It’s two weeks from WrestleMania III, where a large mass of humanity will gather at Detroit’s Pontiac Silverdome to see a large mass of humanity challenge Hulk Hogan for the WWF World Title.
Hogan, Miss Elizabeth, The Hart Foundation and Jimmy Hart, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, and Hogan’s challenger Andre the Giant with Bobby Heenan are all called upon for the pre-show Saturday Night’s Main Event promo. The only motion Andre has to give when asked about Hulk is opening his big giant eyes even wider.
Elizabeth herself is on the line for another Randy Savage/George Steele match, and her hesitant plain-spoken acceptance of this fact hurts me over 30 years later: “Tonight is the first time that I’ve ever been a prize in a match. If Randy wins, I stay with him. And if George wins, he gets the title… and he gets to keep me. Tonight is definitely the scariest night of my life.” IT’S WEIRD.
As a big “MOTOR CITY WELCOMES SATURDAY NIGHT’S MAIN EVENT” sign is held up in the crowd, Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura welcome us on commentary.
The Jesse Ventura Fashion Watch is this: a snakeskin vest over a black leather jacket with and a TBD hat with a snakeskin band. Vince asks him if Jake knows he’s wearing Damien’s sister. It’s such good shit!
Randy Savage is all fired up before the first match, and gives the business to Mean Gene: “Listen you little duckpin, man… I could slap you right now and throw you right through that Saturday Night Main Event [sign] right there, yeah!” Liz meanwhile is just worried someone might get hurt. Gene asks George “The Animal” Steele if he understands he wins Elizabeth tonight, to which he responds “..WWWWIN?” then opens his mouth and widens his eyes.
Between Andre and The Animal, lots of good classic eye usage on this show.
1. Winner Gets Elizabeth – WWF Intercontinental Title: Macho Man Randy Savage [c] w/ Elizabeth vs. George “The Animal” Steele
They wrestled on the January 1986 Saturday Night’s Main Event, the January 1987 Saturday Night’s Main Event, and now here at the March 1987 Saturday Night’s Main Event. Savage tries to leave with Liz, but his Mania opponent Ricky Steamboat blocks his exit. I appreciate this feud, but the match here is just a few minutes of grabbing and biting before Savage hits Steele with a chair and gets him counted out. Like all their matches – quick, simple, over, effective. **
The magic in pro wrestling is found in Hulk Hogan pumping iron and screaming “ANDRE!” over and over again.
2. 20-Man Battle Royal
The cast here is Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, Paul Orndorff, Hillbilly Jim, Billy Jack Haynes, Hercules, Nikolai Volkoff, Honky Tonk Man, Blackjack Mulligan, Outlaw Ron Bass, Koko B. Ware, Butch Reed, B. Brian Blair, Jumpin’ Jim Brunzell, Haku, Tama, Leaping Lanny Poffo, and making their earliest appearance as a team on the WWE Network – DEMOLITION!
The match is obviously all about Andre and Hogan, who spend the early part of it throwing guys over the top rope to the floor like any good Battle Royal participant. Hogan has the crowd on their feet, though Andre’s boos feel blatantly piped in. Leaping Lanny spills concerning amounts of blood off an Andre headbutt. Eventually, Andre tosses Hogan, then the remaining guys gang up on Andre and toss him too. It’s fun! The Final 4 are Billy Jack Haynes, Hercules, Koko B. Ware, and Demolition Smash – just like everyone predicted. Heenan distracts Billy Jack to help Herc win. FUN!!! **3/4
Jake the Snake cuts a promo before the match and Mean Gene being eyeballing that snake is timeless.
3. Jake Roberts vs. King Kong Bundy w/ Bobby Heenan
The WWF is starting to give each of their wrestlers branded logos, and these two in particular have just fantastic logos. They’re so cool that it’s a bummer how boring the match is. The crowd is loving Jake but thought his act would’ve been a lot more interesting opposite big Bundy. Jake fights his way out of a long test of strength, then Heenan tries to steal the snake bag but gets stopped, then Bundy beats up Jake for a bit, then Jake throws a few jabs, and before you can say “WrestleMania” Jake hits the ref low and gets DQ’d. Bundy eats a DDT after the match and Jake unleashes Damien, but Bundy’s able to dip. *3/4
4. WWF World Tag Team Title: The Hart Foundation [c] w/ Jimmy Hart and Danny Davis vs. Tito Santana & Dan Spivey
I appreciate how Saturday Night’s Main Event matches always got right to the point, and The Hart Foundation excelled at it. This has got everyone’s best offense, best bumps, and a little bit of heat before the finish. Bret does an incredible bump into Neidhart to setup the hot tag, while Tito rallies the crowd into thinking that Dan Spivey might actually win the Tag Team Titles. Tito gets Bret in a figure-four but Danny Davis smacks him in the head with a megaphone and that’s it. ***
“Every night I breathe fire, and every night this fire gets hotter… and hotter… and hotter…” – was Ricky Steamboat an average promo, or was Ricky Steamboat the best promo?
5. Ricky Steamboat vs. Iron Sheik w/ Slick
Macho Man is on commentary for this 5-minute Steamboat Special, which features an incredibly smooth skin the cat and slide underneath Sheik to get on offense. A chop off the top rope wins it, just like that. **1/4
Hulk Hogan provides one more promo with a warning for Andre the Giant: “When you’re on top of that mountain, when you feel the real power of Hulkamania, don’t slip and fall brother… because it’s a long way down.” Then he mutters at the camera like a crazy person.
The show ends with the most amazing thing: a tribute to Rowdy Roddy Piper in the form of a clip package set to overly sentimental music of him doing the worst, most vile stuff: holding down and shaving a midget’s head, spitting food at people, whipping Mr. T with a belt, smashing a chair over Lou Albano’s head… incredible, the best, etc etc.
Happy Thoughts: Two weeks out from WrestleMania meant no marquee matches, but a lot of fun promos and one of the best SNME intros their ever was. 6/10
