I stared out the glass window, my mind more vivid than it had been in days, months, years – cleared from the drugs that had intoxicated the wiring upstairs. I grabbed a blue sweater from a chair I’d been meaning to upholster since we moved in three years ago. I sat in front of the television set, curious to see what was going on in the world I had missed all that time. As the film over my eyes finally cleared, I gazed into the large bright box and said to myself:
“Oh god damnit, it’s Monday Night RAW.”
RAW (12/2/19)
Man, Charly Caruso was all over this damn show.
Samoa Joe on commentary – I HEAR YOU. Might not soon, but for now I do.
This was a lot of solid moments on a ship certainly re-casting its direction but I’m confident it’s gonna end up anywhere. They shoved all the bullshit into the first half hour segment so the rest of the show was having guys beat other guys to cement themselves and basically establish a roster. A lot of Triple H’s lost puppets are trying to get their groove back and hopefully RAW is the place – Drew, Black, Buddy, Andrade, Raiders, Ricochet, and Humberto were all put in positions to succeed. That’s good.
Lots of squashes, but interesting squashes. Drew McIntyre vs. Akira Tozawa ruled, Tozawa being Tozawa and Drew working a little fella and Drew hovering above Tozawa and that Claymore. DIED at Tony Nese yelling “I am the Premiere Athlete!” on Monday Night RAW before he took a spin kick to the face from Aleister Black, STILL fucking committed to getting his stupid catchphrase over three years later WHAT A PRO. Eric Young actually got a little run vs. Andrade – there was an ELBOW DROP near fall! The Viking Raiders squashed a couple of appropriately cast jobbers but I would NOT start an “Are you watching?” catchphrase right now WWE COME ON GUYS.
The Kabuki Warriors vs. Charlotte Flair in a Handicap Match was the Warriors getting into place for Charlotte Flair offense mostly. The finish was cool as hell though, Kairi soundly getting the victory. Her emotion over pinning Charlotte mixed with RAAAA HEEL energy was kinda my thing.
Randy Orton has become a total old school walking tall 1980s guy, kind of a full circle thing where this shtick that was all over the place years ago is completely unique and awesome in 2019 beta male WWE. Naturally, he and Drew McIntyre will be locking horns. The O.C. vs. Rey Mysterio, Ricochet & Humberto Carrillo was the main event which was setup by a decent promo and ended up a decent match that caused a pretty quiet end to the show. I liked Rey’s rainbow tights and that he’s just still out here going hard.
Seth Rollins wore a douchey leather jacket to continue his heel turn, and we know he’s a heel because only pussies apologize and try to find common ground. He and Kevin Owens should be cool, but just like the Rusev/Bobby Lashley I feel like they’ve already blown it off. AOP seems to be helping Rollins but there’s a lot to not like: they’re hard selling mystery but there’s no mystery, and guys speaking in a foreign language just doesn’t scream heel anymore – it screams lazy. Definitely didn’t need to see an Owens/Lashley match, and while Rusev attacking Lashley sure got over it should’ve been the write-off, not the middle of the god damn feud. Looping all this together in the first couple segments was appreciated, we got past it and moved on.
Oh and Kyle Busch won the 24/7 Title. Michael Waltrip‘s seductive referee shirt reveal to R-Truth was the one of a seasoned wrestling veteran.
NXT (12/4/19)
Not much here I’d call “must-see” or “worth watching”, but also kind of an onslaught of cool stuff – Keith Lee a star, Rhea Ripley a star, Finn Balor getting a character, surprise Riddle/Ohno, surprise KUSHIDA.
I love Pete Dunne and like Killian Dain but not sure we needed them going 20 minutes to open the show?
The Undisputed Era trading lines with Keith Lee was alright but not compelling – we need to fast-forward to Keith Lee defeating Adam Cole in 18 seconds.
Xia Li showed some serious fire before Shayna Baszler inevitably ended here and it was fine.
Kassius Ohno showed up and his promo was actually pretty good – delusional guy who just got back from the United Kingdom and thinks he’s a wrestling genius is actually a solid gimmick if they would actually run with it.
Hey, it’s EVOLVE Tag Team Champion Leon Ruff! And he got squashed with another fella by The Forgotten Sons, who I guess were more aggressive than usual. Sure, we’ll go with that.
Dakota Kai‘s Titan Tron being the attack on Tegan Nox over and over in black-and-white is sunflower gold. Rhea Ripley came out to wrestle Kai but said she had a surprise, and I swear to you if Tegan came out they would’ve had to permanently expand Full Sail University. It was Mia Yim, which was fun but like – c’mon.
Then Baszler and crew got some heat on Ripley. K. I guess that’s necessary. K.
Ooooh the Finn Balor promo was pretty good, he’s like a movie villain.
Ohno vs. Matt Riddle did what these guys do – good matwork, fought for everything, stiff as shit. It was good though not like the best or anything.
Cameron Grimes attacking Raul Mendoza and replacing him vs. KUSHIDA gave a nice hook for KUSHIDA‘s return match, and I BET we get Grimes vs. Mendoza next week. Grimes vs. KUSHIDA ended up pretty cool, a weird Best of the Super Junior match that never was where they kept a quick pace as Grimes ran ropes and KUSHIDA wrenched limbs.
Keith Lee, Dominik Dijakovic & Tommaso Ciampa vs. Adam Cole, Roderick Strong & Kyle O’Reilly was a heck of a 6-man tag, god dang pal. This was The Dijakovic Show and that’s a good thing. The finish was extra batshit wild than normal, and Keith Lee got one over on both Finn Balor and Cole – bask in that glory.
