Ah. This show.
I went live at the Allstate Arena. I also skimmed through it when I got home, to recall some things for these Happy Thoughts but also to laugh at them missing the “ADAM COLE, BAY-BAY” spot and confirm that the main event was as bad as it seemed.
The live show was, like, really fun and stuff, obviously. But it was also my once-every-three-year reminder why I don’t go to WWE shows live as much. I haven’t been to one in couple years, let alone a Big 4 Pay-Per-View, and the thing felt bleak. The Kickoff show really is just hours of silence as Charly and Coach chat away in that awkward pop-up studio they build every time. There’s no more commentator entrances – no boos for Michael Cole, pops for JBL (who did ringside Kickoff duties). The backstage segments through the entire show were either poorly mic’d or not shown at all.
And it may have been the slightly obstructed view section I sat in but I really have never seen a quieter Allstate Arena. NXT was over but more with a segment of the fanbase versus anything the entire crowd was truly invested in. So you had dorks like me and my dudes jumping up and own over Keith Lee pinning Seth Rollins while the family behind us had a quiet Q&A about who the “big guy” is. Either way, it provided a “pump of light” to the show, as HBK strangely but accurately put it on the Kickoff.
The singles matches with character dynamics were good, while the five (!) Triple Threat/5-on-5-on-5 Matches may have had the occasional neat moment but ultimately ranged from disappointing to crap. All the Survivor Series teams entering to the stupid TV theme songs was awful too because you’re missing out on all kinds of hype bangers – Rhea, Riddle, Sasha. I mean c’mon – how can you in good conscience kick a show off with Sasha Banks entering to an AC/DC song. Are you KIDDING ME?
I will always remember Rey and Dominick’s double 619 and Keith Lee on the verge of superstardom, but this was a show where children behind me were chanting boring as Brock beat up Rey and Becky Lynch traded holds with Shayna Baszler. Oof.
Oh and the CM Punk chants were there, but mild. Way bigger than they’ve been since like 2015, but mild.
Also – I’m anti-pyro. WE DIDN’T NEED IT BACK.
0. Tag Team Battle Royal (Featuring: The O.C., The Street Profits, Heavy Machinery, Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins, Gran Metalik & Lince Dorado, Breezango, The Revival, Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode, Fabian Aichner & Marcel Barthel w/ WALTER and The Forgotten Sons w/ Jaxson Ryker)
All you really need to know about this is the finish was Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode eliminating The Street Profits. It was neat to see all these acts live, Breezango was OVER, and they got about 30-seconds of drama out of the Montez Ford win tease but man oh man the Ziggler and Roode win was an incredible bummer to kick a show off with. Also WALTER just standing around doing nothing before running over to his Imperium buddies like a goof after they were eliminated was the FIRST crap use of him on this show. *1/2
0. Triple Threat Match – Cruiserweight Title: Lio Rush [c] vs. Kalisto vs. Akira Tozawa
I cannot deny Lio Rush. The man is best known as Bobby Lashley’s obnoxious sidekick and now guy who is stuck on 205 Live with the occasional NXT cameo and he is still OVER. He just pops live, everything more impressive than it really has to be, and these mad lads in the Allstate Arena were giving legitimate LET’S GO LIO / LIO SUCKS chants. He is POLARIZING! Kalisto and Tozawa remain solid guys capable of greatness if given some steam but here they got crickets opposite Rush just doing the thing. The double Spanish Fly was silly, but I feel blessed that I saw a Tozawa senton bomb in my direct line of sight. Occasionally impressive wrestling that didn’t quite hit. **3/4
0. Champions vs. Champions vs. Champions Triple Threat Match: The Viking Raiders vs. The New Day vs. Kyle O’Reilly & Bobby Fish
Well that was fun. The Viking Raiders BOWWWWW entrance still doesn’t get a pop but Ivar is SO COOL watching live and that he wills even the most stubborn fan into freaking out. It’s a fat man doing cartwheels, damnit! And he kicks some ass too! There was a whole lot of cool stuff here that fell victim to the curse of the Triple Threat, where they built their way into a hot finish but spent their time doing a lot of convenient or middling stuff getting there. Regardless, three top shelf teams. O’Reilly dangled his feet on the apron a good 20 seconds before he fell to the floor afterwards too. It’s the little things. ***1/4
1. 5-on-5-on-5 Elimination Match: Team RAW (Charlotte Flair, Natalya, Asuka, Kairi Sane & Sarah Logan) vs. Team SmackDown (Sasha Banks, Carmella, Nikki Cross, Dana Brooke & Lacey Evans) vs. Team NXT (Rhea Ripley, Candice LeRae, Bianca Belair, Io Shirai & Toni Storm)
Once again, I cannot overstate how crowd-killing it was to have Sasha and crew enter to “ARE YOU READY… ARE YOU READY FOR A GOOD TIME” to start the show – just absolute DEATH. I mean at least give the Captain’s entrances – how can you deny the pop for “THIS IS MY BRUTALITY!!!” after last night? How can you have Charlotte Flair posing with her robe alongside The Kabuki Warriors as SKILLET plays? The shame.
