Sad about Kobe, watching the Rumble.
The stadium setup for the Royal Rumble remains cool – low profile, but also gives wrestlers opportunities to high five the fans. HIGH FIVES! FOR THE FANS!
Watched this with friends so the thoughts are happy but the thoughts are short.
Shout out to Renee Young, who seems a lot more relaxed and just better at her job being away from the day-to-day dementia-driven hysteria that is WWE.
0. Shorty G vs. Sheamus
I don’t get opening your long stadium show with just a flat heel squash, but then again I am not a wildly successful billionaire who’s company stock just lost a lot of money. But really – limb manipulation? At 5PM? I know the Kickoff is background noise but come on. Hot last minute but that’s really all there was, a match and scenario that should be a lot better. **
0. WWE U.S. Title: Andrade [c] vs. Humberto Carrillo
There has been a lot of Andrade vs. Humberto going around these last couple months and here they hit a few cool maneuvers but were definitely not put in any position to really do much at all. **1/2
Stone Cold video to open was awesome.
1. Falls Count Anywhere: Roman Reigns vs. King Corbin
A slightly more interesting than normal WWE brawl all around the arena, mostly because it was in a baseball park and they did the ending on top of the dugout. I mean again, I don’t know why you open your proper long stadium show in a sea of people with a match nobody could really see, but they really leaned into the chaos and eventually got to a good place – the top of the dugout. Also loved Roman walking tall through the crowd, fist bumping and and posing for pictures as he beat that ass. There was also a very silly moment with a urinal, but THERE WAS ALSO A SPEAR ON TOP OF THE DUGOUT. ***1/2
2. Women’s Royal Rumble (Featuring: Charlotte Flair, Shayna Baszler, Naomi, Kairi Sane, Alexa Bliss, Nikki Cross, Natalya, Beth Phoenix, Carmella, Liv Morgan, Dana Brooke, Mandy Rose, Sonya Deville, Sarah Logan, Zelina Vega, Lana, Tamina, Mia Yim, Candice LeRae, Tegan Nox, Bianca Belair, Toni Storm, Shotzi Blackheart, Dakota Kai, Chelsea Green, Xia Li, Mercedes Martinez, Kelly Kelly, Mighty Molly and Santina Marella)
This edition of the Royal Rumble had some incredible peaks at the start then settled into some deep dark craven valley of despair before rising back into a match that was kind of fun, mostly because of all the random NXT cameos. Loved the Molly Holly run, loved Lana showing off her newfound mythical heel presence, and more than loved 4-year rookie phenom Bianca Belair getting the ball to carry the first half of the match. Otis saving Mandy from elimination was incredible, a real WWE Moment™ that was played perfectly by both.
If we can just bottle up the energy of Kairi Sane into something that we can just keep on tap that would be great too. Heel Kairi is one of the only actually unique things in WWE right now, probably because she knows that STARDOM cash is a signature away so she’s just TRYING STUFF and because the brass isn’t quite sure what to make of it they’re just like: “alright then, go with it.” She pointed to the camera as she made her way to the ring like a psychopath, she leaped to the top rope and opened her umbrella then casually dropped to the mat before spinning her umbrella at her opponents. This was 60 seconds of pure gold.
Mercedes Martinez working a Royal Rumble incredible, the power of Naomi’s return was tremendous, and then they all just kind of lost me for awhile as Beth Phoenix awkwardly bled from her head for 20 minutes because they needed to keep her in for a Santina Marella spot at the end of the match. Shayna Baszler wrecking fools at #30 was great and Shotzi Blackheart (yes) getting another elimination tease on her was cool, although Michael Cole uttering the words “punk mindset” as Shotzi entered the ring does not bode well for anybody on this universe. Peaks. Valleys. Charlotte Flair. ***1/4
3. SmackDown Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Lacey Evans
A match that’s placement screamed nothing match and that ended up a nothing match, though having a boring match of the same length two weeks ago as a preview and both characters feeling completely miscast sure does not help. Just bad wrestling, in-ring and out of ring. 3/4*
4. Strap Match – WWE Universal Title: The Fiend [c] vs. Daniel Bryan
How does Daniel Bryan make any of this work? This had a lot of chunks that just felt drab and boring, but there was also some nasty strap lashing and an awesome counter of the Knee+ where The Fiend legitimately caught it and hit a Sister Abigail. As they winded to a close they managed some great teases of the Bryan win too, and making the improbable seems probable is what the best good brothers do. Not a disaster, not very memorable – a steady ***.
