He stared out into the abyss of chaos and cruelty beneath him, and as the home around him burned down he smiled to himself: “At least I’m rich.”
Flair went all in on that pre-show promo and it still felt mailed in.
0. 20-Man Battle Royal – Winner Faces AJ Styles for the U.S. Title
The line-up of hostages could make you cry, especially the ones that didn’t voice their displeasure: Truth, Humberto, Cedric, Andrade, Rowan, Harper, Buddy, Crews, Tozawa, Sin Cara, Titus, Slater, No Way Jose, Shelton, Mojo, Kendrick, Nese, Maverick, Young and Sunil Singh, with CHAMP Samir Singh on the outside. The match had approximately three cute spots: Jose trying to dance with Harper & Rowan, Tozawa calling out Rowan, and Truth winning the 24/7 Title back. Otherwise, they dragged it out for a while until the eliminations came real quick until Humberto somewhat predictably but satisfyingly overcame Harper and Rowan. *1/2
1. WWE Title: Brock Lesnar [c] vs. Cain Velasquez
LOL what a waste of time, shame on all of you. DUD
2. Largest Tag Team Turmoil Match to Determine the Best Tag Team in the World
At the end of the day, I’ve got two takes on what ended up being a way to kill an hour of show time: the first part of this match based around Ziggler/Roode beatdowns was a hell of a way for Vince to play hardball with the Crown Prince. And using this stupid show to give the O.C. a win that’d read as lukewarm anywhere else to give them a Best Tag Team in the World gimmick is a move I ultimately respect. **
3. Mansoor vs. Cesaro
The nice deal with Cesaro working the government / crowd favorite is that he can pull out all his tricks against a young athletic guy who both looks and works like a less jaded Seth Rollins, and it not only rules but gets way over. Actually this was probably better than any Cesaro/Rollins match. Wild Cesaro uppercut and suplex spots, big near falls, and shots of people on the edge of their seats. ***1/2
4. Braun Strowman vs. Tyson Fury
Tyson Fury in full Saudi Prince garb entering to the Isley Brothers was a trip, otherwise this sucked. If you wanna do the spectacle, do the spectacle. Braun beat up Tyson a bit and took the shoulder bump into the turnbuckle, while Tyson got in place well enough for a few spots. Then Braun got counted out. *
5. U.S. Title: AJ Styles [c] vs. Humberto Carrillo
A fine match, not a standout in the world we live in but a fun showing from Humberto opposite AJ Goddamn Styles and a little better than their match on RAW earlier in the week. I liked AJ’s brainbuster. ***1/4
6. Natalya vs. Lacey Evans
A “hey, look at what we do here in the WWE!” kind of match. It was OK. Happy for some of the people involved. Brow furrowing at others. **
7. Team Hogan (Roman Reigns, Ricochet, Rusev, Shorty G & Ali) w/ Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart vs. Team Flair (Randy Orton, King Corbin, Shinsuke Nakamura, Drew McIntyre & Bobby Lashley) w/ Ric Flair and Lana
Orton pop, Ali heat, Ricochet heat, Reigns hot tag, Rusev vs. Bobby, Reigns dive, RKO kickout, bla bla bla. Not bad, just unnecessary. ***
8. Falls Count Anywhere – Can’t Be Stopped for Any Reason – WWE Universal Title: Seth Rollins [c] vs. The Fiend
THEY WENT TWENTY MINUTES? Table bumps in the dark, man. I defended the Hell in a Cell match, damnit! Did they promise a title change to the Crown Prince or something? What has thou done to endure such a travesty? DUD
The spectacle matches sucked, but when weren’t they going to? These shows suck and are sad to watch, despite the odd monster pop for Randy Orton or Ali or… Luke Harper? Morality around this 10-YEAR DEAL aside, the effort isn’t there either. Respect to the boys, but enough of this. 1/10