This match was unfortunately just a mess, a victim of the inherent impossibility of laying out a coherent 5-on-5-on-5 match with these wrestlers in this environment and also people breaking up covers for opposing brands and the weird Candice/Io double KO layout mixed with the weird Asuka desertion angle. So much going on and nothing going on at the same time. And I love em, but Toni Storm vs. Nikki Cross vs. Sarah Logan was literally the coldest possible opening to this match you could have chosen. Maybe swap Dana with Nikki, but my oh my was the crowd palpably restrained as they waited for something to happen.
Io Shirai vs. Kairi Sane happened, and it was SO cool until it ended in like 20 seconds when Dana Brooke got involved – as will happen. Then everybody did a spot where they hit their finish to pop the crowd and then Candice LeRae and Io Shirai BOTH ended up hurt on the floor, which led to a pause in the match that cooled down any excitement they got and made everyone more confused than anything. I saw this live and re-watched it on the Network and I’m still not sure what happened. I guess it was a ruse, but that’s a strange way to do a ruse in wrestling when there’s a hundred other options beyond awkwardly walking Io and Candice to the back and then awkwardly trotting them out to help cheat for… Rhea Ripley? Candice LeRae running distraction was the most unnatural shit, I don’t care about your brand supremacy.
If that wasn’t enough Asuka spit some green mist in Charlotte Flair’s face, then walked to the back. I don’t think they announced Candice, Io, or Asuka as eliminated, adding to all the confusion and stupidity. Run all the silly angles you want but my God man don’t drop the ball on them in the same damn match.
Rhea wins, again. That’s good. Well, it would be if “WE ARE NOT YOUR KIIIIND” wasn’t blaring on the loudspeakers afterwards.
If Sasha wanted to do something fun, why did she choose a Hart Attack with Natalya and not 90 seconds of tearing it up with Kairi and Io?
Is everybody just tired? *3/4
2. Champion vs. Champion vs. Champion Triple Threat Match: AJ Styles vs. Shinsuke Nakamura w/ Sami Zayn vs. Roderick Strong
Pretty fun, just a little sad. Seeing Roderick Strong not just compete in a big match but win it at SURVIVOR SERIES certainly was a trip, especially considering the other two guys in the match were AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura. He was working overtime, but as usual with AJ and Nak these days as well as most Triple Threats in general this took until the last few minutes to get any good. ***
Why did they choose the night of the show to lean into the Miz/Bryan family man connection and not on the promo they did SmackDown? FUCK.
3. NXT Title: Adam Cole [c] vs. Pete Dunne
AJ Styles’ theme music cut off poor Roddy Strong’s “BOOM” and a WarGames recap skipped Adam Cole’s “BAY BAY” – incredible work by the WWE production team. It’s like Triple H is burying RAW and SmackDown through the creative but production is burying NXT through the production.
This was good, though once again it took until the last few minutes to get cooking. All the armbars and limb-stretching early seemed like a poor choice for a cranky crowd from a couple still-slightly-unknowns. They worked like bandaged up men, but it didn’t feel on purpose – just felt like they were hurt and tired and really wanted to crush it but couldn’t reach it because god dang somebody sent Sasha Banks out to an AC/DC song. The Panama Sunrise on the apron just felt unnecessary, while the biggest problem of all was that nobody bought Dunne winning. And STILL they got this cooking, and STILL I came out thinking I had seen something real good. So kudos, I think. ***1/4
4. WWE Universal Title: The Fiend [c] vs. Daniel Bryan
A perfect match for what it needed to be, even if it maybe didn’t need to be. The build-up was sudden and I am incredibly perplexed by the trajectory of Daniel Bryan since he turned babyface by… not murdering Roman Reigns?
Regardless, it’s Daniel Bryan and just like he did at Royal Rumble 2014 he made the most of not just the wrestler but the character that is Bray Wyatt. Also, The Fiend entrance live – yes please. Loved Bryan going right at Fiend, loved Fiend responding with a clothesline that Bryan flew through the air for. Fiend lurked around and beat some ass, and Bryan tried a tope but got caught in a Sister Abigail setup – which he escaped. He did a couple missile dropkicks and Fiend got for each one. He did a series of YES Kicks and Fiend again got up for each one.
