the original The Wrestling Album during the WWF’s Rock n’ Wrestling in 1985, the WWF released Piledriver: The Wrestling Album II. Along with the music they produced music videos, and created some of the WWF’s most infamously cheesy “hits”: Jive Soul Bro, Girls in Cars, Crank It Up. They worked some angles around it too, but the important thing is that this music video has Hulk Hogan, Don Muraco and Superstar Billy Graham on some of the most insane steroid cycles of their life in really tight denim doing construction stuff. It isn’t good, it isn’t worthwhile, but it’s yet another too-deep gaze into the insanity that was 1980s WWF.
Happy Thoughts: Not the most quality in-ring SNME, but a major show. You can probably skip half of it, but the other half is must-see – not just for how big of a deal it is, but because it is legitimately awesome, build-up and everything. 8/10