MAIN EVENT (12/4/19)
Natalya and Sarah Logan fumbled around again, while Cedric Alexander got caught off a springboard with an Alabama Slam from Mojo Rawley and that can’t be good for anybody.
NXT UK 72 (12/5/19)
A decent show if it wasn’t for this direct-to-DVD bullshit U.K. title feud.
There’s some talent here, they just all come off as dorks killing time with each other. Only Jordan Devlin feels like a guy who knows what he wants. Him vs. A-Kid was a fine showcase for a kid, with a spectacular springboard backflip DDT and moonsault to the floor. I dug the finish too where A-Kid rolled inside after a dive to the floor and Devlin just kicked him in the face and dropped him with his finish, covering the Kid as he stared down Tyler Bate. Very good.
Toni Storm right now is just not working for me, brother, whether she’s wrestling a nothing match with Killer Kelly or getting attacked by Kay Lee Ray or being saved then pushing away Piper Niven. Jazzy Gabert seems a little hot at Jinny too, so there’s your women’s division.
The Outliers of Riddick Moss & Dorian Mak (the former Dan Matha) made their TV debut here in the United Kingdom on the WWE Network and not in Winter Park, Florida on the USA Network. They wrestled The Hunt in a match that in all actuality kind of ruled – Wild Boar got throttled in a bearhug, The Primate made a feisty hot tag, and FOUR diving headbutts (including a double team one to close it) made for a legitimately feel-good ending as these crazy animals overcame these Ghosts of OVW’s Past.
Travis Banks vs. Ligero vs. Joseph Conners was a Triple Threat with a few creative 3-guy spots but ultimately ended up a match where Joseph Conners won – how’s that for entertainment.
Kassius Ohno cutting a promo and threatening to apply holds was legit terrifying.
The show closed with a “summit” between WALTER and Joe Coffey, and I appreciate the attempt at some B-level Guy Richie stuff with WALTER in his tracksuit and Coffey trying to be all gang boss, but Coffey just comes off as a first obstacle. You could feel the crowd sigh when he said he wanted the U.K. Title and grown when the match was actually announced for TakeOver.
SMACKDOWN (12/6/19)
This is just a boring TV show, hitting the right FOX notes as far as Roman Reigns as Hulk Hogan and Lacey Evans as Hulk Hogan but otherwise things are just flat – nothing must-see, nothing to look forward to. December is the time to kill time but we’ve been killing time since October.
The Miz and Bray Wyatt are doing B-movie shit while Daniel Bryan figures out if he wants to come back or not, Mandy Rose is pulling out Alexa Bliss‘ fake eyelashes, and Elias is spanking Drake Maverick. IT ISN’T GOOD.
There was Fatal 4-Way to determine the #1 Contender’s for the SmackDown Tag Team Titles and oh hey look The Revival is wrestling The New Day again. Heavy Machinery, Lucha House Party and the interesting pairing of Mustafa Ali & Shorty G (ALI G!) were the other guys. Otis was a blast doing a crotch-based Hulk-Up against the Revival and Ali G vs. Revival made for a great last few minutes, otherwise this was a pretty weak midcard highlight. That Ali crossbody into a Dash powerslam though… moments of bliss.
Lacey Evans going full military mom babyface two weeks into the FOX run is some chef’s kiss kind of shit. Sasha Banks is doing some pretty great cowardly heel shit, standing on the apron for her promo and falling to the mat when threatened, but her and Bayley still need work as baddies before they’re putting over the “YOU’RE NASTY” lady as the next fan favorite. Not to say it won’t work, but you’ve still got these Sasha and Bayley acts to sort out in the meantime.
“The guy is 6’6″, almost 6’8” 0 oh, professional wrestling.
The Reigns vs. Dolph Ziggler main event had a heck of a performance by Ziggler – aggressive, urgent, and one of the fastest sunset flips I’ve ever seen in my life. It was a fun match.
Then Ziggler took a spear and he and Corbin handcuffed Roman Reigns and fed him dog food.
Not good. Don’t think Sheamus is the answer either.
CAN SOMEONE GET SOME GOD DAMN MOMENTUM?
205 LIVE (12/6/19)
205 Live trucks on, unfazed by things like “crowd heat” or “general interest.” The Cedric/Ali/Buddy triumvirate has been replaced with Lio/Garza/Mendoza and while that’s certainly nice it still feels like killing time.
Angel Garza vs. Raul Mendoza was a fun match waiting to be great elsewhere. They did the freaking Garza pants spot picture-in-picture – I was as hot as Aiden English.
Tony Nese squashed a poor fellow in lieu of one of The Singh Brothers, and then The Singh Brothers squashed the poor fellow too.
Danny Burch reads nothing less than miscast on 205 Live, and on this show he put Lio Rush in headlocks for awhile before the frog splash.
WWE TV Match of the Week: I want to say the NXT 6-man but I think it was Drew McIntyre vs. Akira Tozawa. Or maybe The Hunt vs. The Outliers? Weird week.
WWE TV MVP of the Week: Akira. Tony. Eric. WE SEE YOU. Thank you for making the matches work.
In the middle kind of week, not as aggressively bad as it has been lately but also not exciting either.
RAW: 5/10
NXT: 6/10
NXT UK: 6/10
SmackDown: 2/10
205 Live: 3/10