He finally brought the YES gimmick back and Allstate bought in, chanting along as he rocked The Fiend with a Knee+ for BARELY a 2-count, leading to a massive Daniel Bryan chant that I’m crediting 1053 Ridge Brother The Reverend Joshua Jericho with starting. Fiend then went for another Sister Abigail on Bryan – which he escaped. Unfortunately, after he got a near fall off a schoolboy cradle The Fiend was waiting for him with basically a chokeslam into the mandible claw for the 3. It was more about The Fiend than Daniel Bryan, and that’s fine even if I still want to live in a world where Daniel Bryan is working The Fiend like he’s Morishima or something. Regardless, Bryan was incredible showing off the classic urgency of a wrestler that is dedicated to making you buy in. Heck of a match. ***3/4
5. 5-on-5-on-5 Elimination Match: Team RAW (Seth Rollins, Randy Orton, Kevin Owens, Ricochet & Drew McIntyre) vs. Team SmackDown (Roman Reigns, Braun Strowman, Mustafa Ali, Shorty G & King Corbin) vs. Team NXT (Tommaso Ciampa, Matt Riddle, Keith Lee, Damian Priest & WALTER)
This was a fun match with a big cast of characters but for every cool thing there was some dumb thing too. I was absolutely tickled by the brief intrigue of Kevin Owens’ allegiances only to have him and Rollins just lose clean and have no interaction. I was absolutely enraged by WALTER being so over he cracked a smile until they took him out clean like 90-seconds with Claymore. Just… WHY.
Matt Riddle was a maestro on the apron – not sure how much got caught, but he was reacting to everything like both a total goofball and a man completely on team NXT. Orton also kicked his flip flop away off-screen before the match, which I just had to mention. Shorty G (shudder) vs. Riddle was neat, while Shorty G vs. Ricochet was kind of incredible. Riddle pinning Orton was wild even though it sure came off as 2.9 and he went down to an RKO and King Corbin directly after.
Psssst: Roman Reigns got cheered over Seth Rollins in Chicago, Illinois.
I’m not sure Ciampa came off as the superstar as they needed him to as he squared off with Roman and Rollins, but Keith Lee sure fucking did. This was the obvious moment of the match, a final 120 seconds of magic where it came down to him opposite The Shield-ish and he COMPETED. They paid off his big last few weeks where he was one of the most showcased guys in the RAW/SmackDown/NXT brawls with him straight-up pinning Seth Rollins, then squaring off with Roman Reigns and absolutely freaking Allstate Arena out into the possibility of him winning. And he really should have. He and Roman should have paired off longer, and he really should have won. I understand when WWE doesn’t just go with the damn thing sometimes, but this wasn’t one of those times.
Good, lacking, frustrating, KEITH LEE. ***1/4
6. No Holds Barred – WWE Title: Brock Lesnar [c] w/ Paul Heyman vs. Rey Mysterio
Like Bryan/Fiend, a pretty brilliant piece of business that stayed within its limitations and had the crowd on the edge of their seats more than any enzuigiri or moonsault to the floor in a Triple Threat Match. It was simple: Brock beat up Rey, then Rey’s son Domnick ran in with a towel that Brock threw away. Then Rey low blowed Brock. Then Dominick did. Then Rey beat Brock’s ass with a bat. And father and son did a DOUBLE 619!!! Followed by a DOMINICK FROG SPLASH!!! And it looked GOOD. IT ALL LOOKED GOOD. REY hit a frog splash! And Rey covered Brock while DOMNICK jumped on top only for one of the most tragic beautiful kickouts to follow. Dominick backs off, Rey leaps onto Brock, F5, over. It was really all about one near fall, but it was one of the best near falls there ever was. ***3/4
7. Champion vs. Champion vs. Champion Triple Threat Match: Becky Lynch vs. Bayley vs. Shayna Baszler
A match in which I knew I was tired, but also knew I had just given untold energy to Rey Mysterio and his son getting shots in on Brock Lesnar. And yet, I sat there – waiting. And I think everyone around me did too. All of, zombies, waiting for our feast of excitement in lieu of brains. And it just didn’t happen. I don’t even know what they were going for. They just… I don’t know, did wrestling moves. There were no character moments, no threads to follow. On further reflection I’m not sure why you’d put Shayna Baszler in a Triple Threat Match anyways – it’s like putting Minoru Suzuki in a Triple Threat… why?
Becky and Bayley are also hit-and-miss on their big time matches though, so nobody was taking this to the promised land. Combine that with a tired crowd that kicked off Survivor Series watching Sasha Banks enter to AC/DC and you’ve got yourself a stew of disappointment. Shayna wins, just like she always does, and God bless that. But if you’re going to end the show with a theoretical bummer, why precede it with those sweet-ass teases of Keith Lee and Rey Mysterio winning only to give the traditional bummer too? Don’t tell me Becky doing a legdrop through a table and yelling stuff was supposed to make up for it. **
Another bloated WWE PPV, and it lacked the chaos / big time feel that the last few weeks built up. Bryan/Fiend and Brock/Rey ruled, but the rest ranged from solid to bad. Only really setup stuff for NXT too. Damn you, Hunter! Honestly though – Sasha Banks. AC/DC. Never again. 5/10
