Dark times for the WWE Universe. Also, the universe in general.
On Monday I couldn’t capture their gameplan for WrestleMania, not in an an “oooh anything can happen” way but more of a, “I know exactly what’s going to happen and the only surprises are disappointments” way.
By Friday I was incredulous that the company had not responsibly postponed WrestleMania over a viral pandemic.
Everything is bad.
RAW (3/9/20)
“Bitch?” The word bitch? That’s what we’re going with for Becky Lynch vs. Shayna Baszler? Is WWE only capable of building their women’s title matches with promos? Charlotte Flair vs. Rhea Ripley is already the most generic stuff, either here or at the Performance Center.
Respect for Drew McIntyre‘s pop, for Drew killing off the Erick Rowan spider gimmick, for the brief but fun Rey Mysterio vs. Angel Garza. Edge is a star but gosh dang, I came out of that segment wanting an MVP stable more than anything.
Can’t believe they ended this with a full half-hour retread of the Seth Rollins and crew against Kevin Owens and crew tag, complete with nothing new or interesting.
NXT (3/11/20)
Keith Lee vs. Cameron Grimes for the NXT North American Title was a fine wrestling match. Grimes’ German suplex on the big man was wild.
The NXT Women’s Title #1 Contender Ladder Match qualifiers were both kinda meh, with Mia Yim beating Dakota Kai and Tegan Nox downing Deonna Purrazzo. The former was too long, the latter too short.
KUSHIDA vs. Raul Mendoza was a fun third-from-the-top BOSJ match before Mendoza was KIDNAPPED BY LUCHADORS.
Killer Kross?
“You look great… for a flash in the pan” awwww somehow Tyler Breeze had the best line on this show.
That was until Velveteen Dream brushed his entire return angle aside: “Roderick Strong, they’re just tights. Tights with faces on them.”
The BroserWeights vs. Kyle O’Reilly & Bobby Fish was good, not standout like the TakeOver match but solid work throughout before a wild finish. O’Reilly’s knee to Dunne was glorious.
Tommaso Ciampa and Johnny Gargano brawled around the Performance Center in a fun deal – it got a little Peter Griffin vs. Chicken at points but Ciampa was laying in those weapon shots and throwing a barbell at a glass mirror made for spectacular television.
MAIN EVENT (3/11/20)
Shelton Benjamin was DOING IT vs. Humberto Carrillo, pulling off that backflip off the ropes into an armdrag spot and taking a big DDT to the floor. That’s all I’ve got to say.
NXT UK (3/12/20)
Finn Balor has arrived to feud with Imperium and it’s nowhere close to interesting yet, even if the inevitable match with WALTER has me feeling a certain kind of way. Balor’s match with Alexander Wolfe was just OK unfortunately, like a Balor RAW squash.
Pretty Deadly is a team with potential. Amale vs. Dani Luna got interrupted by Kay Lee Ray, who is feuding with Piper Niven. Ligero vs. Noam Dar was just that.
Best thing was probably that Aofie Valkyrie vignette.
Seriously best thing was Valkyre vignette.
SMACKDOWN (3/13/20)
Everybody wrestled and entered like it was a regular show, which made for an interesting if not ultra-basic episode of TV. Outside of taking place at the most unique WWE venue in years, it was so stripped down that even with a replay of the Elimination Chamber tag match in the middle of it felt like the best SmackDown in months.
Extra points for Triple H playing the evening’s host, jumping on commentary and camera. Should’ve shot an angle. Michael Cole came off as the biggest professional, taking Triple H’s roasting on the chin then making sure Mojo Rawley‘s mic was actually near his mouth as he announced that Rob Gronkowski was showing up on SmackDown next week.
WHAT A TIME!
Elsewhere, Asuka danced and Bayley talked shit and Daniel Bryan went up HUGE for a pop-up European uppercut as he wrestled Cesaro. He wrestled Cesaro! There’s a Bryan and Drew Gulak vs. Cesaro, Sami Zayn and Nakamura feud going on!
Jeff Hardy‘s music hitting to no reaction was JARRING.
John Morrison & The Miz did a fine promo, and it was mostly due to Morrison embracing the weird.
John Cena‘s promo calling out Wyatt for being an act passed by ruled, Bray Wyatt‘s promo not so much. The stall for Mania decisions continues.
205 LIVE (3/13/20)
WWE TV Match of the Week: The BroserWeights vs. The Undisputed Era for the NXT Tag Team Titles from the Performance Center
WWE TV MVP of the Week: The men and women of the healthcare and service industries, damnit! And probably John Morrison