5. RAW Women’s Title: Becky Lynch [c] vs. Asuka w/ Kairi Sane
These guys opened up the Royal Rumble with an all-time great match last year, and the follow-up here saw Becky knee deep in the run she was building up to while that match was going on. This was real good – fun, exciting, mostly credible, and the finish was a doozy – but they set that bar HIGH. Kairi Sane reacting to stuff on the floor was legendary too. High quality. ***1/2
6. Men’s Royal Rumble (Featuring: Brock Lesnar, Roman Reigns, Randy Orton, Braun Strowman, Kevin Owens, Samoa Joe, Seth Rollins, Drew McIntyre, Aleister Black, Ricochet, Kofi Kingston, Big E, Elias, King Corbin, Dolph Ziggler, The Miz, John Morrison, Shinsuke Nakamura, Cesaro, Shelton Benjamin, Robert Roode, Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows, Erick Rowan, Keith Lee, Matt Riddle, MVP and Edge)
The Brock Lesnar Royal Rumble, as this should really be called, was tremendous. It was a frustrating exercise to watch play out live, one that absolutely needed a great payoff to be worth it and ultimately I say they gave one. Lesnar running through everybody from Elias to Robert Roode to poor John Morrison was an expected troll job, though they also gave a lot of great bits in between even if some didn’t reach their expectation (I know Nakamura has fallen, but COME ON).
Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, and eventually BIG E teaming up to take down Brock was a blast, only to end in the ultimate cut-off. Wish Shelton threw down with Brock for like 10 seconds, but that was fun. The Brock/Keith Lee showdown was an unexpected bit of awesome, highlighted by Brock looking legitimately impressed that WWE employed another heavyweight.
Drew McIntyre and Ricochet finally getting Brock didn’t come off pitch perfect, but felt 100% like the right call in the moment and is a great bit in just believing in your roster. That canny Paul E keeps the Drew push going but also gives a small sprinkle of credibility to Ricochet.
Beyond the Brock Rumble, we also got Edge. And that was a special one. Weirdly, as cool as it was I felt a little distant from it – it’s an amazing story that this guy who told us he could never wrestle again a decade ago is able to return to this thing he loves, but I also lived through every single week of The Edge Years, even through his last Rumble return at Rumble 2010 which almost felt like a jump-the-shark moment for big star Rumble returns.
AND STILL – amazing. If you didn’t get goosebumps seeing the tears well up in his face as he took in the fact that the unthinkable happened and he was about to wrestle again and the crowd was still absolutely FLIPPING OUT FOR HIM, all before he went on and did all the posing and bullshit that comes with being Edge, I don’t know what to tell you other than that I’m not sure that we really “get” each other.
Outside of poor Matt Riddle just getting tossed aside by King Corbin, the finish came together well and they finally gave Drew McIntyre his big moment. WWE has mostly gotten their shit together on the Rumble since the 2015 nightmare, and even this felt like it topped some of the recent ones. They gave a new twist to an old gimmick match, which sometimes feels impossible. ****1/4
Happy Thoughts: Finally, a marathon WWE show that didn’t entirely feel like they were in over there heads and it was going too long. The Kickoff and Bayley/Evans matches didn’t work, but everything else was at the very least a fun time at the matches. The Kairi energy, Brock domination, Edge return, and full product launch of Drew McIntyre are all keepers. Also – there was a spear on top of the dugout. 8/10
